#BlogLife535 - I'm not depressed, my body is...

As stated on Twitter I just finished another episode of the Trinny makeover show and it's a short fun watch, I linked to the playlist.

And it made me think because afterwards they all walk proudly tall to see how they've evolved, fashion and confidence wise.

And sometimes inside I feel fine and stylish and cute but outside I'm barely hanging on and wanting to stop, rest, take a breath and be calm.

My head is down and I'm stumbling to get to my destination and I wonder if I look drunk because I can't walk straight?

In my head I'm dancing, I'm floating and I'm smiling but my appearance is telling a different story.

I'm wincing or scowling or stopping myself from cursing, closing my eyes, pleading to get it over and done with.

But now I'm home and I wish I could nap but I can't, sleep never comes so I try to have an early night.

All Mama's gifts are delivered, the plans are set, I leave next Wednesday when I am free from commitments for a while.

She's planning a mini party which is not ideal but I can't blame her for wanting to celebrate.

I can do the same as before, join in for a bit and then when the pain hits, retreat to my room, play music or movies and whoever wanders in, I will happily talk too.

But at the same time in my head, will be totally relieved when they leave and it's funny because Mama feels the same way haha.

Back to the present day. Last night I watched the finale (I think), of Hijack.

Some of it you saw coming and the rest was surprising. I thoroughly recommend it.

I like shows that are more psychological and less dark and scary.

Although if it's too complicated, I lose focus. I had a cold shower earlier, I thought there was enough hot water but nope oops.

I couldn't wash my hair but no matter. Just bought some goodies from Amazon while my Prime is still going.

Clay face masks, face wash, moisturiser and a scrub for my feet.

I can't seem to get the ones I want but I need to fix my face. I finally threw out the Garnier wasabi cleanser as my skin started peeling and getting dry and flaky and I can't stop scratching it.

I'll let you know my thoughts when I've tried them. They are due tomorrow.

Just waiting for the wholewheat pasta to finish cooking. It's got olives, quorn fake chicken, cheese, sauce and we forgot the celery ha.

You would think I would be fed up of Ribena but I missed it, got some yesterday and I was so giddy to drink it.

I really miss cakes too but I want to reduce the sugar intake at the same time.