Wattpad

I started writing a story on Anonyme because it just came to me and I liked the idea. 

There have been a few reads but no comments so I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but I wanted a wider audience and so decided to publish and continue writing on the wattpad website instead of here. 

It feels more real there, having to write a blurb of what it entails and properly outlining the chapters. Plus giving it a title. 

I still don't know if I have any talent but I feel brave and excited publishing what I've written so far and just when I think I have no more ideas, up pop plenty, leading me in directions I would not have previously considered.

I was already a member so signing in wasn't a problem. I just felt very nervous publishing something that means a lot to me, knowing that anyone now had the possibility to criticize and tell me I have no skills. 

I sent the first couple of chapters to a friend of mine though and she seemed to enjoy them but maybe she was just being polite. 

Who knows really, but writing is something that brings me out of my shell. It makes me want to put myself out there and share my hidden thoughts and feelings. 

To be more engaging and risk sharing a part of me that no-one else sees.

Maybe the old me isn't entirely lost after all.

I've stalled a bit on the book writing. It's taken an unexpected twist and although I like it and it seems different, it's not realistic at all but a friend of mine who I thought was peeved with me has agreed to look it over and give an honest opinion back.

That's encouraging - providing I can muster up the courage to actually let him read it but before then I have to figure out if how I am going to get around writing a sex scene that I don't want to write but that is integral to the story.

What is really making me roll my eyes is now the fact that I am writing this story, people want to read it, they like the sound of the description which is flattering and it's making me cringe to let them read it but I have sent the link to several people and none of them have bothered. 

Excuse after excuse, yea I'll read it tomorrow, tomorrow comes and things arise.

I'm not asking them to drop everything but instead take five sodding minutes and read a few paragraphs, see if it's something that appeals and then just tell me "Oh its boring as hell or hmm not bad but could use some work." 

I ended up telling one guy not to bother because if he said he would read it later one more time I think I would have happily kicked him in the nuts!!

This writing project means something to me, I'm not in the big leagues and I'm not calling myself a writer but I am finding my voice and risking embarrassment by wanting to share an exaggerated part of me.

 I don't really talk about my feelings, my worries, my insecurities. I just live my life and try to figure a way to be strong and confident and less introverted.

Far better to let some strangers read my work and have them thumb it down than have someone I know do it. 

Would have been nice to get a male perspective, especially as my character is maybe less likeable than a typical sweet woman trying to find her way in life.

At least if someone does seek out the story they will have genuine interest and not just be reading it to score brownie points with me.

I hate writing the dialogue bits, I never know what to say. I think for peoples thoughts you are supposed to write them in italics. I will get round to doing that later and as for trying to be confident in writing.. 

I read that you are suppose to practice writing often, show others your work (well that's a bust if they don't want to read it) and ignore your inner critic if it stops you from trying.

Oh yea and for blogging they recommended writing short punchy pieces lol. I hate short blogs, I feel like I am just getting into reading it and it's over. 

I don't think any of my blogs are short, I love to ramble too much :)

Well I'm on chapter 11 now and I know I need to flesh out the characters I'm making up which I can do, I just don't want to share too much about them. 

I'm trying to be purposely vague and hope that it eventually it will all come together and make sense. These unconventional people who are friends and yet know things that others don't.

Another thing that was advised to get more views, was to link it to social media, which I thought about doing for five seconds and then that whole funny feeling came over. 

Losing every bit of privacy I have. Sharing it with a wider audience. 

I really am going to have to get over it one day and just be proud and thick skinned about sharing it but that day isn't today!