#BlogLife364 - Blogging evolution

It seems like before Blogger I was testing my voice, trying various controlled expressions, not too much, let's retain our mystery and not devote too much time to it.

Then maybe I became more settled. Blogger is huge and owned by Google there is only a small chance of it disappearing hopefully unlike the others that ran out of money and had to dissolve.

There was no-one to stifle my creativity anymore. I wasn't looking over my shoulder or freezing whenever I heard the door opening.

Ha how freaky, just as I typed that, the door buzzed and startled me. Nope not the boiler guy.

He is ruining nap time, well to be honest I don't feel sleepy at the moment. My brain is a lil hyper today which is good.

In 2017 there were 62 posts published but I did delete some. I wasn't happy with the writing style or perhaps I outgrew them or they were too repetitive?

I can't remember the reasons. In 2018 there were only 9 posted. I'm not sure why that was. Perhaps I was emotionally distraught?

In 2019 there was only 6 posts. Arghh it's dwindling down. In 2020 at least it improved to 67.

I know that it took me a long time to emotionally unpack everything I'd been through and there were a lot of dark times.

There was chronic insomnia, injuries, financial worries, maintenance issues.

It was a lot of responsibility to bear and then friends were drifting in and out with sorry excuses zzzz.

I felt really alone and confused. There were so many decisions to make, what if I made an error?

Could I cope with the fallout? I recall the male workers were slacking off and trying to gouge me for extra cash because I was a woman alone.

They kept talking down to me and just trying to goof off. I am soft spoken but I had reached my breaking point so I snapped angrily raising my voice and they all towed the line after that.

I was being really careful to stretch my budget. The only outlandish extravagances were the combi microwave that cost £250 as it was stainless steel and I grumbled shelling that out.

But to this day it still works. The bed I forget the cost and wardrobe oh and the blinds/wooden floors.

In 2021 a whopping 221 posts, the highest ever on blogger. I really began to commit and advertise myself on blogging networks and social media.

and now this year I am up to 187 posts so will easily break my record.

It's funny how up and down the journey has been. Life takes over, stress piles up, sometimes there's nothingness inside me.

The fictions posts and stories were a long time coming. Some might seem depressing but it was like a rebirth creating those.

Layer upon layer of heartache and misery just unearthed and risen to the surface.

Sure sometimes I balled my eyes out but I had to confront how bad things really were instead of shielding myself and it was exhilarating.

Who knew I had it in me? Certainly not me. I had cast most of it aside and never thought to explore it.

I was so used to not talking that much or thinking too deeply that all my expression had to be re-learned.

Then the floodgates burst open and I started having fun with it. Spoofs poured out, stories got created and truth series were just as cathartic as the fiction.

It all played a part in the healing. Dear Bully/Crazy Self Therapy..

Those were so raw. Things that I never felt I could admit to anyone.

Oh man, the boiler guy has come and gone and it needs another fix yeesh :(