#BlogLife1120 - Do you like trying new foods or prefer classic safe favourites?

The non foodie random ghosted me. It's been over a week and I'm glad because I didn't know what to talk to him about.

I'm waiting for my Morrison's order. To save 50p I did a late afternoony one from 2pm-6pm.

They predict 5pmish. A shame but I'll eat late. The whole day I've been muddled as I normally shop for groceries and have it delivered at the weekend.

And today is Thursday but we had rain, finally, short burst but a lovely sound.

I hope we get more, much much more. It has calmed down. I can function without a fan but it's still humid.

I forgot, a uc appointment is tomorrow, unfortunately. I'm not sure if same day delivery is an option but it's too risky.

I'm pretty sure I've never seen a salmon and broccoli quiche before. That looks and sounds really nice for something different.

I'm hoping the broccoli is tiny or well seasoned.. We shall see because Morrison said finally, everything is in stock.

I had to swap items initially, no Mr Freeze ice poles. There was a Korean chicken and rice meal that looked appetising, not in stock grr.

Those mini chicken pizzas, not available.. The non spicy Yo sushi, not there, so I picked the spicy chicken..

It won't really be peppery will it? The other interesting new thing was by Cully & Sully, salmon and haddock chowder..

I've never experienced chowder so I thought why not?

It really made me chuckle at one Morrison reviewer stating, I've looked all over the site and it's all low reviews..

Surely everything can't be bad. Ha, so true. It's subjective so hard to judge really.

I don't like spice, you might love it. Our taste buds are just different..

Also I opted for the Rana bolognese ravioli as the other pasta bolognese, wasn't fantastic..

A few foodie reviews, soon. I should clarify, these products are new to me, not necessarily just released.

There is more but these standout. I'll talk about the rest as I'm trying it.

Sometimes there's a bunch of food reviews in one post. It doesn't mean it's consumed the same day.

I can write in advance, store some and see what needs padding.

The Yo Sushi chicken was the least favourite I've tried. No spice at all. Teensy weensy bit in the sauce pot.

Quite bland but when you mixed it with the sauce it was better. I didn't bother with the soy sauce it case it was too salty.

The should have seasoned it better, bit of a crunch but needs more flavour.

I mix and match. I'm curious about new products but I hate wasting money if they are awful.

I'm just trying the blue raspberry Mr Freeze, forgot how good these were, no sickly sweetness, more natural taste, heaven on a hot day.

The southern fried pasta was surprisingly really good, nice flavour, but the pesto was just awful. I will never buy that again.

My brain is a bit scattered so I'm trying to think straight as I keep forgetting things.

One last comparison review before I forget again. Iceland had these potato pops for a £1 that were round crunchy mini roast potatoes, buttery, well seasoned lusciousness.

I think they discontinued or were a seasonal item. Anyway I saw something similar in Morrisons, these were square though.

A bit bigger, called potato bites, for £2.50. To me these are slightly more like chips than roast potatoes, still good, still crunchy, but the Iceland ones had that edge, especially for single people that don't want huge roasties.

#BlogLife1119 - Talk with words not pictures

Smileys and gifs are cute aren't they? Sometimes it fits the conversation, other times it doesn't.

But I think people have become lazy communicators, especially if a question is asked or something important is said and the only response is a shiny meaningless gif...

What am I talking to a brick wall or a 2 year old? How hard is it, just to type a response?

It would be so much more impactful if you just took the time to reply earnestly..

Akin too.. I hear what you are saying. I'm listening... That's a tough situation..

Instead though, a gif pops up and it's a slap in the face because I see it as....

I'm not listening to you. I'm not engaging. You're not important enough to have a conversation with, consider yourself rejected.

I do get that, sometimes we are at a loss for words and don't want to say the wrong thing, to make it worse..

Surely though, something has to be better than nothing.

If that behaviour is repeated, it stops me reaching out and wanting to spend time with you because it feels dismissive and disrespectful.

Has anyone seen Jewish Matchmaker? I think it's 3 years old, somebody on Reddit recommended it..

I don't mind the host, she's actually approachable and friendly, without being obnoxious.

It's a bit religiousy but that stands to reason. Umm only 200 successful pairings? I wouldn't be bragging about that, that's really low..

Wow some eye watering egos, but that's to be expected, less drama, more realistic than something like Married At First Sight..

It's interesting, not sure I've seen anyone I'm rooting for yet. One lil wrong move seems to put them off.

Again more looks based, than personality. Oh the other weird thing, which is not going to help..

Is people flying in from abroad for dates? Who on earth is going to have a long distance relationship in this day and age, having just met??

The other thing, I had never seen before, maybe because I haven't dated in yonks am not a picture girl...

Is one of the females blurted out.. Oh do you want my instagram? On a first date..

I just thought that was odd. Is it a judge me by my pictures? I look amazing 24-7?

Or is it like, an alternative to texting, because maybe there's a chat component to Instagram?

I've never used it, it's not my thing but again, it's looks based, rather than....

Hey let's talk, get to know each other slowly, see if we are compatible...

It came across as shallow. Look at me, fawn all over me.... Comment, like etc..

I could be wrong, she just seemed to get excited when he did that.

Maybe I'm too old fashioned for this world where, getting a deeper connection is romantic..

They really really think they are all good looking. No wonder you all you need a matchmaker and probably a reality check..

Looks fade people!

#BlogLife1118 - Do you use reddit?

I had no intention of registering, although if I did, I wanted an easy removal process.

I did look up how to deactivate the account, to see if it was easy, seems to be, go to the account and hit delete, ha.

To be frank, I used it for reality show gossip. I wanted to see if my hunches were correct and maybe a bit more unreleased gossip...

Now everytime I click, it says register, so maybe, you can't browse as a guest any longer.

Should I connect with other bloggers? Advertise myself? Is that allowed?

I thought I would use my blog email and username, just incase I use it for that purpose.

I've not filled in the profile. I don't know if I want to be active. I've just been reading, not commenting...

I just thought I would mention it. The process was simple, fill in email, get a verification code, copy and paste or type it and then boom.

The first thing I do, is hop onto settings and disable all notifications for trivial site updates, there's a Reddit inbox so I put everything I could into there, so I wouldn't be hassled.

When I'm browsing, it's weird to see my name lurking at the right hand side, maybe you can be anonymous?

Aww I think you toggle display mode, to hide or be visible to others..

Oh what is funny is, you can customise your avatar..... I didn't realise I had one, but it doesn't say what items are paid and what is free, so a bit confusing when playing dress up, ha.

And just like that.. I starting replying to a few posts in the bloggy section, interesting.

I didn't realise that existed. I guess it's quite huge but seems active so probably a good place to belong too.

Although cringing at sharing my link. I'm not ready for that yet.

Oops, display mode actually means viewing it in light or dark mode, I chose dark, easier on my eyes and clearer to read.

I went ahead and added the scenic bed picture, plus added this cute girl at a computer.

Sod it, I'm gonna add the blog, add wattpad and add twitter. If someone finally says it's all trash, so be it.

I messed up and probably didn't add the blog link correctly, maybe I forgot to title it, so re-did it today and now it's displaying.

That's satisfying, I haven't posted my own thoughts yet. It might be writing related.

If you are curious, the link is below. I expect nothing at all, do as you please, click, don't click, the choice is yours :)

https://www.reddit.com/u/SleeplessScribbler/s/LHpf3I7KK6

Ugh I feel icky. I thought the maintenance people were calling to make an appointment...

But no, it's somewhere I applied too and I don't know what to do in this situation.

Do I tell the truth, I'm too sick to work but I'm not believed so I have to hope I'm constantly rejected...

Or do I pretend I'm genuinely interested and hope they ask about my medical conditions?

Normally as soon as they hear, Oh you have a condition? Hmm, I don't think you're suitable and it's such a relief..

I was frazzled, even though, he was really polite. I put him off until tomorrow and I don't even know if I'll answer..

I don't want to be offered a role, have to reject it, be found out and then, bye bye allowance... No more having a home, buying food, paying bills..

It's so stressful. I don't want to waste anyone's time either but I am stuck.

All I want to do is blog, write fiction and volunteer, nothing else really matters to me.

#BlogLife1117 - A lil nutty for nuts..

More Sainsbury's reviews are here. I rarely see nutty biscuits, usually plain or filled.

I saw Taste the difference, pistachio and Belgian chocolate cookies..

I'm not sure if I've tried it before, perhaps something similar. These are fabulous, really crunchy, not too thick or thin..

10x in a packet for £3, not the cheapest price but a good size, half to 1, satisfied my sweet tooth.

The pistachio is more blended I think, subtle but enough so you taste it. I highly recommend it.

Oh you might be wondering why I bought soup during a heatwave.. (We're up to 5 or 6 heatwaves)..

I haven't even decided if I'll heat it up or have it cold. To be honest though..

I need real food at the moment, not just snacks and hot food is more fulling so I thought why not?

Plus I did intend to get the Thai green curry rice meal but it wasn't in stock so at least this way, I'll get the taste in a different form.

Plus I have never tried Yorkshire Provender before so an exciting new brand to try and that's always fun.

With pmt, I am all over the place, off and on cramps, nausea, bloating, appetite fluctuating..

Zero thirst to severe dehydration. Come on rain, favour the UK again...

Yuckity, yuck, the replacement sushi salmon and edamame is disgusting.

There's no flavour so it was a rip off. 

The Yorkshire Provender soup, I heated for maybe 4 or 5 minutes and it was hot but not boiling.

It smells great, looks good. It's chicken Thai green noodle soup.

I couldn't recall the ingredients, but shredded veggies inside. It's enough for a small meal or snack.

Very mild pepperyness, really yummy flavour, maybe it needed more small bits of chicken.

I didn't like the tiny thin noodles, pointless to me, no flavour except from the soaking of the broth.

I prefer thick noodles. I like the dense sturdy plastic container with a lid so it's reusable.

I didn't like the complicated opening, as it was broken, press to break the seal, rip it off, then with the space, pull up the lid to open it.

Would I get it again? Probably, maybe a different flavour..

I've been using the Dr Paw Paw lip balm. I don't get the hype, it's very ordinary.

I don't feel especially moisturised. It's just gimmicky. It's not worth more than £2, especially if you want scented but not tinted..

The Sainsbury's macaroni cheese was ok, too cheesy and not enough breadcrumbs, there are better out there.

The Humza hot and spicy wings, tastes identical to the Iceland one but 50p more I think.

It's nice, not too spicy.

The Face Facts cleanser is not preventing breakouts, small ones seem to be forming on my face, due to hormones, so that's unfortunate.

And it doesn't always lather properly, so feels a bit unsatisfying, that you haven't been able to wash the face properly..

It's much better on the spin brush, than your hands..

I was most looking forward to trying the lemon, spinach and salmon fishcakes, pretty thick, good size.

From Sainsbury's and they did not disappoint. It didn't stand out, the lemon or spinach but I think it was all blended to give it a delicious flavour.

I paired it with a toasted muffin, added some butter as I don't have dips or condiments and it was lovely.

Just under 20x minutes, nice crisp on the outside and I would definitely recommend it because it wasn't tough, just nice and soft and not dry either.

£3.75 for x2 was the price. I only did one and had maybe waffle fries on the side, I don't recall..

Got to mention that one of the Xbc/Xpel body butters is now finished (Sunday), that lasted me...

Two and half months, feels shorter than the others. I have 2x left now. 500ml each, so so quality..

#BlogLife1116 - Sainsbury's first grocery experience

Hmm bit stingy. There was no new customer coupon, so that was disappointing.

The Googly ones had expired and the website is horrible to use, laggy, unresponsive and tiresome.

There's a confusing meal deal which differs in price from £4 upwards, but instead of grouping it in the same price groups, it's chaos.

I could not be bothered to scroll through endless pages and get a drink and snack because it was so confusing and slow.

I just wanted to press on, from the unpleasantness. Crikey, nearly 4pm and still haven't munched.

Anyway, what I did like is that, when you checked out, it popped up with, ah sorry this and that, is not available, find some substitutions..

So that's what I did. The delivery slots start from 50p, but 6am and 4x hours, I think all the way to £7.

I could not do anything that early. I think I picked 8am-12pm for £3.

They've got a wide range in some areas and limited in others. The low to high, doesn't work completely, which makes it annoying.

But I can collect useless nectar points. I don't think my bank is doing cashback at that grocery store.

What I am excited about is the Dr Paw Paw original lip balm for £2 and I've never seen wholemeal muffins, so really fun.

Also lemon and spinach salmon fishcakes and the Yorkshire Provender Thai green chicken noodle soup thingy..

Overall I doubt Sainsbury will be a favourite, unless it's specific beauty items or contact lens stuff.

They did have a face mask, but I had to balance the basket, so got rid of a few things, I didn't immediately need.

It was the samosas, pasta bolognese and thai green curry meals that were out of stock, if you're wondering.

Time to eat and do the uc stuff..

I finished the Garnier face wash and opened the Asda Face Facts, dull grey looking tube to be greeted with a vibrant orange gel.

There's a generic scent, sweet, smells almost fruity, I like it. It plays nice with the face brush, doesn't foam up on there, but when it hits your face it does.

Easy to apply and rinse off, leaves face soft and smooth but not stripped.

I wonder how it will work with hormonal skin breakouts? Will it prevent, reduce or make no difference?

Yesterday (Thursday), Sainsbury's texted with an updated time, which was 11-12pm.

But delivery times, don't always stick to the time, so I still woke up early, just in case.

There's nothing about tracking or status, maybe it's too early, it's only 9amish and well technically it's anywhere from 8am-12pm..

Even at 11amish, nothing to say out for delivery.

Oh I'm gutted having checked the email receipt, no wholemeal muffins, argh, that would have been perfect for me..

Plus the beef burgers and sushi have a same day or next day expiry and aren't reduced, like they would be in the supermarket....

I don't like that. Soon I'm going to need a contact lens cleaner and when the body butters finish..

I just remembered how much I loved Nivea 400ml, in the dark blue bottle, that was always an excellent moisturising alternative for my body.

I will return to that, as it's cheaper. I can't remember what it used to cost but I bought it a lot.

Ok at 11.30am, the groceries were delivered, no issue finding me.

He was friendlyish but not helpful so my back is hurting. Not counting the food, as I haven't tried it..

Sainsbury's is my least favourite for the overall experience, no welcome coupon, no tracking.

It seems quite backwards, plus selling 1 day shelf life products and no discount, not helping with the shopping..

Horrible laggy website, complicated deal finds..

And as I was packing away the shopping, I checked the salmon and avocado sushi, only to discover it looks substituted...

And they didn't mention that..... What if it has some ingredient or a spice kick, that I didn't enjoy?

That's very sneaky and is testament to the whole ordeal. I'm not impressed with that side.

What I did like, the availability of wholemeal muffins, even though sadly it wasn't in stock.

I liked the chicken was roughly half price. I liked the Paw Paw, was only £2.

And the Sainsbury's mighty use towel 2x pack, seems quite tall and sizeable for their own brand, costs £3, ouchy..

But it's not bad, if it lasts me a while. That's it, foodie reviews scattered next week..

Just an update, I put in 2x refund requests, the process was tedious.

The form didn't work, so I had to use the virtual chat. The reason why..

The sushi was disgusting and probably not something I would have bought, so one bite is all I can stomach.

Waste of money, the other thing, the Yorkshire Provender Thai soup, container is damaged, so it took ages to open it.

Not great with weak hands, so that isn't right either. It's 50/50 whether I get my money back..

There's this whole spiel about you're supposed to return it a supermarket, sod that, in person, nopity nope.

I actually tried some of the soup, dang that tastes good ha but it's the principle..

I'll keep you updated.. Oh wasn't expecting that, they refunded both of it.

Leaves me queasy that it said returned items but the fault lies with them not me.

Woop, £3.50 for the soup, big tub 560g, plus £3.75 for the sushi, £7.25. Least I am saving somewhat...

Right my decision is made, this weekend it will be Morrison's again for two reasons..

Firstly, they are still doing cashback at my bank, this month I've accumulated nearly £15 but only £9 is processed, ugh, the deadline is Wednesday, I have to claim it...

I'm irritated there is such a short window, I want at least £10. I shall see..

Secondly, I still have the £12 off voucher, when I spend £60, so ideally, just spending £48 and receiving £60 worth of shopping.

I really need to budget as I have less than £300 to last the month with bills and grocery expenses to pay for.

#BlogLife1115 - I try to be fair, but I feel how I feel (end of discussion, hopefully)

I'm ready to close this chapter now. I feel how I feel, they feel how they feel and it differs.

I try to present two sides but there are times, when I want it to just be me, venting..

Again do I publish the comment to be fair and mature? Or do I delete it?

My hope was that all the messages that came through here, (if any at all), would be authentic, so I could happily respond.

If I'm not talking on the main platform we share, why would I bother to suddenly converse on my blog?

There is no-one that can make me do anything, I no longer wish to do.

What I am sure of is that, I've no inclination to carry on debating, there is no hard feelings, but there is a slight distaste.

I've gotten to a point, where I feel like a burden, if I initiate a conversation. I feel like a nuisance, that people feel this obligation towards me to respond.

But somehow if they just randomly message me, I see it as, ok, they want to chat and engage, they are invested..

Usually though, I feel they have more important things to do and that, when they are free, they are more likely to reach out, if they choose.

I am guilty of letting others, contact me first and I'm not blaming them, it is my thing, for always being treated like an afterthought.

But I do feel, at the same time, I do make the effort sometimes, maybe not regularly but it is done.

Now there are times, when I cut myself off and disappear, stress, injuries, life takes over and I want to comfort myself.

And the truth is I don't trust anyone to be around to catch me as I decline. 

I am the way I am, but also I'll look for clues to see the attitudes of others and how they speak and respond and if they make time for me.

To see if eventually I'll be comfortable. A lot of crap just goes on with me and it's overwhelming to manage it, without a support system in place.

I need space to sort my head out.

I take responsibility for not always communicating and explaining myself clearly.

I hate being vulnerable, except on here or 7 Cups, so I tend not to share and just continue falling apart, solo, where, I can be transparent to myself.

I feel safe then, being depressed or weepy or generally unhappy.

My thing is, I don't want to look foolish by letting the wrong people get close to me.

Something else I should be honest about. I wasn't expecting a response, I hate long goodbyes.

We are mid August now. For me, nearly mid march, was when 2ish months had passed with no contact, so that's when it concluded for me.

My pride and being constantly rejected by others, means I can sever contact quite easily.

If it just seems to fizzle out naturally, then I let it. It would be too weird to cling on to someone disinterested in me, that's how I saw it.

I do not recall being prompted to initiate more. I'm not saying it wasn't said, but for me, there's no memory of it, because if I had, it's something I would have kept in mind.

I skimmed the comment because, although I hate confrontations and am past caring, I do respect someone telling me how they feel..

They have a right to do that. I guess I didn't want to read it as, I don't want to fix it. I didn't need closure.

But I did it anyway because at one point, a bond was formed and I appreciated the memories but when something is over.

I just want a clean break but it's vital that I don't silence anyone's voice, it's always courageous to speak up.

I don't want anyone to feel unheard, the way I generally feel. It's not pleasant.

At the same time though it was settled for me. It could have been a conversation before the silence but it wasn't, not for me.

We both could have said... Something akin to, my thoughts are these.. But we both chose not too.

At the end I just thought fine.. Next. 

Also other things had my attention where I was sinking lower and lower.

My priority was trying to face another day without losing my mind..

That's why I'm choosing to publish the comments because I'm not perfect.

I'm not always correct but this is my interpretation of the whole thing, anyone reading can agree or disagree and that's fine.

But I want to stop thinking about it and enjoy the weekend, without this hanging over me.

I'll never be a people person but I do love to talk (at times).

Considering my beginnings where I did not express myself at all.. I've become a right chatterbox...

See you next week, where they keep promising the heatwave is over and yet, awful humidity lingers, the fan cannot be turned off.

#BlogLife1114 - Don't tell me what to eat...

I feel awful with the cramps and heat, just yuck, wanting to lay down and not do anything..

But my brain is ticking away so I thought might as well get it down.

Firstly the randoms, the new one G isn't bad, interesting to talk too, about a variety of topics but one thing I find weird, he doesn't seem to shop or eat much..

Shops are all around him, so I guess he just grabs what he needs, but what if, he felt tired or injured himself lightly where it was just convenient to be at home, making a light snack..?

The couple times I've talked to him, he's just having a sandwich for dinner or nothing at all, just seems peculiar, that you'd be hungrier at the end of the day, unless he's fibbing?

And he will never double message you, if you haven't responded, sometimes I want to be chased or checked up on lol.

He did do it actually, after I had written this. I can talk about food endlessly though, it's harmless but with him, I don't think I will anymore, it's just too strange, which is disappointing.

Although I did note, as soon I mentioned the voice chat at some point, he initially agreed but that could be a reason for the quietness too...

The other random chat, I haven't really been in the mood, was also food related..

He was saying Don't eat too many carbs, it's not good for you and I thought sod off...

It's about moderation and not expecting everyone to weigh the same and only eat healthy, that's why so many people have eating disorders, other people's perceptions..

I always feel like I have to justify myself and food habits, by saying, I don't exercise, but there's been steady weightloss because I know what to do now, for my health.

So then, he sent this cringey message.... Love yourself or something and I thought you just made it worse, instead of apologising..

But for the first guy, I just want him to eat properly, so I did suggest, other light things, that don't need to be heated up in this heatwavey weather.

Oh yea turns out, I either haven't shopped with Sainsburys or it's been so long, it's disappeared.

There might not be a discount code, I saw some, but I'm sceptical if they will work.

But I still want to try them, probably £3 for delivery. They have a mud mask, lip balm and more I want to try..

Oh yea Morrison did send me 3x£12 code off my next 3x shops.

I don't know if I will use it. I miss Iceland's chicken pasta, also them bringing me sturdy bags, when It's G, delivering..

I tried the Morrison's chicken chow mein, I really liked that, small but £2 so good value and not too salty.

I was initially put off by how saucy it was but actually it had a good flavour so it blended nicely.

I forgot to rate the Linda McCartney sausage rolls, good heavens they have shrunk, tiny now.

The cooking seems hit and miss, first time I did it for 20 minutes and it seemed overcooked.

The second time, maybe 17 minutes and wildly undercooked, did it some more and still undercooked, the pastry didn't fluff up.

The taste is umm, bland, it's ok but it needs herbs.

The other nice thing is accumulating cashback from the different grocery stores, it's £10 now, which is sorely needed.

It's odd they don't give you much time to spend it, I'm waiting for the full £10 to clear and then I will add it to my balance.

I can't remember the minimum cashout, hence why I'm waiting.

My balance is just shrinking. I don't know if soon, there is enough to cover the bills each month. It's scary..

Today I feel like getting takeout but I also feel too guilty for spending..

There are 25% off deals but I'll stick with what I have at home, crackers, snacks and not much else.

The Sainsbury order is due tomorrow, so will probably post that on Monday, unless I feel like doing one tomorrow..

#BlogLife1113 - Eeek almost locked out of Chromebook

Ooh my, the sweet onion Ryvita is a game changer, my favourite version to date, subtle flavour, but it totally adds to it.

More delicious, that would be hard to beat, flavour wise. It's very moreish, so I will be enjoying that this week and a bit gutted, I didn't get two..

But then who knew if I would like it? Oh just had a scare trying to login on the laptop.

I hate that, it needs a password to login, unnecessary if you live alone.

And for the first time, it got to 3x failed logins and I was carefully typing it in, so how was that possible?

Then a message came back, We couldn't verify you, try to recover your account...

I thought screw that, so when I'm concentrating and it fails twice, I restart the Chromebook and I think it gives me 3x chances again.

So I figured it was worth a shot and it worked, I typed in the password and boom, it let me go on the internet..

But yikes, I've no idea how to recover it, if it's complicated, what email address it would go too?

The yahoo or the unused Googly. Ugh, glad it's over. Ooh I just remembered got to change the phone's wallpaper from the birthday cupcake, to something new.... Hmmm..

I switched to a porch at night. I just use the Zedge app, it's free to download but sometimes you watch an advert to get it.

Lots of commercials but it's very vibrant, it's already on Twitter (@SleeplessScrib1).

I slept in today, woke at 9amish but was still drained so decided if I could sleep more and then the next I checked it was 12pmish..

And now it's 2.30pm I finally feel like eating so I guess a brunchy first meal.

I had to use up the bagels, so toasted, buttered them and then added chilli cheese.

One will add beef too, and the other cod fish fingers. I don't usually butter them, but they were not fresh so probably needed help.

I could melt the cheese but I'm not bothered, just waiting for the main ingredients to cook.

For a second I thought the new fan had conked out, I didn't see the red charging light but it was hiding lol.

Something I didn't think about was Mr Freeze sour icepoles, have more sugar in them sadly..

I forgot they added more sugar to bitter things, to balance it out I guess.

Still better than the alternatives and a lot cheaper and better value, but I much prefer the original..

Would I buy it again? Yes, only for the heatwave situation, where it's hot 24-7.

There is no reprieve from it.

Some comparisons, olives from Morrisons, are a tiny bit saltier than Asda.

The Morrisons pasta bolognese is tiny and cheeseless, weird. It's ok taste wise, I added my own cheese..

But it's supposed to be a blend of macaroni cheese and bolognese...

This is the first time I've experienced it cheeseless, the Asda one was phenomenal!! Huge..

Oh I'm tempted by Sainsburys next, the Paw Paw lip balm, I've been dying to try is currently £2....

I've never seen it that cheap before.. Plus other things.. I'll see, this time, I'm making a list.

I've just tried the Morrison's chicken enchiladas, quite nice, probably needed a tad more cheese and I preferred the original..

Asda version, which was like a whiteish creamy sauce, that just blended better, rather than a tomatoey accompaniment, that kinda suits, beef better, in my opinion..

The cheaper crappier version it was replaced with wasn't great, but this Morrison's one, is an improvement.

I think I'll give a score at the end between Morrisons, Sainsbury's, Asda and Iceland.

Rating the helpfulness of the drivers, the food quality, the tracking and the deals..

#BlogLife1112 - What does friendship mean to you personally?

Umm I had some posts written that I was going to publish but something happened last night and this fresh one, needs to be written to clear my head.

I don't know if I'll post it first but I need to get this off my chest. If you're a regular reader, you'll know, I spent my life as an outsider, looking in...

Trying to bond, trying to fit with people and trying to get the respect back, that I bestowed upon others.

It just didn't work. I was seen as this quiet, so obviously uneducated girl, who didn't have anything worthwhile to offer.

At lot of the time, I was mocked and ignored and I didn't have a voice or opinion that seemed to matter to others.

Eventually I stepped back, worked on myself and got to a point, where I thought, Ok, I am smart, I am good company and any single person, that doesn't make me feel good, I will remove, whether with a goodbye or not....

So in the last couple of months, that's how I felt once again, pushed aside and ignored and that doesn't work for me.

That's how all the friendships/acquaintanceships have gone and I'm not going to stand for it.

My needs are important too. So I thought alright, it's expired, they'll move on and I'll do the same.

Because I am not chasing someone, that doesn't want me around.

I take it extremely personally. I understand, life get's busy, family, friends, work etc...

And if you're the type of person, to drop someone when you're busy and then months later, return like nothing happened, no apology, no remorse....

It's just not the type of relationship I can live with.

For me I want to be able to finally trust someone and let my walls down. To rely on them, to be able to just reach out and say...

Listen I need you right now, can we chat? If I don't feel that way, if I've not given some of your time....

I just don't see the point. I don't want to feel insecure or insignificant because I am not.

I have worked abundantly hard on my self esteem and no-one is going to make me feel as though I don't matter.

When someone casually dips in and out of your life, how do you trust that, they'll be around when you need them?

How can you possibly open up and say, there have been new developments, when you're constantly re-acquainting yourselves??

You can call it selfishness, coldness, whatever you like but I'm sick of the inconsistency.

I will never demand, all of someone's time but certainly Yes, a portion of it.

We all deserve, someone making the effort, someone thinking about us and caring, not out of guilt, but genuinely wondering..

Aww, I wonder if he/she is having a good week? I wonder what happened with so and so?

I'm curious if he/she is feeling better?

That's the bare minimum requirement of friendships. You have to listen, you have to respect and you have to support.

Not under any obligation, but because your heart is full and you feel this mushy need to protect them or seek them out..

Why am I saying all of this?

Not to be rude but I feel icky, so someone who had no compulsion to talk to me, at first, kept reading the blog.

And I felt a bit... This doesn't seem right because, you're able to read my thoughts and then try to find a way, to bond with me again??

I don't find this person bad hearted but what is on my mind....

Is that, they took me for granted, assumed, even after being cast aside, I would just resume the friendship...

Like I have nothing better to do, or will settle for tiny crumbs of affection...

And specifically after I wrote Goodbye on the blog, that's when it finally dawned on them, I was done.

They had months to reach out, while reading my blog and they did not...

Suddenly, it's like they've gone into panic mode and the messages come and now pending comments from them and/or someone new on my blog....

The apology, no matter how heartfelt... It's just too lil to late.

My safe space, the place where, I can be vulnerable and share things...

Feels tainted. I have not responded to them because I don't have anything to say.

If you don't want to talk, don't talk, but don't assume, I'll stick around either..

When you lift your head out of the sand and think shoot.... That was a good person....

I realise now, how foolish I was, how I hurt their feelings and it's too late to repair it.

Just accept reality, instead of creeping around.

You're not a bad person but everything you've done, has further pushed me away.

I needed someone in my corner and you proved, that person isn't you.

Although I am alone and will always be by myself. Today I'm not mourning it.

I can stand tall and know my self worth, that I won't settle and I won't put up with someone not meeting my needs...

The years and years I just endured unhealthy friendships because I didn't think I deserved real love and respect and affection and care......

And now look at me... I'm amazing. Still very far from perfection.

Still impatient.

Still an Ice Queenie but damn, maybe no-one will love and accept me for me but I know that I do and today, that's more than enough.

Question, whether you are really getting something positive from your friendships because it will chip away at your confidence.

I should work on being humble, right? Ha..

Do I allow the pending comments to be published or not? I'm so gutted that they aren't real but from a place of desperation.

My blog is my baby and what you've done, is stolen a lil peace and joy from me and I didn't have much to begin with.

#BlogLife1111 - More weird foodie combinations.. Introducing croiss-oras :)

Hmm dips was really the other thing I should have gotten, to not make the sandwiches/crackers too dry.

Anyway I kinda fancy croissants and the pakoras, so I might mix them together..

I don't think the pakoras came with a dip. I'll add pimento olives, cheese and maybe break up some pakoras and stuff it in the croissant...

I'm liking the meat free meals, more and more. I'm not fully converting to being a veggy but the break away is nice.

What do we call it? Croiss-oras? Ha! It's nearly 2pm, I should have eaten ages ago.

I'm still in that, hungry, not hungry, not sure phase, but I don't want it to go any later.

Ok disappointing, the pakoras taste nice but they are onion bhajis, missing those pakoras herbs and spices.

I'll enjoy them, but it's not the same as biting into a real pakora, that burst of a zillion flavours, maybe slight hint of spice..

Anyway, it's unfortunately typical in the supermarkets, they can't tell rotis from wraps, nor pakoras from bhajis...

Thumbs down!

I quite like that combo, olives, cheese, croissants and pakora. It's tasty.

Yes it needs a dip, hummus or garlic and onion. Also the chilli cheese is very mild, the cheese is a bit strong, not mild, my preference..

But for something different, I like it. It's good to switch up, not huge on spice, but in tiny doses, I can tolerate it.

Another twist that I randomly thought of, is a hit :) Later on, I don't really know what I fancy.

Most of the meals got low scores, so it was a bit offputting.

I just checked the packet and it felt like I had 2x croissants but I only had one, I kinda broke them into sections so I could stuff them.

There was only room for the cheese and olives mainly, I had to squish the pakoras but yea it was great and after the hula hoops, I'm stuffed but I might get dessert...

There's cake or cereal bars or lollies.. Yum... Although, the cramps, nausea and bloating are increasing.

I hate pmt time..

I decided to combina the Rana mozzarella and garlic gnocchi  dumplings with the limited edition Morrison Marry Me girasoles, basically ravioli type pasta stuffed with chicken, tomato, ricotta and mascarpone cheeses.

I'll add olives at the end. I'll check after 5ish minutes. I'm peckish but not starving because the cramps are bothering me.

I just want a quick small dinner and then I'll sip water or have an ice lolly later, to try and settle my tum.

I'm not sure which binaural video to play, anti nausea? Cramps? Or the pmt one?!

Right, it cooked perfectly, but the water didn't evaporate, so I just drained it.

The gnocchi is a bit bland, nice but missing black pepper, more herbs. I expected more.

The chicken pasta one is spectacular, lots of flavour, I expected to like this less.

Now I'm really glad I put them both in the same them bowl together.

The chicken one should not be a limited edition one, it's too good.

At least my tum has settled and adding the olives, just gave it an extra bite of flavour.

#BlogLife1110 - Next to try Morrisons..

I was looking for a deal because I think it's my first time with Morrisons.

All I saw was £5 off a £30 spend which is okish but not great, but having a further search, £15 off a £60 spend, is heaps better..

£60 sounds a lot but it's not really, by the time you get the householdy stuff and with the discount, you only pay £45, woop if it works.

At least I can stock up on saline for my contacts, plus lip balms and probably another mud mask.

Ah no mud masky, boo. I just placed it for Friday 12-4pm as it was cheaper, £4 I think, plus the only early slot available, for Friday/Saturday which is when I wanted to arrange it for.

The bill started off as £66.75 and then with the offers and £15 off and then went down to £53 or £55 maybe you don't get the delivery cost included..

Shouldn't it be £51? They did say something about an extra charge, for the first time to make sure it's covered, not sure if you get that back..

But hell, still saved a bit and they charge 30p for carrier bags, so that's fine with me.

Scratch that, the total was £68.10 with delivery and the bag costs.

Then they took off £15 to make it £53.10 but when paying it was £55 I think lol

The point is, overall I saved ha. Let's not overthink it and it's all confirmed with a text.

I forgot to get mouthwash and sushi but again, I'm trying to keep to a budget so I have to be careful.

They had these mini chicken pizzas that looked fun, nope out of stock.

The things I'm looking forward to trying are... Rana cheese and garlic gnocchi (stuffed mini dumplings) £3 for a 280g bag, I've never seen that flavour before.

Market Street veggie pakoras £3 for a 12x pack, they had 2 versions plus the chicken one, but these looked firmer and less like a soft onion bhaji, so we shall see...

I went mad and decided to try chilli cheese slices 2x £4.50 I think, so I also got mild cheddar, my favourite, to pair with the crackers.

The Mr Freeze original ice poles (longer lollies) was out of stock when I checked out so got the sour version, which will be interesting..

I'll go through what I liked in subsequent posts, the other main thing, was the array of Ryvita cracker flavours, wow...

I can't even remember what was on sale but at least I have a ton of snacks to munch and new meals to try.

I don't know where my appetite is, both not hungry and starving at the same time.

Talking of which it's nearly 1pm. I have to take off the heating and have the leftovers.

I wonder if I'll get a narrowed down slot from 4hrs. Will the driver be helpful?

Will it actually be bagged? Will they find my location without calling me outside?

Can it be tracked? Will they give text/email updates, ha, so many questions!!

Oh that's cool, Morrison just emailed (Thursday) and said 12pmish - 1pmish the shopping is due.

I don't think it's tracked but from 4 hours to 1 hour, pretty good. Iceland gives a 2 hour window in comparison.

This morning (today) got a text to say it's due from 12pm til 4pm... What??

So the time is really wishy washy on the saver slot. They said check the website..

That gave me a different time estimate and out for delivery. Now the prediction is 11.41am - 12.41pm..

You gotta be flexible at home for these every changing slot times..

What if I forgot to check and still assumed 12pmish? Anyway what also changed was the bag fee, 10p each and they upped it to 50p for 5 bags.

The total now is £53.30. Oh yea, apart from when I tried to checkout and it said, this and that were out of stock..

There are no substitutions today, unusual. Ha at 12.05pm, it changed to 12.12 - 12.22pm.

I don't feel hungry, just curious. As it's the weekend, every neighbour seems to be opening car doors.

Ar 12.12pm, changed to We're here. Ah and they were. Very cool, very friendly and helpful driver, handed me the bags.

He found my location, no issue and considering they say, no live tracking, I did keep refreshing the page but it did update.

It didn't say, Oh there's X about of customers ahead, but it did narrow the time and that was damn accurate.

The situation is they are part of Ocado who is bagged but if it comes direct from the local Morrison, it won't be.

The driver said, I can hand over the bags to the next delivery driver if I choose and get 10p back, but I like them for bins.

The downside, very flimsy, non sturdy plastic bags, but still handy.

Now to unpack and double check... Yes everything on the list was there.

I saved on the cheese, Victoria sponge cake, lemon loaf cake (one of my favourites)..

Hula hoops crisps, Nature Valley cereal bars and I think there was more overall savings, compared to Iceland, so I'm happy for a smoother, less body aggravating experience.

I'm too tired to take out the bins. When I actually get trying the food, then I can do foodie reviews next week.

Apologies for no post yesterday, but I wanted to save this one for today to get the whole experience of it, fresh.

There is definitely a lot of food and snacks to last a while, well depending on the appetite increase/decrease...

I don't know if I'll go back to Iceland for the next shop. I forgot to mention, damnit, I've already forgotten..

Ahh interesting the email receipt mentions the use by date for each item, clever information..

Phew I remembered now. I think when I entered that code Newhere15..

It mentioned something about discounts on the next orders too, but Morrison hasn't mentioned anything so I don't know if that's true.

I have to go where the discounts are, to balance my budget.

#BlogLife1109 - Do you interpret dreams?

Song of the day - Go West - Faithful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-4tf66-V3Q

This song of the day randomly popped into my head and I realised it wasn't on my phone.

One of the classics I used play on repeat.. Didn't know the words, did know the band.

Ooh my hair is looking super cute today.

Strange sensation this morning, asleep but awake and I had a succession of dreams but only recalled the last one..

Shopping for an event with a former close cousin and we were distant but sorta friendly.

Then this market, had grocery thieves, celebrity spotting, fancy schmancy items and regular stuff ha, very strange..

I don't think about this person, so I'm not sure why they were there?

I have no wish to reconcile, they showed their true colours to me and made it all about themselves, dismissing my needs and not wanting to listen, at one of the most vulnerable times of my life, so I cut them out, having faced this toxic behaviour regularly.

I should have told her, what I was doing, but I think I just refused her calls, not knowing how to articulate, how I was feeling and the hurt that she put me through..

Back then, I didn't really talk much, I tried but it was so deeply imbedded, without me able to decipher it, I just couldn't..

Nowhere, noone felt like a safe space to share.

She was the closest thing I had to a sister. I desperately wanted that bond, to be seen, to blossom and I thought it would fix everything or make life easier...

But her turning on me and expecting instant forgiveness, was a betrayal too far.

You can't just trash someone, insult them and expect to still be close, without facing consequences.

Plus she didn't fight for me, she could have travelled down to see me and said, I'd like to understand you..

I'd like to reconcile or at least talk and see but her throwing me away, kinda reinforced, she just didn't care.

I really didn't need another fake in my life. I tried to make it work, with the other cousins, a lot of them had sisters too..

But I just remained in the outsider role. I didn't fit in anywhere.

I'll always remember trying to be brave and express, that home wasn't a good environment, it wasn't safe.. To my Aunt.

But I was trying to use my words carefully, trying to be, only half vulnerable and not fall apart.

So I had to sorta, tell it while sarcastically laughing, or grinning or smiling, it was the only way I could actually tell someone..

But I was so hoping, she would see through that facade...

And she didn't and it tore me to shreds because underneath I knew how hard it was, and I knew I was holding back the tears..

Experimenting with trying to be open, trying to talk...

And she said...... Well it obviously isn't as bad as you make out, you're laughing about it...

I must have excused myself and just wept silently. I think my worst fear came true, I shared a secret and wasn't believed....

And I think I must have shut down because, what was the point of communicating???

Who knew, many many, many, decades later I would write about it and not feel embarrassed or ashamed..

And actually have the words in my head, freely and laugh/cry, be happy and sad and accept it, without feeling I need to be strong all the time.

I think I just needed to justify walking away because I was made to feel like garbage.

They didn't take the time to understand me. I struggled so badly, craving someone decent to talk too, to just feel I wasn't the problem.

That there was some appeal to me, that one day someone would want me around, to get to know me.

Now I feel differently, After everything I've been through, the world can go to hell.

I don't need anyone. I'll have chitchats but 75% of me, will never truly be seen.

I didn't really know all that needed to be said. It felt like I had closure ages ago.

I know that my Aunt stopped talking to my Mama and held her accountable.

And at funerals and when I was in hospital she reached out politely, briefly, to which I acknowledged her but neither of us, discussed anything personal..

It was almost business like.. And if she ever wanted to clear the air, I would, but I would not rekindle the friendship..

Which reminds me of another cousin, that sought me out, Mama gave her my number, without my permission.. 

And she never got in contact, which really pissed me off.

Don't reach out fakely, unless you actually want to connect. I'm sick of ingenuine people.

Ugh how could I forget, the UC appointment is tomorrow (today). I'm going to think of it like exercise, something I should do but I don't.

I'll try to give myself an hour to walk and rest and then maybe, I can shop a bit and not be dead on my feet, that I'll want to pass out.

Especially in this excessive heat. I only have bagels and fillings left but it depends how I feel.

Ideally I want to get food and snacks, realistically even with the rest breaks, I still think I'll be thoroughly exhausted.

Or I could take a cab but I don't know where they would be allowed to park, the main area is closed for roadworks..

There's no easy solution and I usually don't sleep well, so that's even less energy.

Oh just realised something else, as my bus stops are closed either side, when I'm coming home, it stops right outside a sandwich and chicken shop..

But again, it all depends, if my legs will let me go to them. At that point, I'm going to be dying to rest.

So on to today and got back an hour ago and have been munching grilled wings and some chips.

I wanted dessert but there wasn't any, or cheesecake which I hate, too sweet..

Quite tasty the wings, probably needs another 5 minutes under the cooker.

For some reason they gave me rice and some bread so that can be for later or tomorrow, I just wanted to get rid of my hunger.

I am dying to wash off the makeup and change, I just couldn't be bothered because my left leg is developing a strain...

Pfft, headaches, hand twinges and now this. The UC advisor even asked me about it, uncaringly and still gave me an in-person appointment.

What made me laugh to myself was that she called me and I purposely didn't check my phone..

Because she's gonna ask security questions, name, address, phone number, maybe, I forget..

And that's a risk of identity theft... Anyway I loved the fact she said she was busy.......

As though she's the Queen, pfft, give me a phone appointment then dodo!!

As if I don't have things to do. As though I don't kill myself, strain my body trying to make it, to the crappy appointments!!

Sod off!!

So I gave myself an extra hour, wasn't really needed, 30mins next time.

It actually starting off drizzling and cooler, which made walking heaps better.

When I walked that whole market, I swear I wasn't near collapse and that was longer, or maybe the same..

But then the sun came out and even with rest breaks, it helped but it didn't..

My body remembers the pain and tiredness. When I got there, I wasn't fainty...

But heading back home, there's hardly anywhere to rest, so even when I got off the bus, that dizziness hit me hard.

I was just swaying, thinking, not sure I'm gonna make it.. So even though it was just a few steps to the cafe/bakery or the chicken shop...

I couldn't do it. I knew I would need every ounce of energy to walk home.

It's probably just 5x minutes to get home but felt like an eternity. But at least I took the bins out this morning so now to do the uc stuff and finally relax.

#BlogLife1108 - Trying Asda for the pampering stuff..

Well at least Asda didn't cancel, the way the regular Ocado/Tesco did but sadly there are substitutions.

Instead of nutty cereal bars, they will provide maple, yuck, too sickly sweet for me, I'll hand them back..

Also no chicken spring rolls, just veggy, I'll see if I can hand them back, just to lower the overall price.

Then thirdly there was a dark green hand towel and bath towel, not a set but the price was good and as I can't shop right now in the market, this was a good solution.

Oh just checked, they don't sell saline solution, I'm on my last bottle soon, hmm..

I also wanted lip balm, but the bill was pretty high, few pounds more than I usually spend, so not great.. 

I didn't bother. The hand towel was £2, I doubt it would be cheaper, even in the market, and the green colour just looked premium and different.

Normally I might be tempted by red or purple, purple wasn't there but the green stood out.

The green bath towel was £4 (70x127), but they substituted for the dark blue, which is fine, same size, but would have been 40p more.

It's a tiny bit smaller, but the green didn't say 100% cotton. As long as it's nice and soft, that's what matters.

I also got some pimento olives and cherry stuffed cheese peppers, yum :)

I couldn't resist the proper baklawa for £2.40 ha. Oh and excitedly, they had wholemeal bagels, yay, healthier but tastes bland..

But I will load it with toppings. I also had to try Asda's version of the ice poles....

Good grief nowhere has Mr Freeze in stock, such a shame.

The Asda one is £1.20 x8 which is not bad, if they taste naturally fruity, which none of them seem to do...

For back up, I bought the milk lollies 8x £1.62. I can't remember Iceland prices but when needs must...

And I like the fact that unlike Tesco where the beauty stuff came differently and there was another delivery cost...

Sneaky, Asda just delivers it with the groceries, yay.

Next, I hope these are scented, 150ml Face Facts detox peptide cleanser £4 which is okish, price wise..

I've never heard of it, so a fun usage and review, later on in the month..

Plus, Garnier Vitamin C 200ml for £3.50. I don't know if I've used that but I wanted at least 2x face washes.

That's it, I forgot to buy crisps, arghh..

Oh and I saw the Asda version of Always max night, sanitary towels 95p for x10, bloody bargain, sorry, poor choice of words..

Had to try it. Then £4 chicken katsu dragon rolls lol. Got to sneak in some sushi, x6 I think it is..

The rest was just householdy and pasta.. Oh they did a sandwich meal deal, added it to my basket, looked at the overall price, removed it, got to budget!!

It's only 11amish, they are not due til 1pmish-2pmish. It was £3.75 for delivery, ouch, but couldn't get cheaper.

I keep thinking, I'm better, but the hand strain/sprain is getting worse, everytime I press on it, it's really painful.

I took out the bins and would have liked a longer sleep but I was just too wired wondering if Asda would cancel or deliver..

Next I might try someone else, I need the salines and lippy. If a regular grocery shopping order is the only way to do it then so be it.

Otherwise I'll ask Mama and pay her back. Ha, I just opened the substitute kleenex box, that looks pretty packed so it makes no sense they gave me 2x..

Maybe regular customers, get a lil special treatment here and there? Works for me :)

I think I was trying to keep the costs down, but they had the regular Magnums almond for £2ish I think but only 3x, not x4..

I prefer icepoles to keep my water cool and give it a splash of flavour..

Plus they are just cheaper.. I guess I'm also worried about getting an unhelpful driver..

What if I'm left packing it into bags, bending, it's gonna be so painful, especially in this delicate state...

Asda tracks but doesn't have a queue number, just says Soon, unless it's only in the last 20mins or 5mins?

Tracking was useless, arrived just before 1pm, the sullenest, unhelpful driver, so painful to do everything, bending and grabbing items, with my delicate body.

But got the refunds and totally forgot, I have leftovers. At least the majority came.

The hand towel is a nice big size, the bath towel is small but that's ok. They are both soft enough, not super but good quality.

Ooh the saucy chicken sushi is tasty, I don't know what the smothered sauce is, but I actually like it.

Faint hint of spice, which is fine. Just a katsu mayo, with red peppers, chives, onions and carrot inside, no wonder it's tasty..

I just tried the pesto chicken pasta, at first, barely any chicken, they should have made smaller clumps of it..

Then no pesto... Turns out it was on the bottom, but not much of it, actually for me, that's better, less is more.

I just added olives because it looked plain. I don't like leaves or cauliflower but it was quite nice actually.

A good amount of pasta, I'm stuffed. I'm so looking forward to the Morrison shop where I can load up on snacks, I hate having barely any..