#BlogLife501 - Is racism acceptable if you don't mean it?

I'm pretty horrified that I just discovered one of my acquaintances use racial slurs and sees it as normal.

He explained that the N word with an *a* at the end is ok by his black friends and he's caucasian.

But he says he would not use the word with *er* at the end because that's different.

I immediately blocked him because as I've said a million times. I grew up with racism, jokes. name calling, being attacked because of the colour of my chocolate skin.

The slurs weren't even accurate but I was still scared to walk the streets at times as a caramel coloured person.

Friends and acquaintances at school would tell these racial based funnies, expecting everyone to laugh but I stood my ground and said it's not right and they eventually stopped, as more people objected.

Again his other excuse was that it's common practice for America...... And that makes it okay???

Certainly not in the UK. You would be lucky to survive a beating, saying that casually.

Just because everyone does it, that's make you do it? As though you're a sheep??

I can't respect him at all, after those weak confessions. Plus I'm wondering if his slight homophobia is because he is in the closet also.

He will go on and on and on about women but mention a guy and he's all nervous.

I'm quite vex and he's going to remain on block until I don't know...

Even after I explained that it is racist to use such terms he didn't back down from seeing it as an everyday word.

That really troubles me because I don't want him to make a fake apology or say that he will pretend to stop saying it.

I question why he does it all. I know some ethnicities claim their words back and use with it each other.

That's up to them. I'm not even sure I have a derogatory term for my race but if I found one, I wouldn't be using it.

To me it's like swearing at myself or putting myself down or slapping myself hard in the face. I had a few acquaintances that said, you can call me that, I don't mind.

I was not the same background as them and I said No I can't. I don't like the term and I've been called that many times, however inaccurate and it's still offensive to me.

I would only use the proper name and he called me prim lol but I want to respect others and not hurt them.

It's the way I was raised to be kind to others. I'm not defending him.

I will only say that he, like me, has trouble interacting with people.

I do feel bad that now he has few or no-one close to confide in anymore but I was also kinda encouraging him to be a lil self sufficient too.

I learned that I cannot rely on other people for my confidence levels.

I've said this before many times that if someone approaches me and fixates on a part that I hate and says, Oh you have stunning eyes...

And I can't stand that feature of myself, it means nothing at all but if I work on myself and re-train my brain then I can tell myself it's not my favourite part but I don't dislike it as much.

I encouraged him to listen to positive affirmations, use exercise to stop anxiety, to consider jotting feelings down...

He has done none of the work. He has relied on me to make him feel better.

Be your own rock!! I can't fix you and you shouldn't be looking to me for validation.

If you're an outgoing personality, people might naturally want to be friends with you so it's a lil easier, than being an introvert.

I'm not saying he shouldn't make friends but even doing so, opening up is still really tough.

There is a block preventing people like us from sharing too many personal details of our lives.

Through self discovery and journalling and blogging, I learn't to do that for my survival, he's male, it's doubly difficult.

I did tend to offer him support when he was confused or troubled and that was fine, although it seemed more one sided.

However I guess silly chats, helped me to relax, so in that way, it's was strangely supportive in that sense because I decompressed and felt less annoyed and upset.

There is a similar sort of disconnection going. He has certain strong beliefs and when someone is the opposite of that.

Similar to me he distances himself from them. He's anti-drugs also.

And like me, I wouldn't talk or hang out with someone that was a drug user.

I'm not sure what his reasons are and I didn't ask as it is not my business but mine are, that I grew up in that environment and I was always scared for my safety and well-being.

I hope my silence will make him educate himself and maybe think twice before using a slur.

A mutual friend suggested I talked to him about it but I already did to no avail and if he doesn't understand why it's so wrong, I'm not sure I could get through to him.

Maybe when he grows up he will realise that some things are deal-breakers and hate speech should never be used.

It's a step backwards. I'm not better than you, you are not better than me, we are all equal.