#BlogLife874 - It's like you want to get blocked

To keep my stress down, I've been watching Foodie Reviews from a Youtuber called Gary Eats, he's witty and silly and it's nice to hear about different foods I had never heard of.

I searched for more UK foodies and there was one called Coral Blush that's interesting.

I find her mouth logo offputting, anything that sexualises routine content is a turn off usually.

However her videos aren't flirty, it's just a hook to grab attention, I guess people have to stand out where they can.

Anyway she was doing a sushi review from Marks and Spencer and I've never seen chicken caesar sushi before, I wonder if Ocado will start to stock it?

I hope so, would be interesting to try it, although salmon avocado remains my favourite.

The randoms continue to get on my nerves aside from a select few.

One ghosted me recently, we had a big blow up and I don't remember the details but it was enough to make me snap.

I was tolerating him and I thought enough is enough. You don't get to be snarky as if you're so great, I'll tell you the real truth that you're a disappointment.

Actually we uneasily made up but it's the same sort of bitterness that seeps up, with a forced truce.

The angry revelations linger. It still feels as though, the guy can say anything disrespectful and I'm supposed to be like yea fine, be mean.....

But when I give it back, granted I am vicious, they can't handle it.

I'm not bothered about PB at all. The other one was bombarding me with friend requests and I kept saying down the line I will consider it, it's our first chat.

Then he started calling me names, stupid, dummy, etc...... As if that would persuade me.

So instead of getting angry, I remained serene and said, You really shouldn't have said that, now I have to block you.

And he was typing this whole longgg speech, ha. Think before you speak, is the lesson here.

As for DL I keep wondering if he's asked anyone else for space?

I have never bombarded him with texts, one or two to start off a conversation, but mainly I let the randoms contact me.

I don't think he will be in touch and I don't fancy waiting around so Sunday will be the two week deadline, which is more than fair.

He could have said I'm not ignoring you but I need more time or just give me a few more days...

Anything really, we all need time alone, that is healthy. My concern is, I don't want to be picked up and put down, used for passing the time and then dismissed.

Also I think it's mixed signals, sometimes he acts like we are strangers and other times super flirty.

I've told him that we can just cut out the flirting, if that's what he wants and I sense it is, but then he himself resumes it lol.

The more time that passes, the less I care and for me a week would have been sufficient.

He should have said I'm not coming back, we're done, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I had to be forthright.

Weird, as of tonight (Wednesday night), a text just popped up from DL.

Again I appreciate the reaching out to go into details, but I'm angry also.

I feel he is dangling me on a string, dance puppet dance. I'm going to wish him well and end things and block him.

To sum it up, he put what happened and that he's struggling with it, that I can understand.

What's annoying me, is the next part which I hear a lot, which is followed by Goodbye!

That is, I'm not good company, I'm processing, I'll be in touch, not his exact words, but I'm trying to convey the meaning.

That part to me is like, hmmmm, you know, I may or may not get in touch, but wait around in case I might need you, waste time hoping I do.

And don't be any wiser about my intentions. Nope, not having it. This is what I feared, the whole game playing thing.

I'm around but I'm not, don't contact me!!!! I wonder why they always contact me at night also, you have the whole day.

Probably so that I won't reply. I'm going to reply, wish him well and say Goodbye, I'm a person, not a puppet.

I'm not sticking around for anyone wishywashy, that doesn't know what they want and that I am someone special to keep around.

Screw that!!! All done and I didn't give him a chance to reply because although I feel for him, which I do..

I would have been in his corner and rooted for him and to me it's like he's said Nope, you're not good enough to do that.

We haven't known each other long but I've shared some personal fears with him, not in great detail but things I wouldn't normally say.

I don't regret it. To me friendship should be about the good and bad, not just the good stuff.

I admit I distance from others when I'm really down or stressed but I feel I share small tidbits at least.

Anyway that is that, it might sound cruel or heartless but if I am putting myself out there, I want to know I'm valued.

And with him, I no longer feel that. I'm not saying he needs to open up fully but the whole attitude just seems like a slow death goodbye and I prefer mine quick and to the point.

Plus if I had ever experienced healthy stable friendships where I wasn't used, maybe I would be more understanding about it.

But I haven't and this situation attacks my self esteem because I feel like the honest truth is he wants me gone but selfish;y he thinks I'm entertaining and good to stroke his ego.

So he doesn't want to entirely alienate me and burn the bridges but nor does he want me bothering him.

That's nowhere near acceptable so I have no regrets in blocking him as I don't feel appreciated and ultimately, it's like he's screaming Sod Off and leave me alone!

So be it :) My beautiful sunglasses just arrived, they look so premium, you wouldn't guess they were £4.

I'm very happy and the mask is due before 2.30pm today so I'll get my stuff before the weekend.