Dear J

You'll never see this because you never asked to see my blog but as I reconnected with you tonight and I hadn't seen you since January, I guess I wanted to say thanks, thanks for your unique friendship.

How to explain it? You and I just synced from the beginning. It's probably now been a year and a half to two years off and on we've known each other. 

I always drew a line with platonic friendship and flirting but ours just seems to work without any romantic feelings present. 

I don't know if we ever did discuss it in depth or maybe you just interpreted the hints that I just wasn't looking but regardless, we seem to be comfortable in each others presence without boring each other, fighting or having misunderstandings. 

I think I just needed a friend to hangout with, laugh and be myself around. 

No guard, no impressing, no watching what I said, just enjoying your company and secretly pleased that you weren't "over me." By that I just mean, having outgrown our bond.

We don't really do deep and meaningful although I did explain my circumstances and you never criticised or judged. You just asked some follow up questions. 

I know I'm not the easiest person to get to know and maintain a companionship with but somehow you got me feeling safe enough to confide in you and you didn't break my trust. 

Honestly I do wish you were a bit more candid about your life and feelings but I accept that we are both not big talkers. 

Although having said that, there is many a night we've just stayed up talking, laughing and mercilessly teasing each other.

You're not the greatest with follow up calls and you promised to call tomorrow but we shall see. 

You'll just never know how much I needed you tonight. I've been feeling lost, disconnected and out of sorts and seeing you just made me smile so much. 

I think, well I know part of what makes our friendship work is that. 

You say "No." to me a fair bit and I'm not used to that. I can usually get my own way easily. 

Also you're not clingy or mushy. You have the balance between compliments, ribbing and space. 

You ask the very minimum of me and express humble gratitude in exchange. 

The sweetest part of the night is that you gently enquired whether you would see me soon and didn't want to say goodbye, even though you had an early shift tomorrow.

My frail ego needed this today. Tomorrow not so much but appreciated all the same.

I hope you have the sweetest of dreams and it's enough to know that you occasionally think about me, just as you flicker across my thoughts also. 

Take care

-X-