#BlogLife477 - Ode to Whispered Distraction/Corey

This is dedicated to Whispered Distraction/Corey who had a Youtube channel and emptied it out.

He was kind enough to warn us that he was taking a break and I don't know if Corey is his real name so I don't tend to use it.

This was three months ago and because he removed all of his videos. I personally don't think he is going to return.

Admitting you need a timeout has to be a lil easier than saying goodbye forever or I'm starting over afresh with an audience that doesn't know me.

And which of whom I won't feel vulnerable around because they don't have any inkling of what I go through..

Youtube channels come and go and most I couldn't care less about but his was my favourite and I didn't realise it, until he disappeared.

To obliterate all your work must have been a decision he wrestled with because I have seen a lot of dead channels who keep their videos up, they just don't upload anymore.

I've mentioned this before that I've been tempted to do the same and I know it's not fair to the audience/the readers/the fans that have supported and been there through the journey...

But sometimes it's healthier to step back and do what is best for yourself as a creator of content.

I certainly don't blame him for stepping away. I do genuinely miss his uploads and friendly demeanor.

We would have mini chats in the comment section and he always managed to make me laugh or smile and I think I did the same because under his farewell message, he only hearted my comment.

Some times you want to talk but at the same time, you don't. You want people around and then again, want to be alone.

It probably sounds confusing and I'm sorry about that but reserved people such as myself have a hard time sharing and opening up.

At the moment, I'm going through something and I'm not even sure I want to divulge it at all.

My brain just has to sit with it and process it and maybe afterwards, then again maybe never.....

I guess I'm saying appreciate the people around you because you never know when they will up and leave.

If I do ever decide to delete this blog, I hope I'm as courageous as he was and able to write a farewell message before I leave.

I'm not planning to do that but sometimes I feel overwhelmed. The writing never stops and I feel empty and as though I would be easily forgotten.

We would all like to be impactful and make a lasting impression.

The tiredness isn't just physical, it's emotional too. I feel other bloggers can connect more with people and that's why they have a cult following which is great for them.

I grew up struggling to find myself, to communicate and that has left a lasting result because there are so many barriers I've put up, it's near impossible to let go and be completely open.

I'm in retreat mode at the moment and trying to heal myself. I'm not sure how long it's going to last but I'm kinda of enjoying the solitude of not explaining myself and just able to be..

Not judged, not explaining myself, not fed up with being misunderstood, just quiet and contemplative.

I just realised it's the lack of support also. When you have to bear the brunt of whatever disaster is coming or that you're dealing with alone, it's excruciating.

There's no air, there's no comfort, there is no-one reassuring you that it's going to improve.

It's just this heavy suffocating storm cloud above you that is looming closer and closer and there is no way to combat it or lessen it, until it engulfs you completely.

I am left drowning with no-one to throw a life jacket out to me, that's what stress and depression is to me.

It takes over my life and saps all the energy away.