#BlogLife31 - Get Out! (Fiction)

I tread softly approaching the door. I hear laughter and chatter but I can't make out what it's about. I reach my hand out to turn the door knob but then I stop myself.

I really wasn't invited. I tagged along. Acquaintances have gone in before me and I hesitated and didn't join them. I should have. It would have been easier to blend in and mingle but I can't.

I take a deep breath and go for it. It is now or never. I turn the handle and it's like I am entering a whole new world. People freeze.

The music stops. There is silence and it seems like pointing and it's like I can hear their inner voices, screaming at me.

You don't belong here!

Who are you trying to kid? 

What are you doing here?

Who invited you?

I can't have fun, while you're near!

I wish you had never arrived!

GET OUT!!

My breath stops and then I exhale loudly looking around. I blink and it's back to normal. People are just milling around. The music is playing in the background and laughter is heard all around me.

I walk past them all shrugging my shoulders, maybe they are accurate. I don't feel at all myself. I head for the back door and sneak away.

The sun is radiating warmth and birds are chirping. I don't feel uneasy any longer. I hear someone in the distance faintly calling out to me..

Over and over until I hear footsteps getting closer. I shake my head trying to justify it in my head. Hey I tried. I showed up. I entered and now I'm bolting.

I don't know why I've always felt like that. That I am mean't to be alone. To struggle by myself. To support myself. To be by myself.

I do know that I don't make things worse by entering into a room and staying. I know it, deep down I do but I don't believe it.

I walk forwards in a hurry and soon I no longer hear my name being called. That fake politeness being invited back, when they really couldn't care less.

I'm not missed. I'm not the life and soul of the party. I am the invisible woman that aimlessly wanders. Doesn't talk to anyone and probably trips over something or spills a drink.

I have been the entertainer and the wallflower. I don't like either of those. I grab the punchbowl and smash it in the kitchen. I tip the contents of the cupboards on to the shiny floor.

I throw platters of food on the walls and watch it trickle down leaving stains. I grab two bottles of alcohol and I hurl them in empty spaces of the room.

I finally look up and I'm finally noticed, really seen, for the first time ever! I look at the faces of strangers and people I know and now there is pointing and looks and I shrug and laugh.

Either I am wanted to make up numbers, due to obligation or because I'm the witty one. How about an invitation because you miss me?

Or due to you wanting to catch up? Or perhaps you want to spoil me for a change? How would that be? That would be a radical change because it never happens.

Acquaintanceship/friendship.. Whatever you want to call it, should not solely exist in your orbit. Get out of your ego and be there for someone else, who really needs it.