#BlogLife1153 - Safety net gone..

Well the bank is withdrawing the overdraft that I had. It started with £1k and reduced to £250.

I just liked knowing it was there for me. I mean hopefully things will turn around soon with next week's deposit.

The reduction in broadband costs and the possible extra £30ish from saying my savings are gone, can't hurt..

My Chromebook is 6 years old now, how long will that last? The microwave and panini press are showing a lot of signs of wear and tear too.

Would be nice to get lucky and win replacements for these pricey items.

I don't know what to do with my hair. I have a sudden need to grow it a lil bit.

But the back is so scruffy, maybe I'll keep the front and sides long and trim the back?

Well I'm glad I trimmed the back and kept the front and sides long.

I think every so often I want a change. Why is it whenever I load blogger I forget immediately what I was going to say?

I reset the banking app which wasn't as bad as I thought and put the password somewhere else..

Because I am forgetting alsorts now. It was confirming a text code..

Putting in your customer number, pin code, pass code and then creating a new pin..

I've got £60 and 2x grocery shops at £40 each. I can only do one on Monday.

This weekend sushi... And then with my appointment pushed to Friday..

I don't know how to have the energy to shop but I need too. Goodness how do I do it with the pain and sleepiness plaguing me?

I looked at the Sam Pound shop online, apparently they have small face washes and no face masks other than peel off, no thanks.

But I think they have biscuits and noodles and sweets so ideally I can pick up things...

But I don't know how to plead with my body to do that.. Hang in there, rest won't be for a while.

Plus the schmucky bus driver isn't stopping outside my street so it's so much walking to do.

Then the fear of straining my hands carrying the bag... I really don't want to spend money...

But life goes on and I need stuff. I'll just try to rest a lot. Hit the bank, sit down, then make a deposit..

Then maybe get pakoras or browse the pound shop and then go for my uc appointment, where I'll be sitting and waiting around anyway.

I always have an idealised plan and then my body is like nope, knackered, nice try though...

The pain and tiredness doesn't end when I sit down. I'm just no longer out of breath.

Knowing me I probably miscalculated and I'll be overdrawn soon again...

I ended up not getting the sushi and doing a grocery shop instead.

I wanted that more. I couldn't get any dessert but everything was mainly in stock..

Just the smaller loaves of bread. I think I'll do the crackers with cheese this time and the mackerel/sardines in a toastie.

Hmm changed my mind ha. The fish works better with a crunch. I knew it.

I like my cheese toasties anyway.

My pmtish nausea is so weird. At times, I forget to put on the anti nausea video and I'm perfectly fine..

Other instances I have to race to play it and think, stop everything, pause the munching, listen and stay calm, don't vomit, please don't be sick.

Usually it works, other times it doesn't but it's better than anything else I've found.

#BlogLife1146 - I'm still trying..

Once again. I looked at the time, listened to my tummy grumbling for food and decided to start another post..

I want to get it down while I remember. The boiler people texted me with an appointment next Monday.

I'm glad I don't have to call and wait endlessly on hold, soo that's sorted which is good.

Great, now I've gone blank again..

I should do a grocery order for tomorrow, a week has passed but what I'm going to do is finish everything and see how long I can stretch between orders.

I just have to be sensible. I still have biscuits, crisps, pasta and pancakes.

Plus the hash browns and maybe steak. I think there is chicken also.

That should stretch for a few days and then Wednesday or Thursday I can do it.

A week and a half is better. I feel hormonal so my appetite is increasing.

I just might have to resist eating and stay hungry in the evenings.

Oh yea my plan is, when I inform UC, of the rent change in October..

That's when I'll add naturally, by the way, my savings are gone now and I'm happy to send screenshots if need be to prove it because I cannot afford food now.

That way, they have to take me seriously and knock off that £30ish penalty that they keep deducting each month.

And I really need that for groceries but there is no easy way to inform them, it's complicated.

I really wanted to do at least a top up shop, get some bread in or something.

I'm going to have the last of the pasta/food today and not do a grocery order until Friday.

I can't keep spending money from my bank account, unless I top it up and even then, it will be used up.

Tomorrow takeout for 2x days. It's the only way to stretch the budget.

I never thought I'd be stuck like this. Wanting to shop but being physically unable to do so.

I never envisioned the hand pain and body pain and tiredness, getting to this degree.

There is absolutely no help, no-one to rely on. The neighbours are shady..

And again even if there was someone to take me to the shops, how do I carry it, without bursting into tears?

I miss having paypal savings. Just go to Ocado Zoom, get the lunchtime deal, pick up snacks and bread and have enough until my next big grocery shop...

Anyway I can adapt. I'll try and make good decisions. I'll learn what will sustain me long-term..

For now this seems to be the way to do it.. Gosh I want December to get here.

The roads open and buses running all the way so I can grab items and not walk halfway home, with my hands killing me.

I don't really want to thinks about Christmas. I've spent it alone, that's nothing..

But that's the time I want to treat myself a bit.. I don't know if I can afford to do that..

I don't know how or why but it's got to work out someday. I can't keep struggling to make sense of life and it just not come together for me.

#BlogLife1140 - May have been a tad overdramatical..

I feel a tad reassured. There's more in the freezer than I anticipated.

I do have fish, steak, beef pancakes and I have crackers too. I can stretch that out.

My hands are paining me so carrying shopping is going to strain them, that's a no no.

The cafe (The C****) I discovered has a really bad hygiene rating so that's not going to work either.

No matter the options, I'm taxing myself. Maybe I'll switch from 2x meals a day, to just one?

I still have that £10 altogether cashback pending. Oh ok it's £12 that's even better but it's still not enough to do a £40 grocery shop.

I feel like not buying food, is something I eventually have to get used too. There just isn't enough money.

I cut back and it still didn't work. At least with product testing, I can get some premium hair and beauty supplies for free.

Maybe I'll get a competition win that contains shopping vouchers?

It's ridiculous I can't even get to the shops. I think there is a Supermarket on the way to the Market but it's across an insanely busy road and I don't feel comfortable crossing..

And then I'm still stuck, if I try to carry a lot, I'll break my hands.

Not my preferred outcome but there is a 40% deal going at Just Eat. At least that's 2/3 days worth of food and £12 off.

I guess this is the time I wish I had no appetite. The spare cash I have is going to run out eventually.

At least when December rolls around the roads will be open and the shops are more accessible.

I won't be so delicate and exhausted. I just have to survive until then.

Oof I am so bloated. I had some soup and spring rolls, the rest can be for tomorrow or the next day.

I was hoping they threw in prawn crackers, meanies. It was pretty funny to be called and asked if I had change..

Just walk with some dodo, maybe they heard about my reputation.. This time I actually did though.