#BlogLife239 - No I can't!

I'm so glad it's the weekend. I really can't wait to veg out and do as lil as possible. I think my biggest challenge is perception.

People look at me and see a dramatic woman, that can't be bothered to do much and I feel that about myself too so I tend to apologise for it.

I'm in my 40's and should be able to do things for myself but I end up straining my body constantly and the pain that comes with it, is unbearable and depressing and makes me feel even more useless.

My bodies age feels 80 years old. I'm typing away and my fingers are just full of pain. If I'm upright my legs are burning in agony. If I'm bending my back feels sharp pains.

If I'm standing, my body can't bear the weight so I have to shift and lean on one side only, then my feet start to hurt.

At least when I'm sprawled on my bed, my back, legs and feet get to ease up and heal. My hands do not because I'm using them constantly so they feel this constant tug tug tug and don't get to recharge unless I'm sleeping.

I wish I could rest more but I seem to be waking hourly and even if I take myself off for an early night, it doesn't quite work. I just need to feel that blinding exhaustion to switch my brain off, in order to close my eyes and pass out.