#BlogLife959 - Witch's homework/Too Good To Go failure

Looks like I'll be spending the day trying to convert xls to pdf and the fun part is losing all my privacy as I have to look through Googly to do it.

The first one, made it so miniaturised it's not possible to read and the rest, cut it off.

Why paypal didn't listen and put it in pdf as I repeatedly told them, is beyond me.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow and I just realised, I was supposed to do the grocery shop for Friday and it's not a good idea, but there's not really food indoors.

I have to just keep going, I feel like the minute I sit down, I'll be too comfy to head out. Plus they might be delayed.

I'll have to pick up snacks or order, depends what's available and how I feel, least I can do my brows, unless there is a queue an I won't wait around.

I feel like morning times are better for me, the pain hasn't set in yet, my body is still relaxedish..

Thank heavens my 4th or 5th site worked. Freeconvert.com and they say files are automatically deleted..

I hope so. 33 pages I have to upload and save to email and then ready for the library printout tomorrow.

I just realised after all the expenses I had to transfer some money back into the current account to cover this month's bills.

I have to check the oyster as well. The rent is paid. I need money for the library printout, the oyster card.

Groceries, I really should stop getting takeout or at least stick to the budget ones or use discounts.

Let's work this out, I'll save money on cab fares as I'll be home alone this Christmas.

When they finally finish their dumb roadworks, I can visit the mini Tesco, that will be cheaper.

If the food stalls are out, that's also better value than ordering.

From November or maybe December, it should be easier.

I guess the other thing is, I could schedule afternoon UC appointments to get the Too Good To Go bags but there is a chance I won't get a seat on the bus...

Whatever I do, I feel like I'm sacrificing my health. I will just keep trying my best and will figure out, what's right for me.

Eventually I will have to ignore the pain and shop locally and then come home and collapse on the bed and hope the discomfort won't last or that I don't aggravate an injury.

Actually the oyster has £19ish so will leave that.

This day keeps getting crappier, the takeout was delivered to the neighbours, the driver didn't ask for the code obviously.

Schmuck!! Got to re-order. No KFC, hopefully I will get a refund. I'm ordering Chinese, they seem to know my address now.

Anyway this is what happened today. Surprisingly the bus went straight to the Market and I didn't have to walk..

Although coming home it was a scary diversion, it took me home so I wasn't stranded.

I was astounded, it was an unexpected blessing because what happened next was a curse.

I got to the library and wasn't sure what order to put in the username and password, if that even was it.

Took me ages to figure it out, I took the phone and went to the library website and luckily the password filler kicked in and I knew it was case sensitive.

Then had trouble with the printer, it wanted a code, there was noone around.

Then instead of being straightforward, he goes scan here, wtf, why? Jeez.

Then the bank said, authorise it in the app, that I deleted, cripes, by that time I was bloody shattered.

So he suggested going to Ryman that's replaced our Post Office we don't have.

The queueing was horrific. I felt my back spasming, nauseated and dizzy.

I was about to give up when it was my turn. I couldn't be bothered to ask if they delete the email contents..

The one thing that made me relieved, it cost the same roughly as the library about £13ish.

I worried it would be a lot more. I posted it, wrote I'm so sorry, I just got it from paypal and will see, what her next back breaking chore is.

I am an idiot. As for the Too Good Too Go app. It was worth £12, £6.50 is the usual discount.

I saw it for £3.50 and I could pay via paypal. I assumed and I swear I googlied the image, that it was the coffee kiosk I passed to go into the Market..

Easy peasy so I went ahead and bought it and then you show that page to the vendor...

Except when I asked if this was the right store, he said sorry nope we are.... Perky....Peaky something..

I emailed Too Good Too Go and they said no refunds.. :(

A disaster but it's sent. I dd confirm that the bakery next to the pedicure place is correct.

Now I can visit the lil Tesco, in the future and load up. Oh checked the post and got the usb after all, it was hiding.

#BlogLife958 - Tomorrow brushing the face

Well just before 5pm I think, Evri buzzed and by the time I got to the door, gone lol.

The mini perfume sample is okay, a bit flowery but not in a spray bottle, a lil stopper, but easyish to pull out.

That's a shame none of them smell of anything. I should add, they were not packaged securely.

The box could have easily been opened, there was no bubble wrap or sellotape so they could have leaked which is not great practice for a company charging that much.

They obviously don't care about their customers, very sad. Once I get trying them properly I will let you know more.

I still have some mask and face wash left.

Oh and the other thing is, Evri lied the face brush wasn't delivered for the second time.

Looks like it will be tomorrow or maybe another excuse.. Then Friday I can head to the library to do the printing nonsense, which is gonna be a struggle with the cramps and dizziness.

I just realised most of the Too Good Too Go bags I like are around lunchtime and I'm more a morning person, so we shall see.

Oh the other thing I didn't realise, oof on the day, because they list them sometimes the day before..

The prices can reduce, that's fascinating, especially that posh coffee kiosk, they can go from £6.50 down to £3.50..

It's interesting but my legs won't make it sadly. I've realised I have to conserve energy and be sensible, that's why I rely on takeout when I get in.

And when the money is gone, I'm gonna struggle to stay on my feet and question whether, eating is a priority or resting is?!

So maybe no magic bags but the samosa guy might be there, at least I can pick up some snacks, providing my legs aren't burning.

I just hate the exhaustion that washes over me, going out is such a chore, I'm beginning to hate it.

Yea for others it's glorious and fun, for me, it's taking all my energy and leaving me empty.

I'm in two minds, Googly says mustard is a bit healthier than ketchup and mayo..

I want to try French's mustard to see if it's sweeter, I don't really like tartness or too vinegary.

In Iceland (the place) I was introduced to a sweet condiment but savoury too.

They called it mustard but I don't think it was that, it didn't taste like mustard, maybe it was a burger sauce??

I need something mostly not sugary but not bitter. My tastes keep changing.

I want to see if I will like it. I'm trying to budget, be healthyish and find something I will like so I don't get bored with food.

Instead of binning the old face brush I could use it as a body exfoliator scrub brush..

#BlogLife957 - Avon updated tracker after complaint

As suspected it took me complaining to customer services to finally get some progress.

Pathetic!! Now tracking says it's with Evri and the excuse customer service gave....?

Oh it takes 3-5 days, yes tomorrow will be the 5th working day and it won't be delivered, so your reasoning is rubbish!

Anyway now I guess there is a chance both could arrive tomorrow but doubtful.

I want them both to come while I'm home though, what if they leave it outside the door and it gets pilfered?

That's my concern, the cleaners, the maintenance, the neighbours seem to help themselves to my stuff..

Anyway just tried the newest Iceland chicken fries, it's much more chickeny but I overcooked it, 20 minutes is way too long, maybe 15ish next time.

Ugh ok so 3 weeks later from the 17th October I think it was, when I phoned up for it, paypal has sent me the report but as a message and not in the requested pdf form she requested and no date timeline..

Good grief it's in a spreadsheet form so I guess I have to convert it to pdf or find a way to make it downloadable..

Yeesh further headaches. I feel I've been screwed over once again.

Why does noone do what I ask?? I'll figure it out. I'll wait for the 2 parcels to arrive and then maybe Friday or Saturday I can head to the library and print out this nonsense for the 4th bloody time and send it to her.

Then I'll wait for her to yell and insult me on the phone and download whatever the fuck she wants yet it again, on this bloody merry go round and on and on it goes..

I wonder if they held back delivering the face brush for when the Avon parcel was received and ready to be sent out..

Who knows, the Avon is due anytime, we'll see if the face brush comes also..

The randoms are crazy as usual I think one of them stopped talking to me and had a hissyfit..

I played a joke when he said Hello and I replied Do I know you?

He said Bye and I said Just kidding and no response. To be honest yesterday was hardcore cramping all day so I wasn't in the most frriendliest of moods..

If he eventually develops a sense of humour and replies this week great, if not blocked..

P still treats me like I run an 0906 number, SS's spicy hotline, fem speaking...

He never wants a phone call during the day, only before bed as usual, keep waiting...

I wonder how you're supposed to treat your hands when the yucky pain flares up?

This type makes it horrible to move or flex them so I want to leave them be, but I can't..

I'm always typing or picking up the phone. What am I supposed to do?

Unscrew them for a bit, do nothing and then re-attach them? At least today seems hassle-free pain waise..

#BlogLife956 - I'm not liking Avon..

I finally feel like munching so had a crisp while I'm waiting for the Nissin chicken teriyaki with veggies ramen to cook/heat up..

It didn't really smell of much and no sauce packet. I didn't put much water as it was quite full.

I did it for 7 minutes and added a touch more water that instantly disappeared.

It has this hint of sweetness, it's not too salty. I quite like it actually, it's not chickeny but it is nice.

Not really sweet or salty and a really good amount of thinnish noodles.

I don't know if the lip scrub is meant for an overnight treatment but you'd eventually eat it off.

My recommendation is to apply it before you wash your face in the morning and night time.

That way you get a lil benefit mashing your lips together before you wash it off or wipe it off, whatever you prefer.

That to me is much better than leaving it on and being uncomfortable.

Then what you do, is follow up and apply a regular balm, simple :)

Oops forgot to do the most obvious thing when I'm confused about which brand to get...

Go on Youtubey and watch reviews.. Hmm I didn't realise the MyCarbon features fast charging and they include a usb which I need a spare one.

Also the reviews seem glowing and it seems to indicate you can spin it two directions, I'm not sure how that benefits but..

It's interesting and the last incentive is the long battery life. It's actually probably worth about £30 so I shouldn't really complain..

I just like saving money where possible. I just went ahead and bought the MyCarbon one..

Oddly enough it didn't say it was out for delivery but I got a note from Evri to say it wouldn't arrive today but tomorrow..

Strange that they couldn't get it to me, there is a ton of construction and road works.

Heaven knows what the noise is. I was hoping that the Avon parcel and the brush would arrive together..

No chance as the Avon one hasn't been sent to Evri, yeesh they are disgustingly slow.

I feel better I wrote Avon a scathing email regarding my parcel status, if you're charging for delivery, it should be prompt.

Honestly sometimes it feels like the only way to receive the goods or services you've paid for, is to chase them up and complain.

Oh I had the UC appointment, nearly 30 minutes late, yeesh and now the next one is in person, ugh..

I'll probably get an eyebrow shape and maybe snacks if any stalls are out.

#BlogLife955 - Do you smell nice...?

I don't know why taking out the bins and unpacking the shopping gets harder each time but I struggled to catch my breath afterwards.

I decided to keep trying new things and the Flora proactiv butter I think is less fatty than the willow, it actually tastes good too, I might stick with that, just for crackers not for breads/sandwiches..

The other thing is Kellogs dark chocolate and almond bars, those surprised me.

4x pack for £2.50 a very generous bottom layer of chocolate and lots of nuts, I highly recommend that.

At some point I will try the Nissin chicken teriyaki ramen noodles and I'm cooking the mango chutney onion bhaji 12x £2.50 tiny ha..

The bhaji with stuffed mango chutney was surprisingly good, needed more sauce though, this hint of sweetness complimented it well.

Updates? Well Mama returned she told me she got back yesterday and I'm said I'm not coming for Christmas but glad she's back safe.

I don't feel like pretending everything is fine when I'm bitter and I don't need the added stress/depression that staying with her brings.

Apparently the usb charger was delivered, haven't checked too tired and re-strained my shoulder or arm so that's tender.

Tomorrow the Avon and Beautizone might arrive, one is Evri, one is regular postie.

Well today, Monday, the special postie must have dropped off the Beautizone stuff, blurry pictures on twitter (@SleeplessScrib1).

So these ones I haven't tried but I like the brand for the value and the size and it's always on offer and lasts me months.

Highly appeal to me as in the past, things labelled as body butters were a scam, they were super thin lotions that didn't help with the dehydration.

Anyway the Nicka K scrub smells like strawberries even before you open it.

The inner protection soft lid was harder to open, my hands were slippery from trying the body butters.

I'm quite surprised how big the clumps of scrub were, that's just uncomfortable to have on your lips for a long period, what were they thinking??

I immediately wiped it off and felt better. it did seem to smooth my mouth.

I wouldn't buy it again, the other one was much more lighter and did the same thing.

Hmm I'm gutted a bit and now I see why these were reduced.

Both the American Dream lemon and cocoa body butters smell awful like wax.

I can't believe it's not flavoured. I was so excited about the lemon one, the citrus hitting my senses every time I used it.

There is nothing, same as the cocoa butter, it's just this horrible waxy scent.

I like perfumed products, I seek those out specifically because when I'm pampering, it gives a bit of a lift to my spirit.

Especially times like today, when I'm sore and achy and feeling hormonally down.

But my hope is.. Maybe they were freshly made and haven't settled..

It could be that the scent is at the middle or bottom and needs to be mixed up.

I will let you know, I haven't finished the other one, so I will leave this alone for now.

I just opened it to see what they were like and give some initial feedback.

The Avon one is slow 4 days and it's not even with Evri yet. Pfft 3-5 days, yea right..

The Beautizone took 4 days, not bad..I'm not sure what to munch today..

Hmm I'm not sure what to do, looking back I ordered my original face brush 9 years ago in 2016, unbelievable.

I didn't know it was that old, no wonder it's dying.. The retail cost was just over £10 but I had a gift card so free basically.

I thought it was cheaper actually. I remember not liking the sponge head, it didn't feel right.

I've seen a new one that costs £16.30 yuck, that's a lot more than I wanted to pay.

I know it's not expensive and if it lasts another 9 years, that's brilliant.

This one has 2 speeds also, I'm hoping it would be more powerful.

The Essy one is £17 with 5 speeds, it doesn't look comfy to use, no brushes or sponges, it doesn't seem like.

The MyCarbon one has the brushes but £16.30 is still a lot. There is a Homedic one but no UK plug..

#BlogLife954 - Change of mind(set)

I slept off and on but I was coughing a bit although the lemon essential oil on my pillow helped.

But the pain and sickness just made me feel a bit low and I didn't do much, which is probably a good thing as the intensity would have increased.

I don't feel guilty for having a light day and taking care of my body.

I might do a mini Zoom shop tomorrow to get some bits and pieces as I'm running low and it's not time for the weekend shop yet.

I unpacked the Zoom few discounts, the physical pain from hands/legs practically gone.

But it's the cramps and nausea that is debilitating me. I'm hoping the clementine juice, the binaural beats and the lemon essential oil will work miracles.

I just did a Beautizone order as the last body butter is finishing. I'll calculate how long it lasted later.

I got the American Dream lemon body butter reduced to £6 and a cocoa butter one, also £6.

I've not tried those. I really wanted to try the papaya but it was £7.50 so no thank you.

I also saw a Nicka K lip scrub £4 so my mouth is dry at the moment and will see how that performs.

The postage was £4 boo but I couldn't see any discount codes but at least the products themselves were reduced and they will last months and months.

Actually lasted 8 months, last order was February. 4 months per body butter as it's 500ml tub.

Ugh sorry no blog today, I am hot, cold, tummy's hurting, throat is sore, yuckity yuck and now feel stuffy.

Ahh just realised the pesto pasta is missing from the Zoom order I was having they would give me a voucher but just a refund.

Also the charger I got with the phone I won, the OnePlus has split and that's dangerous but it's the only charger I have so I ordered a new one.

Last time it caught fire so I hope it lasts until the new one arrives.. Eeek.

Pesto sounds like something I'd like but in large doses, the green one, I'm not sure I do, it's overpowering..

Although now I'm mixing it up, there's something else which is tapering it off, oil maybe?

I decided to shop at Avon and stock up on a few things, beauty reviews coming up.

I got some discounts and the delivery was £3.50 ouchy..

Perfume sample 10ml 90p Far away beyond the moon.

Clearskin pink clay mask 75ml £2.93

Skin Glow cleanser 200ml £5.40

Anew sensitive cream cleanser 150ml £4.95

Clearskin supercharged cleanser 150ml £4.28

£21.96 that cost for 3x face washes, a perfume sample and a mud mask, plus delivery.

Not really bargains but my face needs new products to shake it up a bit.

If you're wondering why I got the perfume sample? I had to make up the order by a lil to get a discount ha.

It will be nice if I've timed it right and it all gets here before Sunday.

(It's currently Wednesday night). Well now it's Thursday morning and I feel stuffy so sprinkled lemon essential oil and sipping the last bit of the clementine juice, while under the blankie.

I think as it's October I have to manually pull myself out of the stressy funk and go back to writing stories.

Starting from tomorrow, every weekend until Christmas I will work on the festive story so that it's released this year.

I told myself I was going to ignore every chaotic thing around me but I didn't, I couldn't.

I don't know what to do about Mama, she's toxic, not always and I'm not ideal either but I'm teetering on the edge.

I don't want to sink lower than I am already, maybe I'll limit the visits and call and texts or wean her out slowly....

That's one option as if I do get locked up, I can see myself cutting ties with everyone and disappearing inside myself again but this time, not having the strength or the inclination to uplift myself back up again.

As for dwp, I've decided when the report is ready, I'll just add an apology note to the letter and come what may.

She wants to bury me, good for her, Here's the shovel, happy digging. I'm too tired to fight.

For now I'll just carry on until the inevitable happens..

A new show I've gotten into Hotel Costiera I recommend, kinda mystery and crime, like Leverage, Finder..

#BlogLife953 - Feeling hormonally crap

Good morning, I hope you had a great weekend. I feel mixed, bit nauseated, crampy, cranky..

I just unpacked the shopping and took out the bins and I am shattered, cripes You'd think I was running around for hours..

Everything was in stock so that's good. I don't feel hungry but maybe munching will settle my tum?

I really think my face brush is dying but I don't want to replace it yet.

I hadn't really been using it and my face is in a state with random dryness and pimples.

I used it yesterday well tried too but the battery was dead so I just went over my face anyway and good heavens..

Even when it was off I felt my face after I had rinsed it and it felt so much better, smoother, deeply cleansed.

It honestly does feel like I've had a facial so I'm trying to do it more often and I did do it today too.

Later on I will do the face mask. I guess when I'm preoccupied, I forget what a marvellous tool it is.

Just tried the Teeny chocolate chip mini biscuits, they are actually tasty, 12x bags for a £1 ridiculously good.

Really small and thin but a decent amount in the bag.

Another annoying thing, Are the Posties blind? I just got 3 letters addressed to another postbox neighbour...

3??? Can't you see properly??

Hmm just tried the chicken sesame toast, not much flavour just oily crunchy blandness, would not get that again.

The cheeseburger spring rolls are way too cheesy, cut back on that but it's not bad, lots of beef, maybe it needs a dip to contrast from the cheese, it is tasty, not over salted either.

I'm not sure I would get it again, I do like the medium size, it almost tasted like there was ketchup but wishful thinking maybe?

Last review is the hash brown steak bake thingy. The overwhelming taste is the hash brown, nice enough..

But you want the beef to be the main flavour, surely? It's nice, but needs more seasoning and beef filling, mainly I just taste potato.

The size is really good. A lil salty but not dry. I don't know if I would get it again..

I forgot to add luckily it's not chunks of steak, it's minced beef, I much prefer that, large pieces put me off for some reason.

I had horrendous cramps last night, I wonder if I will skip September or it will wait until tomorrow, the last day and say ta-da, monthly begins..

#BlogLife952 - Looney Tunes World Of Mayhem exit?

I think I started playing in 2020 around Christmas or November,  I didn't join the team in discord until 2021 where I was encouraged to become a member of their alliance.

I was playing solo but had so many questions and obviously being a newbie wasn't powerful or experienced.

I was watching the video plays on Youtube and entering the giveaways.

Mainly you play the events as individuals, unlock toons and do other stuff but there are team events like wars and R&D.

Which benefits everyone with rewards. Now 5 years later, I'm ranked up, experienced and stronger.

But there are rumblings in the group. I'm probably one of many that is fed up with wars, the tiny font strains my eyes and mine are bad to begin with.

I've decided to put my needs first and say I'm not participating in that at all but will do the R&D.

There is a call to kick members out and I have mixed feelings as I'm friends with the leader and she's fed up with the game and the taxing aspect of trying to please everyone.

I don't mind the new events but the glitches are annoying, unless we get random freebies.

I don't begrudge her if it comes to the point, they need more dedicated players and we'll easily maintain a friendship afterwards.

But I also don't want to feel used and as I wrote the promotional advert to recruit addons, I'll be taking that with me.

Plus my lil roster of toons and tips can also be deleted. Why should I help people that want me gone?

It is a bit of a rejection thingy but I see it from their side too. I just think actions have consequences and I have enough on my plate without feeling obligated to do something that I hate and resent.

This all tacks on to the bullying thing of forcing my hand and I've had enough of people dictating to me, throughout my life.

And I know it's just a game, but some take it very very seriously. 

Have fun coming up with something funny, interesting and engaging without me.

I know it's spiteful but I don't care. I am sick of feeling under appreciated because I don't do everything but I sure as hell give tips and advice on how to proceed further.

I've just done an Iceland shop for tomorrow. I'll see what is in stock as I feel like sugary comfort food.

I saw Forno mini cookies going for a £1. 12x mini bags seems good value, never tried those.

I'm in two minds but I got it anyway, a crispy hash brown steak bake, I wish they had chicken but it's something different to try.

The weather is still hot and cold so I got some more ice poles but they didn't have the blue raspberry boo, so just the mixed one.

I literally just add it to my water to give it some flavour at times and to keep it chilled for longer so I don't have to keep getting up to get a colder drink.

#BlogLife951 - Christmas menu?

I know it's only September but I'm getting more and more excited as Iceland seems to be displaying more and more fun new Christmas party items.

The latest I have never seen is TGI Fridays cheeseburger spring rolls, where's the chicken ones they usually do?

Looks fun all the same and sesame chicken toasts, not prawns, I mean way different, I have to try them too.

It's currently under the offer, 3 for £10. The toasts are £2.50 for 10.

The spring rolls are £4 for 5 only, that's a bit mean. I don't always eat conventional meals.

I might just cook up random stuff and munch like a buffet. It depends what I'm craving, not usually huge meals.

At the moment crackers and cheese are half a meal and then I'll supplement that with something else..

I am cramping so hard at the moment. I hope the binaural beats help.

As of today (Wednesday) night still nothing from paypal. Saturday I chased them up, it's in the queue, processing..

Today I called them up and he was vague, that it could take a week or a few weeks, yeesh.

I wonder if because I've requested the exact same information for the 4th time I think it is, that it's not a priority anymore..

Today the 24th was the deadline to send it in. I should call the Witch and retell her what they asked and beg for an extension.

This is great ammunition for her, Oh look, the crippled spoilt girl, isn't doing what I ask, I can jot that down..

There must be a reason, she's been on my case for nearly a year, she hasn't fined me yet, it has to mean jail time.

Anyway I'm not going to call because I'm slowly losing my mind and I'm one sentence away from snapping..

And that's what she wants, she wants me to say, Lawyers would have an open and shut case, I just want to sink into depression and end everything...

But I'm not going to reach out to her yet. I can't stand her. If there is still nothing by Friday, then maybe.. I'll have the courage to face my tormentor..

Oh the other thing I am dying to try is Las Iguanas fajita chicken taco bites, it looks sublime..

But either they are sold out or they are waiting for them to come in stock..

Maybe because it's hormones or stress I feel so drained. The thought of all that walking to get to the library..

I wonder if I have it in me.. Not that I have a choice. I can do it, I just know it will take it all out of me, and the dizziness will worry me too.

I do not want to collapse. If I could eat or drink something before I left, that would be better but I couldn't face it.

#BlogLife950 - Disliked for my gender?

Dear Moi,

As usual I would have loved more sleep but 9amish was when I really woke up properly and that was it. 

P told me he injured himself and is getting checked out, nothing major and he's in good spirits, still hope he's ok though and I appreciated him telling me.

It got me to thinking of the silliest but excruciatingly painful incident that happened when I was pre teen..

The door rang and for some reason I was so excited to get it. I don't recall who it was and why I was so giddy but I ran barefoot and somehow smacked into the door and chipped a bone in my lil toe.

I didn't even get to open the door, I just hobbled back hopping in agony and what sticks out, is the lack of compassion or sympathy..

As my Mama said, it's your own fault, you brought this on yourself. I remember thinking I am in so much pain, probably crying at that point and you can't even be nice to me...

Looking back I don't recall any instances where she was hyper critical to my male siblings, it was just me and there is a long pattern of blame and disgust for me being human and making errors.

When I was on my first weight loss journey, there wasn't many options that were affordable in the stores, so I tried on a jacket maybe and it was an inch too small.

She looked so repulsed at me with a grunt. The implication being, Cripes, Why are you like this? Why can't you be skinny like the other females in the family?

I felt so low and I think the self loathing was already present but there was anger and resentment that I couldn't express because she was the one that was obsessed with my weight and gave me a complex in the first place.

I felt like I could not get her approval until I began to skip meals, exercise all day and was fainting a lot.

The reason I am calling it a gender issue is because she compared me to her favourite nieces that were skinny and popular but also my siblings that were male and popular..

My siblings were nasty human beings to me, bullied, threatened and made me a terrified silent shell of myself.

But because they were popular, they were admired and celebrated. 

I was sensitive and struggled to communicate with anyone, so forming attachments was too challenging and still is, as I get used for my kindness and then ignored when I need something.

This still weighs on my mind as it is ongoing. The fractured relationship with my Mama has less appeal to be repaired.

I like being a woman, I mostly do like myself but I have gotten to the point where family or not, I think I would rather be alone in life than being critiqued and feeling like I'm barely seen or tolerated.

What is it about me, that causes distaste? 

Yes I make mistakes, Yes, I'm sensitive, Yes I'm unable to form friendships or relationships because I can't stand being vulnerable or talking or opening up around others, only in safe written form. Anonymously.

Were you expecting me to be a perfect doll? Pretty, skinny, well adjusted, popular, confident and outspoken? 

I wonder if both my parents would have preferred their only daughter to be male, I'm beginning to realise that's the way it appears..

Disgusting behaviour, rudeness and arrogance were favoured because what? They had a lot of friends and were ambitious to the outside world?

But behind close doors...... Shouting to get their way, intimidation, silencing and thievery happened.

Did my parents look back and genuinely think, You know what the bad traits we can tolerate and forgive but our daughter we can not..

She is not like us, she does not belong in our family. She is anti social, not trusting, doesn't have friends, is pathetically long term sick and has no ambition or purpose in life.

That is inexcusable to us, We will show out distaste for her and revere the males as they represent us favourably.....

It's funny to me, my eyes are watery admitting all of this because you emotionally stole the confidence out of me.

Yet you wanted me to be better and stronger, it backfired on you because I felt kicked when I was utterly defenceless.

Your sons made me unable to trust anyone. Especially any males.

Yet you kept saying, ignore it. You kept saying Don't eat too much. You kept saying/implying Who you are, isn't good enough.

I know nobody will ever love me for me, only I will accept myself as imperfect.

I know I am good enough as I am but I failed to meet your impossible standards and I don't want to serve myself up anymore for your inspection.

You, my family are the cause of staying invisible for most of my life and I'm sick of the living in the shadows..

I want to walk in the daylight proudly and be seen and accepted and respected. Is that too much to ask?

#BlogLife949 - Bus interruptus extended :(

Ugh I'm a lot fed up. I just checked the bus app to make sure the roads were clear and the buses were running normally as today for the second time, was supposed to be the end of the road works.

Nope, they have once again extended it until the 1st November. Ugh it's so unfair.

I was looking forward to trying the Too Good Too Go bags, getting a pedicure and booking the Optician appointment, none of that is possible now.

I'm happy that I've just discovered a third place on the app and that is so convenient, I have to pass it anyway.

To be honest I thought it was just a posh drinks lil kiosk place but it turns out they do croissants, bakes and sandwiches, so a fun selection actually.

It would be around 2pmish and costs £4.50 but is worth £12. I don't know if some of these places are daily or just randomly when they have excess..

I also wonder if any of them, throw in drinks or just food ha, not that I drink coffee but a soft drink would be nice or some juice..

What annoys me even more than that, is I didn't have to go out..

I could have kept resting and relaxing but because of the witch, I'll be traipsing up and down the Market for probably just over an hour, the pain and exhaustion is going to be brutal.

I'll definitely order in food when I get home as I'm going to be so sore I'll barely be able to stand, let alone walk around.

Like I've kept saying she could easily just receive an email from me but the level of animosity is astounding.

Even though I'm trying to stay calm, a valid concern of mine, in every spiteful letter she sends me, is failure to comply could result in prosecution....

I've done everything humanly possible that she's asked but because of evilness, she keeps falsely accusing me of not co-operating..

Frankly quite easily, she could still throw me in jail for her version that I'm withholding information even though time and time again, she's been sent multiple bank/paypal statements and all questions/interrogations have been politely answered back from a rude witch.

I mean who will the courts listen too? Some ordinary female or someone in high authority that has a respectable (albeit heinous job).

She's winding me up on purpose. No-one in the history of mankind requests the exact same information for the 4th time I think.

Nothing in my email so it hasn't arrived yet. Oh and thankfully the toothbrush charger is finally out for delivery 2-4pm.

At last. It was ordered since the 10th and today is the 19th.

Regarding the Astral moisturiser and the #6 mud mask which has lasted 4 months..

I'm not sure they are doing my face any good. Randomly it will go dry.

Sometimes it's smooth and clear but at the moment, really bumpy and peeling.

Ahh just after 2pmish the charger came and I found the other in a storage tub, ugh.

If I was cleaning things I would pick them up and wipe and put them down as I went so the owner wouldn't have to hunt for their own bloody possessions!!

It might take 24 hours to fully charge but after I use it will leave it overnight maybe.

Oh I highly recommend the new UK show Lynley, I cannot predict who the murderer is and it's got humour too.

I know I need a proper moisturiser. I'm breaking out a lil but mostly it just doesn't feel deeply cleansed.

I keep making these really obvious mistakes, I left the bath running and forgot about it again..

What is wrong with me? Why can't I focus? I'm just sick of screwing up.

I had to chase up paypal the statement didn't arrive, she said it was just processed yesterday so will take up to 72 hours.

Hmm which means the deadline of the 24th is close. This time I'm not going to call and beg for an extension.

I'll just add a note, sorry it's late, paypal took a while to send it.

Maybe it will get here on Tuesday or Wednesday then I can go to the library, print and send it.

I want to do the Too Good To Go but I know even though two of the places are about 5 minutes away from the library...

I won't be able to do it. It's like a cruel joke, tantalisingly close, but walking half the market, half the journey to the market and then going back walking through the market again, to reach the bus stop, my legs will be too shaky.

I literally have to encourage myself to keep moving forwards even though I want to stop and rest.

Stopping increases the pain too, so there is no break, there is a build up of achiness and soreness and depleted energy.

Eeek I've seen a 4th store, a Starbucks, I didn't know we had one, that's handy if I go to Pret, I have a feeling it's nearby.

Oh actually I remember now it's the opposite side of Pret, opposite Greggs.

As of yesterday I think it was I have £10 able to redeem in the Playtime app,  I might save to £20, not sure.

I finally did my protein tablet for the contact lens so they are comfier.

I'm just waiting for the UC appointment to call..

#BlogLife948 - Is the boiler fixed?

Well I just got a text, saying I'm next. 1-5pm appointment and nearly 4pm.

Just about 4.20 maybe and lasted about 10 minutes. He replaced the two AA batteries (3 years they lasted) in the control panel and wallah, the light was back and the temperature displayed as normal.

Then he said to me Show me the boiler and switch off the heating/hot water...

So I did but the flame wasn't switching off when I was pressing the down button.

Then he took a look and said You need to raise it up. I inwardly rolled my eyes, they say one thing and mean the other.

He wanted it On, not Off as he instructed anyway after that, a few minutes later the boiler was roaring and it was all set.

It was on high and I asked if I needed to leave it on a bit to settle and he said Use it as normal, so as it's been off/on all weekend, I took it off.

Tomorrow I might leave it off or maybe on briefly and then Friday on for 30 or 60 minutes.

It's just me, so lasts ages. I'm so hungry so I forgot I had the cheese and onion quiche and I really liked those veggie samosas so doing them too.

I think that will fill me up, everything is small and now I've had some hula hoops and a lil cheese roll, I'm not starving anymore.

On to Thursday and was trying to do the paypal activity report. 

I was tempted to just do it for a week to teach her a lesson but as she'll witch about it..

I did it for the usual 2018 but nope invalid date range, called them up and she wanted valid ID, passport, which as you know mine has expired...

So she was nice and said, instead of January 2018, Let me do September 2018 and you won't need to do anything.

I agreed and she (witchy witch) can suck it. The representative said she'll email when it's done in 24-48 hours, we shall see if I need to re-request it on Saturday.

The customer service hasn't exactly been on top of their game but I've done what I could.

Waiting until it's all printed will do my back in but whatever.. I really want something to shut her up for good.

I wish wish wish she had bosses to account too, that could give her a huge dressing down for nearly a year of grief.

But my guess is in 2026, I will still have to put up with her condescending disrespectful bullying.

I think she won't be happy until I'm depressed or jumping off a cliff...

I like Thursdays for the new events that begin on Looney Tunes.

I've been trying to upload screenshot images for Playtime account app but twitter still won't let me upload pictures.

Ugh irritating. What I might do is take snaps from the other phone the other samsung, I've forgotten the name and will see if I can upload to twitter on there..

I just want to show you my progress and what it looks like, if I can..

The tongs delivery is haywire, out for delivery, then still with sender, it's due with yodel, heaven knows when..

The bloody toothbrush charger from Evri finally showed the tiniest bit of movement..

11th September nothingness to the 17th processing, ugh, no idea when that will bloody show up either.

I just want to charge my toothbrush damnit!

Weird weird weird, uploads work on the old samsung, why not on the new one??

I even tried deleting the bookmark and re-adding it, still doesn't work.

#BlogLife947 - Playtime app, Close to £10 redemption

Yowser had the app installed since August 2024 and only now close to redeeming £10.

But actually when I got the new phone (5th March 2025) the A16 I started fresh and reinstalled it on that phone, there didn't seem to be a way to transfer the points over.

56000 for £10 Amazon credit. 11200 for £2 credit and 28000 for £5.

For Google playstore and Paypal it's different but I'm only keen on Amazon.

It's become easier as I really like the Monopoly Go, it has various tournaments and things solo, or as a group.

Then Phase 10, which is a complicated rummy game is actually fun but buggy.

6.5 months it's taken. I could install new games and bump the points for a bonus, but I haven't seen any that appeal.

Every day they rotate the games but it's just 2/3 games, mainly the same, it's a horrendous system.

Just list all the games available, dodos!! Would I recommend it?

I'll update you when I redeem to tell you the process and if I actually receive it.

It's a slow burn. Mistplay was faster but then that was slowly collecting all your personal details so that felt icky towards the end.

Name, email, phone number and photo. Yuckity. There is no reason you need all of that identity theft information.

You have to really enjoy gaming daily for it to be worthwhile. As I genuinely enjoy the games, it's just earning on the side, for having fun.

If your patient, it will work out, if you're expecting millions straight away, this is not for you.

I like simple ways to boost some extra cash so that's why I'm sharing the reality of these apps and my experiences with them.

It might suit or it might not but these are the reviews I would like to read before I download the app.

Ugh Evri is being so slow with the toothbrush charger, no updates since the 11th when it was picked up.

Cripes it's now the 16th. 4 days of nothingness and my toothbrush has died completely.

Bloody cleaners, stealing or binning my stuff! 

Ok it's just gone 12.30pmish and I answered the door assuming it was the Postie.

But nope, it was that follow up appointment, he just showed up and I just felt vulnerable.

The annoying thing is, he's so polite and he kept asking if I was alright but I felt bewildered.

It's like someone has taken advantage and then you've willingly opened the door for them to do it again..

I mean the job is completed, the progress seems finalised. I'm so glad he didn't take the dvd/vcr player.

But there wasn't an apology. It's like he's trying to appear nice but has no issue mucking customers around routinely and lying about it..

I hate confrontation so I couldn't even speak much and fear gripped me but he's gone and I have to stop punishing myself.

I make the decisions that I think are the best and that's all I can do.

I can't see the future, I don't know what will happen, it's just guesswork and now he's gone, it's ticked off my list.

It just kinda seemed like insult to injury when he said, if you need us, you can can get in touch...

No thank you. I wanted to give him a hard time but I couldn't, what if he retaliated, he's a tall strong guy..

Anyway, it's done and I don't have to deal with him or the company any longer.

Just going to add this final thing as I saw a letter addressed to me on the floor next the postbox, What on earth..

Good job I was taking out the bins. Of course DWP waits ages and then gets back to me.

Let's check the date for the last correspondence or call.. It was a letter on the 17 June.

June!!!! And now it's September. Do you know how ridiculous that is?

Two whole months and what does the latest letter say? Not a conclusion, not a fine......

Altogether now??? You can guess it.... It is due by the 24th September so hopefully the buses are running by that time.

She wants...... Drum roll please...

Yet another Paypal statement....... What a tedious predictable bore she is!!!

It's going to be the same as all the rest, I mean I should count how many I've sent. I can't be bothered though.

What makes me laugh, is she has sent instructions but not listed a date range.

But this time the DWP nitwit, asks for pdf. I don't give a toss really. This is ongoing harassment.

I've provided the same answers all the way through this 11 months of being hassled by her.

And so will do it all again, provide yet another duplicate paypal statement report and send it on Saturday or Monday.

I will use the library, print it out and pay for it, then she provided a prepaid envelope so that's easy.

Let's predict how long the response will take? Christmas, December.. I think..

Or even January for a change.. I think she'll say the same bs...

Oh you're not co-operating, even though you did what I asked. I'm not happy so throwing an adult tantrum, wah wah wah :(

Like I said due to her power bullying trip, when she finally gets around to fining me, my balance will be near zero, with the bills and expenses..

*Shrugs, another day, another Witch to deal with..*

Still no sign of the boiler maintenance guy. I'll update with her bs response when I get it...

#BlogLife946 - Too God To Go food waste app

I didn't really know what this app was all about until I was watching the foodie videos and vlogs.

I think it's worldwide and it's stores selling off the excess of their stock for a fraction of the retail cost.

It sounds good but you have to collect it and some of the rigid times are late in the evening...

Sometimes there is just a half an hour window. I think that's silly, people have schedules.

It's almost like saying, we resent making less money but if you catch us at the right time like 11pmish at night, you'll get a deal.

I don't have a car and don't see well at night, so those aren't tailored towards me.

However I've seen some places like Pret on there and that was collectable just after lunchtime.

I should point out that the amount of bags they have is limited, I have seen 1, 3, 5 and you just click on reserve.

You then add your payment card details when you checkout, I don't think paypal is an option.

It's not straightforward but I could get to Pret. It's not cheap but for example, it's worth £15, but you pay £5.

There's no details, it states a sandwiches and baguette lunch. I wonder if you can have preferences, like I don't eat red meat, so if I got pork, duck or lamb products that is a waste of money..

Oh that's not helpful. It has a section called dietary preferences, but all it has is vegan, veggie, I eat everything, why can't it have a comment bit..

I was hoping Tesco, Asda and Greggs would be there. There's actually more places than I thought, some supermarkets, lots of restaurants but none of them easy to get too.

So far it's just Pret. I did see some other apps, when I googlied. I wonder if they are better?

I just thought if I could save some money, here and there, it would be good.

Next time I am in the Market, I will have to see what is within walking distance to me.

I tried Karma but it's not available in my area, so that was useless.

Let's try Too Tasty To Waste It. Ugh oh, server issues, try again later ha. (24 hours later, no access). It didn't load once so I uninstalled it.

I was looking up the addresses of a few places but still not sure where they are located.

However I discovered a bakery that is right next to the pedicure salon and that does cakes and other goodies, which could be handy, if the collection time works.

I'm normally out mornings or early afternoonys, so later than that would not be feasible.

I bet Mama's place just off the high street, has loads more stores participating.

I doubt I can use the app, til about October but it depends when the buses are running properly, if they extend it again, I won't have the energy to walk to these places.

I can give an updated review experience then. Oh something else they offer is a bulk buy delivery thing but it doesn't seem that reasonable.

I guess if you have a big family or buying for presents or Christmas or a party and you have lots of cash, maybe but for individuals, it doesn't appeal.

Iceland had more new things so I am enjoying sampling them, out of my normal purchases.

I can't remember what offers were going, quite a few and also some Whitworth dates £1.25.

It's been ages since I had dates, used to quite like them, let's see if I still do?!

Something else I am curious about is the limitations. Like if there is 5x bags available, can you get them all?

Not that I would do that, what if you got excess of the same thing which you disliked??

#BlogLife945 - 3 hours to respond..

Apparently my appointment wasn't added to his diary pfft. That takes you 3 hours to form that reply and get back to me..

Well your arse can wait until tomorrow! Ugh actually now that I have woke up in excruciating pain, I won't reply at all, yet.

Either I slept funny or it was carrying out the heavy bin but my right shoulder is throbbing badly with every movement.

I hate bad customer service and waiting around for a no-show, it's a waste of time.

Anyway I didn't want to make a takeout order but the pain is too much.

I don't even know why I got out of bed and even that was a struggle.

I've been silently cursing all day but to limit the strain, I ordered food for a few days.

I can barely move so I'm not taxing myself further, it is, what it is. I do actually feel hungry, so I don't want to starve myself.

But neither do I want to be moving around too much and the heated blankie keeps going off and on, so not much use to me.

I'm trying out shoulder relief binaural beats, it assists me a tiny bit..

On to today (Friday) and I feel almost a 100%. I wasn't sure anything was working but it must have.

The pain yesterday after playing the binaural beats all day got less and less and I was able to move my arm and shoulder without wincing.

The weather was so strange, rain and sun, cold and hot, so with the blankie on I was boiling.

I had to have the fan on at the same time, at least I can move around now.

My appetite seems to be normal now, I can have two meals a day again.

I've ordered replacement kitchen tongs £2 but the electric toothbrush charger was £6ish yikes!!

I hope that comes soon as the battery is dying. I also got some new black and blue trousers as mine seem to disappear.

I hope they fit, I can't remember if last time I ordered in my size or a size up..

oh the trousers arrived and they fit in my size. 2x pairs for £16 so not bad. £8 each.

Ahh finally I worked out what to do with the tinned salmon I had.

I always buy this creamy tagliatelle dish but it has prawns, I bin those and usually just have it plain but now I can have it with the salmon. 

Woop cupboards are slowly emptying. I just trimmed my hair again and have put the weekend mask on.

I am such a dodo! I just now realised something.

My instincts were right about the idiot follow up appointment.

So her bs excuse was that she didn't add it to his calendar, tried to say, been a stressy week..

Horse crap. I knew she was lying hence why she took hours to respond.

Just before he left, he took out his phone and said When are you free next?

I assume he was looking at his own bloody calendar!!

So he would've known but either he double booked or couldn't be bothered to show up.

Her implication was that I made the appointment through her, but it was him directly!!

Now I'm starting to realise, that other change of appointment was probably bs also.

Good grief. Surrounded by unprofessionalism.

They can both go to hell. I'm sick of being disrespected! So not bothering to make a new appointment, the so-so work is done anyway.

I had a strange experience yesterday, I was trying to install an app and it came saying set up your account first.

But it wouldn't let me click on continue. It finally worked. FFS the boiler problems I was having has gotten worse.

The display dial light has completely gone so I was just pushing the up and down button to work the hot water and heating.

Only now it's not switching off, it's just sporadically turning on.

Ugh was hoping to avoid calling the maintenance but I'll have too, the bills will sky rocket, otherwise.

Luckily it's on low but still, ugh, that thing gives me no end of problems, yeesh.

I thought it was just humid but no it's acting up. The repairers are coming on Wednesday..

I was really hoping it was before then like today but I guess it's better than waiting a week.

I tried that meatball rice concoction, didn't much care for it, seemed dry and tasteless.

I've also tried the dates, they are quite nice in small doses, for a sweet fix.

A bit kinda syrupy sweet, it's actually not bad though, it's just funny that most are seedless and some have the seeds lol.

Also with the volunteer icky/liar chats. I'm just not going to respond.

It just makes me too uncomfy and why should I be? I'm just trying to help but this is on a ridiculous level of abnormality.

I feel better after that decision, that's it really.