#BlogLife341 - Dodging deaths call

I've been wondering why yesterday has been plaguing me so much. I think it's because I cheated death again.

It's brought it all back and I can recall all the conversations, exactly how I felt, all the life being drained out of me slowly.

I recall the policewoman asking me how I was and me slipping in and out of consciousness saying I'm scared.

The male cop nervously or shockingly laughing exclaiming we all thought you died!

I switched from bouts of, I'm ready to go, to I want to live. Yesterday I felt the same sense of helplessness and fear.

I just kept pondering, how am I going to get home, where it's safe, when I'm stuck?

I was in so much pain and there was so much danger all around me.

I just kept swearing and telling myself to rest, stop, take a deep breath and carry on, not far now, it's ok, you're doing great.

I mean midway I was taking baby steps and stopping. I was holding on to the walls, poles, fences, anything to steady myself.

I felt dizzy, I felt the discomfort of being upright for so long and my body was locking up and home seemed to be so far away.

A strange thing that happened when I was finally at the bus stop was a van honked at me, this guy waved and smiled.

I didn't recognise him, so as usual I just looked at him and he drove off. If it was someone I knew I would have begged for a lift home.

I have no idea if it was a stranger or somebody from my past. I did look lovely. 

I tried on the second new top, it was one of those built in jackety 2 in 1 tops, thinnish but it all seemed kinda fitted and loose near the middle.

These tops were made for me, stylish and pretty and just suited me so well. I just wish the other colours were in stock.

Anyway I think it was the control freak side of me that was in distress. I just could not get my bearings and there were so many obstacles that I lost it completely.

Oh to give you some context, the journey takes anywhere from 10-15mins so bear that in mind, when I say it took me 1 hour and 30 minutes to travel home!!!

I passed my breaking point. Had a fit of tears because it was a situation I could not tackle and that just made me panic and think, am I going to make it this time??