#BlogLife326 - Dear moi - A love/hate letter

I knew I was feeling okay, not sad or lonely or lost. I didn't think of you any longer, only pondered on how easy it was to open up to you and have freeing conversations.

I don't miss you but I feel that loss. I believe I will eventually find that again but maybe it won't feel the same?

I feel tired without the daytime naps, sleep just isn't coming unfortunately, it definitely impedes the creative flow.

There are old and new stories left to write but I'm not sure how to get rid of this block or is it more of a lock?

I've stepped back and maybe I'm reassessing myself once more.

Do I feel like I have the freedom to be me and not feel judged? No!

I know my schedule has gotten fuller and that thankfully is stopping me visiting family.

I'm sorry but I'm exhausted with being made to feel I am always wrong and incapable of accomplishing anything in your eyes.

Do you want me to be unhappy? Would that make your day?

Part of me wants a relationship with you and it's there but it's hollow and fakish.

The other part is hugging myself and whispering don't worry I'll protect you, you'll be mentally/physically safe.

It won't be the same, like how it was when you were younger, isolated and frozen with alarm bells going off.

I'm not even initiating calls anymore because you know what you do??

Ignore them or as soon as someone else calls, say omg, I have to go and take that, really good parenting for your daughters self esteem.

No wonder I can never relax and always feel like a burden for existing!

Great job!! Damn this sucky heatwave is back and so is my nausea.

I'm trying to sip a drink and hope that my stomach stops lurching, normally eating cures it but not this time.

I'm dealing with some more stress, a situation which I thought I had dealt with has come back up and all the ways they told me how to resolve it, don't work.

I've tried my best and been cooperative with the details but they are so vague.

I've done what I could and hopefully that will suffice, if not I'll have to ring them and ask what the hell they want from me??

Sometimes I've read something I've written and it doesn't even seem like I'm the author as I like it so much and it seems polished.

How could I have composed that? I'm not that good of a writer. Half the brighter summer wardrobe is here.

The bras arrived yesterday and look really cute. The tops I'll probably see if I can re-schedule for Wednesday as Hermes 2 day delivery, seems to be 3. Ugh!

I'm sorry if you hate the new themes, I'm experimenting and wanting something cheery.

I'll keep working on it but I have a lot on my plate, at the moment.