#BlogLife90 - What is it like to be a we instead of an I?

I haven't really thought about dating and relationships for ages. I have just been getting on with my days and enjoying the breaks where it is pain-free or calm.

But I have started reflecting back on my past history and noticing I have never really done couply things before. Simple things people take for granted are just alien to me.

1. Cooking a meal together or even washing up.

Never happened. The few times I hung out or stayed over somewhere. It's like food was never mentioned as though it was a bad word.

That just made me feel even more weight conscious as though they were implying........ Listen I prefer you skinny, even though you are not built that way, so I don't want to offer you food because to be honest, you have meat on you already.

2. Watching a television show curled up.

The only time I remember the television being switched on, was when the guy I was dating tried to get me to watch an adult movie.

It just came out of nowhere and wasn't a couple thing, it was a.... This is how I get in the mood, so you better fast track and get on the same page.

It's not my thing as those are tailored towards men. I just remember sighing and looking at my phone and thinking, what am I doing here, with this moron?

3. Getting a massage, even if it's just a scalp one.

I always thought how romantic it was in the movies when the boyfriend ran a bath for his girlfriend and stayed to talk, washed her hair, looked after her needs and didn't make her feel guilty or expect anything from it.

4. Getting affection without expecting sex

I have a strong feeling that I used to be affectionate. That I wanted to hold hands or link arms or hug a lot but then I kept getting the same negative response to it.

Ugh, why do women embarrass men? Can we not? Do I have too really? 

I suppose when you get rejected and made to feel ashamed that you want that tenderness, it eventually gives you a cold bitter detachment from it.