Waves goodbye

I gave hints and warnings and waited for you to open your eyes but you wanted to stay small and not grow and tonight/yesterday was the icing on the cake. 

Making statements and pouting and not really saying anything of significance and then running away because you're too cowardly to face me.

*Shoves you out the door, don't come back*

I kept my cool and I thought that you would appreciate that as I usually just lose it and things get tense and confrontational but I suspect I knew you weren't going to change and I was fed up caring so I was waiting for the final showdown. 

Except there was nothing but silence as you refused to talk and I got bored and left.

I am partially similar to you, but when I truly get close to someone I relax and give a little more of myself but you just give nothing but the surface and it has been months, maybe even longer, so I am not asking too much of you.

You care more about me than I do of you. I know that because you were always so certain we would never quarrel and be friends for life but I'm a realist and I kept having to explain to you that my friendships are short. I may demand a lot but I also give a great deal too.

You are stuck in a resentment loop where you just project the hurt and anger on to me but in reality on one or more of our chats you should have thought about what I was saying and even given me an explanation as to why you remain closed off.

When you look back and possibly decide to get in touch, know that it is too little to late and you should have grown a pair and faced the issue. 

None of it is easy but I did it and I am notoriously quiet with a hellish past. You think going into the harrowing details was easy for me? 

No it wasn't but I did because I felt safe and comfortable and I hoped that you would trust me someday and do the same.

Time's up though. I am no longer interested in what is going through your head. You can keep deflecting the questions directed at you but sooner or later you will lose your identity for good.

*23/1/17*

I had to open up past emails as reference to your address as I couldn't even remember yours. I was so used to hitting reply but you messaged me with empty words and nothing deeper once more so it will be relegated to the trash. 

You say that you still see us as friends and hope in the future we will talk again but don't go into details about what you're hiding and why you have never shared anything so enjoy the shallow friendships you have ahead of you, you've lost mine permanently.

Twas never meant to be.