#AgonyLife15 - Dear SS My invisible disability isn't seen, advise please?

Firstly I'm sorry that you are dealing with whatever current health condition(s) that you are facing. 

I just hope you have someone on your side that believes in you, to prop you up, listen and support you.

You can go the traditional route and keep pestering doctors until they run every test possible and narrow it down that way..

But you will still have to call up all the inner reserves you have and then some and fight to be recognised as disabled.

It's brutal and exhausting and it just destroys you mentally. I used to keep being referred here and there and these people kept scoffing and looking down on me.

This was due to not passing their pigeon-holed, narrow-minded tests and they weren't smart enough to diagnose me when I knew what it was all along.

Unfortunately you have to be patient with these exasperating fools and just keep explaining your symptoms as comprehensively as possible and hope that somebody, somewhere sees the light.

I've been doing it for about 20 years and still have not been officially told what my condition is and I still get a condescending tone and rolled eyes which caused some of my depression and feelings of worthlessness.

If I'm then forced to do things that I can't manage, the physical and mental result is panic attacks, fear and emotional destruction.

The pain is intolerable and I have to recover in bed for days, especially if it's something extremely taxing like climbing stairs, excessive walking, bending or lifting, my body locks the pain in place so next time I go out and try to move anywhere..

It freezes and then the pain is so excruciating that I just want someone to put me out of my misery because it's not only embarrassing to be crying your eyes out in the high street but there is no break from this suffering.

It's getting worse. I can stop and frequently do to lean on a wall to have a reprieve but the discomfort doesn't lessen it.

It grows so when I go back to them and say because you made me climb stairs, unduly walk, bend, or lift, I can barely function and wish I was dead...

They shrug and say......

"Oh err, well I assumed you were lying. I mean come on, you're not in a wheelchair or crutches. You seem perfectly healthy, just lazy and over-entitled."

I hope that noone ever says the above to you but I'm used to it. It's been 20 years of the same garbage.

If you can, jot down notes and maybe time frames, add as many details as you can, enquire to friends and family for further input and then refer to your notes because it helps the idiotic doctors, consider alternative disorders.

To conclude repeat this.......

I am sick and suffering and miserable and I'm so tired of hearing that I'm healthy and exaggerating and faking.

I recognise myself as being disabled and I deserve respect. 

I deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt because you are essentially killing me by denying me that right.

I don't want to go on anymore. Every time you make me relive my situation, I cry uncontrollably and my strength falls away.

I cannot do this by myself anymore, I need you to meet me halfway.

Take care of yourself, from one sick person to another, I see you, I feel you and I care about you.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))