#BlogLife521 - Clothes shopping can be depressing

I was hoping for a stop-start period but nope still on and I find it harder than ever to sleep.

I think maybe 1amish until 5amish I slept and then it took me ages to fall back to a deep slumber.

I liked the purple top so much that I bought it in blue and red, it worked out to £6 each including postage as there were more discounts added and I had some credit left over.

I only have a handful of thin long sleeved summer wear so I don't mind paying about £12 for 2 beautiful tops that I feel happy showcasing.

Yesterday I was thinking about how my weight fluctuated so many times and when I was slimmer, clothes shopping was fun, I could try on loads of outfits and there was so much variety.

But mostly I was on the heavier side, surrounded by skinny people who could walk into any store and find something to wear.

Shopping with others made me feel so bad about myself because the ritzier the shop, the less choice I had, if any.

I think there were times when I was so happy to see my size I bought things I didn't even like.

If I wanted to go window shopping now I would probably have to find a plus size speciality store, that was far far away.

Whereas online there are quite a few places to have a look at. It's a relief to be the same size in all of them actually.

Normally it's different sizes in different stores. I think that's why I'm continually surprised when clothes actually fit me.

There seemed to lots of times when everything was too tight or unflattering and it was disheartening because trying different looks had been another way that I expressed myself.

I felt shy, withdrawn, unsociable but my fashion sense would sparkle. I didn't always do bright colours but occasionally I would.

Maybe through that, part of me was saying don't ignore me or underestimate me, I may look timid, I may not contribute much but underneath the layers there is more to me, that will eventually be unearthed, given the chance..