I see you differently

I got back from mums recently and it was so serene. I let everything go, let everyone know I was away but this time I was only half unreachable. 

I sent a few texts out with updates. I have this love/hate thing for summer. On one hand it's full of family birthdays including my own that recently passed and on another scale.. 

I can't cover up with bulky jackets. I can barely layer up because the weather has been so warm.

A while back I did actually buy some summer gear, quite a few feminine outfits that I haven't even dared to wear outside the home. 

One such creation was a back and white multi layered top with beautiful detailed lace around the sleeves and midrift. It ends just over my stomach which is the worse possible place but I wore something under it. 

I just couldn't figure out if I should wear it out or not. Eventually I went for it, feeling the usual self consciousness but at the same time feeling a little proud of myself. 

I realised that I had some significant weight loss recently. Not a huge amount but enough to show that I was moving in the right direction and clothes were fitting more loosely. 

It's not surprising I have been living off popsicles, flavoured water and reduced my snacking because with the heat bearing down on me, my appetite just hasn't felt as big as it normally is.

I noticed that a lot of people were looking at me but I still couldn't twig if that was a positive or negative reaction. Until I met up with my mum and she didn't hold back, she complimented me on the top and said it looked great. 

I was really surprised actually, I thought she would have said it was a little too snug or not long enough but that was enough to calm my nerves. 

What really cemented it was a completely random guy calling me "sexy." I didn't even stop, I was just too stunned to respond. I was melting in the heat and just trying to search for shade but it was nice to get a compliment.