#BlogLife888 - Turning over a new leaf starting today

My method over stressing about every lil thing is not helping me. I need to find a new coping approach.

Whatever the messy future is I'm resigned to it. I've tried my best to be careful and budget. I will continue to do so.

I try to do the right thing, it doesn't always work out well but I have good intentions.

I just need to accept I can't fix everything, some things are designed to drag on, it happens..

I'll just do what's in my power, survive it, as usual like I've been doing since I was lil and afraid, even back then.

I have to stay calm, be strong, know that whatever happens I have my own back, if the worst happens, then so be it.

Thus far I've been able to be independent, fight my own battles, live alone and give myself soothing pep talks.

I feel like because I'm polite, others mistake me for having no backbone but I'm as deadly as they are, I'm just sneakier.

I get my own way, I just don't demand it. I have convenient excuses instead.

I'm not sure what to do about the course he's trying to bully me into taking, coding is not for me.

I'm currently taking a break from the cleaning and tidying. To be honest I've only done one thing and that destroyed all my energy.

I was changing the bed and looking for the pillowcases and the other duvet was tangled up, I couldn't find the edges and I just felt sickly and depleted.

So just doing that, took me an hour, which is ridiculous but that's what being sick is, simple things take longer and longer.

I'm trying not to be frustrated with myself but I have insanely high expectations, that even though I'm weaker, I still should be able to push past it with ease.

I have to be kinder to myself because I knew it, the pain is beginning to spread around my body and that's going to drain me even more.

I just feel really sore and fragile today, the pain is not my friend, although I did sleep well in sections, deep enough to dream about moving and mingling, it was odd.

I haven't eaten yet and I don't really feel I deserve it as I haven't finished with the bathroom, I wanted to scrub the tub and wipe around the sink first before relaxing with a meal or snack.

I just remembered the rent was due so I practically paid off the last of the rent arrears, only a couple of pence needed, well under a pound really.

So at least now, I have £50 extra a month to help with the bills and groceries, at least that's something positive.