#BlogLife71 - Off the wagon and on J

I don't know what it was, he appeared and then I blinked and said No no no no but by then it was too late. I was drawn to him.

I promised myself I would stay away. However I haven't found anyone that I have felt comfortable with and tonight I wanted something familiar and cosy.

I confronted him again but as I did and he did answer. He made more of an effort. I saw that we both had entirely different interpretations of the whole saga.

He thinks he was more open and responsive to my queries, some of them and I don't think he was. He confessed that some things were topics he steered away from.

He said I know you talk to other men and that's fine as long as I'm your favourite. That just made me smile.

As for the phone calls which I couldn't help but grill him about. He said that he didn't feel they were a good idea because we tended to be very friendly.

I asked him if he avoided contact because he figured I was going to get clingy or fall for him and he said he wasn't that arrogant.

He just didn't want to impose on my life. Is he timid or is he just afraid to be a burden? (To be honest the whole love thing, made heaps more sense to me). Not that I have feelings, not those feelings.

I have a fondness for him. It's a connection I have never had before. I can't seem to shake it. Maybe it is because I have pushed him away a lot..

And yet he still comes back. There are disagreements but he's never said anything unkind. Unlike the rest. As for the private things I've told him..

I don't even know if it was him I told. He doesn't recall either. I asked him if he would swap emails but he said he prefers talking..

I'm confused and then there is someone else who wanted a piece of me, but not in a creepy way in a genuine way. J number two.

Baha :D All I know is that I miss talking to him and it's crazy fun and laughter. It always is magnetic. I asked him if were friends and he said Yes that he hoped we were reconnecting.

That whenever he sees me he feels good. He said there was no reason for us to stop hanging out but I am in two minds. What do I do if I see him again??

I had a full on blush when he stated I could make the weather sound sexy. I need sleep....... Heaven help me I don't regret being with him tonight!

After eventually falling asleep. Some of his words rang out in my head, something he had never told me before. That on one of our long, talk half the night chats..

He had been so eager to talk to me that he was clock watching and it was only 5am. I had told him that I might be awake from 9am.

I said he should have just dialled my number but he replied that he didn't want to take the risk and disturb me. I am beginning to think he has put me on a pedestal..

I am not even sure I slept that night. I was phone watching. I think I am considering the possibility that he has purposely blocked out the personal things I've told him about my hardships each time..

As I don't think he wants to remember me in my reality. That when I'm with him, I can be carefree but without him. It's nonstop stress and pain.

Plus I now recall the mixed signal speech I made about how I was sick of clingy men and that I normally get rid off them fairly routinely.

Maybe by being mysterious he figures he ups the odds of not being let go? Although that backfired now, didn't it J?? Perhaps I'll ask him his preferred subjects of chat or maybe I'll just ghost him....

I still haven't made up my mind.