#BlogLife80 - Dear Bear

Dedicated to Bear,

The great thing about having an anonymous blog and being a fiction creator is that nobody knows if this is real or not. Who says I have to tag it as fiction, it might or may not be... 

My phone is half dead so I've left it on but on the charger listening out for you.

We've already texted and chatted on the phone and it seemed like our longest one yet.

I find myself thinking of you and picking up my phone in case there are missed calls or texts.

I said something silly in my last message. You asked me to explain and I shake my head. 

No, some things cannot be uttered or pieced together. They are better left unsaid, hanging in the air, waiting to float away and be forgotten.

I have breakfast sat next to me but I haven't touched it. A teacake with some cream cheese.

I guess my only appetite is for you these days. You are the first thing on my mind and the last.

I wonder how long we can maintain this... Distraction? You have a life, I have one and do we even fit together?

I'm not thinking deeply. I'm just musing in a round about way. 

It's a lil addictive when you focus on me and we have this strange utopian world where there are no other factors driving us apart.

I can't multi task, I can't think straight. I give myself to you alone.

Each day I wonder if you are happy? If you have everything you need? if your day is going smoothly? 

Whether or not I can do anything to fix or improve it?

I have set up a roadblock inside and don't want to think about what any of this means.

Or the fact that it will all come to a crashing end. I want to protect myself and be a lil less present.

The scary thing is, most of me just wants to stay where you are and be in the moment.

I want to walk with you and move forwards but I don't desire false commitments or promises or feelings.

I just need you to feel just a lil keen to have me around and miss me a tiny bit when I'm not.

The fleeting times we talk and laugh together are magical.

The thing you do unconsciously now it seems, where your voice changes and you wake up and go back to being practical, drives me wild!

I feel like you are straightening your tie, running your hands through your hair and clearing your throat, trying to shake my voice from your mind.

You say you have to go, that you are being called away and I want to pounce on you and protest.

I don't want to share you but I'm also realistic too. I have priorities but then I see another text and my face lights up.

Maybe I should be running from you? Today though and maybe always I just want to dash into your arms and remain there for an obscene time!

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