#BlogLife141 - Pepe Le Pew - Poet or pest?

Pretty much like all or most of you, I grew up on cartoons. They were silly lighthearted entertainment away from the news and lame game shows.

Although catchphrase, wheel of fortune, those wordy types were fun for me to guess. Especially the kookie, cheesy hosts but they were harmless.

Maybe because I play Looney Tunes daily and I was chatting to a fellow gamer that I looked up Pepe Le Pew cartoons. I wanted to share a goofy clip.

However as I was reading the comment section it was full of outrage that the plans are to have the character banned. It got me thinking about my childhood.

I get that cartoons are not supposed to be taken literal with all the violence and such forth but I also see it from both sides. 

I'm sure it was hilarious but the undertones seemed a lil cringey for kids.

Children are impressionable. I'm not saying they copy everything they see blindly. I'm saying certain things linger and is stored away for later.

I can't recall exactly which one it was but I'm sure that Penelope the love interest, who was just an ordinary cat and not a skunk was captured.

She was locked up somewhere and Pepe was trying to get her to return his persistent affection. That one I thought....Hmmmm.

That's kinda creepy over the top for a kids cartoon. I felt a lil uneasy and my stomach turned. 

I wondered if this is where men are taught to chase women and not take no for an answer.

Because somewhere out there, men are being told to keep pestering women until they are worn down and petrified enough that they either can't refuse or just will say anything to be left alone.

I speak from a vast lot of experience. I refuse to say Look, I'm married, back off, as an excuse to get rid of them. 

I'm not married but that seems like the only way to shake them off.

Look at my face, my body language. I'm not playing hard to get, giggling or being coy. 

I'm legitimately afraid of being followed home!!

#BlogLife140 - What's wrong?

If you're following my twitter, you'll know I'm on a hiatus at the moment. I don't feel as bad as I did but walking around, stepping anywhere sends me jolts of sharp pain.

Without going into details, this is what it is. I had something as a teenager which had a varying degree of intensity. Some days blah I'm sick?

You wouldn't notice, I didn't notice. Other days it was like, I couldn't do anything at all. 

Then nearly two decades ago something else occurred and it's as though, it increased everything.

My body was like ok, you are just about managing and now seriously?

You want to add that to the mix? You know that has made everything heightened?

It all seems to merge together so the backache is from a pre existing injury. 

Except because I am so fragile, the pain is not staying in one place.

No no no. It wants to have fun, spread around and play games, so it's decided, Hey I'm going to affect your lower and upper back.

When you sprawl out, I will send out mini twinges, just to let you know I'm still here. 

If you try to move at all. Big mistake. I will remind you who is the boss.

The pain will be crippling. It doesn't matter how slowly you walk, how small your steps are, even if you are holding onto the walls.

There is no difference. The pain will be violently strong and then while you are upright but motionless. 

Just for giggles. I'm going to wait for you to relax and then send sharp bursts of pain to you.

It's coming up to a week and I was excited about finishing my story and recording it but I don't think it would work with me saying ow ow ow ouchhhhhh during the voiceover.

I may still work on it a lil bit but I am just trying to keep calm, sleep a lot and do as lil as possible to maintain some sort of toughness and semi alright mood.

That's about it really, in case you were wondering. That is what I am dealing with! See normally I just contend with ongoing dull aches but when it comes to sharp piercing pain..

My brain just can't shake that off and it affects me profoundly. It's near impossible to be productive, strong or calm.

Very unpleasant. I don't recommend having health issues, kinda screws up your days......

#BookLife1 - Mr Cruise (fiction) *300th Post Again*

I wanted to challenge myself to write a short steamy story, something I have never done before. I stick to clean fiction. Then I remembered, nothing I write is short or racy so this is  more of a slow burner, if that :D

Chapter 1 - The abduction 

I slid my pink/purply hybrid painted nails over the rails clutching them tightly. 

Why did I decide to vacation on a cruise? I knew that I needed to get away but I liked the freedom of roaming away from the crowds when it got too much.

I had wandered into the dance deck, where the drinks were overflowing and everybody was flirting and trying their luck. 

I had been twirled around the dancefloor by countless grabby men. Ugh. 

I bet none of them on this singles cruise were actually available. I stared out intently on the quiet deck as though I could see anything except darkness.

I shivered as the air certainly was brisk but I had a wrap on my bare shoulders that was supposed to be taking away the chill. 

I smiled wryly thinking about the questionnaire that I was required to complete.

Describe yourself and your ideal companion? Hah. My mind was always clouded with that question. It's not like I would stand out in a crowd.

I was just an ordinary woman looking for someone decent. The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Where are you?"

I mean it's not like I was expecting the sea to answer me. "Who.. Who are you talking too?" I must have jumped a foot in the air.

My back stiffened up. Kill me I thought. Why did someone have to be standing behind me at that cringey moment?? I didn't turn around.

I decided to ignore the intruder and pretend I hadn't heard the insane question posed to me. 

A particularly nasty gust of wind sent a shiver down my spine.

I reached over my shoulders to clutch my wrap and tug it tightly around me but it had vanished. 

Frowning I looked at the floor only to see a pair of men shoes pointing at me.

I slowly trailed my eyes up to his legs and his chest and then finally his face. Then my eyes swerved to his hands. He was clutching my wrap.

Annoyed I pointed. "You really need to work on your kleptomania." The intruder stepped forward invading my personal space.

"A couple things Adrianna." I gasped as he said my name. How the hell did he know it? I have not seen him before. He could be an interesting interloper.

He smiled at my surprise but it wasn't creepy it was a warm teasing grin. 

As he was talking he stepped even closer gently placing the shawl on my shivering shoulders.

Then he expertly tied it and his hands lingered softly rubbing them up and down to warm me up. 

I looked into his eyes and then down and then pushed his hands away from me, scurrying off.

I got a couple feet before I heard footsteps and then he was behind me. He clutched my arms firmly. "I did say we need to talk, did I not?"

I wrenched my arms but his grip tightened. "Oh Adrianna, why do you make it so difficult to be sweet to you?" 

I gritted my teeth and tried to turn around but he held me in place.

"Not yet. Let me just savour the view from back here, a little bit longer." Why he dragged the last four words out I will never know.

I began to shiver and it wasn't from the cold. I raised my leg prepared to stomp hard on his foot and just as I was about to lower my heel..

He kicked my leg and I lost my footing, frantically clutching on to him to stop from falling. 

He was eerily calm as he grabbed my by the waist steadying me.

It happened in the blink of an eye. From his pocket he whipped out a bandana and tied it around my mouth. 

My hysterical screams were then muffled. Next he bound my hands that were pounding on his chest, in front of me. 

I didn't know what material he used but it was soft yet tight against my wrists.

Then the blindfold appeared as my eyes rounded like saucers. In all his movements, there was this peculiar attention to detail.

He wasn't swearing, screaming or hurrying. He secured me minimally but enough so that it would stay in place. It seemed almost clinical.

I shrieked as his hands cupped the back of my legs and he lifted my curvy frame up with ease. 

I kicked my legs but all that happened was my shoes almost came off. 

I was still yelling into the gag but I didn't hear any people milling around at all so it seemed useless. He must have turned his head..

As his voice breathed into my ear. "There is really nothing to fear my luscious Adrianna." 

My heart began pounding in my chest. Clearly he is crazy! Why on earth would he call me that? 

"It turns out, you are getting an upgrade and I hope you will be very comfortable in your new suite."

Chapter 2 - The interrogation 

He propped me against the wall and fiddled with the key card. I tried to make a break for it but one arm stopped me. 

"Patience my beautiful Adrianna. All will be revealed in due course."

My friend's words rang in my head. Take a cruise, see the world, what harm could it do?? 

If I ever got out this, I would get even with them all but first I had to weasel my escape.

I was unceremoniously planted into a chair but the blindfold and gag were gingerly removed with care and I blinked to study my surroundings.

I thrust my bound hands up to him. He cupped my face and I turned away as he pulled me back towards him. 

"Unfortunately I cannot untie you yet."

"Stowaways need to be in custody and prevented from running away. I am Mr Cruise." 

"The security specialist, hired to take care of any distractions that will stop the guests having merriment."

My jaw dropped. This is a joke. "Look, maniac! I am a paid guest. I have papers and my passport and everything to prove my identity.

If you will go to my cabin and pick up my receipts and documentation you will clearly see you have made a colossal error.

He pulled up a chair and slid it close to me. Sighing. "The crew and I have scanned your papers and found them to be forgeries."

"Why do you persist in lying to me?" I sat back in the chair shaking my head. 

"No no no no. This is not happening." I need to think, is he for real??

His eyes never left my face. "You are going to be remanded here until I get some clarification." 

"You will tell me what I want to know and then we will go over your documents together."

"If I believe you, then you will be free to go and no charges will be placed." 

"If not, you are in serious trouble and will go to an incarceration of my choosing."

Chapter 3 - Who is taunting whom?

"What exactly does that mean a jail of your choosing?" There was that grin again. 

I gritted my teeth impatiently. "It means I will take you somewhere, no-one will find you legally."

"I don't believe any of this is real. I think it is a practical joke and a tasteless one at that. I demand to see the Captain right now!"

He raised his eyebrows sarcastically. Yanking my bound hands so that I fell forward automatically. "You my exquisite one are in no position to bark orders."

"I am in charge and the Captain himself told me to deal with you personally as he was all too tempted to throw you overboard. The last time someone snuck aboard, there was chaos."

I kept my face as passive as possible and rolled my eyes as though I were bored. Cruise threw back his head and roared with laughter.

"I must hand it to you, as much danger as you are in and still you are unfazed huh?" I leaned forward thrusting my chest out as far as it could go.

"Now you listen good and well to me buster. I have never broken the law or done anything I am ashamed of. I have nothing to fear because I will be vindicated."

"I just cannot wait to savour your delicious apology, when I sue you and this cruise liner for emotional distress." I leaned back smirking, I knew I would turn the tables.

Cruise stood up and dragged me to my feet. He looked at me so intently I shivered. 

"I admire you resolve, I really do but my job is to get answers any way I see fit."

Chapter 4 - Tormentor

I felt a little less sure of myself but still I met his ruthless gaze and taunted him. 

"You can't hurt or scare me, you don't have the right. I'm just an innocent passenger." 

Cruise stroked his chin. "I find your statement difficult to swallow. Look at how you're dressed..

"You had every single man wanting you in that dance deck and yet you teased each one and danced only once."

"Truly virtuous women do not set out to ensnare all men they comes across."

"Nor do they present themselves as sex wrapped in a revealing slutty dress!!"

Indignantly gasping I reached out to slap his face but them remembered I was still secured with rope. 

"Stop shouting at me and treating me like I'm a... A... A. I turned away disgusted."

I will not dignify my outfit or behaviour to this judgemental jerk. I had gone through so many changes. 

A dramatic weight loss meant I wasn't ashamed of my body and I wanted to feel desirable and feminine for once. 

I had never in my life worn anything like this and flirted with so many men but tonight I wanted to be looked upon with admiration. 

I had no desire for a fling. I just wanted to see if I could meet someone who piqued my interest. 

I merely wanted to celebrate looking/feeling good which eluded me for far too long. 

Chapter 5 - Strange Bedfellows 

I slumped back in the chair closed my eyes and yawned. I suddenly felt very tired and we did not seem to be getting anywhere.

I felt myself being picked up and carefully placed on the bed. I lost my mind for a minute and curled up, until I recalled. I had turned into goldilocks minus the hair and this was not my bed!

I shot my eyes open to see a strange expression on Cruise's face. Compassion? I rolled away until I got to the edge of the bed and then promptly slipped and fell right on my derriere.

Could my humiliation get any worse? I winced as Cruise picked me up and he frowned. "Did you hurt yourself?" I yelped in pain as he felt my ankle and he cursed out loud.

Maybe it was the exhaustion or the weirdness of the situation but I just started laughing into his chest. I had tricked him and it felt good.

Until he dropped me onto the bed and towered over me. "Hmm so you want to play games with me huh?" I tried to shuffle away but he yanked my feet forward roughly.

"Look at me while I am talking to you!" Shish why was he so mad? Talk about being humourless.. I looked out at the porthole with the lapping waves.

However my face sharply turned around when I felt his hands on my ankles. Strong large hands held them in place. "Er excuse me but let go."

I shook my legs expecting him to release his grip but instead he maintained his hold, even stronger this time so much so that I squealed.

"Ouch, hey. That actually genuinely hurts." Cruise met my probing gaze and I didn't like what I saw. He no longer seemed patient.

"Good Adrianna because I am done being tolerant. He impatiently twisted my foot to undo the buckle while I cringed feeling the ache increase.

Was he being a brute on purpose or didn't he realise he was causing me pain? I screamed as he tilted my foot further and a tear pricked my eye.

I turned away but gasped as I felt Cruise slip my shoes off. I had never let anyone but a beautician touch my feet. They sparkled in the moonlight from the glitter overcoat.

I had delicately painted them in the same pink/purply hybrid shades to match my hands, with one fluid motion I slid them slowly backwards away from him.

Cruise had other ideas and placed them on his lap. I sighed with confusion but then an idea sprang to mind, maybe if I feign compliance, he would ease up and then I could slip away?

Chapter 6 - Playtime begins

I studied him through my long stubborn, refuse to curl properly lashes. He actually wasn't bad looking for a kidnapper. He had to fall asleep sometime.

I could outlast him easily. My insomnia was particularly bad at the moment due to the inability to relax and switch my mind off.

I guess that was part of the reason I agreed to this getaway. I needed a change of scenery. At home things were murky. I felt dissatisfied with my relationships.

If I could just sneak away to my cabin I knew I could clear this matter up. There had to be something that would prove my authenticity!

I quickly turned away. I didn't want him to catch me looking at him. The man's ego seemed to be the size of an island already.

Cruise dug his thumbs at the sides of my feet and swept upwards letting all the fingers meet at the middle. I sucked my breath in at the painful intensity.

I tried to retreat but he turned to look at me. "Hmmm something the matter Adrianna? I thought you liked it rough?" My face coloured automatically and he chuckled.

Let the beast think what he wanted. We will see who has the last laugh! I was still squirming until he yelled an order to keep still.

This time his hands concentrated on my ankles and a tiny bit further. He had become much more gentle. It actually began to tingle.

"What kind of medieval torturer are you?" Without even facing me he quipped. "The kind that get's results." I wondered what any of this had to do with interrogating me.

Then he raised the back of my feet and slid his knuckles up and down. I began to giggle uncontrollably because I was slightly ticklish on the souls.

"Well, well well, so you do have a weakness after all?" I started fidgeting again but he wouldn't stop lavishing attention on me.

Chapter 7 - Who is keeping whom?

I laid back down uneasily. I couldn't help but let out a yawn. My eyes fluttered closed and I was out. I didn't feel Cruise straighten me out and place me under the covers.

I jolted awake. I felt a touch on my arm. Was someone holding me? I blinked awake and touched my head. Think woman think. 

I picked my head up carefully scanning the room. Where the hell was I? A flurry of images overloaded my brain and then I realised I was on a cruise with Mr Cruise and he had kidnapped me.

Damn I was supposed to have kept awake and snuck away and then I remember Cruise and his weirdly relaxing massage knocked me out.

Him and his deviousness. Grr. I slowly turned my head to face him. He was breathing deeply and hadn't moved. His arms were around me and I was sleeping on his chest.

What on earth?? Why would I cradle against a perfect stranger? Stockholm should take a lot longer surely? I held my breath and attempted to disentangle from Cruise's embrace.

Which was a lot trickier than it looked. Every time I placed his arm away, it snapped back around me. I was beyond frustrated. 

He still hadn't moved though and I was grateful he seemed to be a deep sleeper, even with his phantom limb movements. I managed to wriggle free and sighed a big relief.

I just had to not make a sound and edge to the end of the bed and hope the floor wasn't creaky. I inched away and this time didn't fall over.

I looked down and was still wearing my dress. That is one thing at least. I crept towards the door and hoped it would be unlocked.

I don't remember where he put the key card but I turned the handle hoping for the best and then screamed bloody murder as Cruise's hands grappled around my waist.

"Going somewhere?" He was standing right behind me, breathing into my ear and trying to squeeze me so tightly I burst.

Crikey I didn't even hear footsteps.  

Chapter 8 - Unsleeping beauty and the beast

"Hey Hercules, want to ease up, so I can breathe? You caught me. I'm not going anywhere. You can loosen your death grip!" Cruise nodded brushing his face near my ear.

He lessened his hold but not completely. "Breathing heavily he whispered. Adrianna, what am I going to do with you?" Exasperated I quipped "Well releasing me would be a pretty good start!"

I looked down at my wrists that were red and tender. I must have been rubbing them during my sleep. Cruise let go, turned me around, held up my wrists to his mouth and softly kissed them.

He untied me and I was floored by his attitude. I did not want to hang around and tempt fate so I grabbed the handle until Cruise intervened.

"Whoa not so fast Adrianna. I am not releasing you entirely. You are a stunning creature but I still have a job to do. We are going to head to your cabin now."

Those words just made me flustered. It wasn't as though this was a date this was business. Why did I feel so nervous? The proof of my innocence was waiting for me.

Cruise led me to a chair, sat me down and lifted my ankle one by one, buckling my shoes. I couldn't help but make a startled sound.

"Umm why are you being so strangely attentive and what is with the feet/shoe thing? Do you have some sort of fetish? Cruise merely smiled.

"I don't have any such quirk. I just like catering to your needs." I furrowed my brows in concentration. This guy was such an enigma. How could I figure him out??"

Cruise grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I lost my balance and clung to him, looking into his eyes. Our lips crashed together and we kissed.

Chapter 9 - Is escape really what you desire?

We broke apart after a few minutes and I struggled to catch my breath. I looked anywhere but at him. Hmmm, oh damn, his words reverberated inside my brain.

"My job is to get answers any way I see fit." The bastard was playing me for a sucker. He thought if he could seduce me, I would confess?? What an utter sleazeball!

Now that I figured out his game plan I had to break away from him but first I was going to have some fun. He thinks he has the upper hand.

Hah! Dream on Cruise. You are going to learn the hard way, not to mess with me! I pulled his face down to mine and thoroughly kissed him passionately and then abruptly stopped.

I think my eyes were as startled as his. Woman stay on the task at hand, don't get sidetracked now! I cleared my throat. "You're right we should head to my cabin now."

Damn why did my voice have to sound breathless and panting. Ugh I mean I wanted to distract him but not sleep with him again, in any form.

Cruise raised his eyebrows nodded and gripped my hand tightly. "We are leaving but don't try to run away. I will tear this place apart tracking you until you're back with me."

My eyes widened out of nervousness. Then I smiled with as much syrup as I could muster and said "Why on earth would I want to be away from you?"

Cruise pushed me against the wall. "You're very convincing. The way you are playing up to me, pretending you want me but remember I have been doing this for a long time."

"When you decide to grow up and let your true desire for me out, only then will I believe you and have you for my very own." Cruise laughed cruelly.

I clenched and released my fist and then slapped him as hard as I possibly could. The man was insufferable. Pretend I liked him. What a brain dead idea.

Cruise picked up my hand that slapped him and kissed it. "I can see the passion is erupting already. Patience I still have a mission to complete."

I grunted, tore my hand away and stalked off. Cruise grabbed it in his and we walked off together.

Chapter 10 - The cost of freedom

We walked in silence each consumed with our own agendas. There was no way I was going to let him touch me again, no matter how good it felt.

We arrived and I looked around, why was there never anyone around when I need them? Grr. Cruise unlocked my cabin and I stayed near the entrance until he tugged me forwards.

"You are staying in my eye-line." I nodded complicity but I just needed a distraction. Then I could make my swift exit. I gasped at the mess in front of me.

"What is wrong with you? I left my cabin in pristine condition and everything was put away carefully and now look at it. Everything is a mess!"

"Why the hell do you assume I did it, me and my team were careful." Pfft. "Yea right, meticulous with my lingerie drawer I'll bet. You really disgust me!"

Cruise looked me up and down. "Oh yea you seem totally uninterested, that's why you keep throwing yourself at me, hoping I'll-"

"Oh pipe down you egomaniac. I have no earthly interest in you. All I want is to prove I am telling the truth and then get away from you for good."

Cruise started moving things around and I backed towards the door having already removed my shoes. I started running as fast as I could and smacked straight into him...

"Well well well. My stowaway. Where do you think you are going? Where is Mr Cruise?" This was my chance to plead my case.

But before I could he grabbed me forcefully by the arm and led me away. "There has been a big misunderstanding. Please you have to hear my side."

I shrieked as he picked me up and edged closer to the side of the ship. "Cruise voice bellowed around my ears. "Put my wife down."

My ears were ringing, what did he call me? My head was spinning and I wasn't sure if I was going to faint. "Captain you have the power to marry us and then she won't be a problem anymore."

Cruise had claimed me from the Captain's grip and I felt queasy in his arms. "I'll see you both in an hour's time or the deal is off." I shook my head.

"Somebody wake me up, I'm dreaming." As soon as we got back to Cruise's room I scrambled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face.

Cruise folded his arms. "You have no choice. I warned you sooner or later I would capture you and now you are out of options."

Cruise thrust my bag in my hands. I opened it and saw my passport and papers but they weren't mine. I dropped the bag horrified.

"Like I said. You are a fake but I am helping you anyway. Now shower and get dressed we have a ceremony to get too." My hands were shaking with nerves.

This cannot be legal. Where did my papers go? It was definitely my bag. He can't have just picked up forged papers. What is happening to me?

I decided to just go with the flow and freshen up because somebody was going to put a stop to this farce or own up to pulling a switch or a joke right?

I clutched the robe tightly around me. Cruise was drying his hair freshly showered and nearly dressed in a suit. I would have wolf whistled if I could, he looked scrumptious and smelled even better.

"I'll be outside, we don't have much time. He kissed my cheek. I'll be waiting." Could I really do this? I had pined so long for someone but this was ridiculous.

I held my breath as I saw a white shimmering lace gown laid out on the bed. I roughly dried my hair and let it flow loosely. I saw a few clips and tied it back.

I did my makeup and then carefully slipped the lingerie and gown on. I couldn't think further because anything else made me have butterflies.

I checked myself out in the mirror. I hated to admit it but I looked stunning, the dress fit me in the right way, my cleavage was understated and I looked like a.......A b-bride?!

Cruise barged in without even knocking and I twirled around in my floor length dress. He didn't even speak just stared and coughed and took my hand and put it in his arm, the other was around my back.

At first my feet wouldn't move and it wasn't just the satin white shoes. Cruise dragged me forwards and I felt like I was on auto pilot.

The Captain spoke the words and Cruise nudged me at my turn to speak and I mumbled the words. Then as he pronounced us man and wife, my legs gave way and Cruise kissed me and carried me out.

I punched in the key card and Cruise looked at me. "Mrs Cruise did you ever think it would turn out like this?" I motioned for Cruise to let me down.

Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. "When I told you to organise a special one year wedding anniversary surprise. I didn't think you would go all out."

"You were so vague in your note. Dress up and dance the night away and then when you are ready, leave and go to a secluded spot."

Signed Mr Cruise... "Well Mrs Cruise. I am still hopelessly in love with you and I wanted to make your naughty little desires fulfilled."

I giggled at my cheeky sly witty teasing hubby. We would spend our second honeymoon provoking and making up. It was our secret ritual and the Captain was a good sport ha!

The End

 

#BlogLife139 - I just called to say.... (fiction)

Hey, how are you doing? I know its been a while right? Sorry life is just super busy at the moment.

Wow. I can't believe how long it's been. I was just thinking of you and you called. Everything is mostly fine you know. 

Just some aches here and there and stress. Same ol same ol. Nothing changes that much to be fair. What's new with you? How have you been? 

Sorry to hear about the pains but you sound in good spirits. I'm good too just trying to get more organised and fit more into my days. 

You know I love to keep busy right but please do forgive me for not getting back to you right away. I just get distracted easily.

Anyway I was wondering if you needed anything or wanted anything? I know I know, you're independent and can manage but sometimes, you can just ask.

It's not a burden, it's friendship.

Hah! You are so right. Okay you can stop the gloating. I'm sure I have said that many times prior to this moment. I really do appreciate you asking.

Not many do. However I seem to manage just fine and anything else just doesn't seem like a priority. It feels like if I can't quite get it/do it.

Then it's unnecessary for me to have or I will just find an alternative route. Either way it's doable if important and if it isn't then I guess I am not to fussed.

To be honest maybe you like to feel needed and relied upon, maybe that is your way of giving back and showing love but to me, no offence.

I don't wait for the opportunity to step in when there is a crisis. I just volunteer my services continually and be there in whatever capacity is needed.

I'm not saying you're only there for the bad times. I think you should just get rid of your hero complex because the only thing I need is your presence around.

That is the biggest, well only gift that is precious to me. Everything else I need to sort it out for myself. That is how I maintain my strength.

*Puts my arms around you for a tight bear hug* 

You are a kind hearted person. You know that. Just try to be there for the lil moments as well as the big ones.

Plus don't try to fix everything, some things/people are not broken. They are just fractured and don't need help as such. They need an ear, some support and for someone to be there.

Ha time permitting, of course of course ;)

#BlogLife138 - Listening or reading?

How is your weekend going? Getting a lot done or just saying... Hey S, this is me-time. I'm vegging out, that whole productive thing can be done during the week, got it?

Ooh touchy touchy, I was just asking :D I'm lounging here thinking about the upcoming 300th post again. I hit the milestone already technically.

But I deleted some posts because I wasn't feeling them. Now I know I have to do something special for you gals and guys following me (and the guests).

For the 100th BlogLife I did a voice snippet. Which was terrifying. I did get a thrill out of it and tonight while I was doing my pampering thing...

Face brush gliding on the skin. Heavenly. I recommend it. Just feels so good even for a few minutes to get that face massage and feel like a queen.

Plus if you pushed for time, it only takes about a minute or so unless you are really enjoyed the sensation. I find I still get the same results from a quick session, rather a longer one.

Anyway I digress.. I thought about what if I read a whole story. One of my originals, how about the one that I have yet to finish?

Or I could just read one of the fiction posts. I could even do one of the beauty ones.. I cannot decide at the minute. Is it a good idea or a bad one?

I mean it's not racy. It's probably more goofy at this point ha!! I mean could I do that? I don't know if there is a storage limit or how it would work, if I did it on wattpad?

Apparently you have paste the link from youtube which I am avoiding. I don't want just anyone listening to me. It's for my sweet beautiful readers.

I would still write out the complete story here but I guess there would be an added bonus of hearing it. I remember trying to listen to audios with the robotic voice and no pause for punctuation,

It was horrendous. It has probably improved greatly since then. It would be a new thing for me. A new challenge. It's the logistics that overwhelm me.

I am not a super technical person and I don't have fancy speakers just the laptop. It could be too much background static or unclear.

I just realised that I have forgotten how I did the voice clip. I don't even recall the site I used. I remember it was easy and simple to use.

I think I hit record and then save and probably download, then put it on google drive, customised it not to be downloadable or altered.

Then create the sharing link..... Hmm sounds straightforward but knowing me I'll just mess up the first go and have to re-do it. I'll be a voice over artist for the day ha!!

#BlogLife137 - Sleep rejection

I don't know what it is but I am still really struggling to sleep at night. I can only manage a few hours and I am just exhausted throughout the day.

I can't think straight and constantly feel agitated. I don't know why I always struggled with insomnia. I just couldn't seem to drift away into nothingness.

I'd hit my pillow, I would change positions, toss and turn and then sigh exasperatedly. I really would attempt to relax but my brain was screaming No I won't let you sleep.

Don't even bother trying because it's useless and I was determined to prove it wrong and fall into a deep slumber. Very occasionally it works.

Usually though I just get up or read or lay awake and just get increasingly frustrated and even more tired throughout the day.

I really strive to avoid naps and have a decent night sleep but I can't function on lil rest my body is constantly over strained from the moment I wake up so it needs to rest and recuperate.

I'll write or watch something or check emails and my eyelids are heavy and then my brain is like, alright yes fine, now at an unsuitable hour during the day,..

I will grant you permission to nap. I won't let you be productive or come up with any ideas. I'll discourage that and force your eyes to close and make your head feel really heavy.

I'll slow down your breathing and your blinking will increase but this time it will be harder to open your eyes. Then the yawns will begin.

Finally you will rest your head on your hands, curl up and feel guilty about taking a break when you should be finishing a chapter or writing a new post.

Soon you will have no choice. I'll close your eyes and get rid of every last thought lingering behind. 

Deep breath in and out and then finally, the moment of release when you let go and stop fighting me.

You'll fall into a deep comforting sleep and your whole body will thank you. It needed this. So good to just switch off.

And then the next day it begins all over again....... Zzzzz

This post really make me yawn. Maybe because I don't feel awake but I can't fall asleep either, not yet anyway..

#BlogLife136 - Are you a thirsty commentator?

I'm just going to take YouTube as an example because I use that multiple times a day for music and my asmr subscriptions.

I like reading the regular comments, sometimes I miss things but good heavens the thirsty ones make me cringe. 

I mean some male/female artists actively play up to it and thrive on them while others are more polite but in different. 

Perhaps they feel with all the variety they need an edge? To get noticed and surge forwards? I know if it were me I'd leave comments disabled.

As much as I would crave feedback and general banter on my videos. The sleaze would infuriate and disgust me. 

If I had lovingly taken the time to pour my heart and create heartfelt soothing content, only to hear things like.. 

"Wow you're hot" 

"Your body is on fire" 

"I wish you were mine, please wear something tight" 

Instead of more natural responses like... 

"Thank you so much, that made sense. I feel soooo chilled." 

Or.. 

"I'm amazed at how you put those sounds together, it was like my brain was releasing all my tension" 

But it never changes and occasionally it puts me off adding my own spin, for fear it comes across as flirting or sleazy. Ickity!!!! 

To me it is just the opposite of showing appreciation. Its not a compliment. 

It's unsavoury. If you really want to show some support, then recognise the effort put in and highlight your favourite aspect of it but that's just how I think as someone passionate about their content... 

You may feel differently... 

#BlogLife135 - Face off with Mistplay

I was looking in Mistplay today and they had a boosted game. I don't usually bother but my headphones broke.

I need to replace them. I have a regular set, the one I reviewed and another pair that refuses to work on the laptop. 

Phone yes, Bluetooth is seamless. Laptop it will connect but won't stay and will not output sound. Grrr. 

I've seen a few £10 ones on Vipon but I only have a fiver in Amazon.

Anyway I downloaded this game and soon earned the last few hundred units to get a £5 amazon redemption.

I clicked and then it said switch on your camera to verify you're human. WTF!!

I just feel like they are sick of paying out and know some people will be put off by this extreme rule.

Last time there was also hoop jumping but this is ridiculous!! Previously they asked to verify I was human via my phone number and I did it. 

How many bloody times do you want me to do it? What next DNA samples? Credit card statements? Fingerprints? Perhaps you want my passport?

Who do you think you are? The government?? I'm starting to hate the games anyway. Plus longer to cashout and now there are loads of alternatives out there. 

Goodbye Mistplay!!

#BlogLife134 - You want romance? Read a book

It's probably going to be a one off with A but it's funny how sparks fly when someone get's you. You don't have to clarify, they are like, yea I hear you.

And he did. A lot more than I am used too. We began chatting about alsorts, some serious, some lighthearted and some seriously just silly ha.

Me being cheesy is a necessary part of me. I use that as a tool to cope with being ill. To deal with not sleeping. To quench the fear and unease that washes over me at times.

But when someone really understands how quirky my brain works it's magical because there are no put downs. 

So when a random goes with it and is messing around too, it puts me in a chilled state. However some just make fun and assume I'm brainless.

Which is idiotic but I just cut them off and pick someone else. I had this one particular person that was humourless but he kept trying to fixate on me for some reason.

He seemed quite annoyed but yet he didn't change tones. He was trying to coerce a connection over and over again but it didn't work.

The thing with me is I mix up my engagement with others. I can start off immature with something over the top and then sprinkle bits of real insight and still be entertaining.

I think I realised that as unusual as these occasions are. They are more tender then my actual dates and that's a bitter realisation.

I don't feel bad. It's just the way it is. When I was dating. There was no fondness, no excitement, no infatuation towards me. There were just guys who saw this broken insecure girl to exploit and attack.

You would think hanging out would be this cosy new adventure. Let me do nice things for you, let me check up on you. Let me look after you.

Even with the men that claimed to be smitten. There was never any decency. It was just.... Let me talk about sex. Let me kiss or fondle you without your permission, behave inappropriately and don't try to stop me.

Now it's like I have these randoms saying things like....What would your perfect date consist of? I don't think any boyfriend has ever asked me that.

And how was your day? Is there anything bothering you, do you want to talk about it? Of course these are not dates in the traditional sense.

Some are unpleasant but then I just politely make my excuses and leave. To the remaining. I finally get to have a conversation. I get to share my thoughts.

I get to speak about something meaningful. I guess you could call it intellectual stimulation and it can be addictive but then I distance myself and have an auto erase function in my brain.

I don't recall anything of the night. It's a completely blank slate so when the guy is saying, hey it's you and wow I remember our chat fondly.

I'm thinking.......Oh crikey, which one is this? Was it pleasant for me too? Then I just flesh out the details and think, it's fine but something is missing.

Or this is actually a fun chat. I'm laughing a lot. I think because it's a temporary acquaintanceship I pull back but sometimes it spills over and there is someone new in my life.

Mostly though it just never feels quite right. Either they are too chatty, not communicative enough. It's bland or I just don't feel invested.

The weird thing about some of them is that I think they approach me out of boredom or habit. There is the bare minimum thought put into it.

Then other instances it's like they switched on their brains and say, have you thought about such and such and it's a tangible interaction.

But why don't they do that consistently? If you aren't in the mood to talk........Then don't. You don't see me chasing you and pleading for attention.

I'm busy multi tasking. I have 4 tabs open, although one of them is youtube :D

#BlogLife133 - A rendezvous with A!

Last night I went to bed at 4.20am why so late, you enquire? Nosey aren't we? :D

Well I got chatting to one of the many randoms. This one is fairly new. A let's call him. I don't know what bizarre time we started, maybe 10pmish.

It was comfortable. Fun, amusing and non taxing. Time flew by and then it was extremely late. Half 2 in the morning. I think we were exhausted but yet unable to say goodbye/goodnight..

So I think we danced around the idea of a quick call. I don't know how long that went on... But before we knew it. We migrated to the phone at 2.30ish. Very crazy. It made no earthly sense. 

However I wondered what he sounded like. I'm voiceist. I need someone smooth in my ear. That is going to make me cosy and help me to sleep.

Except sleep usually evaporates and I get more animated but we were both talking softly. His voice wasn't deep but it was pleasant.

I don't think I'll ever find my perfect voice companion. There was only ever one time it happened but he was in a complicated setup.

Not quite disentangled from his ex and he used recreational drugs just out of the blue, like he was chewing gum and that was a huge turn off.

I am anti drugs, except for medical reasons. He was sweet in his own way. I think we were talking late or I was reading and he offered to give me a morning wake up call.

I was soooo out of it. I picked up the phone thinking I was switching off the alarm and he was so cheery, saying here you go as promised.

I got you up so you wouldn't be late and I was like huh, you aren't my alarm bahaha. I think he was a lil insulted but we patched things up.

#BlogLife132 - Looney Tunes World of Mayhem 2 update

I am just doing Conditions Apply R&D I hate it to death. I used Devil Dog, Pepe Le Bard, Scarecrow Sylvester and Speedy Gonzales.

It took me numerous tries to complete and not because my toons died. It is just one of the many buggy aspects of the game.

It just never lets me progress although all my toons are alive and well. 

Now I am on stage 2 using Archon Elmer instead of Devil Dog and still stuck.

Ugh, it is frustrating but overall it is a fun sociable game. My username on discord is MzLooneyTuner. 

I added the Mz because everyone assumed I was male. Ick. Now I have clarified it. I feel better. 

My in-game name is LooneyTuner. Just in case you were curious to see if I really was playing along with you all.

I recently had enough cosmic stars to get my first hypernova pull and got a 6 star Dr Dawgstein which wasn't bad really. 

I'm glad it wasn't a duplicate. My only other 6 star cosmic is Masked Avenger and they aren't maxed out very much I'm afraid. 

My current maxed out toons are Don Henery, Sea Goin Sam, Zoot Suit Daffy.

Plus Henery Hawk, GridIron Gossamer, Henery Hike, Grand Duke Sylvester. 

The Sea Devil (one of my favourites), Van Wile, Egghead Jr, King Bugs, Sam Sheepdog, Witch Hazel.

Ooh and finally Ralph Wolf, Leopold, Devil Dog, Miss Prissy and Salesduck Daffy. 

Phew way more than when I first started and struggled.

I have 218 gems and 853k currency and zero gold tickets :( 

I still refuse to spend money on the game and just do my best. I have actually managed to climb up to level 71 now from the previous maximum of 69.

Ranking up is very slow but I like the energy being refilled that goes with it. 

It stands at 122 at the moment. I haven't got my BarrelHawk Henery to 4 stars but almost there, 5 pieces left.

I have got 3 cosmic stars on him from the milestone rewards and have tuned him up to 36 which is probably the farthest I have ever done it before.

I'm waiting for Ogl to announce the winners for the latest competition, he does giveaways on his channel. 

https://www.youtube.com/c/OGLGameplays/videos

There is also Smokey who streams..

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2zmhLBVOv-chUaEzGk14hw

My alliance is Cereal Killers which is a really cool mix of people and has gotten a lot livelier now. Girls, guys and a range of newbies and experienced players.

I honestly haven't experimented with the gadgets. I would rather spend cash elsewhere. 

I eventually will after I improve toons but just isn't something I can be bothered with at the moment.

I do love the new Punch In system, very easy to click and claim rewards. 

The extra energy and perks come in handy. I'm sad they haven't mentioned bringing back the Desert event that they mysteriously cancelled.

Seems peculiar to me. The upcoming events are Forest Regionals, Villain Spotlights and a new toon. DeckSwab Dawg for the Pirates team.

Oh also there is a PTL for Dead Pirate Penelope. Anything I missed, you know where to find me :)

I know it is exciting when a new toon debuts and you scramble to take part in the new event. 

Unlocking and ranking and reaping the delicious milestone and event rewards..

However try not to go crazy and go broke improving them because the next tournament is just around the corner and you are going need resources to take part.

*Update* I realised I put misinformation above. We've changed the alliance name a few times. 

First The Great North, then Cereal Killers and now Looney Fortress. I totally forgot. Oops sorry :D

#BlogLife131 - Don't read my note! *Mature audiences only*

In my head I have this new story written out. I know what is and will happen. I know how to spice this tame tale up. I just cannot write it.

I have this mental block saying to myself. Really girl? This is not your medium, you are about the romance, not the boudoir action, ha!!

I have made it to chapter 3 and I like how it is unfolding but there is no heat whatsoever and I thought to myself. Hmm I never have been able to write something crude before.

Then I recalled back in school. I had a really flirty friend who was very touchy feely, just tame stuff but I guess for a plain girl who wasn't checked out at all, except for negatively, this was something..

I don't recall how it came about but he wrote me this salacious letter filled me lots of brazen details. I think I laughed and was surprised.

But then the big bombshell dropped. He wanted me to reciprocate it. I was this shy awkward girl who thought about intimate things but didn't vocalise it.

He bet me that I couldn't do it. Thought I was someone to be underestimated as usual. I rolled my eyes and thought don't trifle with me.

Somehow this challenge stirred something in me and I wrote this graphic letter full of specific details. I smugly handed it to him, although my face was probably red too.

Why I chose during English class to do it, I have no idea. I guess it's what kids do, mess around. My tutor however, saw this interruption and promptly snatched the letter away after he had read it.

I was mortified! Please let the ground open up and swallow me whole because this will totally ruin the prude reputation I have going for me.

I couldn't look the teacher in the eyes so I asked my friend, please tell me she binned it, without reading it. Please. She cringed as she said, erm, she read it!

Nooooooo! Why that note of all notes. She pulled me aside after class and said. I really wish you would put this much effort into your homework!

My face was beetroot as I walked off and then started laughing. I was so embarrassed and my cheeks are still flushed reminiscing.

However I managed to write it and it was easy so why can't I write it now?? The other problem with a short story that isn't, is that it's time consuming.

#BlogLife130 - Oh baby! Oh baby!! Oh baby!!! *Mature audiences only*

Giggles, if you are wondering what on earth, the title is referring too, well here goes. I mean I don't know if I could do it but I was thinking of writing a short steamy story.

To be perfectly honest, it's something I have thought about for a long time since reading trashy romance novels and not quite understanding them but enjoying them all the same.

I guess it would be a big challenge for me. I admit *holds hand up* I confess I read stuff like that from time to time. Typically when I get the surge of hormones.

My mood can just range from seething hostility to sadness to friskiness but I want an actual readable story. A nice interesting setting and something realistic-ish.

A hint of romance with normal emotions, nothing over the top or immoral. I can't really see me publishing it on here, assuming I could even compose it.

However there is a site I use. I don't know if I should mention it. It kinda would be a hoot to submit something and see if it would get any feedback..

Meanwhile I took the plunge and re-read Faithless Pursuit again from the beginning. You know I didn't cringe as much as I thought.

For a first attempt it came out better than I could have hoped for, better than I assumed really. It's definitely alright. I will just keep writing Lethal Curves Ahead and try to make it a good effort.

I've already made a start but I'll just make it short and see if I can develop it into something passionate or just leave it as a throwaway story that I challenged myself to write.

I pretty much failed on the short and racy themes. It is neither. Surprisingly it was easy to concoct and I have no shortage of ideas.

I haven't completely finished it, I just wrote one chapter and I know how to end it. I saw J last night and he said he might do a story too so we can compare notes.

Bahaha. Hysterical. I told him he should do a voiceover. He thinks we would be overnight sensations. What a loon :D

I'm still working on Lethal Curves Ahead. I just get disillusioned writing the same story after a while. I need fresh material.

I think if I can manage this whether clean or spicy, it will inspire me to come up with more stories so I can have that thrill of more publishing.

I just don't know if I have the courage to submit it anywhere...

#BlogLife129 - Hiding the pain and only showing partial reality

I have met a lot of the I-wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve types. Look in some ways I admire that. You can fully express yourself and share what you are feeling.

On the other hand, you just get trodden on and taken advantage of. I see it, I hear about it and it doesn't change. I couldn't live like that, just being so open that people just gather information and twist it.

They don't seem to change no matter the circumstances and it always baffles me. I'm not saying be extreme and don't talk at all.

I'm saying have some common sense and don't share every little bit that is going through your mind. Maybe hold off for a bit, until that person divulges what their intentions are.

I hear the word mysterious a lot when people refer to me but I'm not trying to be coy. I am actively holding back and seeing how it will unfold naturally without laying my cards out on the table.

People or I should say strangers know very little about me or my life. They assume I am happy go lucky, giggly, jokey, not taking myself to seriously.

I share in very small doses, over time and with each notification, there are time allotted for reactions and any negativity.

They don't know about my health issues, my PTSD, my trust issues or my battle with self esteem. I am not forthcoming about any of it, unless someone asks me a direct question and I feel natural about explaining a bit of it.

Otherwise I just protect myself from being exploited. At least this way I have only spoken about sensitive topics minimally and there is only a fraction of a backlash.

It still stings but at least I can quickly get over it and don't feel foolish about serving myself up completely to some spiteful jerk, who can't see how special I am.

Also I don't feel exposed and awkward. There is a lot to be said for keeping busy and not dwelling on sickness. If you tell someone that you are sick, whether short or long term.

That becomes their sole focus of conversation each time. If you are like me, the last thing you want to focus on, is the symptoms attached to that condition.

It is near impossible to speak about it and remain positive. If I have to touch on it, it's brief and to the point. I can't let the magnitude wash over me because it brings an emotional storm with it.

It is already so difficult trying to feel good and have something, anything to smile about. Anyway that is my take. Live your life but be careful who you trust.