Is insult/judge me written on my forehead?

I seem to be an magnet for people that appear sweet and thoughtful and then because we think or act differently, the tentative insults come out. 

My guard was up as it always is but I want to learn to trust more and be open even though this situation invariably comes up.

Good naturedly it seems she offers me a present. I think, how thoughtful but unfortunately it isn't suitable so I sincerely thank her and explain a bit more about my circumstances..

Thinking that she will understand and accept my reasons for politely declining. However she seems to take it very personally.. 

Admitting to being in a similar situation but with her she doesn't limit herself but carries on regardless but if I did a whole day of that I would be on bed rest for a week.

So again hurt but instilled with manners I tell her I admire her strength of character. She then follows up with.....no wonder you have negativity in your life and then I reach the point where I snap because I draw the conclusion that she thinks I don't even try. 

I didn't expect her to be judgemental or to readily assume people don't have limitations set for the good of their health. Just because she pushes through the pain, I can't believe she expects me or others to do the same.

There have only been a few instances with her where I have been in a foul mood compared to the majority of the time when I am playful, cheeky and witty. I am not a robot. 

If I'm experiencing pmt/pain/tiredness or being surrounded by rude people I should be entitled to be temperamental. I spent far too long suppressing my emotions until I had no self worth or jubilation remaining.

I have pushed past the pain many times before and then the pain will spread everywhere until I am in agony. It is at this point I find it almost impossible not to cry and this is humiliating. 

I reach my breaking point and can't control my emotions. There is too much pain which is why I avoid too many strenuous activities. 

I know my limitations and I am responsible for taking care of me, noone else, so for me to act nonchalant and blindly accept a gift that will backfire is not practical. Aren't gifts supposed to evoke happiness?

I can always sense but not necessarily tell for sure when someone is being less than kind but what cemented it was the weak, bitter, sarcastic apology. 

That's when you know you have been called out and need to think about what you've said to me or how you have acted towards me as I do listen and pay attention..

To everything that goes on and you better believe sooner or later I will call you out on it, then disappear because frankly I have seen an unpleasant side to you that lingers.

It would have been vastly different if the apology was sincere and you took into consideration the details I included but you didn't. 

You claimed to be empathising with me but I knew that you were lying. The aggressive tone just kept increasing and then you were surprised when I reacted strongly.

Every day is a fresh challenge. I may have suffered nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks which then make me relive in excruciating detail the trauma, raw pain or general soreness and insomnia. 

I have to follow my routine and try to avoid all the triggers that make me feel downcast. Otherwise I feel I will crumble and never stop crying.

I put on feel-good tunes and I am able to function. My mind is suddenly lifted and I can get on with whatever is on my schedule, up until the point where the pain starts to hit me. 

It may start off in one area and then some mystery pain will surface or suddenly I will feel dizzy or incredibly tired and I feel mad at myself for giving in and either taking a nap or resting. 

I know that it is the best thing for me because it halts the pain and lets my body stop straining itself but sometimes I want to be stronger.

I feel weak at times that I let people get to me and that it doesn't take long for the pain to surface. I should be tougher by now.

Words should bounce off me but they hurt still. I'm not made of mush am I?