#BlogLife1146 - I'm still trying..

Once again. I looked at the time, listened to my tummy grumbling for food and decided to start another post..

I want to get it down while I remember. The boiler people texted me with an appointment next Monday.

I'm glad I don't have to call and wait endlessly on hold, soo that's sorted which is good.

Great, now I've gone blank again..

I should do a grocery order for tomorrow, a week has passed but what I'm going to do is finish everything and see how long I can stretch between orders.

I just have to be sensible. I still have biscuits, crisps, pasta and pancakes.

Plus the hash browns and maybe steak. I think there is chicken also.

That should stretch for a few days and then Wednesday or Thursday I can do it.

A week and a half is better. I feel hormonal so my appetite is increasing.

I just might have to resist eating and stay hungry in the evenings.

Oh yea my plan is, when I inform UC, of the rent change in October..

That's when I'll add naturally, by the way, my savings are gone now and I'm happy to send screenshots if need be to prove it because I cannot afford food now.

That way, they have to take me seriously and knock off that £30ish penalty that they keep deducting each month.

And I really need that for groceries but there is no easy way to inform them, it's complicated.

I really wanted to do at least a top up shop, get some bread in or something.

I'm going to have the last of the pasta/food today and not do a grocery order until Friday.

I can't keep spending money from my bank account, unless I top it up and even then, it will be used up.

Tomorrow takeout for 2x days. It's the only way to stretch the budget.

I never thought I'd be stuck like this. Wanting to shop but being physically unable to do so.

I never envisioned the hand pain and body pain and tiredness, getting to this degree.

There is absolutely no help, no-one to rely on. The neighbours are shady..

And again even if there was someone to take me to the shops, how do I carry it, without bursting into tears?

I miss having paypal savings. Just go to Ocado Zoom, get the lunchtime deal, pick up snacks and bread and have enough until my next big grocery shop...

Anyway I can adapt. I'll try and make good decisions. I'll learn what will sustain me long-term..

For now this seems to be the way to do it.. Gosh I want December to get here.

The roads open and buses running all the way so I can grab items and not walk halfway home, with my hands killing me.

I don't really want to thinks about Christmas. I've spent it alone, that's nothing..

But that's the time I want to treat myself a bit.. I don't know if I can afford to do that..

I don't know how or why but it's got to work out someday. I can't keep struggling to make sense of life and it just not come together for me.