#BlogLife105 - The flirty ride home

It's weird how I can open up to some people straight away and others I remain closed off from either permanently or just to begin with.

When I got into the cab from mama's I usually just take the cues from them, some are chatty and other's prefer not to talk. I don't mind either but at least when someone is engaged, I feel less panicky.

My PTSD triggers can occur anytime but usually it is when I am dreaming or outdoors. That is why I use talking or listening to music as a coping mechanism.

At first he started off quietly so I didn't think anything of it and was just playing games on my phone and then he just became more chatty.

Actually flirty and friendly. I was telling him that was my mama seeing me off and helping with the bags and that we were just celebrating and he was surprised that she looked so youthful for her age.

I just told him that it is good genes. This family just ages well, without wrinkles and visible signs, except on our scalps. As expected the follow up question is always heritage based.

Where is she from? I sometimes give a complete answer and other times, give the vague version. I just get annoyed when someone has assumed my identity just by looking at me.

If you are just assuming facts about me. I can't be bothered to correct you. You just seem ignorant to me but if you ask me, then I might be more inclined to share.

I told him and he was surprised as they usually are and said Oh I want to marry someone from there and what is your ideal type of guy?

I was just laughing thinking, strange how I am sitting back here, thinking he preferred not communicating with my optional face mask still plastered on my face so it's half hidden with no makeup on.

Then suddenly he's being kinda charming? I guess. I didn't mind because the distraction is useful and the drive is a bit of a trek.

Plus I was feeling off balance. I just felt like by my mama praising all those people that I didn't like and who treated me shamefully..

She was reinforcing their disgusting behaviour. Basically saying all that happened to me was acceptable because she looked up to them and admired them so they couldn't be imperfect.

I felt quite low actually and a bit teary. I maintained my composure but admitting out loud that I couldn't wait to go home and be at peace was sad.

Shouldn't my visit have been uplifting and care-free? I am just reminded that my relationship with my parents has and always will be shaky.