Worthiness

I had a lot of scathing surrounding me for a very long time and I started to believe I was imbecilic and pointless until I grew up and fought back..

Against all those people that tried to tear me down and make me feel insignificant just so that their lives wouldn't grate as much. 

Positive affirmations over and over to myself and dispelling any negative thoughts, started off my journey. 

It was tough and I felt silly at first but soon it became so natural that I wasn't faking being self assured, I really was. 

Then I cut out all the toxic people around me and felt immediately better that the backhanded compliments and secret jabs at me were no longer affecting me.

I took a good hard look at myself and started thinking about my good qualities instead of my failings. 

I was a great listener, everybody used to approach me for my good advice and care what I thought and said, so I must have something worthy to contribute. 

Beauty treatments are a wonderful way to spoil yourself and have that me time that is genuinely deserved. We all need it and should make the time. 

The weekend tends to be the time I do a face mask, my epilating, pedicures and if I feel like it, simple nail designs that might not seem like much but for me, they give me this jolt of happiness that I've done something different to the norm.

I loved studying English growing up and making up stories, it was the one bright spot at school as I never felt smart enough or capable enough. 

I would read a lot and change the story/characters in my mind. I had hoped one day to write something significant of my own.

I'm loyal to those I love and care about. I watch out for them and make sure they are happy and problem free. I go out of my way to be thoughtful and spoil them with little things to brighten up their days.

It could be a card, a hamper, a smile or just telling them how much I appreciate them and how them being in my life makes me grow as a person and feel rejuvenated when the times are tough and I shut the world out. 

Friendship is a two way thing, both people have to make the effort to keep in regular contact and just care what happens in each others life.

Confidence comes from within. You can't look to another person to make yourself feel good. 

Sure people can support and cheer you up, they can make you feel unburdened as they listen to your woes but you have to see yourself as important.

As someone that actually matters and realise that we all have flaws and insecurities because well-meaning friends will try and boost your ego and remind you about the abundance of qualities you possess but if you don't believe in yourself to begin with, then no matter how hard they try it will be pointless.

Our looks, our personalities, our abilities. Whatever it is, you can look around and see someone walking tall and seeming like they don't have a care in the world.

Even go so far as to envy them but I have been that person and looked at that person and seen first hand, they are just as insecure and self doubting as I am. They just hide it better, so now I make the most of myself.

For me it is makeup, and wearing clothes that suit my curvy figure. I experiment with my look and walk out that door with an upbeat playlist and I feel good.

There are times when I do feel utterly depressed and miserable and at those points I don't just sweep it under the carpet.

I'll maybe watch a sad movie or I used to write in my journal a lot. If I wasn't ready to face the problem I would say to myself I acknowledge your existence.

I am not ignoring you but I will deal with you at a later time and that way I wasn't letting everything engulf me. I allowed myself to be sad or in touch with emotions and a few days later I was back to normal.