#BlogLife512 - Why I'm not volunteering/counselling anymore?

I put the ringer, well vibration back on my phone and waited to see if Dic would call me back.

He did a few hours later but it wasn't for what I thought it was.. He didn't want a progress update..

He wanted to do another bloody survey on my health and well-being, yeeesh.

I was annoyingly consistent and didn't change any of my previous answers, I just trundled through it quickly and then uncharacteristically, cheerily bid him farewell.

I think I was just relieved it was over and I could get back to blogging.

Why did I just do that? I had peppermint essential oil on my hands and I thought I washed them after but maybe not.

Then I rubbed my eyes. SIlly silly. I just doused them with eye drops, they're not burning but they feel weird.

I wonder why I do crazy things? Can I blame it on being half asleep?

I'm not really tired actually but I woke up 7ish I think to get ready for my grocery delivery.

He arrived on time and everything is packed away neatly. Oh I just watched Sweet On You it's a fun romantic comedy that I recommend.

The usual kinda backdrop, workaholic travels to a quaint relaxed lil town and meets a baker who charms him with her quirkiness. 

I want to curl up with the blankie but it isn't cold. Grr. Oh I did eventually put my head down and sleep for a bit. It was lovely.

I feel more relaxed and energised now. I was thinking about getting back to volunteering but I cannot seem to make myself go back to it.

I feel I am pushing myself into it, as it is a worthwhile cause but the truth is my heart just isn't into it any longer.

I feel like I'm avoiding the murkiness of people's lives. In tv/films and reality.

There are times when I'm surrounded by darkness that haunts my every waking moment and even asleep, there's not any peace.

So when I'm awake, when I'm up for the challenges of life.. I guess I want some rays of hope around me, some pleasantness and laughter.

The things I heard when I was volunteering, I mean not all of it was bad, there were delightful chats but from those hanging on by a thread......

I have soo been there. I counsel friends, family, acquaintances, randoms, I make them feel better about themselves.

I don't feel the need to do it in my spare time too. I think that's why I like when people make me laugh because it's makes a huge change from me being the entertainer/supporter/taking the lead.

It's exhausting always being the caretaker and never being taken care of but L is quite sweet, although quieter..

I feel I need someone that is gonna have that silly lighthearted banter with me and not make me like their full-time cheerleader or interviewee.

Today was such a rush. I already lost the new pink top, it's either in the wash or it's fallen somewhere.

So in the end as time was running out, I put on the other rainbowy X top and had no time for makeup.

Even my hair is just not behaving itself, it feels flat and glued to my scalp.

It was actually really nice not seeing Dic. I felt weird today like all the air had been sucked out the room.

Could be pmt, I do feel bloated and I was nauseated but it also seems like claustrophobia a lil.

Even outdoors I felt there wasn't enough air to breathe. I don't usually show my arms but I had to take off the long sleeved top underneath.

To feel less uneasy. I'm just waiting for my sweet and sour rice to arrive and possibly after I eat and nap I might feel normal.

Until then I will keep sipping a cold citrus drink. Ahh I'm sad that yesterday the U2 earbuds after a year have died.

Well technically only the right one but I will bin them soon. I'm amazed they lasted this long.

The food has just arrived and it was a double discount. I think I will nibble on some sides.

I don't know if I've ever tried honey and garlic wings but the dry version was really bad.

I had a bite or two as I'm not hungry enough for a meal, I just wanted to try it and fill my tummy up a bit so it wasn't empty.

It is a whole lot of an improvement on the dry version. It's a shame it's overcooked but it's definitely mild and seasoned properly this time.

I think I would get that again, I was craving chicken spring rolls but they only do the veggie versions.

I just took off my bra because it was pressing on my stomach and making me feel sickly.

I feel freer and calmer now.