#BlogLife282 - My life was a silent movie

It started with diaries, then people, then morphed into blogging. I tried all these ways to open up and tell people what was on my mind.

It just didn't seem to work. I think I was too detached from my reality.

I told myself things weren't that bad, others had it worse so I pretended and then believed it.

I couldn't talk as it was barred and I wanted to express myself, to figure out who I was becoming and then because I censored myself and was prevented from it..

The choice was taken away. My brain took over and it eventually went on full auto-protect alert.

Don't divulge that, this person is asking too many personal questions, abort, abort.

Derail the conversation, make a joke, switch topics, be vague, turn the tables.

It just became easier than trying to explain myself to nobody that was real.

Surprisingly at night, that was my escapism as a child. Even back then my brain was going wild and crazy with stories.

I had a lot of good detailed dreams, the occasional nightmare but that was few and far between, it isn't like now.

PTSD induced, this was just random scary thoughts maybe or stress.

I recall that I wanted to be creative, to have a written expression of sorts but I wasn't comfortable at home and so I couldn't manage it.

That was frustrating and depressing. I should be able to do this I told myself but it never made sense, it was a hollow interpretation.

Just before I left home, bits of it was trying to break loose and pour out of me but still with the dangerous environment I was in, it stayed muffled.

Then when I left home, I went through this period of feigning I was now healed and complete.

It didn't register that I was nervous and trying to process everything that had occured because maybe my brain was still on guard trying to work up the courage to let it out.

Blogger that I started in 2017 seems to be the truest version of me, where I realised I actually was free and I could learn how to talk again and that it was now fully secure.

It took that feeling to unlock the inspirational me. The part that I was frightened to share with anyone, in case they taunted me once more.

A couple of cleansing themes were generated...

Dear Bully

Crazy Self Therapy

Eventually BookLife and BlogLife, where the fiction was finally unlocked and available to be explored.

It still doesn't seem real, that I can share these wonderful pieces of me that I never thought I would be able too, not due to the lack of ability but I didn't believe in myself.

Faithless Pursuit (completed on wattpad)

Lethal Curves Ahead (ongoing on wattpad)

Mr Cruise (completed on the blog)

The Lost Girl (Don't ask me what this was about, I have no idea lol. Completed on the blog)

How Mrs Claus Got Off The Naughty List (completed on both)

Shenanigans With A Shifty Chef (completed on both)

Mr DJ Don't Play Me (completed on both)

and the other 2 that I'm not ready to reveal just yet. Six complete stories which blows my mind.

I know they are just simple shortish creations and I probably won't produce anything at a professional standard but they are still all my originals.

It's beyond gratifying and I'm going to continue and try not to be overly mushy at the end and make it a mix of varied themes.

One day maybe people will get curious and stumble upon them and wile away some time, giggling. One can hope :)

I'm transferring them to wattpad but keeping them on here because it will be good to make my profile broader with more tales and I wanted to make them come alive.

Creating a book jacket just does that for me.