#BlogLife459 - From unseen to seen

I think I'm starting to realise that for a long time, I no longer wanted any attention foist on me when I went out.

I was too busy trying to keep calm and avoiding any triggery panic attacks to deal with men that followed me home or tried to approach me or made me feel super uncomfortable.

Maybe subconsciously that's why I sabotaged my weight loss journeys. It was a breath of fresh air to be completely ignored and not pursued.

Now I feel a lil different, having some focus on me is slightly more bearable but I still feel shaky and unsafe.

I do feel like I can mostly protect myself providing I'm not alone with a man so my healthy eating and exercise continue to proceed and I'm slowly slowly shrinking.

I'm embracing my femininity again which I neglected or disguised for a while.

Now it's brighter colours and makeup and just shopping more for feelgood items.

My box of goodies just arrived on the third day and as the Nutrigum vitamins seem to be doing me a lot of good, I decided to check out BodyCare's version.

It's Vitamin Store, skin hair and nails. There's 40 in a bottle, which is a weird amount lol and it cost £2.09 so I decided to buy 2 of them and will use it when the Nutrigums are done.

I just tried out the Technic clear mascara £1.39 with my hard contact lenses on. It did sting a lil bit and I did only do 1 or 2 coats.

I don't see any curl but neither is it smudging my lenses. I just did another coat and I don't know if I observed this or read about it..

But a see-saw side to side and then upward technique works a lot better and now there is a slight lift and it looks defined.

They feel very wet my lashes but not clumped or heavy. I know that my lashes never look false because they hardly ever curl but just to give myself a boost and especially when I'm wearing eyeshadow, I think they will look a lot nicer now.

I don't feel any irritation and although the dream colour would be brown or even a purple. Colours are out for me.

Ooh I did used to wear white, only on special occasions, mostly clubbing nights and they popped!!

On to the body mist Britney Spears Midnight Fantasy £8. Hmm I don't think it's a knock off actually, which surprises me because I would never buy it again.

At first the scent is bubble gum and then it's a fruity drink and now just reminds me of a slush puppy.

It's a very sweet perfume suitable for kids, definitely not for adults. Luckily I bought it for everyday use, it's not something I would wear to socialise with.

I much prefer floral scents. The description was this... Sour cherry and plum, freesia, orchid, vanilla, amber and musk.

Which sounded delightful but no, it isn't but live and learn. Next time I will pick probably another brand.

It's been a strange weekend, I started my period for the third time this month, arghhhh!!!!

It is ridiculous and now I feel the slight cramping, definite bloating and sugar cravings, plus the slight morning nausea.

I'm re-listening to the light period subliminals again because I'm fed up with not knowing if I had to wear something or not.

I just realised that Dic the moron has given me two appointments and once again, one of them is a Tuesday (tomorrow in fact).

I even saw him write down Tuesdays were bad for me and yet here we are.... The other one is this Wednesday.

I'm just going to turn up to tomorrow's one because I will get it over and done with.

Oh the lift is working now so less pain but more waiting around. Zzzz..

If I get a chance will apply the mascara and see if it burns my eyes again, the following morning.

Lastly a new story popped into my head and I couldn't resist writing some of it down.

I don't think this will be a blog/wattpad submission, if it comes out flirty..... I'm gonna post it somewhere else..