Religious by force

My parents didn't grow up religious but they weren't atheists either. They just tried to be good people and do the right thing. 

My grandmother however exerted enormous influence over her daughter, my mother even from abroad. 

She was a Seventh Day Adventist Christian and embraced it so much that she excessively hinted my mother should get into also.

I think I was about 11 or 12 years old at that time and suddenly we were attending Church services and had all these rules foisted upon us. 

From Friday sunset to Saturday sunset we couldn't do anything non religious. No work, just rest and contemplation. 

No watching one of my favourite shows The Real McCoy Sketch Show and fitting in with friends at school who were hysterically laughing at the black and asian skits. 

It aired on Friday nights so I would put the television in my room on low and hope to get away with it. I never did though and I was so bored, not being permitted to hang out with non Christian friends.

No drinking alcohol, which wasn't a problem at that age, although I had drunk babycham before thinking it was non alcoholic. 

Sighs, the naivete of youth. No drugs or sex before marriage. Every sin commited resulted in going to hell.

Girls weren't permitted to wear trousers or dress immodestly (but women were). Strange rule that I hated, especially in winter. 

In fact our first winter, we all dressed casually and layered up and we were the only ones. Everyone else was dressed smartly yet inefficiently, freezing themselves to death.

My mother was mortified. I however was toasty and embarrassment faded soon after. To be honest most people drove to Church in warm cars and we walked so she justified it that way. 

No eating pork and only fish with scales are allowed as they are cleaner than other animals. I really missed pork sausage rolls until I found the vegetarian alternative and never looked back. 

Non secular music was also difficult to give up during sabbath as it helped me to relax.

When I got into my teenage years, I really began to question some of the principles. "Turn the other cheek" for example. 

My cousins especially having a bitter feeling of superiority over me, used to taunt me mercilessly and tear me down but instead of being able to ignore them or fight back and defend myself. 

I was constantly badgered/berated for not instantly forgiving them and allowing them to continue making me feel like garbage.

I also couldn't get past the bad things happening to good people. I was a decent person. Not perfect but respectful and honest and yet my life was hell. 

Critiqued and threatened constantly by most people I came into contact with.

Even my thoughts weren't my own, as my mother read my personal pink diary and yelled at me for swearing and being derogatory towards my brother, the thief and "angel who could do no wrong." Yea right, more like the devil incarnate.

I felt my personal growth was stunted. I had no outlet. No way to convey how I felt inside. I was just some girl with a bullseye on my back.

Why was the experimentation of youth so forbidden? Everything fun seemed to be banned and living began to seem pointless because everything normal was deemed shameful. 

When I confronted my mother, she said when I turned eighteen. I could make my own decisions about attending services and how I lived my life.

There was even a rule about not wearing jewellery or makeup. For a girl growing up and becoming a woman, it was very limiting. 

I did have Church friends and enjoyed the social groups but I found them one dimensional. Not great for regular activities or discussing anything deep or meaningful. 

My silenced mind was beginning to break through. I had some much older friends who tried to guide me and coax me to open up as I had turned inwards and shut down and when I finally did. 

They abandoned me and left me more isolated than before. I turned judgemental and non religious true friends stopped feeling comfortable opening up to me.

I didn't even notice the transformation until my friends explained it to me. I didn't like the person I had turned into. 

My mother finds peace in religion and her faith. Call it comfort in a strange world. I do want that for her but I'm not happy about her obligations. 

An elderly woman mass cooking and feeling compelled to attend services, to not let friends down, even though she is tired, overworked and stressed but it makes her fulfilled so I bite my tongue.

The one thing I find hypocritical is now she is lapse about the non religious activities during sabbath and when I was younger, she was incredibly strict but suddenly now it's fine to break the rules. Hmm.

When I hit eighteen, I only attended Church a handful of times. I was fed up of being told everything I did was sinful and wrong and that I would end up in hell. 

I was done with "friends" claiming to care and then ignoring me at my most critical points. 

I wanted to be my own person and discover who I was. I became a lot happier from that point on. Religion is for adults that are capable of understanding it and forming an opinion.

Morals are for children. You can still teach kids to grow up in the right way and make the right choices, without forcing religion on them. 

Why should kids be screamed at and punished for playing. They are youngsters, that's what they do. Of course they don't want to sit still or be lectured at.