Hospital bureaucracy

I've been doing a lot better of late but I was quite stressed out. I usually get picked up by transport for my hospital appointments but now there are new rules and a new number which never works and it was for me to chase them up and see where I stood.

I was a little panicky because I really like that hospital and the staff are great so I didn't want to switch to somewhere local but I was given a new number and finally made some progress when I got through today.

She just said I shouldn't worry and to call back nearer my appointment time in November and they would assess me over the phone. Fingers crossed I still qualify.

I feel like I keep getting the raw end of the deal, not sick enough to qualify but too sick to do anything about it and the stress is killing me. I have a new person that I have to see and he is one of those black and white cutthroat types.

I am so sick and tired of being in the grey area of a health condition. No I'm not in a wheelchair, nor on crutches so anyone looking sees a normal girl, except when I walk a little and my face changes to reflect the pain and discomfort. 

Yes I can move unaided but my symptoms are severe enough to limit my activities.

Having to repeat my circumstances over and over is upsetting me. I have been referred to several people but either noone bothers to answer the phone or the help offered is not suitable.

This week I thought I've just had enough and ended up weeping down the phone. Why can't it be more straightforward? 

Why does the government see you as disabled if you're in a wheelchair and not disabled enough if you are mobile?

The receptionist sympathised, offered me yet another helpful number and told me to call them before cancelling my hospital appointment in February. 

My voice broke but I quietly thanked him, only to find as per usual. Noone answering the phone.

Tomorrow I'm definitely going to cancel the appointment and all further ties. I can't fight it anymore. 

I had hoped for a different outcome but the hospital is too far away and without transport, I just can't make it.