#BlogLife494 - Does BodyCare care?

Song of the day - Mary J Blige - Round and Round

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdBPAX3vxcg

Hmm let's leave song of the day until later. I'm pleased to say that I got a super quick response from BodyCareOnline and they were really nice and helpful.

Hermes updated me also and it is expected either tomorrow or Saturday supposedly.

I'm glad about that as I only see about 2 packets left and this is a Bank Holiday weekend so there will be a backlog soon.

I still hate the fact that, had I not been proactive and chased it up, I would have been sat waiting still, ugh. No matter.

I've been taking extra care of my gums and teeth but they are aching at the moment.

I'm just rinsing with salt water and mouthwash. I'm used to diluting the former alcohol one because it stings and I just tried the non alcohol one without watering it down.

Yikes that burns too. There was no thunderstorm yesterday but the temperature did drop.

It's not that warm at the moment but the sunshine did wake me up today.

No cramps or sickiness to deal with yet. I've ordered pesto chicken pasta for lunch as the cupboards are bare and I probably won't do a grocery shop until the weekend.

I'll have to eat on my right side because the left is tender. I can't see any plaque or tartar though.

Oh and I also got a brownie for dessert. I'm surprised my whole face hasn't broken out in hormonal pimples but it's fairly clear.

Ha, they gave me extra chicken and an extra brownie. I think they are trying to spoil their regular customers or maybe they had surplus..

I only had a nibble because I'm full, lots of leftovers for tomorrow and my 20% off helped.

Plus on my next order there's more savings added. I have to read it but I can't be bothered at the moment.

Just one spot on my chin so far. Still no word from Dic, maybe he's ill? They could be on holidays, who knows? Who cares.

I'm glad of the break. Oh I have to pay some bills but after my food arrives, actually I'm pretty sure they are closed for lunch anyway.

I'm not sure if it's my contact lenses but I'm struggling to read fine print. 

I used to be able to see it but now even with squinting, it's a struggle.

I will do another protein lens treatment in May and see if it is any clearer.

#BlogLife493 - Periodic pains

Song of the day - Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy_eP-mqWow&list=PL_S79tzxwHpOjlynfkGbkx-UC99ltSAXW&index=15

A few days ago in the UK we had this mass emergency alert test to broadcast news to everyone local in a convenient fashion.

I read about it on twitter prior to this and then forgot all about it so when my silent phone, beeped and vibrated, it shocked me.

I jumped and thought the laptop was doing it but then I picked up my phone and switched off the message.

At least it worked, well for me anyway, some didn't get it apparently.

I just emailed BodyCare to enquire about my parcel from the 21st April. I don't want to chase it up with Hermes, I doubt they have a contact number.

As usual it's probably just a bot service which is infuriating to try to get answers from.

I'll see how they handle difficulties, as I said before Companies are fine when everything is going smoothly but once difficulties arise, how do they respond??

If I'm not happy with the outcome, I'll probably move onto another site.

Bad customer service is off-putting.and I just realised it's a Bank Holiday on Monday which means further postal delays grr.

What would cheer me up right now is a big thunderstorm with lightning and heavy rain.

I've done so much laundry this month because of ongoing periods, I need the heating on to dry the clothes grr but it's getting warmer.

Plus I need the blankie over me. Holy moly, there is 3 Bank Holidays this month, 1st, 8th and the 29th May.

It feels like everything comes to a standstill during the holidays and I don't know if I'll have to do an emergency shop for thick sanitary towels.

I only have the thin ones left but I need a mixture, fortunately I haven't been called outdoors but I still could be this week.

Regarding my hair/haircuts I sometimes wonder if I am trying to make myself look bad on purpose, just because I feel horrible at the moment.

Maybe that's why I don't take special care and use mirrors but cut blindly?

I am actually fortunate that it works out. My hair is thin and there are bald patches but I'm not sure if they are noticeable or not.

If I can manage it, I always go out with freshly washed hair that is volumised so it appears thicker than it actually is.

I'm not focused on that too much as there is nothing I can do about it.

Vitamins were probably aiding me but now that they are making pmt worse, I can't take them anymore.

But then again trimming my hair a lot does seem beneficial. The ends look better, fuller and stronger.

Just as I thought I had come to terms with keeping my hair shoulder length..

I feel mixed about it being ear length. I don't think I truly miss having long hair, although it was beautiful when it was healthy.

It still had no style, it just hanged on my face or was just lifeless.

Thinking back I don't recall liking any haircuts I had at the salon. It was always a disappointment.

When I first began trimming my hair, I played it safe and just messed with the bottom half so it remained unadventurous.

It's only been the last few years where I've dared to be bold and messed around with the side bits.

Sometimes it's for the better and other times, I butcher it but it grows quickly so it's never a disaster.

I do wish my face was slimmer, it is sooo round but it's a kinda natural cuteness with or without makeup.

And even though the media says Bobs are for anorexic faces and thin brows also, I say screw that.

If I'm happy with it, then that is all that matters. For some reason I keep thinking someone is going to approach me and say I look awful.

I don't know why this pops into my head often but I have this angry defensive row in my head and then I look around and shake my head.

I have to remind myself, hey there missy, no-one is provoking you.

Relax and play your happy music. It's probably pushing myself out of my comfort zone that has me paranoid.

#BlogLife492 - What did I do to my hair?

Song of the day -  India Arie - I am not my hair

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5jIt0f5Z4

My hair felt long so I just started snipping away and as I can't see the back, I have to guess at the evenness.

I'm not sure what possessed me to just cut across the front wisps because now they look too short and weird.

It's back to being above my shoulders again. I think my acne scars are completely gone now.

Actually nope still one on my chin and one lil pimple grr.

But my lips and elbows are back to being really chapped. I do keep them moisturised most of the time however sometimes I do forget.

Oh I tried out this new sweet called Vimto Pencils, I wasn't sure if I would like it or not.

But I'm in a munchy munchy mood so why not, plus I adore Vimto products.

It has a mixed taste, some of is Vimto and the rest is umm.. Nothingness.

It's really weird but I think it's the filling that has no flavour, whereas the outer coating has a mild sweetness.

I personally hated how tough it was to chew. I don't like that consistency, coupled with the flavour.

I threw it out. I could not see myself eating it. Hmm seems to be a hold up with my order and I'm running out of pads as I started my 5th period arghhhhhhhhhh!!! :(

I checked the website and it's been processed. I don't know if it's on their side or on Hermes as it hasn't been picked up yet.

It's supposedly a 2 day delivery postage service but I'm on day 3.

I just really want to be home when it arrives and hmm I could be called away for an appointment anytime.

I guess I have what's called a pixie cut. I don't think I can use the curlers anymore.

It suits a straighter look and at least on the right side, it's flicking upwards naturally without any product.

I can't see the left side. The uneven front bits I might braid or most likely pin it back as it's just sticking out crazily.

Oddly enough it's both short and long layers which is maybe not ideal.

It's mid ear length to give you an idea. Longer at the back and then short to midway at the front and sides.

I think I panic a fraction when I chop it because I'm never looking in the mirror but it seems to turn out well.

I'm so tired. I only got a few hours of sleep and the nap isn't taking so this blog is taking ages to right.

I keep munching which is annoying. I'm having a late lunch of chicken chow mein and veggies.

Mainly those mixed peppers, non spicy kind and it's quite tasty but I would rather be snoozing.

I'm trying to drink more so that I get fuller, due to the tiredness though I haven't been refilling my bottle that much.

#BlogLife491 - I can't wait for menopause

Song of the day - George Michael - I can't make you love me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUPXyN9OJlQ

I think I have finally stopped having a 7 day period. I don't want to jinx it and I still feel nauseated, bloated and crampy but it just seemed endless.

I had a lil reprieve where periods were light and only lasted a short while and now they are back with a vengeance, that's why I can't wait to be menopausal.

Aging is scary but sometimes it brings good things with it. You've learned more about life and people so you can deal with things and situations easier.

I think I'm going to have to experiment with my curlers at home, they never come out the same way.

Sometimes it's like I've just had electric shock treatment. It stands out weirdly and I have to flatten or clip it back.

I thought my BodyCare order was coming today but it hasn't reached Hermes yet.

I just got some sanitary products, a new face wash to try and some stick lip balms.

My eyes are probably red raw from itching, they are so dry at the moment and the eye drops are not helping at all.

I haven't gone back to Volunteering honestly. I still feel a mess so I'm not in the right head space for it.

I sorta feel like I've been counselling friends at the moment anyway so I guess in that respect, I'm helping people.

I've started having this issue with the Nord phone, it's started crashing a lot when I'm browsing and playing games.

Maybe I have too many applications installed but it doesn't seem like that many or maybe the latest upgrade upset it.

It was working well up until this moment.

#BlogLife490 - I'm not here

Song of the day - Biggie Irie - Pretty Eyez

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUL6cUuNua4

Ugh it feels like I'm never going to finish this period, like I'm going to be bleeding forever.

Now that I've tried them all, I stand by my initial assessment. I can only recommend Kotex maxi pads and Always night maxi towels.

They will give you true peace of mind, indoors, outdoors and during the night.

Everything else lies about protecting you, they shift or leak and no woman or girl wants to be fretting about stains.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not but I've never tried tampons and I can't see myself investing in them.

I'm totally uncomfortable with the thought of inserting them and now with the way my body is, the increased pain and sensitivities... I don't think it would be a good idea.

The messiness of it and the frequent changing. I always felt like they were for females that had lighter flows and didn't occasionally clot.

That's not me at all, although my cycle varies, I cannot predict one period from the next.

I would still have to wear a pad for safety so what would be the point of it?

As an individual, you decide what suits you best but all the thin ones seem more like liners than substantial pads.

Yesterday and today I haven't wanted to get out of bed. These multiple periods are affecting my body and mind.

I'm still on a hiatus from the randoms. I'm still enjoying the period dramas but I can't take another scene with a woman being assaulted.

It's too triggery. It would be fun to write a costume drama like that but I could never do it justice.

I know that I have to stop comparing myself to others, real writers, that I should accept I have a voice of my own but it's daunting still.

Grr typical Ocado Zoom sent me a £10 off voucher but valid for today only.

I would have to spend £30 which is a lot but who the hell grocery shops, two days in a row???

#BlogLife489 - Sisterly advice

One of my pals started asking my opinion about beauty stuff and his love life and I just thought it was really sweet.

As he is a young chappy and I don't usually talk to the young ones but he's mature and silly so it's a perfect mix.

He's never pried into my life or set out to annoy me on purpose, neither has he been sleazy or hit on me and I'm so thankful for that.

I don't mind imparting some wisdom as he is not doing it daily or weekly just every now and then.

I guess for a moment I thought this must be what's it like to have a younger sibling that admires your judgement or a friend who looks up to you and values your ideas.

I'm waiting for him to give me an update, but nothing so far and I'm pushing for answers, that's his business and I'm fine with not knowing, just a tad curious on how it all turned out.

I'm still on this period, normally it would have finished by now but it hasn't.

I really should have bought pads yesterday but it skipped my mind as I was rushing back home.

Kotex night time maxi is the cheapest and best brand for me at £1 and there is 10 included, super value for money and very effective for heavy flows, although no wings.

My second best is Always maxi night with wings and it's £2something but only has 9 included.

It's thick but not as dense as Kotex and I double up when I'm out. I wish they had bigger packs for a lower price but if in stock which they rarely are, I tend to buy stacks.

I bought a bunch from Ocado Zoom to try as sadly there wasn't much of the maxi type available and that's the thicker towel.

Ultra is really thin and I don't find it effective so far but who knows what improvements have been made since I last tried them?

Totm have wings and are thin to medium thickness and were reduced from £3.50 to £2.50.

I haven't seen or tried them out before and I added images on twitter to compare them.

The Always ultra night size 3 I guess I'm most curious about. It's an 18xpack but for £3.40.

It's supposed to be for day or night use and has protection against leakages but it's super thin I can't see me liking it.

It's strangely scented too which is nice. I couldn't tell you what it is but it's kinda like fresh laundry, almost sweet, perfumey scent.

The Natracare has 14 pads included and costs £2.60. This is a medium thickness for light periods.

I don't mind it but I feel more comfortable with maxi versions as I know I'll definitely be secure.

I'll either update this post when I've tried Always and Totm or I'll add their reviews separately when I've used them.

What I tend to do when I have a mix of thin and thick, is combine them together and that is the best of both worlds.

#BlogLife488 - I feel grungy :(

I've just tried out the green (juniper and thyme) radox bath soak and it smells like the green duck toilet gel.

It's nice enough but I feel like I doused myself in disinfectant. My ranking would be Red (black pepper and ginseng), then blue (rosemary and eucalyptus) and lastly green.

Looking on the website, there are actually loads more but I haven't seen a great variety in the stores.

I just would never try the lavender one because I hate that scent. It's triggery for personal reasons.

I'm hooked on the scents and the moisturising powers. I can't go back to shower gels now.

I ordered some treats and my first fizzy drink in a while, apple flavoured.

I feel emotionally lousy. It feels as though I didn't freshen up and shower and brush my teeth, even though I did.

I forgot to put some tissues and mints in my bag which made it worse and now I'm on my 4th period of the month. Ugh.

There is a bright sun today but it is freezing. I'm so glad I layered and still put on my jacket, I was shivering away.

I got asked today what Dic does? Technically he's supposed to aid me to be independent and confident.

To give advice and support and be approachable but he does none of those things.

My answer would have been...... Stresses me out but I fibbed and said he gives me tasks and help.

Ugh he won't let the lie go and I got a follow up question. I always add kernels of truth to the falsehood, it makes it more believable.

Not a good hair day but I couldn't be bothered to put curlers in. I just clipped it back.

At least I don't have cramps or that much nausea. It's just messing with my appetite and mood.

One minute, I can't stop munching and the next no appetite. I think I'll force myself to have a small snack and then maybe nap.

I feel myself getting increasingly withdrawn. Okay my mistake, eating was a bad idea.

All of a sudden the nausea came over me, good job there was a bin handy.

I binge watched Sanditon and I'm not surprised it was axed. If a show starts off with strong characters, they need to remain or at least get replaced by people equally as compelling.

Actors and actresses that you fall in love with that suddenly disappear is so disappointing.

Then the storylines and people just got a lil tedious. I skipped chunks of season 3 just to get to the good stuff.

It's still watchable and had some surprises I didn't count on but it went downhill significantly.

Just replied to Dic's email and ended it with I'm off to rest ha. I'm going to get over this...... But not for the moment.

#BlogLife487 - You're boring SS!

Song of the day - Raghav and Tesher - Desperado

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTYDToXlloY

No-ones typically said that to me in the true sense, meaning they find me uninteresting, except if they are trying to goad me into doing something, I have no wish to do.

It's is one of my fears though, that I'll write something or say/share something and nobody will find it compelling.

I think that's one of the reasons, I stop-start fiction. I feel like it isn't good enough even though once I get started, I get really obsessed and happy with it.

How I deal with it, is admit this is how I am feeling and confront it and see if there is any merit to it.

Then if it's something negative. I encourage myself to either be better or look at my positive aspects and focus on them instead.

With my periods coming every week, it's affecting my mood and I know I always feel a lil.. Umm insecure I guess around this time.

I did start updating one of the stories but then I got sleepy and stopped.

I do like the new curlers but today for some reason it only made the front wavy and the back is straight grr.

I have got to re-curl it as I am out tomorrow morning and I'm not going to re-wash my hair again.

I've just gotten into a show called Sanditon, it's another period drama and it's funny and touching and sad but mostly entertaining.

I just hate when main characters disappear, it interrupts the flow but I would still recommend it.

Ugh I met with Dic today and I knew it was a bad idea to fabricate the truth, but I did it anyway, to ease the pressures. My lie was met with a follow up question, grr.

I just wanted to get him off my case but it backfired. I'll have to make up another fib and be careful from now on.

I'm not too worried. I'm not exactly proud of it but if need be, I can extract myself from being on the hook.

It's getting to be sunglasses weather, I was squinting all the way home.

I found some new songs, well actually they are a mix of old and new to add to my playlist but it's a great distraction from pain.

I can forget that it hurts and that I'm stressed and hum along to the musical vibes.

The neighbours were at it again this morning, BANG BANG BANG, knock, bang, hammer, ughh.

Good job I was due up or I really would have been in a murderous mood.

#BlogLife486 - Could it be a DicTwitless week again??

Song of the day - Mary J Blige - Just Fine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ZjBPXSmnE

I think Dic got too excited over the Easter break and forgot to send me an appointment this week. I mean technically he could still send me one for tomorrow but hopefully he won't.

Ugh after wrestling with the new laptop charger, I finally pieced it together and tried it and no crackle and it's actually working perfectly, thank heavens.

I don't return items so I would just have left a bad review. I will still write one but maybe at the weekend.

I tried the sugar cake, it was absolutely delicious, the scent hangs in the air and it's sweet and coconutty and not too tough once you bite into it.

That used to be one of my favourite when I accompanied Mama to the market.

Back then, there were all these catalogue shops and we would walk through this lil alleyway and as soon as I spotted the lady selling them, I pleaded with my Mama to see if she would buy one for me.

I recall when I first spotted the Kaftan dress style. It was on television.

Either Sons and Daughters, The Sullivans or Soap. But I think it was the first two.

I'm not sure if they were housewives but they entertained a lot at home in these beautiful smart dresses, that were both casual and upmarket.

I was fascinated with the look and thought when I grow up, that seems like the ideal loungewear to purchase.

It's comfortable but it's not overdone. Mine are way less smart but they are all cute.

I wasn't supposed to be watching these shows but I used to sneak downstairs and sweet talk my way into staying up a lil later.

I'm not sure why I hated school so much. I don't really think I was bullied as such.

I think I was conscious of not looking bad. Sometimes it would take me longer to comprehend facts and I never asked the tutors to clarify it, I just stumbled through it.

I've got mild cramps still but no nausea and extreme tiredness. I am sleeping better though, except in the early hours where I wake up frequently but fall asleep again.

I decided to switch my asmr sounds from beach waves to rainfall, that just seems to knock me out.

Ohh finally I don't know after how long, my acne scars are definitely fading with the papaya soap.

It's sorta nearly finished and I don't want to buy another bar so I'm hoping before it runs out, the marks will disappear.

I keep forgetting to do Song of the day/Mood of the day ha, let me add it now..

#BlogLife485 - Ha ha..... I made you look stupid!

Are you a fan of pranks? I've seen an increase in youtube relationship pranks that are a mixture of amusing and over the top to cruel.

I guess I'm not the biggest fan of making someone look foolish or hurting their feelings on purpose for the world to see?

Where does that anger, bitterness and embarrassment go? It's a joke, so are you even allowed to get angry?

People are watching so it's better to laugh it off right? Act unfazed to maintain your dignity?

I wonder if it ever builds up though, if it lays dormant and festers and collects until it boils over.

How do you trust your partner is ever genuine, if it's all one big prank?

Perhaps as usual I am just over analysing things.. But the fake breakups, cheating tests, messing with someone's head seems a recipe for disaster.

But that's just me. I'm particularly sensitive about certain things. If someone was being nasty to me, in the guise of amusing themselves and then calling it a "prank."

I would fail to see the funny side. What if there is truth behind those words?

Those verbal attacks? It's a tentative thing to push someone's buttons until they explode.

(Side note). You know me, always distracted. I've realised that it's better to reheat these frozen meals without water.

They recommend it but it actually tastes better without it. It's not actually dry, it's just seasoned.

It doesn't need sauces or salt/pepper. I've just tried the broccoli, peas and cheesy pasta and that's actually delicious.

Nothing is over done, it's the perfect mild balance. 8 minutes seems to be the sweet spot cooking time.

My point is I think they are just going to keep escalating until someone reaches their breaking point for real.

Some of them don't even look genuine, the reactions seem too.... Not even over the top, just too polite I guess.

I would also like to see someone that isn't a model, just a regular couples vlog, a woman that can't always be bothered with hair and makeup or designer clothes.

Someone more genuine. Even if I was coupled up, there's no way I would wear makeup at home, all day every day.

Aside from rushing to change into house clothes, which is normally a kaftan dress.

I take off my make up and enjoy that fresh, clean look. I've only tentatively done it with face wipes but I'll wash it properly with maybe the brush or just my hands later.

Oh forgot to mention Mama was thrilled with all the lil gifts. I think the biggest surprise or excitement came from the mini perfumes because she travels so much, miniatures are the perfect gift.

And there was about 20, well 21 actually because one of the sellers through in an extra one.

I find with Ebay, I'm getting more freebies, which is sweet because most of the time, postage is free and trackable.

Do you ever leave negative feedback? I don't anymore, it stresses me out, that they are quite nasty and defensive about the truth.

I try to leave a thank you for the stuff I like but otherwise I don't add anything.

I have finally stopped being bloated. It's such a nice feeling to be flatter. I'm not slim but being extra full, is horrible.

I can't enjoy my meals properly because it feels so rough after eating, it's spoils the pleasure of munching.

I am trying to drink more so instead of one bottle of sugar free squash, I'm having two.

I swear the orange juice helped. I've been mixing orange and lemon and sometimes I have it weak with water and I feel a lot more settled in my tum.

I'm having a weird time with the new charger, Mama gave me that I ordered from Amazon at Christmas.

Laptop chargers are so awkward, half the time they work, half the time, they don't.

The worry is that the bit that plugs in to the laptop won't fit. That piece is fine. No issue.

What the peculiar thing is, the lead that is supposed to go into the box charger bit, doesn't fit properly.

I find that so strange, it all came together as one piece, how can it not attach securely???

Unless it was the wrong piece but seems funny, why would one bit not piece together??

The last thing I want to do is overwork my hands, trying to shove it in but that's what I've been doing.

I can't even break apart the old charger. Ughhhh too much drama.

#BlogLife484 - Triple massage/triple pleasure

I'm beginning to think the Postie has run off with my curlers which is pretty funny because he has no hair but I'm surprised they are still not here, grr.

I was up and out early to Meet Mama but I was running late due to the roadworks and dry heaving.

I think I'm okay now, aside from being insanely tired. She opted out of the pedicures, poor thing as she was chilly and had under-dressed.

I'm so surprised she liked my hair shorter. Normally I point out a new thing and ask her opinion, not because I need her to like it, I'm always just curious.

But she noticed it and loved it, I tousled it and pinned it back because it's not curling properly and I said Oh okay, I thought I had done it too short and she was like Nooooo.

I love it, it suits you. I gotta admit it does have volume and has a style of it's own but it needs a lil wave, here and there.

Her side was sunny, but my area (an hourish), maybe away, starts off really cold and then warms up around lunchtime or late afternoon.

By the time I was coming back home, I was all toasty and warm because I always have a long top on and then I added the top/cardigan all in one, plus a heavy jacket ha.

I actually wasn't in too much pain today so I hopped on another bus to go into town and finally get some pampering done.

I'm always glad I go to the beauty salon but the journey there I dread, with the possible pain and lack of energy.

It's just taxing. Anyway they were kinda busy and luckily it's the same price, £5 for an eyebrow wax/tweezer and £25 for the pedicure.

I kinda wish it was more Americany, where if you're getting more than one treatment done, you stay in the chair and they just adjust it so you don't have to move..

But it was still really nice, she did go gentle because even the bones, that weren't actually broken, seem quite damaged and sensitive.

I'm very susceptible to anyone being heavy handed, I really do feel sore afterwards and during.

I think due to the fact that I'm a semi regular, she knows that I'm kinda fragile because I was getting ready to yelp in pain but it wasn't too bad.

I asked her to start the chair massage and oh my........ That sent me on a warm and fuzzy plane.

I didn't realise how much I needed that. I suppose with all I'm going through it makes sense.

She did the scrub foot and leg massage and she also did the cream one.

I didn't think she was going to do it actually but it felt so great, my eyes were closing and she did ask if I was ok.

But the funny thing was she kept repeating something with a face mask on and it came out muffled.

It sounded like How's bomb? And I was racking my brains to work out what on earth she was talking about, until it dawned on me and I laughed.

How's Mama? That's what she mean't. The only thing I didn't like was that while she was holding my head, she left wax on my scalp.

I'm too tired to have another shower/bath so I took some wet wipes and sprayed some leave in conditioner.

It's not a massive amount but it's annoying to have sticky hair and worry that a clump will fall out.

#BlogLife483 - Easter fuzziness

I almost said Morning. Good afternoony world, how is your Easter break going?

I don't know if it's pmt, stress or something else but can't think straight, therefore blogging is really difficult.

I know it's Easter and yet I can't stop checking for the mail or waiting for appointments to roll through from Dic and then a second later, I recall it's the holidays.

I'm just feeling horrid still, the cramps are intensifying and periods are stop-starting, tiredness is back, where I had more energy beforehand.

I'm just hoping it was due to the multivitamins and now I've stopped taking them from Saturday 8th April, I hope everything will subside.

I was enjoying having mild pmt, besides the nausea, the cramps now weren't too bad.

I woke up from a nap and arranged to meet Mama at 11.00/11,30am tomorrow I don't think she wants to do pedicures or lunch which is a shame but we'll swap the goodies.

If she wants to eat, then I probably won't do the pedicure because it's walking up and down and I feel fragile at the moment, as though I'm going to reach for the nearest outdoor bin and vomit.

I guess I don't mind either way but I should get my eyebrows sorted out. It'll be nice to see her too.

Normally I would spend some of the bank holiday's with her but the younger one is over and due to feeling so sickly, that's for the best.

She doesn't sound agitated, hopefully she's having a nice break.

Oh the vegan sugar free cola bottles review. It was £1.45 for a 70g bag. Kinda pricey for a smallish packet.

There was a taste of cola and I stored them in the fridge hoping they would get tougher but nope, that didn't work.

They aren't completely soft but it's hard to chew them because they break apart so quickly.

I wish they were more the consistency of wine gums that are sturdier yet don't break your teeth to chew them.

I'm not sure if I would buy them again, probably not. Wine gums are much more flavourful, more satisfying to eat overall.

I like trying new brands and products though, even if I end up hating them, it shakes up the routine and gives the taste buds a flash of excitement.

The more I taste Iceland's meal in a bag range, the more I like it, this time was peri peri chicken and vegetables and I hate mushy veggies.

I normally get rid of them but these remain crunchy, even though they are frozen.

I'm not a fan of spice but I had a feeling these would be mild and I was right, there is a faint taste of pepper and that is it.

I actually prefer them to other non spiced chicken one. I'm excited to try the chicken and broccoli pasta also.

I'll look and see if they have any beef or salmon in the range. I was joking to Mama that all the family prefer's rice and I'm the only roti fan but now I've gotten into rice too and eating less meat.

I'm such a dolt, that's why my curlers haven't arrived, the post is overloaded with holiday mail and gifts and the no deliveries on friday and today.

I was hoping to experiment with them but I'll just use the big curlers for now.

I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. Enjoy your chocolates and celebrations, if that's your thing.

I already had my mini ferreros and I'm not craving chocolate just sweets. Wine gum party it is..

#BlogLife482 - My pasta bias

Hmm the fancy pants chicken cacciatore/truffle macaroni and cheese pasta that I had, I feel mixed about. I love/hated them, which is unusual.

The problem with cuisine that is over the top is that, the taste goes from good to bad pretty quickly.

There was an ingredient added that just made it less appealing, the more I ate it but I'm not sure what that was.

I do like non-sauced pasta and the saucy kind but they both seemed dry and like it needed something basic to be added.

I've realised now that I like a heavier pasta. What irritated me was they lied about the types of pasta offered.

The chicken was supposed to be tagliatelle, and that is the long strips and I don't know what that was but it was too thin and light.

I don't think I would get either of them again and knowing that I wouldn't get the style that I requested and the price tag being more than usual is off-putting.

I've had a basic pasta dish that was moreish and packed with flavour that was a lot better and easier to swallow.

I was curious about their dishes and I'm glad I sampled it and know not to use them again.

Oh I've begun using the clear mascara and it doesn't irritate me the next day but sometimes it does cause immediate discomfort.

I think it's the type I have to layer on and I still do not see a curl but it doesn't smear my lenses and I'm happy about that.

I just got some baguettes and sandwiches in that I'll munch on today and tomorrow, the usual stuff, egg and avocado, chicken salad..

I wish there were more beef or salmon options but they are scarce and not often in stock.

The salmon is only ever the sliced (smoked maybe) kind, which lacks appeal.

I saw some new, well new to me things to try from Ocado Zoom. Robinsons cordial drink, no added sugar lemon, which I had not come across.

I also got the orange. I think I'm going to wean off the fizzy's now.

Plus I spotted some vegan sugar free cola bottles. Do you remember being in a sweet shop and your eyes popping out at all the shelves of sweets lined up before you?

Wondering what to get? Should I try something new or stick with a favourite?

Did you prefer the fizzy or regular cola bottles? Or was it chocolate mice? Or licorice? Maybe sherbets?

Chocolate peanuts was probably my favourite thing, although I dabbled in all of the above.

Many stores had signs that said, only 2 kids allowed at a time, maybe it was a shoplifting prevention thing?

Or a hyper manic thing? I always thought it was strange but fun as an adult to just breeze past the children and get served immediately ha.

Just checked the post, no curlers yet, boo. Maybe when the Postie arrives soon or most likely at the weekend or early next week at the latest I guess.

I'll let you know how the cola bottles turn out as I just remembered they are a hit and miss product.

I don't know why they vary from shop to shop but some don't taste authentic at all.

#BlogLife481 - I found a second lump

So this is what has been occupying my mind day and night and not really something I wanted to divulge but I guess it's better for my sanity if I do.

I think it was last week or the week before I was getting changed and I think I was just about to put my bra on and I noticed that there was a much smaller lump that had already burst on the same right breast.

I hadn't felt any pain, any sensitivities, any liquid seeping out. It had gone unnoticed, compared to the first one.

It's already healing and is not noticeable unless I really check it. It is around my hormonal month but I have never had 2 at the same time.

I had literally just stop freaking out about the first one. I really don't need anything else to worry about and yet here is  another thing to crack me up and make me lose it.

I should be grateful that it wasn't enlarged and tender but I'm not.

What if it keeps happening? I think I realised that through being sick long term and from dealing with my life, that I'm not afraid of dying, I'm more petrified of suffering and the longevity of that.

I would love to de-clutter my mind and be at peace so that I could write fiction clearly.

I just can't seem to do it. There are these obligations and people making demands from me in all directions.

Nonstop periods coming and going. Moods that keep changing from anger to sadness to mental exhaustion.

There's no-one I can have a phone chat with and be close enough to share any of it and even if there was someone, I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.

It's just going around and around in my head, all these worse case scenarios.

The thought of being this fragile and vulnerable and going to a Doctor would just finish me off.

I would end up sinking into depression once more. I guess I'll end this in a somewhat positive spin and comfort myself.

I know you're scared right now. I know that you feel lost and hopeless and that's alright, it's okay to admit it.

That's a standard reaction for anybody. It's not self pity, it's being human and being honest about going through something life-changing.

I'm not going to judge you for not seeking treatment. I know it's a very sensitive issue, not feeling able to be open with doctors without them snapping at you and telling you, you're lying.

It's a catch 22, on one hand it might your mind at ease, on other hand, it would probably make you feel ten times worse.

Just get through as best as you can and know that I am always on your side and will be there to support any decision you make, now and always.

#BlogLife480 - Bad hair, bad mood, bad people

Good morning!

How's the day treating you so far? Mine has been hell on earth. I like to keep to a schedule so if I'm thrown off it makes me agitated.

My stomach is still really delicate and even the anti nausea, binaural beats couldn't stop me from throwing up this morning.

It's now 12pmish and I decided to treat myself to some new Pasta dishes and a different local restaurant.

If I have the energy I'll take some images for Twitter. It was truffle macaroni and cheese which I've never had, pricey but delicious.

Plus a chicken cacciatore tagliatelle with my favourite addition, olives added to it.

I could only taste a spoonful of each before my tummy lurched and said no no no, don't eat.

But it smells great and it's a really generous portion so I will have lots of leftovers for tomorrow, yay.

I also tried out a blood orange San Pellegrino drink, as orange helps with pmt somehow but although not bad, it's on the dry side of things, not too bitter, no aftertaste but I was hoping for something sweeter like Fanta.

So I just mixed the two ha. I do feel a bit better with the drink and I'm going to have some cheese and onion crisps to fill my stomach up a lil but not too much..

To prevent the nausea resurfacing. I did give myself a lot of time to get ready but my hair just did not behave, it didn't curl and is sticking out in all directions.

Not good but hopefully the mini curlers, will do a better job. It's quite nice and bright out but I find myself shivering.

Hopefully the blankie will warm me up and I can nap and that will settle me.

I wish I had some good news for you all but I admit, I'm having an extra difficult time at the moment.

Go do something fun and keep your stress at bay :)

Oh there is just one funny thing. I was racing to get home to use a 30% off meal coupon and I had about 10 minutes left to use it.

There's still a few days left but it must be redeemed before 11am.

And with the double meeting and waiting around, time was pressing on.

I got home and just as I thought, I'm going to make it, some woman stopped me to fill in a survey ughhh!

I just politely declined and apologised but she just had the worst timing ever.

I didn't make it in time but maybe at the weekend.. People always bother me at my worst, sickest moments, when I want to lie down or get a rest from the pain, ughhh!

#BlogLife479 - Yet another period!

Now I know why I'm having sugary chocolatey sweet cravings. I started yet another period today, ugh.

I think the pedicure/eyebrow shape trip is going to be postponed again as Mama is fully booked except Tuesdays and I have meetings back to back, tomorrow.

Plus she and I both love going out in the mornings when it's less busy, although she might have a cancellation on Thursday but we'll see.

Aww I just opened up the saline bulk order because it's cheaper to buy them that way and maybe because I'm a repeat customer they threw in some freebies.

I got 2 complimentary lens cases which I needed and 2 sample size soaking solutions which I'll use when I'm doing the overnight protein tablet treatment, which I have to do tonight.

I can't even thank them because Ebay has a beef with them and blocked it.

Tomorrow DicTweet made an another appointment for me to see him, ugh, it's like talking to an idiot who makes my life ten times more stressful than it is already.

I saw him write it down, no Tuesdays and yet here we are...

Which means I can spend the whole morning walking up and down, as it clashes with something else and they are in opposite directions.

Or I'll just see him beforehand and potentially be late for the other one, yeesh.

I've ordered some new tiny curlers because the other ones are too big and fall out now.

I'm looking forward to adding them to my routine and having fun twisting them in all directions.

I wish they did colours other than pink but I'm not going to pay extra just for that, I go for the cheapest unless I'm outdoors, I'll just give the surplus to Mama.

We both don't use heat, hairdryers or curling irons, just leave in conditioners and air dry it but curlers make a great difference and turn it a lil spruced up.

I don't think I've epilated my legs with the hair removal tool for months and yet there is barely any fuzz, aside from on my knee.

I have some on my hands and arms but I couldn't care less about that, gone are the days of feeling self conscious.

I think I'm on day 4 of the Vitamin Store multivitamins. I don't know if they are also increasing my periods or if I'm naturally due on.

My cycle is sooo weird! I just called Dic and as usual he didn't answer and then called me back.

I swear he makes crap up, said that he couldn't see me before 10am so I'm definitely going to be late for the following appointment but I can't do anything about it.

I've noticed more and more that my legs won't go where I tell them too.

I'll want them to shift to the right or keep out of someone's path but they'll just do the opposite, it's kinda reminding me of a time where they wouldn't move at all....

Anyway I have enough to stress about, I'm not going to dwell on that issue.

I've found a somewhat easier way to pluck my brows. I was going to get a light up compact mirror but I realised experimenting with the camera has a bonus.

If you flip it to selfie mode, mine illuminates automatically for some reason and it's way easier to see the hairs that need to be plucked underneath the brows, just to tidy up a bit.

Mine look a lot less messy now. They still need a re-shape but at least I'm not cringing as much.