Selling my essence

I've been out with quite a few guys from various backgrounds and so I have been propositioned a fair few times. 

I've always found it strange that the poorer guys can't do enough and are willing to be generous and treat me while the wealthy guys are extremely miserly. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not after diamonds or gadgets, just the occasional dinner and treat on special occasions.

The exception to the rule have been two guys out of all the prosperous ones I have dated. Both were willing to lavish expensive gifts on me providing I would sleep with them whenever they deemed necessary. I have never been spoilt. 

I always thought I would have been when I found a decent guy but that never happened and now it would feel like I'm selling myself for trinkets.

I am not even a sexual person anymore. I haven't dated in ages, don't feel the need to have an affair and the thought of sleeping with someone and all the relationshipness it entails doesn't seem worth it.

I am way too closed off and independent to start compromising.

Why don't these guys see that respecting a woman and showing her affection should naturally lead to physical things providing they are on the same wavelength and founded in honesty. 

Rather than waving money around and thinking we are all shallow enough to do anything for it.

There are times when I think how easy it would be to have grown up without principles. I could just date and be looked after and not worry about bills or renovations. It would all be sorted out easily. 

No stress about money, no sleepless nights about how to fix and alter household products. 

But I so wanted to have it all. I wanted some guy to be head over heels in love with me that he would at least offer to throw romantic gestures without expecting anything in return but my gratitude and love. 

Shouldn't sex mean something? Don't I have the right to want someone to genuinely care about me and not just use me?