#BlogLife432 - Being chronically sick means being judged

There just seems to be a lot of sarcasm, disbelief and prejudice going on with telling people that I can't manage, this or that.

"Hmm, you're tired already but you've only done one thing."

"How can you want to nap, when you've only been up a few hours?"

"You should really be able to cope, it's not difficult."

"You seem fine so I didn't bother to ask if you needed anything."

A side note. I've had the new blankie on for about 2 hours and I'm frozen. Barely any heat at all.

My hands are like ice and my body is shivering. I woke up 9ish or 10ish but I didn't put the blankie on til 12ish as I didn't want to keep tripping over the wire.

I wonder what the seller can possibly say to justify this piece of crap?? I've just replied back to them reiterating my opinions grr.

Why must I repeat myself??

I am already yawning and I'm feeling sore and tired. The sucky thing to me is that most of the above comments, were made by people who know I have severe health conditions but I'm still expected to be..... What??? Normal???

When I wake up, usually exhausted it's a roulette, what hurts? What makes me uneasy?

Did I have any nightmares? Did I have a triggery panic attack? Did the pains keep me up for a while?

Yesterday when I was drifting in and out of sleep, my arm was bothering me.

I didn't hit it or bruise it, yet it was throbbing significantly for no reason whatsoever.

I've found that random parts of my body will just give me intermittent sharp pains from routine actions.

Exercises, carrying shopping a few feet from the door to the kitchen, bending to plug the cord in..

It's nothing major that I do, it's just later on, I'll pay the price for it. Today I guess my hands feel a lil tender and that's from typing and carrying the Ocado bags.

I don't feel weepy or upset as such. I feel empty but I don't blame myself for not being "healthy" in their eyes, if they're too idiotic or biased to tell sick, from able bodied, that is their hang up.

I think it does grate though that their perception of me is "lazy." And I'm there struggling to do the barest minimum, for my own sake and it's sooo difficult for me but I achieve it, just about.

Only for them to turn around and say..... "Well I expect more from you."

I don't have anything more, it killed me to do what you asked. Why do you demand the impossible???

Why isn't me showing up, adequate?? I got the advents to do and I promise when I'm away I'll work on the stories.

The Christmas one isn't going to be ready in time. I'm just blank.

I'm not sure if you know what it's like to get up, eat, get dressed and just sit down and think.....

I don't want to do anything because my brain is depleted and my body is stretched beyond capacity but I have to do something and then that's it, there's nothing left inside me, for anything or anyone....

** The reason for the delay in posting this was that I had cramps which I thought were pmt/pms related.

I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary, until the nausea started and I managed to avoid it, until the third time.

I didn't even had the chance to rush to the bathroom, it was all over the floor, the pillows, the bed and myself.

My head is killing me. I had no energy to take out the bins, unpack the shopping or just get up and walk around but living alone means you have no choice but to get on with it.

Sorry if that was an overshare. I had to psyche myself up just to get things done but I mainly just napped all day.

I didn't want to do anything today and still don't but I think even temporary illnesses make me more determined to get on with things or just do what I can manage.

I'm relieved to have reserve posts, I'm not sure I could have written something fresh.

It's the achiness that gets to me, I haven't been active much but I feel so tired.

I couldn't face food today so I just sipped water, fizzies and vimto throughout the day.

I didn't want anything foodie related because my stomach still doesn't feel settled so I literally opened the fridge and closed it.

Tomorrow hopefully will be an improvement and I can nibble some small snacks.