As much as I'd like to ignore this, I fear it will eat away until I address it..
So today went smoothly, bar one part of the conversation which just plain vexed me but I as usual had to swallow my irritation because the sun and moon seem to shine out, when she talks about her sons.....
The bullies, terrorisers that I grew up with. Once more she's waxing lyrical about how benevolent they are and I want to scream NO they are monsters....
Why do you insist on bragging about them to me??? I ask no follow up questions, I hold zero interest...
Yet she continues on like they are saints..... How funny, they continually borrowed/stole money from you!!
Hell I'd rather starve than be irresponsibly, running to you for handouts, on things I do not need!
Yet, they say, Oh make sure you treat SS well, she deserves it....
Oh piss off!!! I don't know where the fuck, this saint act came from.....
But I remember the real person..... The one threatening violence....
All the time criticising, calling me an idiot, silencing me, day in and day out...
Now suddenly, you're the good guys??? Go to hell!!
I wasn't the screw up. I wasn't the cause for the Police visits!!
She just went on and on, as though all those memories of my childhood are magically erased as though they didn't happen.
As though how I felt, like the self loathing and disgust, I felt for myself, didn't happen...
Always questioning, why everything I thought and said must be wrong...
Why else would I be mocked? Ridiculed to the point, I stopped talking in school.....
Where the only solution, was to take myself out and not exist anymore...
That would be better, no silly, dumb, unattractive, fat SS, getting in everyone's way........
She is so unapproachable for the deep stuff. One step forwards, two steps back.
The point is, I finally respect how I am, how I feel, it is important but she doesn't!!
It's getting harder to ignore and forgive.
I just had to vent, please excuse the bad language but when I'm mad, I am mad and no-one will censor me, not even me.
I need my voice, I need to be able to express myself in peace.
I wrote the fan and body butter reviews on Amazon, hopefully they will help someone save money.
I always love neutral reviews. No-one likes wasting money.
Strange the Iceland order was due 10-12pm but it's nearly 11am and it's not even out for delivery.
There's been no text to say G or someone else is delivering it..
Hmm, I hope it shows up, there's no call or text, saying there is an issue...
I hope G delivers and no sign of the stationary prize yet. The postie has come and gone and no knocks...
Ugh what an ordeal that was, new driver, argumentative, refused to listen to instructions, talked over me, did apologise afterwards.
But cripes, I kept saying Ouch, ouch, down the phone, having to put my boots on to step outside to further direct him..
Only for him to once again, argue and say I was outside, didn't you see me?
Lies!!! If you were there I would have spotted you. So stressful, arguing with males..
My back is now hurting! Anyway, the whole point of bloody online shopping, is that it gets delivered to your door!!!
I'm kinda irritated today as you can see. I don't appreciate being ignored!
Time to munch leftovers and during the week, I have new things to try...
The R Whites, lemonade and raspberry ice poles, 8x £1.75. They are still sold out of the ginger chicken, which is amazing, so not surprised..
I saw some Chinese sticky chicken to try, 400g bag for £4, I don't think that was part of a deal...
Should be interesting in a sandwich or as a snack. I should have looked for sticky rice.. Oh well..
