#BlogLife506 - Hands off

I think I forget to mention the review on the dried fruit. I've never seen dried plums before, normally it's dried apricots which are lovely and something I cannot recall.

It's a bit laughable because they kept several stupid seeds in and there's not much fruit around it which is so unappealing.

It's almost on the bitter side which is the opposite of how I thought it would be.

I don't know if I would get it again. I half like it and half....Not quite sure. It's definitely different, fruityish, dryish, plumish ha.

I'm on my third day of mainly left hand problems. Today was the worst yet.

I don't know if it's strained or nerve damage but this isn't a lil ouchy. I'm now cursing because every lil movement kills.

None of my damn home remedies helped. Not ice packs, heat, binaural beats pain relief, rest.

Typing is the most painful thing, hence the lack of posting on Tuesday.

I didn't even want to prepare food until the afternoon hunger pangs got me.

I'm dreading tomorrow. I have to meet Dic and I don't know how I am going to wash my hair and get ready with my hand in this delicate state.

Oh and the randoms are acting peculiar. R was saying he's away and that I should come to the airport and meet him.

I figured this was a joke as he knows about my health issues, vaguely but has an idea.

He didn't mention times and then the next day mentioned he was in my area roughly and that I should meet him.

That really bugged me. Ask me out properly not because you happened to be there.

I think I actually would have considered it, surprisingly enough but I said let's take our time and stop sending me pics, which I keep rejecting and he keeps sending...

But after that he went radio silence. He could be busy but I've checked his status and he's been online just hasn't said hi so that is that.

P still makes me laugh but is unreliable. He is cosy though. No current plans to meet which is nice.

I was gonna take some selfies to possibly share in the future, with the new hair and makeup and clothes.

But I'm not in a happy place so will postpone that for later. There's actually a new one called T.

I was supposed to call him Monday night but P and I were chatting and I wasn't ready to end that conversation so I said I would call from a private number whenever was convenient and he said after 1pm.

Yesterday I was kinda out of it, when the pain is that bad. I find my energy zapped and the only thing that helps me survive it, is to sleep the day away.

I'm surprised I slept so well last night but I do feel happy and refreshed now the pain has mostly gone.

Anyway I was drifting in and out of sleep and I saw that it was 1pmish so I called him and.......

What happened? Grins, absolutely nothing, he didn't answer. I could have redialled later but I didn't really feel like he wanted to answer or was busy.

I just left it and resumed napping. Strangely enough he came on chat that night and apologised and asked for another call, which I didn't mind doing.

We ended up talking for just over 2 hours I think altogether and it was very chilled and entertaining.

The only thing I didn't like was when he called me pessimistic sounding.

What do you expect from someone chronically ill? For me to be all happy and looking on the bright side??

There are many times I can't do a damn thing like yesterday. I could barely open doors, use my hands or feed myself.

You expect me to be bubbly after that?? I have to count on myself, support myself and stay true to my emotions.

And it might not be the most positive initial conversation but I would rather be myself, than pretend everything is ok and go back to hiding how I really feel.

I think back to the Doctors prescribing antidepressants without even informing me and I thought I was going nuts.

I felt so numb and zombie like. All because I was crying throughout their appointments and they wanted to shut me up.

It wasn't about me processing my feelings, my trauma, it was about them getting peace.

Even though they always prodded me for the excruciating details and it was still very raw at that time, yet they had to know everything...

Of course I'm going to be bloody upset. I hate Doctors, self serving idiots!!

The pain is mostly dissipated but now because I've been using my right hand for the majority of activities, it's started twinging but I'll try and take it easy until they both heal.

I really missed writing though. I hope you are doing a lot better than me and that your day is full of smiles :)