#BlogLife529 - Be my chauffeur

I didn't realise that the Trinny takeover makeover show is back so I had fun watching the season 6 opener.

One of the randoms was talking about how he is supposedly shy and yet every chance he got brought up sex.

Pfft. But he was also talking about shopping with me and making him presentable.

He's not local so I wouldn't do it but the previous times, the men in question, didn't want a change of style, they were very rigid and not open to my ideas.

But I think they wanted a woman to stand by them and say they looked good, which they did.

They both had good figures and needed some brightness to their wardrobe and modernising but I gently pushed them in the right direction and make them feel pretty :D

I mostly have gotten rid of this 2 day headache that is plaguing me. I feel blocked up without being having cold/flu symptoms.

Maybe I have caught a chill as the sun is shining and I am shivering away, great excuse to plug in the blankie again.

My whole head has been hurting and I've been using the eye mask, napping, applying peppermint oil, playing binaural beats and doing whatever else comes to mind.

I hope it fades forever now. Chronic pain is bad enough and the weekend is downtime, I don't need more of it, when this is my moment to  forget everything and relax.

I was convinced the Amazon tops were going to arrive today but now I have a feeling it will be Monday.

I just want them to get here, to see if there are as nice as the one I bought.

I'm tempted to buy lemon essential oil, I think that is supposed to be healing also.

I researched the oils before I bought the diffuser, (that I no longer use).

Some you aren't supposed to apply directly to the skin but I felt so bad, I wanted maximum exposure so I put it on my wrists, neck and nose.

I did feel a lil instant relief, I have to say and I haven't washed it off, I just rinsed my hands as I didn't want to rub my eyes again.

Oh actually my eyes were affected, they weren't burning, but they did feel sensitive. I didn't put much on but a lil eye discomfort was worth it.

It's been about 3 months since the last eyebrow wax and pedicure and I have to epilate my legs on one side.

My thighs are almost completely hairless still. I'm so glad I didn't bother with the permanent laser treatment, what a waste of money.

I miss getting facials done, probably manicures too, although physically I don't think I could tolerate sitting/lying still for that amount of time, on a hard surface.

I can manage to do them at home effectively clearing my skin up but it was soo de-stressing to get the face massages and the care.

Pedicures are pretty indulgent as well though, as there are instances where I neglect my legs and feet so pedicures make up for it.

Did I ever tell you about my driving lessons when I was excited about learning to drive and getting a car?

I can't remember how old I was, 17yrs/18yrs maybe. I'm sure I was still a teenager.

So my Mama arranged for a friend at Church to give me some lessons.

In one way, he was a likeable chap and in another sense, I felt like he was trying to parent me, which I felt was out of order.

And at that point I was probably at the height of my rebellion so instead of being quiet, I had random angry outbursts, which few people saw or expected.

It first started at a Church beach outing and I was reading a Mills and Boon book hahaha.

And he was outraged so he said you can't read that and he tried to talk to my Mama and say, have you seen what your daughter has in her hands?

Mama didn't say anything because she wasn't bothered. I was either an adult already or I was getting there.

I wasn't embarrassed, I have very few friends and I knew there probably wouldn't be anyone to talk to on the coach and I didn't want to be bored.

Hence the book so when he just kept hounding me. I snapped and said....

You're not my Papa. Only he can tell me what to do! The whole of the coach as well as himself was gobsmacked.

He could not say a thing to me after that because he knew I was right.

Go parent your own damn kids and stop trying to bully me into submission.

Anyway that passed and bad feelings didn't linger but he gave me one driving lesson and after that I quit because he was shouting at me.

Teachers are supposed to be patient and tolerable and he wasn't.

I was supposed to turn or pause and I didn't know how so I just took my hands off the steering wheel and knew he would take over to avoid crashing his precious car.

He was yelling and screaming at me. Saying can't you see the obstacle?? And I didn't appreciate that.

I lied and said nope couldn't see it and I think he gave me another eye test, to see a registration number...

The first one I think I read it easily and after that incident, I faked and misread it on purpose.

And he was like hmmmm, I'm not sure your vision is good enough.

I drew the conclusion that I didn't want to be in another situation where I was being verbally attacked.

My vision is really bad anyway, I wear contacts, I can barely see when it's dark. I'm short sighted.

I can't really read signs far away and it made me realise that, drivers have to have eyes in the back of their heads.

They have to see clearly and be responsible and fork out a lot of money, for insurance and taxes and the rest of it.

I didn't want to do that, with barely having enough money to live on and buy groceries.

And Mama kept pressuring me to learn because for some reason she didn't want to.

I don't know why but as the parent, if she wanted a car, she should have passed her test.

She knew if I had passed my test that I would be giving her lifts and picked her up when she wanted, which was fine.

But that didn't happen anyway. I didn't feel comfortable that I would be able to see properly even in the daytime.

What if my lenses fell out? What if my vision got blurry or they slid out of place?

I couldn't exactly pause to remove my lenses and re-insert them in traffic, could I?

There is no way I could drive with glasses because I only have a quarter of vision with them and at the sides, no sight at all.

I didn't mind taking the bus, except if it was really far or I had tons of shopping with me.

And the one thing I was adamant about was not getting into debt. I bought what I could afford.

She had this bad habit of relying on other people for lifts so it felt like, instead of taking a cab, we would be the last people there, begging for a lift, which was humiliating and tiring.

That was one of the reasons I just fought against socialising with family because it could never be a short visit, it was almost to the point where we overstayed our welcome.

Eventually I started taking cabs home or taking the bus early because it was draining to be in those gossipy, back-stabbing, judgy environments.

I think my point with all this, is that my sibling stole my Mama's credit card bought a car and in the whole of his life, has only given her a lift a handful of times.

I don't think she's ever said You owe me. He has never said I'm going to make it right and treat you with respect and show you care and consideration.

But instead of blaming him for being a thief and a user. She brought it back to me saying.

I really wish you had become a driver. You would have made my life so much easier.

SS - screwed up again right? She really can't do anything right and she is to blame because she only thinks of herself and is selfish to the core!!!!

One of the reasons I didn't want kids is because I thought I would be a bad parent, as mine sometimes were.

I know I am entitled to put my needs first because I can now. I deserve kind thoughts and actions because I was always deemed to be......... WRONG and heartless.

I wasn't self-centred before but I am now!