#BlogLife81 - Today has been weird

I feel very strange today because my messages have been abundant first an old friend got in touch to check in and then Dr K did.

My comfort level is to retreat and not be the one to speak out because mostly when I do, there is silence.

Was it a test to see if I would respond? There has been no reply back so maybe it was.

I have very little time to dwell on it as I have the volunteering and I was having a conversation with Dr K but instead of me being the focus..

I turned it around on him and thought it would be nice to check up and see how he was doing for a change. He does a lot for me and others so I wanted to do it.

When people are upbeat and always positive sometimes it is hard to recognise when deep down they are troubled.

That is the way he comes across, as though he wouldn't burden someone. I figured just by being gentle, he might be alright with it.

I just asked how he was doing? And he answered and said he appreciated it. 

Looking back with my ranting and unease maybe he figured I wouldn't stick with the volunteering and just drop out entirely.

Which I don't blame him for thinking as I contemplated it a few times but ultimately just thought, take a break and see.

Each time I did. I missed being there for someone who had no-one on their side.

I see how the conversations evolve from that person being emotional to having a complete turn around.

I did that, me. I still can't see myself as significant though. I can see others like Dr K as making a difference and enhancing lives.

I just don't ever see myself as someone that impacts others. I dismiss the praise, compliments or gratitude.

I wonder if I will always feel this way??