#BlogLife953 - Feeling hormonally crap

Good morning, I hope you had a great weekend. I feel mixed, bit nauseated, crampy, cranky..

I just unpacked the shopping and took out the bins and I am shattered, cripes You'd think I was running around for hours..

Everything was in stock so that's good. I don't feel hungry but maybe munching will settle my tum?

I really think my face brush is dying but I don't want to replace it yet.

I hadn't really been using it and my face is in a state with random dryness and pimples.

I used it yesterday well tried too but the battery was dead so I just went over my face anyway and good heavens..

Even when it was off I felt my face after I had rinsed it and it felt so much better, smoother, deeply cleansed.

It honestly does feel like I've had a facial so I'm trying to do it more often and I did do it today too.

Later on I will do the face mask. I guess when I'm preoccupied, I forget what a marvellous tool it is.

Just tried the Teeny chocolate chip mini biscuits, they are actually tasty, 12x bags for a £1 ridiculously good.

Really small and thin but a decent amount in the bag.

Another annoying thing, Are the Posties blind? I just got 3 letters addressed to another postbox neighbour...

3??? Can't you see properly??

Hmm just tried the chicken sesame toast, not much flavour just oily crunchy blandness, would not get that again.

The cheeseburger spring rolls are way too cheesy, cut back on that but it's not bad, lots of beef, maybe it needs a dip to contrast from the cheese, it is tasty, not over salted either.

I'm not sure I would get it again, I do like the medium size, it almost tasted like there was ketchup but wishful thinking maybe?

Last review is the hash brown steak bake thingy. The overwhelming taste is the hash brown, nice enough..

But you want the beef to be the main flavour, surely? It's nice, but needs more seasoning and beef filling, mainly I just taste potato.

The size is really good. A lil salty but not dry. I don't know if I would get it again..

I forgot to add luckily it's not chunks of steak, it's minced beef, I much prefer that, large pieces put me off for some reason.

I had horrendous cramps last night, I wonder if I will skip September or it will wait until tomorrow, the last day and say ta-da, monthly begins..

#BlogLife952 - Looney Tunes World Of Mayhem exit?

I think I started playing in 2020 around Christmas or November,  I didn't join the team in discord until 2021 where I was encouraged to become a member of their alliance.

I was playing solo but had so many questions and obviously being a newbie wasn't powerful or experienced.

I was watching the video plays on Youtube and entering the giveaways.

Mainly you play the events as individuals, unlock toons and do other stuff but there are team events like wars and R&D.

Which benefits everyone with rewards. Now 5 years later, I'm ranked up, experienced and stronger.

But there are rumblings in the group. I'm probably one of many that is fed up with wars, the tiny font strains my eyes and mine are bad to begin with.

I've decided to put my needs first and say I'm not participating in that at all but will do the R&D.

There is a call to kick members out and I have mixed feelings as I'm friends with the leader and she's fed up with the game and the taxing aspect of trying to please everyone.

I don't mind the new events but the glitches are annoying, unless we get random freebies.

I don't begrudge her if it comes to the point, they need more dedicated players and we'll easily maintain a friendship afterwards.

But I also don't want to feel used and as I wrote the promotional advert to recruit addons, I'll be taking that with me.

Plus my lil roster of toons and tips can also be deleted. Why should I help people that want me gone?

It is a bit of a rejection thingy but I see it from their side too. I just think actions have consequences and I have enough on my plate without feeling obligated to do something that I hate and resent.

This all tacks on to the bullying thing of forcing my hand and I've had enough of people dictating to me, throughout my life.

And I know it's just a game, but some take it very very seriously. 

Have fun coming up with something funny, interesting and engaging without me.

I know it's spiteful but I don't care. I am sick of feeling under appreciated because I don't do everything but I sure as hell give tips and advice on how to proceed further.

I've just done an Iceland shop for tomorrow. I'll see what is in stock as I feel like sugary comfort food.

I saw Forno mini cookies going for a £1. 12x mini bags seems good value, never tried those.

I'm in two minds but I got it anyway, a crispy hash brown steak bake, I wish they had chicken but it's something different to try.

The weather is still hot and cold so I got some more ice poles but they didn't have the blue raspberry boo, so just the mixed one.

I literally just add it to my water to give it some flavour at times and to keep it chilled for longer so I don't have to keep getting up to get a colder drink.

#BlogLife951 - Christmas menu?

I know it's only September but I'm getting more and more excited as Iceland seems to be displaying more and more fun new Christmas party items.

The latest I have never seen is TGI Fridays cheeseburger spring rolls, where's the chicken ones they usually do?

Looks fun all the same and sesame chicken toasts, not prawns, I mean way different, I have to try them too.

It's currently under the offer, 3 for £10. The toasts are £2.50 for 10.

The spring rolls are £4 for 5 only, that's a bit mean. I don't always eat conventional meals.

I might just cook up random stuff and munch like a buffet. It depends what I'm craving, not usually huge meals.

At the moment crackers and cheese are half a meal and then I'll supplement that with something else..

I am cramping so hard at the moment. I hope the binaural beats help.

As of today (Wednesday) night still nothing from paypal. Saturday I chased them up, it's in the queue, processing..

Today I called them up and he was vague, that it could take a week or a few weeks, yeesh.

I wonder if because I've requested the exact same information for the 4th time I think it is, that it's not a priority anymore..

Today the 24th was the deadline to send it in. I should call the Witch and retell her what they asked and beg for an extension.

This is great ammunition for her, Oh look, the crippled spoilt girl, isn't doing what I ask, I can jot that down..

There must be a reason, she's been on my case for nearly a year, she hasn't fined me yet, it has to mean jail time.

Anyway I'm not going to call because I'm slowly losing my mind and I'm one sentence away from snapping..

And that's what she wants, she wants me to say, Lawyers would have an open and shut case, I just want to sink into depression and end everything...

But I'm not going to reach out to her yet. I can't stand her. If there is still nothing by Friday, then maybe.. I'll have the courage to face my tormentor..

Oh the other thing I am dying to try is Las Iguanas fajita chicken taco bites, it looks sublime..

But either they are sold out or they are waiting for them to come in stock..

Maybe because it's hormones or stress I feel so drained. The thought of all that walking to get to the library..

I wonder if I have it in me.. Not that I have a choice. I can do it, I just know it will take it all out of me, and the dizziness will worry me too.

I do not want to collapse. If I could eat or drink something before I left, that would be better but I couldn't face it.

#BlogLife950 - Disliked for my gender?

Dear Moi,

As usual I would have loved more sleep but 9amish was when I really woke up properly and that was it. 

P told me he injured himself and is getting checked out, nothing major and he's in good spirits, still hope he's ok though and I appreciated him telling me.

It got me to thinking of the silliest but excruciatingly painful incident that happened when I was pre teen..

The door rang and for some reason I was so excited to get it. I don't recall who it was and why I was so giddy but I ran barefoot and somehow smacked into the door and chipped a bone in my lil toe.

I didn't even get to open the door, I just hobbled back hopping in agony and what sticks out, is the lack of compassion or sympathy..

As my Mama said, it's your own fault, you brought this on yourself. I remember thinking I am in so much pain, probably crying at that point and you can't even be nice to me...

Looking back I don't recall any instances where she was hyper critical to my male siblings, it was just me and there is a long pattern of blame and disgust for me being human and making errors.

When I was on my first weight loss journey, there wasn't many options that were affordable in the stores, so I tried on a jacket maybe and it was an inch too small.

She looked so repulsed at me with a grunt. The implication being, Cripes, Why are you like this? Why can't you be skinny like the other females in the family?

I felt so low and I think the self loathing was already present but there was anger and resentment that I couldn't express because she was the one that was obsessed with my weight and gave me a complex in the first place.

I felt like I could not get her approval until I began to skip meals, exercise all day and was fainting a lot.

The reason I am calling it a gender issue is because she compared me to her favourite nieces that were skinny and popular but also my siblings that were male and popular..

My siblings were nasty human beings to me, bullied, threatened and made me a terrified silent shell of myself.

But because they were popular, they were admired and celebrated. 

I was sensitive and struggled to communicate with anyone, so forming attachments was too challenging and still is, as I get used for my kindness and then ignored when I need something.

This still weighs on my mind as it is ongoing. The fractured relationship with my Mama has less appeal to be repaired.

I like being a woman, I mostly do like myself but I have gotten to the point where family or not, I think I would rather be alone in life than being critiqued and feeling like I'm barely seen or tolerated.

What is it about me, that causes distaste? 

Yes I make mistakes, Yes, I'm sensitive, Yes I'm unable to form friendships or relationships because I can't stand being vulnerable or talking or opening up around others, only in safe written form. Anonymously.

Were you expecting me to be a perfect doll? Pretty, skinny, well adjusted, popular, confident and outspoken? 

I wonder if both my parents would have preferred their only daughter to be male, I'm beginning to realise that's the way it appears..

Disgusting behaviour, rudeness and arrogance were favoured because what? They had a lot of friends and were ambitious to the outside world?

But behind close doors...... Shouting to get their way, intimidation, silencing and thievery happened.

Did my parents look back and genuinely think, You know what the bad traits we can tolerate and forgive but our daughter we can not..

She is not like us, she does not belong in our family. She is anti social, not trusting, doesn't have friends, is pathetically long term sick and has no ambition or purpose in life.

That is inexcusable to us, We will show out distaste for her and revere the males as they represent us favourably.....

It's funny to me, my eyes are watery admitting all of this because you emotionally stole the confidence out of me.

Yet you wanted me to be better and stronger, it backfired on you because I felt kicked when I was utterly defenceless.

Your sons made me unable to trust anyone. Especially any males.

Yet you kept saying, ignore it. You kept saying Don't eat too much. You kept saying/implying Who you are, isn't good enough.

I know nobody will ever love me for me, only I will accept myself as imperfect.

I know I am good enough as I am but I failed to meet your impossible standards and I don't want to serve myself up anymore for your inspection.

You, my family are the cause of staying invisible for most of my life and I'm sick of the living in the shadows..

I want to walk in the daylight proudly and be seen and accepted and respected. Is that too much to ask?

#BlogLife949 - Bus interruptus extended :(

Ugh I'm a lot fed up. I just checked the bus app to make sure the roads were clear and the buses were running normally as today for the second time, was supposed to be the end of the road works.

Nope, they have once again extended it until the 1st November. Ugh it's so unfair.

I was looking forward to trying the Too Good Too Go bags, getting a pedicure and booking the Optician appointment, none of that is possible now.

I'm happy that I've just discovered a third place on the app and that is so convenient, I have to pass it anyway.

To be honest I thought it was just a posh drinks lil kiosk place but it turns out they do croissants, bakes and sandwiches, so a fun selection actually.

It would be around 2pmish and costs £4.50 but is worth £12. I don't know if some of these places are daily or just randomly when they have excess..

I also wonder if any of them, throw in drinks or just food ha, not that I drink coffee but a soft drink would be nice or some juice..

What annoys me even more than that, is I didn't have to go out..

I could have kept resting and relaxing but because of the witch, I'll be traipsing up and down the Market for probably just over an hour, the pain and exhaustion is going to be brutal.

I'll definitely order in food when I get home as I'm going to be so sore I'll barely be able to stand, let alone walk around.

Like I've kept saying she could easily just receive an email from me but the level of animosity is astounding.

Even though I'm trying to stay calm, a valid concern of mine, in every spiteful letter she sends me, is failure to comply could result in prosecution....

I've done everything humanly possible that she's asked but because of evilness, she keeps falsely accusing me of not co-operating..

Frankly quite easily, she could still throw me in jail for her version that I'm withholding information even though time and time again, she's been sent multiple bank/paypal statements and all questions/interrogations have been politely answered back from a rude witch.

I mean who will the courts listen too? Some ordinary female or someone in high authority that has a respectable (albeit heinous job).

She's winding me up on purpose. No-one in the history of mankind requests the exact same information for the 4th time I think.

Nothing in my email so it hasn't arrived yet. Oh and thankfully the toothbrush charger is finally out for delivery 2-4pm.

At last. It was ordered since the 10th and today is the 19th.

Regarding the Astral moisturiser and the #6 mud mask which has lasted 4 months..

I'm not sure they are doing my face any good. Randomly it will go dry.

Sometimes it's smooth and clear but at the moment, really bumpy and peeling.

Ahh just after 2pmish the charger came and I found the other in a storage tub, ugh.

If I was cleaning things I would pick them up and wipe and put them down as I went so the owner wouldn't have to hunt for their own bloody possessions!!

It might take 24 hours to fully charge but after I use it will leave it overnight maybe.

Oh I highly recommend the new UK show Lynley, I cannot predict who the murderer is and it's got humour too.

I know I need a proper moisturiser. I'm breaking out a lil but mostly it just doesn't feel deeply cleansed.

I keep making these really obvious mistakes, I left the bath running and forgot about it again..

What is wrong with me? Why can't I focus? I'm just sick of screwing up.

I had to chase up paypal the statement didn't arrive, she said it was just processed yesterday so will take up to 72 hours.

Hmm which means the deadline of the 24th is close. This time I'm not going to call and beg for an extension.

I'll just add a note, sorry it's late, paypal took a while to send it.

Maybe it will get here on Tuesday or Wednesday then I can go to the library, print and send it.

I want to do the Too Good To Go but I know even though two of the places are about 5 minutes away from the library...

I won't be able to do it. It's like a cruel joke, tantalisingly close, but walking half the market, half the journey to the market and then going back walking through the market again, to reach the bus stop, my legs will be too shaky.

I literally have to encourage myself to keep moving forwards even though I want to stop and rest.

Stopping increases the pain too, so there is no break, there is a build up of achiness and soreness and depleted energy.

Eeek I've seen a 4th store, a Starbucks, I didn't know we had one, that's handy if I go to Pret, I have a feeling it's nearby.

Oh actually I remember now it's the opposite side of Pret, opposite Greggs.

As of yesterday I think it was I have £10 able to redeem in the Playtime app,  I might save to £20, not sure.

I finally did my protein tablet for the contact lens so they are comfier.

I'm just waiting for the UC appointment to call..

#BlogLife948 - Is the boiler fixed?

Well I just got a text, saying I'm next. 1-5pm appointment and nearly 4pm.

Just about 4.20 maybe and lasted about 10 minutes. He replaced the two AA batteries (3 years they lasted) in the control panel and wallah, the light was back and the temperature displayed as normal.

Then he said to me Show me the boiler and switch off the heating/hot water...

So I did but the flame wasn't switching off when I was pressing the down button.

Then he took a look and said You need to raise it up. I inwardly rolled my eyes, they say one thing and mean the other.

He wanted it On, not Off as he instructed anyway after that, a few minutes later the boiler was roaring and it was all set.

It was on high and I asked if I needed to leave it on a bit to settle and he said Use it as normal, so as it's been off/on all weekend, I took it off.

Tomorrow I might leave it off or maybe on briefly and then Friday on for 30 or 60 minutes.

It's just me, so lasts ages. I'm so hungry so I forgot I had the cheese and onion quiche and I really liked those veggie samosas so doing them too.

I think that will fill me up, everything is small and now I've had some hula hoops and a lil cheese roll, I'm not starving anymore.

On to Thursday and was trying to do the paypal activity report. 

I was tempted to just do it for a week to teach her a lesson but as she'll witch about it..

I did it for the usual 2018 but nope invalid date range, called them up and she wanted valid ID, passport, which as you know mine has expired...

So she was nice and said, instead of January 2018, Let me do September 2018 and you won't need to do anything.

I agreed and she (witchy witch) can suck it. The representative said she'll email when it's done in 24-48 hours, we shall see if I need to re-request it on Saturday.

The customer service hasn't exactly been on top of their game but I've done what I could.

Waiting until it's all printed will do my back in but whatever.. I really want something to shut her up for good.

I wish wish wish she had bosses to account too, that could give her a huge dressing down for nearly a year of grief.

But my guess is in 2026, I will still have to put up with her condescending disrespectful bullying.

I think she won't be happy until I'm depressed or jumping off a cliff...

I like Thursdays for the new events that begin on Looney Tunes.

I've been trying to upload screenshot images for Playtime account app but twitter still won't let me upload pictures.

Ugh irritating. What I might do is take snaps from the other phone the other samsung, I've forgotten the name and will see if I can upload to twitter on there..

I just want to show you my progress and what it looks like, if I can..

The tongs delivery is haywire, out for delivery, then still with sender, it's due with yodel, heaven knows when..

The bloody toothbrush charger from Evri finally showed the tiniest bit of movement..

11th September nothingness to the 17th processing, ugh, no idea when that will bloody show up either.

I just want to charge my toothbrush damnit!

Weird weird weird, uploads work on the old samsung, why not on the new one??

I even tried deleting the bookmark and re-adding it, still doesn't work.

#BlogLife947 - Playtime app, Close to £10 redemption

Yowser had the app installed since August 2024 and only now close to redeeming £10.

But actually when I got the new phone (5th March 2025) the A16 I started fresh and reinstalled it on that phone, there didn't seem to be a way to transfer the points over.

56000 for £10 Amazon credit. 11200 for £2 credit and 28000 for £5.

For Google playstore and Paypal it's different but I'm only keen on Amazon.

It's become easier as I really like the Monopoly Go, it has various tournaments and things solo, or as a group.

Then Phase 10, which is a complicated rummy game is actually fun but buggy.

6.5 months it's taken. I could install new games and bump the points for a bonus, but I haven't seen any that appeal.

Every day they rotate the games but it's just 2/3 games, mainly the same, it's a horrendous system.

Just list all the games available, dodos!! Would I recommend it?

I'll update you when I redeem to tell you the process and if I actually receive it.

It's a slow burn. Mistplay was faster but then that was slowly collecting all your personal details so that felt icky towards the end.

Name, email, phone number and photo. Yuckity. There is no reason you need all of that identity theft information.

You have to really enjoy gaming daily for it to be worthwhile. As I genuinely enjoy the games, it's just earning on the side, for having fun.

If your patient, it will work out, if you're expecting millions straight away, this is not for you.

I like simple ways to boost some extra cash so that's why I'm sharing the reality of these apps and my experiences with them.

It might suit or it might not but these are the reviews I would like to read before I download the app.

Ugh Evri is being so slow with the toothbrush charger, no updates since the 11th when it was picked up.

Cripes it's now the 16th. 4 days of nothingness and my toothbrush has died completely.

Bloody cleaners, stealing or binning my stuff! 

Ok it's just gone 12.30pmish and I answered the door assuming it was the Postie.

But nope, it was that follow up appointment, he just showed up and I just felt vulnerable.

The annoying thing is, he's so polite and he kept asking if I was alright but I felt bewildered.

It's like someone has taken advantage and then you've willingly opened the door for them to do it again..

I mean the job is completed, the progress seems finalised. I'm so glad he didn't take the dvd/vcr player.

But there wasn't an apology. It's like he's trying to appear nice but has no issue mucking customers around routinely and lying about it..

I hate confrontation so I couldn't even speak much and fear gripped me but he's gone and I have to stop punishing myself.

I make the decisions that I think are the best and that's all I can do.

I can't see the future, I don't know what will happen, it's just guesswork and now he's gone, it's ticked off my list.

It just kinda seemed like insult to injury when he said, if you need us, you can can get in touch...

No thank you. I wanted to give him a hard time but I couldn't, what if he retaliated, he's a tall strong guy..

Anyway, it's done and I don't have to deal with him or the company any longer.

Just going to add this final thing as I saw a letter addressed to me on the floor next the postbox, What on earth..

Good job I was taking out the bins. Of course DWP waits ages and then gets back to me.

Let's check the date for the last correspondence or call.. It was a letter on the 17 June.

June!!!! And now it's September. Do you know how ridiculous that is?

Two whole months and what does the latest letter say? Not a conclusion, not a fine......

Altogether now??? You can guess it.... It is due by the 24th September so hopefully the buses are running by that time.

She wants...... Drum roll please...

Yet another Paypal statement....... What a tedious predictable bore she is!!!

It's going to be the same as all the rest, I mean I should count how many I've sent. I can't be bothered though.

What makes me laugh, is she has sent instructions but not listed a date range.

But this time the DWP nitwit, asks for pdf. I don't give a toss really. This is ongoing harassment.

I've provided the same answers all the way through this 11 months of being hassled by her.

And so will do it all again, provide yet another duplicate paypal statement report and send it on Saturday or Monday.

I will use the library, print it out and pay for it, then she provided a prepaid envelope so that's easy.

Let's predict how long the response will take? Christmas, December.. I think..

Or even January for a change.. I think she'll say the same bs...

Oh you're not co-operating, even though you did what I asked. I'm not happy so throwing an adult tantrum, wah wah wah :(

Like I said due to her power bullying trip, when she finally gets around to fining me, my balance will be near zero, with the bills and expenses..

*Shrugs, another day, another Witch to deal with..*

Still no sign of the boiler maintenance guy. I'll update with her bs response when I get it...

#BlogLife946 - Too God To Go food waste app

I didn't really know what this app was all about until I was watching the foodie videos and vlogs.

I think it's worldwide and it's stores selling off the excess of their stock for a fraction of the retail cost.

It sounds good but you have to collect it and some of the rigid times are late in the evening...

Sometimes there is just a half an hour window. I think that's silly, people have schedules.

It's almost like saying, we resent making less money but if you catch us at the right time like 11pmish at night, you'll get a deal.

I don't have a car and don't see well at night, so those aren't tailored towards me.

However I've seen some places like Pret on there and that was collectable just after lunchtime.

I should point out that the amount of bags they have is limited, I have seen 1, 3, 5 and you just click on reserve.

You then add your payment card details when you checkout, I don't think paypal is an option.

It's not straightforward but I could get to Pret. It's not cheap but for example, it's worth £15, but you pay £5.

There's no details, it states a sandwiches and baguette lunch. I wonder if you can have preferences, like I don't eat red meat, so if I got pork, duck or lamb products that is a waste of money..

Oh that's not helpful. It has a section called dietary preferences, but all it has is vegan, veggie, I eat everything, why can't it have a comment bit..

I was hoping Tesco, Asda and Greggs would be there. There's actually more places than I thought, some supermarkets, lots of restaurants but none of them easy to get too.

So far it's just Pret. I did see some other apps, when I googlied. I wonder if they are better?

I just thought if I could save some money, here and there, it would be good.

Next time I am in the Market, I will have to see what is within walking distance to me.

I tried Karma but it's not available in my area, so that was useless.

Let's try Too Tasty To Waste It. Ugh oh, server issues, try again later ha. (24 hours later, no access). It didn't load once so I uninstalled it.

I was looking up the addresses of a few places but still not sure where they are located.

However I discovered a bakery that is right next to the pedicure salon and that does cakes and other goodies, which could be handy, if the collection time works.

I'm normally out mornings or early afternoonys, so later than that would not be feasible.

I bet Mama's place just off the high street, has loads more stores participating.

I doubt I can use the app, til about October but it depends when the buses are running properly, if they extend it again, I won't have the energy to walk to these places.

I can give an updated review experience then. Oh something else they offer is a bulk buy delivery thing but it doesn't seem that reasonable.

I guess if you have a big family or buying for presents or Christmas or a party and you have lots of cash, maybe but for individuals, it doesn't appeal.

Iceland had more new things so I am enjoying sampling them, out of my normal purchases.

I can't remember what offers were going, quite a few and also some Whitworth dates £1.25.

It's been ages since I had dates, used to quite like them, let's see if I still do?!

Something else I am curious about is the limitations. Like if there is 5x bags available, can you get them all?

Not that I would do that, what if you got excess of the same thing which you disliked??

#BlogLife945 - 3 hours to respond..

Apparently my appointment wasn't added to his diary pfft. That takes you 3 hours to form that reply and get back to me..

Well your arse can wait until tomorrow! Ugh actually now that I have woke up in excruciating pain, I won't reply at all, yet.

Either I slept funny or it was carrying out the heavy bin but my right shoulder is throbbing badly with every movement.

I hate bad customer service and waiting around for a no-show, it's a waste of time.

Anyway I didn't want to make a takeout order but the pain is too much.

I don't even know why I got out of bed and even that was a struggle.

I've been silently cursing all day but to limit the strain, I ordered food for a few days.

I can barely move so I'm not taxing myself further, it is, what it is. I do actually feel hungry, so I don't want to starve myself.

But neither do I want to be moving around too much and the heated blankie keeps going off and on, so not much use to me.

I'm trying out shoulder relief binaural beats, it assists me a tiny bit..

On to today (Friday) and I feel almost a 100%. I wasn't sure anything was working but it must have.

The pain yesterday after playing the binaural beats all day got less and less and I was able to move my arm and shoulder without wincing.

The weather was so strange, rain and sun, cold and hot, so with the blankie on I was boiling.

I had to have the fan on at the same time, at least I can move around now.

My appetite seems to be normal now, I can have two meals a day again.

I've ordered replacement kitchen tongs £2 but the electric toothbrush charger was £6ish yikes!!

I hope that comes soon as the battery is dying. I also got some new black and blue trousers as mine seem to disappear.

I hope they fit, I can't remember if last time I ordered in my size or a size up..

oh the trousers arrived and they fit in my size. 2x pairs for £16 so not bad. £8 each.

Ahh finally I worked out what to do with the tinned salmon I had.

I always buy this creamy tagliatelle dish but it has prawns, I bin those and usually just have it plain but now I can have it with the salmon. 

Woop cupboards are slowly emptying. I just trimmed my hair again and have put the weekend mask on.

I am such a dodo! I just now realised something.

My instincts were right about the idiot follow up appointment.

So her bs excuse was that she didn't add it to his calendar, tried to say, been a stressy week..

Horse crap. I knew she was lying hence why she took hours to respond.

Just before he left, he took out his phone and said When are you free next?

I assume he was looking at his own bloody calendar!!

So he would've known but either he double booked or couldn't be bothered to show up.

Her implication was that I made the appointment through her, but it was him directly!!

Now I'm starting to realise, that other change of appointment was probably bs also.

Good grief. Surrounded by unprofessionalism.

They can both go to hell. I'm sick of being disrespected! So not bothering to make a new appointment, the so-so work is done anyway.

I had a strange experience yesterday, I was trying to install an app and it came saying set up your account first.

But it wouldn't let me click on continue. It finally worked. FFS the boiler problems I was having has gotten worse.

The display dial light has completely gone so I was just pushing the up and down button to work the hot water and heating.

Only now it's not switching off, it's just sporadically turning on.

Ugh was hoping to avoid calling the maintenance but I'll have too, the bills will sky rocket, otherwise.

Luckily it's on low but still, ugh, that thing gives me no end of problems, yeesh.

I thought it was just humid but no it's acting up. The repairers are coming on Wednesday..

I was really hoping it was before then like today but I guess it's better than waiting a week.

I tried that meatball rice concoction, didn't much care for it, seemed dry and tasteless.

I've also tried the dates, they are quite nice in small doses, for a sweet fix.

A bit kinda syrupy sweet, it's actually not bad though, it's just funny that most are seedless and some have the seeds lol.

Also with the volunteer icky/liar chats. I'm just not going to respond.

It just makes me too uncomfy and why should I be? I'm just trying to help but this is on a ridiculous level of abnormality.

I feel better after that decision, that's it really.

#BlogLife944 - Do you have manners?

A few things running through my mind. I'm not sure what to do about the icky volunteer chats.

I don't want to leave them stranded but neither do I want to engage them further.

Secondly I feel like I've once again made the wrong decision and wasted money on what I thought was the best solution.

That's weighing heavily on me but what's done is done. 

At some point I have to ring BT about the switchover, something about landline phones being obsolete and changing to digital voice.

But I don't even use the landline and I'm sure they mentioned something about fibre optic, which they have stated I'm not applicable for, anyway.

I really can't be bothered setting up a new hub/router thingy. I wonder if this is a way to increase the bills?

I'm feeling quite irritated today, the appointment failed to show and couldn't be bothered to apologise and let me know.

I can't relax, I can't eat, I just emailed them and we'll see if it's delayed or postponed.

You pay for a service and they can't be bothered with the follow up, once they've been paid.

It's on to the next paid gig. Ugh! There's nothing worse than waiting.

They are 2 hours and a half late and no response!! No manners at all!

Also Fantastic hasn't refunded me yet, more money down the drain.

I was looking forward to munching but I'm anxious, will he randomly turn up??

I want to change back into house clothes. Ok sod it. It's just after 3pmish, took out the bins and changed.

I'm going to relax, I had the last of the fajita bakes. I'm not really hungry now, maybe will have one more small meal or snack later..

I don't give a toss if they turn up or not now, appalling service all around.

I haven't taken any volunteer chats today, I've just been supporting others in the forum bit.

I tidied and did the last of the clear out and also the washing is done, so finished all the chores now.

I keep expecting decent customer service and I keep being let down.

Is it because I'm a woman and they think we can mistreat her and she won't speak up???

#BlogLife943 - More Iceland

Wowser I'm trying the chicken and red thai curry. At first with the green beans I think it is, I wondered if it was the green thai.

It is really just gently seasoned but not salty, not spicy, just a great flavour.

Delicious, enough chicken, enough rice. Another winner. I also remember the green thai bag they did which had the same flavour but was double the price and they thought people would pay for it..

Nope! I'm sure I only bought it on offer, anyway I avoided this dish all my life because I assumed it would have that strong curry taste but it doesn't, maybe it's part of the 3x £10 meal deal.

There's just a touch of sweetness to the sauce but nothing to ruin it.

Coriander, lime leaves, pineapple and loads of other stuff, highly recommended.

The fajita bake, hmm, the pastry is good, the filling was just ok, too blended.

I would not get that again. The waffle fries cooked weirdly. A few were perfect, others were massively overdone so inedible.

I did less than a handful just as a snack to try them. I guess 20 minutes is too long, I'll try 15 next time.

It's so funny, I've gone from no appetite, to what can I have next?

As I bought chicken and beef to make burgers, I also got the yoghurt and mint sauce that I previously liked..

But I'm not enjoying it, my taste buds want something tomatoey or like a burger sauce.

I'm trying to be healthy!

I'm doing these reviews over a few days by the way. The beef and potato curry with sticky rice was also exceptional.

Lots of beef pieces, the sauce was the best part, mild flavourful.

Another good quality meal, I didn't try the potatoes, sometimes I'm not keen, prefer crunchy veggies, the rawer the better.

That is absolutely bizarre. It is Sunday right? I just got a loud buzz at the door..

I ignored it, it's always the disgusting neighbours and then I got a letter pushed through the letter box.

My heart sank, my first thought, was I'm in trouble, I'm getting evicted or going to jail, this is it.

So what was the letter with a sticky note containing the wrong postcode???

Was it serious? Was it scary? Was it imperative it was opened immediately?

Nopeeeeeeeeeeeee! It was a rent statement. What the hell. Post it through the bloody postbox outside.

And why didn't you buzz anyone else? Actually this is the first time you've buzzed for a statement.

Idiot landlord! I don't know why I panic so much but it's the fear of DWP and they love hounding me.

As predicted, it's September, nearly a year of being hassled and no closer to resolving it.

It's excessive cruelty that I have to worry about bills, jail, eviction, homelessness, debts, for 11 months and there is no sign of them stopping..

Eventually probably just before Christmas she will probably say give me more printouts or write more statements of the exact same thing, just for laughs.

They have no interest in wrapping it up. It's just having something over me and inflicting mental cruelty to someone that's already sick.

Because after a year of me providing proof and evidence. In her mind, she had expectations of me living the high life..

She thought I will break this woman down into fits of tears, make her depressed and highlight that she is irresponsible..

That she spends money on holidays, cars, spa days, jewels, designer gear, nightclubbing and anything preposterous that you can imagine..

Instead of the actual reality of it being, grocery shopping, bills, landlord arrears, rent and cleaners.

To her, it doesn't make sense, so even though I'm transparent, she continues making my life a living hell and will drag this out for probably years.

It's like she won't be happy until I self harm or commit myself to an asylum.

And yes all this stress, does worry me. I can't escape from it. It's the same thing of growing up and trying to survive my childhood that was a terrifying atmosphere.

The bullying is ongoing and the worst thing is, she's always turning it around on me, saying I am not co-operating, when I've done everything asked, multiple times, but yet she infers I'm holding things up.

What's the term for it? Gaslighting!!

Anyway on to yesterday and today, I am so stuffed, decided to try the Chinese chicken wings and they have that ginger spice added, glorious.

Even though I just finished the monthly, I feel like my body is preparing for another period.

I feel bloated, nauseated and crampy. I'm still tired from yesterday's walking.

I'm glad today is free and then tomorrow, one morning follow up appointment and that's it.

I'm waiting to see if they will knock and request the windows to be opened for the painting that seems like it's all done but still wet.

With a yucky strong smell attached. I have some chicken fried rice as leftovers I'll munch later, even though it's lunchtime now.

And P has man flu so he has worse insomnia than me. I'm trying to offer some advice but not sure he is taking it.

I offered to call this afternoony, as my voice always makes him sleepy, we'll see if he takes me up.

I specifically didn't say nighttime, as I don't want any flirtiness and sick or not, men always provide that element.

The volunteering is increasingly weirder. Just because it's anonymous people share anything and I don't know if it's trolling or the weird truth but good grief.

I want a normal chat please. I'm sick of the oddballs. It's too much to cringe, ugh, yuck!!!

#BlogLife942 - Off route...

I guess I forgot what I actually had in the freezer, there was a chicken bake and some chicken kebabs so I'm just cooking them up together and maybe that will be it for today.

I also had some mixed nuts that are rawish and unsalted but that's my preference, maybe they could have been cooked but it's not a dealbreaker.

} haven't heard back from the course and I hope that is the end of it.

I can't be bothered to look back and see if I mentioned this but P got me slightly irritated the other day.

I know I could do this too, so it's not all on him but to be honest, I'm not sure I fancied a call until now.

When we get friendly flirty, that's the only time nowadays he seems to say, Let's have a phone chat tonight.

We went from daily phone chats, to just daily texts and I don't mind that, he's busy, I'm busy and neither of us are in the mood to chat before bed at times.

But no matter what I say, he steers it back to a flirty banter and sometimes I'm just really put off by it.

So I just said Listen, I would have much rather you said, I've been missing our calls and can we catch up via phone properly..

Instead of Oh let's use her for flirting and then I can doze off, so suffice to say we didn't chat that night but he wasn't annoyed.

He's quite approachable and understanding, we don't really bicker as such, we might kinda snap at times but we tend to talk it through.

It's weird because I might not say everything but I am telling him, today is hard, instead of yea yea yea I'm fine.

It's not a romance and I'm not sure I would call it a friendship yet, I don't know why.

It's an acquaintanceship, probably because I take my time with people and want to get to know them slowly.

I'm guarded and don't trust anyone, so that's my process. I wish I had a dip for the kebabs..

Hmm other items I can't find is the small scissors kept in the kitchen drawer.. Plus 2x hand sanitisers.. My tongs..

Oh crap another thing is the expensive electric toothbrush charger, I don't think I've seen that since the cleaner left ffs.

I really don't understand the moving or stealing or trashing things, it's like playing hide and seek with my own bloody possessions!

Was the cleaner bored and thought hmm, let's just bin random items for fun??

As usual, full, but I wish I had some crisps to munch. As I'm trying to empty out the stock..

I'm going to do another weird foodie combination, macaroni cheese and a beef bake pie.

What shall I call it? Mac-ake? Beefaroni surprise? Today eating was just more natural.

I'm glad that the wipes and eye drops arrived about 12pmish, weird they didn't even buzz or knock.

Luckily I got the notification it was dropped off outside the door.

After a while the macaroni is just too concentrated as is the beef.

I overcook it so it's solidified not a fan when it's runny. I always end up burning my tongue on the bakes anyway, this way they get to cool down while I cook the macaroni..

And by cook I mean heat up. Actually loved it, the blend was so good I was gutted when the bake was finished.

My own version of a pasta bolognese I suppose. Oh I found out what the maintenance was about when I took out the bins and checked the post.

For some odd reason, they were painting the interior and exterior.

I don't see the point and what was the banging about? There are more important repairs. Pfft.

Fuckity fuck, just double checked, no sign of the toothbrush charger ffs, these cleaners are disgusting!!

How do you steal from someone disabled?? 

I was wrong about the chicken burrito it's only 1 inside not 2, a medium size £4 though, yowser.

I wasn't sure I would like it, it's delicious. It reminds me of the Asda one I used to get but better.

It's delicately seasoned, lightly sauced, a tiny peppery kick. The pastry has a slight cheesy flavour.

There's enough chicken and rice and veggies, it's so good, I would get that again for sure.

Actually the whole thing is enough for a meal, now that I've cooked it, probably needed 5 minutes more, so 20 would have been better to crisp up all the sides.

But yea nothing is overpowered and that's the way I like it, nice and mild, good job Iceland for stocking it.

I feel so silly, the towel just arrived and it's huge can easily fit around me with room to spare, almost matches the hand towel and other towel too.

On to today (Monday), it's been a weird day weather wise as I think it was raining, very hot and very cold.

There were barely any market stalls out, which was weird so the food truck sadly wasn't available, darn.

The buses are still stopping half way, ugh they have extended the road works, until mid September grr.

It took me absolutely ages to cross the road but I got to the UC appointment and actually explained the situation and he gave me a phone appointment for next time.

Finally!!! You didn't even offer that when I was fluey. Sod it, getting Chinese as there is a discount and I'm too tired to get up and get water even.

#BlgLife941 - Trying to be in a better head space..

That was cool, I was searching for deals and didn't see much so I got the jumbo thick purple towel for a tenner, the wipes for £2 and 3x Blink eye drops for £11.

And then this voucher for 10% came up so I saved a £1ish, not much but better than nothing.

All the drops roughly had an individual retail cost of about £4ish yikes. (Blink seemed to cost about a fiver usually).

I'm not really bothered about the brand, unless it's on sale and new. It just has to be contact lens friendly as usually it's the time I'm wearing that the irritation, cloudiness or dryness occurs the most, so I don't want to remove them.

Today has been rainy and chilly, I love it but wonder if I should turn on the heated blankie, at long last.

I have to stop being so foolish so I've just started cooking a minced beef bake and turned on the heating.

The chicken one is superior but never in stock. I could have done them both but I don't know if I'll be full afterwards.

Life goes on, either it is sorted or it isn't and I can talk to him next week.

I can't just stop functioning because I'm overwhelmed, that's ridiculous.

Maybe by the weekend I can book an Iceland slot if the food continues going down.

I did enjoy that and had some tiramisu afterwards which I forgot I had.

As predicted I am full. It could also be hormones, around my monthly my hunger does go up and down.

But at least I cooked something. I forgot I bought mini cheese pizzas and waffle fries.

I'll just keep cooking small meals that really appeal to me and that will make it easier.

I think all my stuff should arrive before Monday. Oh that's it, let me jot down a note with the towel size.

They said it was 100% Egyptian cotton and 90/100x190cm. Hmm I confused myself I thought this one was bigger than the 100x200cm ones I saw.

How did I get muddled? Oh well I don't even know how big that will be, hopefully enough to wrap around me comfortably.

Oh the course just emailed to say they've removed me until I provide them with a valid passport.

I'm glad though, I'll email them now and say I'm struggling with the bills and expenses and I can't afford to renew it.

I resent having too. It's still me, my bloody photo, my name, other personally identifiable information.

What the hell is the point having a valid passport when it's never used?

Plus nobody else would know my middle names and no I'm not going to divulge them.

They are the most unique I've ever seen or heard anywhere in the world.

Hardly likely to be a forgery. They are just being tits on purpose.

But actually they are doing me a favour. 

Surprise surprise those creamy chicken bakes are in stock in Iceland but I don't know whether to get them or the newer ones or both?

Also just took my time and oiled my hair, gave myself a nice scalp massage and that was long overdue.

It's just gone 12pmish and it's been delightfully pouring with rain all day so it's blissfully quiet.

I love that, I can actually hear myself think :)

Weirdly enough I'm not cold today. I don't know what to munch because although I don't feel stressed at present, neither do I feel peckish..

#BlogLife940 - Iceland goodies

I thought I would have a look, it's been a while since I checked to see if any new products were available.

There were loads but I'm only interested in the non red meat versions.

Greggs have a limited edition chicken fajita bake 2x £3.50. Iceland has a beef curry and sticky rice £3.75 ouchy prices.

Las Iguanas have a chilli beef burrito and a chicken one, chicken for me I think.

I hope these things aren't overly spiced. Iceland has new creamy chicken pies x4 £2.50 that's good, I like their own range.

And there was a chicken pasta that's sold out and a red thai chicken with sticky rice that looks good £3.75.

I personally now I've tried it and like it, prefer green thai, to me it's stronger and has a better taste.

But they are also offering deals, so 3 for £10. I'm only trying to get items that I really crave to kickstart a full appetite again.

I don't know what maintenance work was being done today, a lot of banging, seemed like they were cleaning the walls or windows, strange, that isn't a service that's offered.

There's no letters about it.

I'm done munching had the salmon pasta and the sandwich, plus some starburst and the hobnob biscuits.

I forgot to add this, remember the spring rolls I bought at the market that weren't spicy but needed extra seasoning?

I didn't notice at the bottom of the bag was a deliciously mild cucumber mint raita dip, ughhh. By then I had finished them lol.

Even though it wasn't the best, but it was goodish at least it was affordable. I really want to try the samosas and maybe the kebab roll, but in chicken not lamb.

Oh and the pakoras too, not sure if they are veggy or chicken.. And I bet all that filler food would be a tenner or so..

And by that time the buses will be running all the way to the market not stopping part way, so the food might even remain hot and crispy.

I need to budget and instead of me paying £15 or £20.. I can get snacks cheaper.

The only thing our market doesn't seem to have is a good Chinese takeout or a sushi place.

But I know other good places to get them from, it would be easier if they were within walking distance, I would spend less.

I have a feeling the next trip to the Optician or pedicure place, I'll pick up fish and chips and a cod roe, I've been craving that.

I can get the small version, it just won't be hot by the time I get home.

Mama's place and our local seems like they challenge themselves to put in as much food as possible.

The chunky chips are so plentiful, we can never finish and it's always fresh, a family business so it's never empty.

I need to get some more eye drops, a new towel, maybe a flannel and what was the other thing?

Oh yea face wipes too. I'm still waiting for the appointment to show up...

Ok 11.11am he turned up, there was no text this time so I was getting anxious I had been scammed again.

He was due before 12pm and I let him know everything, instead of not speaking up and regretting it.

I have no idea where the cleaners put the mop, the broom and the pan and brush, ughh.

I had things in sight for a reason so that they were easily accessible, if I can't find them I'll have to get replacements.

I just have a few more things to discard and that's it. I had to get the cleaner to open up an essential oil lemon bottle as I couldn't break through the child proof cap.

Embarrassing but hey ho. The other issue pressing on my mind is worrying about keeping things clean and manageable.

I'm really trying to do spot tidying as much as possible but I know there will come a time, when I'm injured or tired and it will get harder.

Hmm that took 20 minutes only but at least there wasn't much mess.

Umm I'm sceptical, he's coming back next week and I hope he didn't just do a rush job.

I deserve a thorough experience. It just seems too quick and easy.

I just thought it would be longer. He forgot to take the dvd player and I'm not reminding him.

I don't mind him having it, what I mind is.. I'm not convinced, it's all done.

I wanted to have peace of mind afterwards but I just feel I have been ripped off.

Maybe I am unnecessarily worrying for nothing? I have one more appointment with him next Wednesday.

I will address my concerns then because my appetite hasn't returned and I can't do a badly needed Iceland shop as I'm too stressed to eat.

He just made light of the things I said, not in a mean way but I don't feel reassured.

He did talk to me afterwards but I can't help but wonder if, he was just not really bothered to spend time double checking his work.

Or more eager to move on to the next paid job. I have to find a way to confront him, just so I can feel at ease.

I have to get over this mood but I don't know how. The funny thing is I can help other people feel better..

I just can't seem to do it for myself. I will try to continue grazing on snacks..

Maybe later, not now, my stomach is in knots. At lease the rest of the week is free.

Ugh what is even the point doing a grocery shop when I'm not munching.

I was looking forward to it. I guess I expected to feel differently.

I'm pretty sure the bins have been emptied, I heard a few trucks, unless they have forgotten about us again.

I'm just really trying to follow all these steps to improve my life and wellbeing so why doesn't it seem like it's evolving to a better place?

I'm fed up.