#BlogLife476 - Why does Dic trigger me?

I decided last night while it was dark and I put away the mirror to trim my hair again, the ends just felt long and Spring is upon us, so why not do a haphazard job?

It always feels uneven, no matter what I do. (Ugh cramps are back). I feel quite sicky today but that's probably because it's nearly 4pm and I haven't eaten.

I opted for more sleep, than to get up and cook breakfast, of which I probably would not have had an appetite that early anyway.

Actually I think I did a good job with the hair, when it was wet, it looked all spikey, I've never really had that before and now it's dry, it looks like short layered floppy, volumed hairdo.

It's just a bit too short for curlers now but I can get away with it, just loose and hair tousled and it looked styled.

I just looked at my calendar and there has been 3 periods this month, mostly lasting half a day to 2 days.

Why can't the pmt be that short? Over the weekend, it wasn't even that cold but my body temperature dropped significantly and I had to wrap the blankie around me on maximum heat for half the day until I was warm again.

While I was waiting for Dic and trying to distract myself from the pain creeping up, sitting down is like, someone is pulling my thighs apart, it's a burning sensation.

Anyway I think I was waiting about 10-15mins and he apologised and I just nodded because it's always half hearted.

It struck me that when I was in all those Consultant/Specialist/GP chairs and I was explaining my symptoms, it was always met with these blank expressions.

I always felt I was a nuisance and because I grew up that way, being ridiculed and told that my opinion doesn't matter, it's doubly worse, when you take that onboard that, my health concerns are not important.

There is this back and forth row in my head, am I making this up? Should I not waste their time and suffer in silence?

Are other people more deserving of treatment?? And empathy?? Am I not entitled to compassion and understanding?

When I used to say to Dic, I'm not feeling well and he would just look at me blankly and say Oh but with no heart behind it, it transports me back to seeking treatment.

Now whenever he asks me, I just mutter I'm okay because there's no point expressing myself to someone that doesn't give a damn.

I'm not expecting him to fall to his knees and say Good grief, stop the presses, let me look after you.

But damn just say something like, that's not good or would it kill him to be nice?

Anyway I got side tracked again as Mama is back and she called, well I missed her call and returned it.

She came back yesterday and was resting up and she bought me back sugar cakes.

That's what we call them, it's coconut cakes with.. I'm not sure if it's sugar cane ingredients but it's quite sweet and delicious.

I'm not big on coconut overall but in certain things it blends really well.

I'm excited for that and I can finally give her the belated Mama's Day goodies, the perfumes etc, the last of which should be arriving this week.

Plus I'm dying to get the laptop charger and see if it works. I have to jiggle this one and hear it crackling which unnerves me.

Hopefully next week, eyebrow shape and pedicures, long awaited beauty treatments.

I just don't feel up to going and it has to be in the morning as more chance I will get a seat on the bus and there will be less congestion.

Apologies again for the lateness of posting this but once again I had a fourth period last night yeesh.

I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't sleep, maybe eventually I got a few measly hours and then woke up groggy, napped and waited for my thoughts to collect so I could write something.

I hope you are all well and I can't wait for these multivitamins to be over so I can go back to having maybe 1 period a month, yeesh!!!!