#BlogLife59 - Can I tell you a secret? (mature audiences only)

Look at you leaning closer thinking this is going to be another candid session. Tsk tut! Sorry to disappoint you, although I may pop one in at the end if I can think of one..

Actually the reason for the title of the post is because people just open up to me and tell me stuff and I always think........ Why the hell are you telling me this?

Now when I say people. I refer to new acquaintances that I don't know well but have exchanged back and forths with. I don't refer to my readers who are free to reach out and express anything.

Someone just told me something recently and I just laughed because frankly what do you say to that, except.... Are you being serious?

If I am in doubt of the validity of the confession. I just make a joke. I mean what are you looking for, from me? Sympathy? Praise? Attention? It is not something you share with people you barely know.

I truly do not understand that person. They said life was routine and dull but I know they could change that and help other people but actively choose otherwise. That is weird right?!

I cannot reveal exactly what I've been told as these are not my truths to share. Just trust me that these revelations are huge. The thing is, most of the time, they come out of nowhere.

There is no connection to the conversation so I always feel confused as to why it was blurted out, to me, of all people. If a reader emailed me and said..

You talked about your self esteem issues in a certain post. I can relate to that because... I would treat that with sensitivity because that was difficult to admit to anyone, let alone a stranger.

However if someone I barely talk to just tells me something life changing. I am lot less supportive and understanding as I feel that they have unburdened themselves and put it on my shoulders out of selfishness.

I don't appreciate that action. As I have daily stress of my own and I am not looking to ease anyone else's suffering. I can do it for friends or family or even as an unpaid supporter.

But when it is not quid pro quo and you get to unburden and feel lighter and I do not. I will have to show you the door. I remind you once more, we are not friends or even that close.

I had someone recently appear in my life and I thought we were progressing from acquaintanceship to friendship but then I analysed the conversations and realised...

He does not give any of himself away. I repeatedly asked questions about his day or life in general and I get the same thing each time.

"Nothing happening, just work!!!" Sooo sooo sooo uninteresting. He is added to the ignore list. I'm not looking for secrets. 

Just bloody say anything. Yeesh. Now you want to know one of my secrets? Nosey aren't you? :D

Alright here goes. I only ever told one person this. Don't judge but when I was a teenager living at home, maybe I was fifteen/sixteen..

I left a man stay over in my room. Now before you jump to conclusions. Hear me out first. Lower those raised eyebrows please.

Grins. Thank you. The situation was, we had spent the whole just hanging out and talking. He was a distraction. One of the guys I used to keep me out of the house.

It was a light new flirtyish friendship. I don't even think we kissed or did anything more than hug. Anyway hanging out with him mean't that I got a break from being scared at home and the bullying.

It was getting really late and he walked me home and asked if he could crash at mine because it was too late to take a train so I said....

There is no way in hell that is happening. My mama would kill me but I kinda felt sorry for him as he had been listening to me vent all day and he had tried his best to be supportive.

Eventually he talked me into it but I said, you gotta stay quiet and you cannot get caught. You have to leave early and there is to be no messing around.

I think he was desperate enough to agree, having said he would sleep in a park bench if I didn't consent. I made him keep his clothes on and I did the same.

I had never slept with a man before so this was unnerving, awkward and slightly terrifying. My mama tried to burst in the room but I shut the door quickly.

That was the funniest thing ever. I just said a friend was staying over and she would just bunk down here and we wouldn't make noise.

My mama was like meh sure. Whatever. If only she knew the truth........Bahaha!!! Anyway he got up to use the bathroom and he comes back saying...

Oh my goodness. I just got caught by your mama and my face was priceless. I was swearing in my head. Thinking what am I going to say??

Then he said he was kidding. If murder was quiet. I would have massacred his ass!! He did try it on, as males always do. 

He climbed on top of me and just said "Don't worry it isn't big, you won't feel it." But I pushed him off and said there was no chance that was happening.

He also tried "We should strip off to be more comfortable. I can't sleep like this and you can't either." (To be honest, I couldn't but there was no way I would admit that).

None of his tricks worked and afterwards when he left unseen in the morning. I realised I was trying to force myself to like him and be attracted but I wasn't.

Plus the fact he had tried to take advantage of my hospitality and just bulldoze his attentions on me because I couldn't loudly protest didn't escape my notice.

I just blocked him after that. I don't think I was scarred by it. I was just naive and it was a reminder to be more careful. I wish I had been in the future...