#BlogLife550 - My vain (vanity) tissue box

Song of the day - Jax Jones/Mabel - Ring Ring

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVCZgIY_2FI&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=2

I'm pleased to report that my phone stand (£5 free post) finally got here, yay. I don't know why the holders always take way longer to arrive.

Everything was practically posted together in the same method, anyway it's heavier than I thought it would be.

Nice and compact, foldable, nice shade and I can adjust the height and head of it.

Plus the mirror is a cute additional touch for makeup, lenses, plucking and it will be harder to lose in that bright colour.

I guess the good thing about having a weighted base is that it is more sturdy than the previous flimsy ones I've bought and had to prop against something.

There are certain things I need around me, so to avoid getting up to look for them...

I've started using my tissue box as a vanity case. I don't know why, it just seemed handy to hold everything in.

Lip balm, earbud cases, pens, supplements, eye drops. Talking of lip balm, my lips have started to chap badly again.

They are not sore just dry and I've been liberally applying them, so after this round, I will probably look for something else.

Maybe the Burt Bees, they seemed a high quality. I binged the second season of The Secret Life of Amy Bensen.

It wasn't as good as the first season, in my opinion. I don't really see why she runs away from Liam because she always crumbles and lets him dictate and be insane with his jealousy.

I was surprised at the pregnancy development. His reaction was telling, he didn't seemed fussed either way.

I almost got the feeling he would be unhappy with the lack of focus on him.

It was almost comical how everyone around her tried to get her away from Liam by planting doubts but they were acting shady themselves.

I don't trust any of them ha. I think it's been renewed for a way longer third season.

I'm surprised none of his vast exes have cropped up yet.

I just discovered there's a new season/reboot/revival lol of Futurama, the first episode is funny.

It seems to have the original voice actors which is surprising also.

#BlogLife549 - You and me or Moi and me?

Song of the day - Ir Sais - Dream Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pAqWzNIKzE&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=8

I always mean to add the Song of the day but then I forget, so this time I added it first.

Just random songs that I find and enjoy, that you might also :)

I'm so hungry, I might just munch and write. I did a lunchtime shop and it arrived not to long ago and then because I was feeling quite cold..

I had to have a hot shower/bath to relax a bit before the groceries came.

I hadn't heard from D for two days and then he replied this morning and said he was just busy.

I did wonder if he was giving me the brush off but then the rest of me thought, maybe he's just occupied.

But he does give longer than usual good quality replies, which most do not so I'm grateful for that.

He doesn't have the deep voice that I like but it's pleasant. I'm still very much hormonal.

No nausea today but bloating and my appetite comes and goes.

I usually track all deliveries where possible so I know roughly when they are due.

I don't usually speak into the intercom, I can't hear them and vice versa, seems a waste of time.

This driver, who I've seen before said I could have been a mass murderer and you just casually let me in.....

Umm, not really appropriate to joke about but I shrugged and said I track everything.

Then I unpacked and compared everything to the receipt and it was all there.

But there were extras, some biscuits and something else....

A pregnancy test. I stared at it and thought, that is strange, it was mixed in with my shopping.

It wasn't in a separate sealed bag. I figure I am way past having kids now, not that I wanted any.

But it makes me think about being part of a family of my own, having a boyfriend, partner, husband?

Going out and coming home to someone, or being picked up when I'm near exhaustion and sitting in those comfy leather seats and closing my eyes.

(Knowing I didn't have to be on high alert that I would be assaulted).

I don't know how I would make that transition, to say things, I've never really said before.

I trust you completely.

I love you.

I'm all yours.

I'm not going to push you away.

I'm not going to run away.

I want a future with you.

With you I can drop the pretence and let you in.

I've never had that safety net to be totally transparent. To admit, this is me, sometimes I'm really bitter or sad.

There are times when I want company, (I just won't admit it), and other instances where I'm so happy to be alone.

Can I ever be kissed and not touched? Can I ever feel safe to say Yes, I do want that hug?

I just don't want to be grabbed.

Can a hug or a kiss just be solo? Is there any man that would respect my wishes and not go beyond my comfort levels?

That hasn't been the case so far and I've always ended up flinching.

I want to let go and be caught up in the moment, to smile, giggle, laugh and flirt.

I want to be held, to be cared for and admired for my independence.

I don't want to interrogate and ask what their intentions are.

But I can't. I always have to put my guard up and take it slowly and get ready to scream NO! Stop! Let me go!

I have to figure out a way to connect. Instead of dismantling it before it even begins.

I'll let you know, if I ever get it right.....

#BlogLife548 - Does he love foodies....?

Yesterday in the UK it was a Bank Holiday and the most I did was come up with a title.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue relaxing or be productive and doing nothing was far too relaxing, so that's what I opted for.

I've got to pay some bills, moisturise my face and watch the season finale of The Mentalist.

I wasn't sure if I wanted Patrick and Teresa to get together. I always rooted for Grace and Wayne though.

Even Lisbon's beau seemed decent but he moved too fast. He acted a a tad bit controlling with the movies, even though she wasn't into classics, instead of finding a genre they would both love.

Why didn't they give Cho a permanent love interest?? I hate when one character doesn't get a happy wrapped up storyline.

Why did Vega have to die? I knew he would crack after that. I think he was putting off having another partner because he missed Rigsby too much.

I loved their banter together. I wonder if they will both be in the finale. Would be nice if that happened.

I have some favourite places that I order from regularly because of the customer service and the quality.

But one in particular always gives me extras. I'm starting to think, either I'm being foodily wooed or they are just messing with their customers and it's a private joke.

Hmm how can we screw with their heads today...... Let's add a blender to the bag???

But seriously, so far it has been extra drinks, Sprite, orange juice, two whole cartons of milk..

And the latest craziness is..... A whole jar of Branston pickle. I'm not even sure what that is.

Oh I just googly woogled and it's a relish. Pickle, chutney, ketchup and brown sauce.

Hmm. I haven't tried it yet and I'm not sure it appeals. It's supposed to be on the sweet side.

Why brown sauce and ketchup? I suppose it might enhance toasties...

I wonder if brown sauce is bbqy? I'm not sure if I have tried that. I don't think I want too.

But isn't that strange? They could have got a mini sauce tub and added a bit but no, they threw in the whole jar.

Did they go nuts with the inventory and order excess and just randomly give clients bonuses??

One day I will go in and ask, what the deal is haha.

When I was shopping for the tweezers, it was making me laugh that now they all seem to be labelled as professional.

It's not a surgical tool, I just want to pluck my eyebrows yeesh haha.

#BlogLife547 - Dear readers

Dear readers,

I know it's 6pmish and I haven't uploaded today's creation but I'm really struggling this week to make sense of my ramblings.

The only time I've felt creative was when I was responding to emails, which felt like letters so I thought, let's make it different today and see if I can pretend I'm writing you a personal note.

See if that's easier and so far so good. No more blank page. I feel the hormonal surges coursing through me and it's making my brain go haywire.

I feel the cramps and the bloating, a tiny bit of nausea that sweeps across me and then floats away after a meal.

I've been talking to a random, cooking intermittently, listening to asmr, laying down for a nap but nothing has revitalised my inspiration.

Maybe you feel that too? Or maybe your day has been one buzzing event after the other? I'm pleased for you if so :)

There are so many stories to finish, even Wattpad sent me a jingle and said Umm, what's happening? Be consistent.

Oops. I can't seem to dig deep. I'm not sad, I'm not angry. I feel absolutely nothing at present.

I've bought a few more essentials. I finally saw the L'oreal fine flowers face wash and this pink mirrored phone stand because I can't find my other one.

The mirror will be useful for makeup and my lenses as it's adjustable.

And my mind wanders to getting close to people and then pulling back.

I wonder if I'll ever let anyone get close to me again, the way I sorta did before.

Never ever all the way, but more easily than now. I'm not like a fashion Queen, everything doesn't have to be perfect.

But I did love dressing up, even if it was just casually. I reminded myself of that when I was at Mama's and for the first time in decades..

I wore a skirt out, that tropical skirt that everyone loves. That is far too long so I have to pick it up.

I thought my thighs would rub together or I would feel too exposed. But actually it was nice to be bright, colourful and feminine.

The thing with attention, is that from males, the cuter I look, the more prone to attacks I am.

I really consciously dressed flatly and in black to avoid this. I guess I'm realising this now.

I always feel the need to protect myself from predators. From walking down the street and being touched, from hugging someone and being pinched.

From being followed home. This time I wasn't alone, I had company and I forgot all the bad things that had happened to me.

I temporarily became naive. Became free of fear. All those times I opened up to mentors, only to be looked at as a sex object.

All those carefree moments, walking around, until a group of men in cars, slowed down and rolled beside me and I thought I would be grabbed and pushed inside.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this now. Men stopped me from going on those leisurely hourly walks at night.

I was approached and followed way too much. All I ask is to be left alone in peace.

All I got was my smile taken away. I would still like to be invisible sometimes but that means going back to black, black, drab colours.

I'm not willing to do that anymore. I did love some of those nights. Nobody around, the lights dimmed, no honking cars.

The wind in my hair, the gentle hum of music in my airs. my eyes getting drowsy, knowing that soon I would be tucked in my bed, having a dreamless sleep..

Speak soon

SS

#BlogLife546 - How long does it take you to reveal your true self?

I was going to say Morning All, but it's afternoon now. I think I had a good block of sleep and then woke up and it felt too early, so I drifted off again.

But I still feel drained. I saw a missed call from one of the randoms when I woke up but I wasn't sure so instead calling/texting a random number I emailed for confirmation.

Usually they will call at lunch or in the evening and I always have my ringer turned off at night because I don't want to be woken up as sleep is rare.

But he did call me back, only this time a company came up but no number so that confused me and when it ceased, I looked up the number and it matched. Oops.

I screen my calls from scammers and past randoms. It's so easy to be caught out these days. I called him back and had a laugh and then he had to go and I needed to begin my day.

Ugh I lost my nice tweezers. I have a spare but they aren't as effective so I bought another one from ebay for a pound.

I'll show you the picture when it arrives maybe at the weekend. I don't know why some are better than others, maybe some are duller?

I've started mixing and matching the pastas. One had pork, I remove that and add lil portions to my bowl.

A lil tomatoey penne, a lil creamy fusilli, and some plain noodles, delicious with chicken.

Oh I've finally tried the watermelon lip balm from Malibu, it does smell faintly of melon but more chemically.

It's work well as long as you keep using. It's not a cure for chapped/dry lips.

The title refers to when you meet someone new, do you spill your personal stories or do you hold back?

I'm not big on trust so I tend to share tidbits and see if they are really listening and paying attention.

Or if they will ask me the same questions again and again. I would rather someone not make random guesses about my life.

Ask, I just don't promise to reveal it, if I am suspicious about your motives or it is too soon.

Due to the fact that half the people seem to make a snap judgement about me and disappear.

Instead of clarifying the details with me.

#BlogLife545 - How did you lose weight?

I remember being asked this. Suddenly my weightloss had become everybody's business, well no not suddenly but more people commented and asked questions, which they felt was their right.

My yo-yo up and down journey was my own affair. However a part of me was proud of it and the rest didn't want to talk about it.

I did not want my looks to be the only thing that fascinated people. I had brains too.

The truth was I discovered what had finally worked for me. It wasn't sensible eating and moderate exercise.

It was self loathing, bullying myself to avoid temptation. You're pathetic, can't you even resist going for seconds?

Do you really need dessert? Look at you, totally bulging out and unattractive. No wonder no guys are interested...

On and on I went and joined in with everybody's else's critiques of me, why not?

It did seem to be the general consensus and then when I reached my goal, which seemed to be skinnier and thinner.

It just didn't make me happy. There were more eyes on me but this time, it was compliments and shock and surprise and maybe even jealousy..

I felt like the only way to turn this around was have a heart to heart.

I think I only said it to one person who insisted on knowing my secret and she was horrified at the answer.

I lost the weight by starving myself and exercising non stop all day.

I looked at her and said, don't do what I did and she nodded and found her own way to trim down.

It was probably a mixture of the journalling and talking to myself and saying.

I don't know about you but I'm tired of hating myself and not being my own best friend.

How about we switch it around, retrain the brain and be kind and supportive?

It didn't happen overnight but I started to catch myself saying something and spun it into positivity.

If someone asked me now? I would say do it in stages, don't just throw out all the desserts and go hard core, it doesn't work.

Find an activity or exercise that you hate the least, maybe even enjoy.

Mine is dancing so the workout videos that incorporated dancing were my favourite.

Find the unhealthiest thing in your life and try to find an alternative that is better for you.

I like fizzy drinks but I won't have it daily. I will buy it once in a while and when I first started out, I transitioned to fizzy flavoured water.

I try to buy fruit where I can but it's expensive and doesn't last the week so low calorie treats are what I seek.

Certainly the inches are coming off a lot slower but I have a healthier mindset and I prefer being bigger than the alternative of being slim but depressed.

#BlogLife544 - Fasting, dieting or starving yourself?

I guess it depends on the real reasons you want to fast? Health, weight loss? Peer pressure? Keeping up with the Joneses? Religion?

Have you tried it before? I think the first time I recall doing it was for religion. As a former Seventh Day Adventist there was always a cause.

There always seemed to be something. One time it was a meeting to stay awake all night in Church and everybody was falling asleep.

If you want to do that as an adult, then fine, but being dragged into it as a child, bored stiff and craving my bed, is ridiculous!!

When you're fasting, all you can think about is food and I remember overeating because I was so happy a meal was on the table.

Then as a teenager it was a whole different experience. I was talking to L and she is constantly finding new ways to be healthier, so intermittent fasting works for her.

Although she confessed she pushed it too far this time and was near fainting and dizzy but she recognised it and broke her fast.

I recall wanting to eat less because of peer pressure, family, my own self esteem and being compared to everyone skinny around me.

I didn't call it fasting, I referred to it as skipping meals.

I just always loved food and started off, not seeing anything wrong with having a healthy appetite but it kept being pointed out to me, that it was wrong.

So eventually that became ingrained into me and I started backing off.

At school towards the end, maybe the last year or two, I stopped eating lunch. I didn't eat breakfast either so by dinner time I was famished.

But I stopped having an appetite and I saw the puppy fat being far less, so that encouraged me to become more and more extreme.

I would skip breakfast, go out all day, not eat lunch, come home and slashed my portions in half.

Bin half and eat the rest. Sometimes it was easy not to eat, other times I really struggled and went on a binge.

But as L remarked excitedly. going a long time without eating had become a glorified challenge..

Which is the danger. To be honest, I fainted a hell of a lot, while I was out. I frequently felt dizzy but I ignored it.

Whereas L never felt like that and this is probably the first time she was affected by it.

I convinced myself that I was alright and then exercising all the time, pushed me even harder.

I had violent stomach/foot cramps, could not concentrate and just felt off.

I had no energy at all, physically I was drained but mentally I thought I was doing well to last this long.

I was foolish and it's not sustainable at all and this is my own experience.

I'm not saying don't fast, as an adult you know your body best. I'm saying be careful, keep hydrated and watch yourself or have someone else check in to make sure you're being safe.

Even now I wouldn't trust myself to fast. If I'm not hungry, I can skip a meal and not derail myself, that I can cope with.

But anything more than that, unless I'm very ill. I don't trust myself to not exceed the safety limits.

Here's a quick review on the San Pellegrino drinks. The cherry and pomegranate was sparkling water.

That was so sour and bitter yuckity. It did have a faint taste of the above fruits but the tang was too much.

Eventually I just mixed it with vimto and apple and blackcurrant to ease the tartness, otherwise I would have binned it and wasted money.

The same goes for the Orange. I don't know why it has to taste so strongly sour.

It's a light citrus flavour and horribly bitter. I'm glad I had some lemon and orange sugar free squashes to blend it with.

I can't drink them on their own. I don't expect full sugaryness but yeesh some would be nice.

I'm fully used to the sugar free drinks but even they have some natural sweetness to them.

I still feel a bit bloated but I might skip this months period too, woop.

Tomorrow if I remember I will have been taking Perfectil for exactly 2 weeks.

#BlogLife543 - Brow gels - Mascara for the brows?

Good evening, earlier I checked the post and found the last of my goodies had arrived.

The protein tablets for me and Mama, they are basically to make the contact lenses more bearable to wear, extra deep cleaners.

And the brow gel which I didn't really know much about. I assumed it was some sort of eyebrow conditioner which I wasn't interested in.

But I think the gist is, that they have mostly replaced eyebrow pencils which is what I've always used to fill in my brows from over-pluckage.

My left brow especially has a lil gap but I'm not self conscious and barely remember to use a pencil when I'm rushing out the door.

I watched some beauty videos on youtube and saw more and more people using these brow gels and when I saw they were tinted that fascinated me.

Now that I have bought one Technic in dark brown for £2.80 for my naturally black eyebrows I can understand it better.

According to googly woogly the advice was don't go for black as it will make the brows look noticeably darker.

I was scared that the brown shade would make them weirdly lighter.

But no, the advice was correct as even the dark brown, makes them stand out as dark and less natural in appearance.

Maybe a clear or a lighter brown is better? I'm not sure. I had also assumed they would look like an eyeliner tip, instead of a mascara brush head.

I'm not sure how they can call it a gel, it just feels like mascara but softer.

I can't say that it smudges, when I press my thumb along the brow bone, very lil product comes out on my hand.

It doesn't feel heavy on the face and maybe with makeup and foundation on, it could look softer but right now I feel a bit of a clown.

Maybe the more expensive brands do a better quality product. I could be being too critical, I wonder if the sun would melt it off my face, yikes ha.

I guess wearing it, I feel more put together, both my brows look fuller and more presentable.

I'm going to have to look at more Youtube videos. Oh and I know everyone is obsessed with the brushed up brows.

I can't stand the look myself. It just looks messy to me. Caterpillar brows. Ick.

I know that wasn't the reason I bought the gel and to be honest, I didn't realise it would be a mascara head brush. I feel like I draw it on, rather than brush it.

It's awkward to use and not easy, I feel like I am making my brows thicker, which is not what I want. 

I just want them to seem coated and even on both sides.

Ooh I might end up using it as mascara for my lashes as I have always wanted brown and not seen it much except when I was younger.

Maybe it will be gentler on my lenses than regular mascara... Hmm. 

This feels like the most makeup I've had on in a while. It washed off the brows easily but not the lashes eek.

I would much rather use a creamy shinyish eyeliner as a brow gel instead, if there is such a thing.

With a full face of makeup so even if it was obvious, I could say it's part of the overall glamour look.

It took me 3 washes to finally remove the brow gel from my eyelashes, that stuck to it like glue, good heavens.

If this is what a brow gel is, I would not recommend or use it. I prefer my simple lil pencil.

#BlogLife542 - Does garlic shampoo smell of garlic?

Friday morning I think it was, I woke up and felt weird, like I was all twisted up.

It turns out I've injured my back or shoulder or both. I think I slept funny or hurt it carrying too much on my right side.

If I'm still, there is no pain but the moment I fidget and get up, ouchy.

I didn't want to lay in bed this time and heal up, I just wanted to get on but not do any exercise or extra exertion.

It's too warm to apply heat but I had the blankie over me with the fan blasting in my face, to see if would help.

No joy and now my right hand is really tender. I'm completely fed up with the sensitivities but life goes on.

I'm so glad I chopped my hair short as I was sweating all night and it's nice that my neck is free to breathe.

Mama hasn't tested the massage mat yet so I don't know if I've wasted money on a dud item.

Ooh she just called me and told me it works well and it's enjoyable to use. I'm so relieved wooop :) 

And she said her injection treatment seems to help and the pain has decreased which is fantastic.

I got selected to do a private product test which is nice, as I haven't done one in ages, that should be fun if it arrives, some just get lost or pilfered.

I'm waiting for the Postie to arrive so I can make breakfast/lunch. I don't usually hear anything from the kitchen.

It's a bit soon though. Everything has been posted except the protein tablets for my contact lenses, I split with Mama and give her a box too.

It is so humid today. I'm going to take a tepid shower/bath and then rest up.

A mini update on the Perfectil supplements, I know I haven't been taking them long but so far no horrible side effects.

I don't feel sicky. I haven't started an excessively heavy period or one at all actually.

So far so good. These don't usually affect me and I'm glad not to be feeling any worse.

I do seem to have a lil extra energy boost. I don't feel as tired. My nails are growing quickly but they tend to do that anyway.

I've just had a nice cool shower/bath and used the Vatika garlic shampoo and can confirm it doesn't smell of garlic.

It's this sweet chemical scent which is nice. It's a thickish white consistency, applies and lathers easily and also rinses well.

I don't blow dry my hair and prefer to wrap it in a towel and leave to dry naturally but prior to that I applied some leave in conditioner.

It wasn't as painful as I thought but there's still discomfort when gripping anything and leaning on my right side.

I wanted to put the heating on, just to keep the boiler going and accidentally turned it way high, instead of low, yikes no wonder I felt so humid.

Yeesh it was a good job I double checked to see if it was off.

I got to admit I did use a rinse out conditioner with it so my hair and scalp feel intensely nourished.

I'll let you know in a week or two if anything changes.

#BlogLife541 - Back to the beauty happy bubble

Don't get me wrong, visiting home is always a thing to look to anticipate but with it, brings an emotional whirlwind that always knocks me off my peaceful place.

I've just been crazily dancing in the bathroom and I didn't really do that while I was away, incase she called to me for something.

I missed my simple regime of putting loud music on and doing my beauty treatments and feeling unfettered by people.

This time around I travelled light, no epilator, no face brush. I wasn't too bothered about them.

But just now with earbuds, all other noise was blocked out. I didn't really use the them while I was there for the same reason, I wanted to be reachable and give my ears a break.

I thought I would start with the face brush and the Nivea wash and eventually it got lovely and frothy.

I spent more than the usual time and did a few extra rounds because of the dryness and because I hadn't done it for a while, even before I left, I don't think..

My face only feels a lil hydrated after, so with this wash, I would recommend a moisturiser afterwards.

I was tempted to use my pink clay mask but it's only Thursday and I save it for the weekends.

I decided to epilate my legs and get rid of the few patches of hair that had grown since last time and then applied that new body butter so they wouldn't itch.

But they still feel as though I could scratch them all night grr. Oh and I decided my hair had gotten too long and messy.

I cut about 2 or 3 inches off it and now it feels somewhat neater, even though I tend to cut it from all angles, just for fun.

Oh Mama finally got her massage mat gift, she's too tired to open it so I suggested at the weekend.

I am so curious about it but I don't want to badger her. I'm just glad it wasn't lost, woop.

She told me something about what she read, that you're not supposed to brush your teeth until after your first meal.

As it washes away the b12 if you brush but it's kinda gross. I tried it today and felt yucky but clean after I brushed and rinsed with mouthwash.

The garlic shampoo arrived today which was quick. I want to use it just to see what it is like.

And my hair could do with a wash but at the same time, I'm still making minimal decisions as my right hand is still killing me with any activities.

My back/shoulder is slowly lessening. I just don't want to make them worse.

Oh I kept forgetting to add the avocado spread review. The brand is Holy Moly and the cost was £3.20 for 3 mini tubs.

Enough to make 2 sandwiches per 57g pot. I'm so silly, there was a cheaper version for 150g that cost £2.60.

Oh well next time. It's light and easy to spread and mixed in are tomatoes, lime, salt and black pepper.

To me only the lime and avocado is noticeable and it is delicious and authentic.

The others I have sampled don't even taste like avocado but of a fake disgusting mush.

I highly recommend this but it's not something that will last long, probably within 1 or 2 days the most.

#BlogLife540 - Fix your face

It's just before 4pm and my Amazon goodies arrived today, which prompts me to cancel Prime now.

Ugh they complicated the process, I had to click renew in order to end it now, sneaky sneaky but I did it.

It's almost as though I have eczema on my face, that's how disgustingly dry, flaky and itchy it is.

Straight away I unboxed and checked the contents expecting 2 of the masks but I was mistaken oops.

I got the £2.62 Creightons scrub 150ml purely for the soles of my feet. I can't remember if that brand was where I had the reaction from but it's only my feet so I doubt I will have an  adverse outcome to it.

I never use scrubs anymore as that's too harsh for my combination, blemish prone face. It seems nice and thick and I think it smells vaguely fruity.

Next we have the 50ml standard size Neutrogena refreshingly clear moisturiser £3.

I've used the pink grapefruit version before and that's been fine as far as I recall, this tube seems much tinier but a thicker cream so maybe it's better?

Most of my face was just obscenely dehydrated and it took a few rounds of moisturiser to address it.

My forehead is still dry and the rest of my face was getting greasy so I am only applying it on my forehead now.

After I applied it I tried the 150ml Nivea derma wash £2.75 that is targeted at impure skin and it's just clear and a medium consistency that rinses off easily.

Afterwards my face felt as though it had a deep treatment done which was refreshing. It's not scented that much and the lil it is, is very faint and generic.

My face was definitely beginning to heal and soften but what really counts is time and a few days later, I will really be able to tell if it's an efficient cleanser.

Lastly we have the 60ml Pink Clay mask and I didn't realise how small it was. I normally get a 100ml product.

This time I thought I was getting a bundle deal as it said x2 but nope it was crazy marketing about claiming to be doubly precise at improving complexions.

Anyway it cost £3.50 which is a bit steep for such a tiny thing, pictures are up on Twitter but new items are fun to use.

This was actually tinted pink, cute and was a thick mud texture but I only used a lil bit all over my face.

The instructions which I gave to Mama to read for me as I couldn't see the idiotic white tiny writing was to leave it for about 15 minutes.

And I followed that because my face is a mess. It was really difficult to remove it, water didn't cut it.

I think it's the first time I've struggled to wash off a mask so I grabbed a wet wipe and had to wet it and really scrub to make it disappear.

Afterwards my face felt smooth and polished, aside from my forehead, the sides of my nose and a bit of my cheek.

I'm going to have to repeat the processes throughout this weekend (Friday 4th) at the moment of writing this.

The mask is supposed to give a brighter, hydrating finish. I'm not sure about the illumination but it's definitely improved from being bumpy and rough.

It has an unusual perfume sweet scent which is not typical but I love beauty stuff that smells nice so that doesn't bother me.

It's Saturday night and I always continue the pampering regime all weekend but this time I left the face wash on underneath and then applied the face mask.

It seems a bit tough squeezing out the mask but it spreads easily.

I wasn't concentrating on the time, I was chatting to Mama and sipping Shloer Rose, I love that drink, so the mask was left on maybe half an hour.

I grabbed the wipes again but this time, it came off much easier. My face is glowing but my forehead remains scaly.

I don't want to do another moisturiser round, maybe before bed. The weather here has been rainy and sunny.

We might have breakfast out locally tomorrow morning, I guess it depends how we feel.

I like surprising her, just got her 2x salines so she doesn't have to go into town to get them.

She's having her leg treatment done soon and hopefully the pain will subside.

#BlogLife539 - Holiday time is here

Song of the day - Mabel - Don't Call Me Up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TQKyDD9Yig

I can't believe it's finally here and I'm off tomorrow. July just seemed frantic and stressful and from August it should be way less busy.

I just called to reschedule the maintenance appointment for either the electricity meter or some random boiler upkeep.

I can't remember what is what and the guy wasn't forthcoming with any details.

It's so weird how he said we can't change the appointment, they'll show up and I never tell them I'm going away because then somebody knows my place is empty.

I prefer to say, I'm sorry but I'm unavailable and then he said we'll make a note of your preferred date and return again then?

So weird, why would they send an engineer out to somebody not at home??

Crazy and I was panicking that I would have to stay home tomorrow but nope, it will be on the 9th August at 8am-1pm.

Apparently, they give cowboy hours as they show up whenever they feel like it.

I don't make it for the afternoon any longer even if that is preferable as they show up in the morning usually, at the worst possible time, grr.

I don't pack in advance anymore either because on the day I leave, I re-arrange my overnight bag a dozen times.

Have I forgotten something? Did I already pack blah blah? I figure I will leave lunchtime or late morning.

An update on the Wasabi face cleanser, now I see it is very drying.

My skin still feels bumpy and the sides of my face and my left cheek is extremely dehydrated.

I'm now habitually applying moisturiser. I don't understand why the left side is so badly affected.

What I'm doing is using the foam face wash and this wasabi one together, it helps a lil bit but I probably wouldn't purchase it again.

I got here with a competent driver who didn't get lost and I was able to direct him the last lil bit.

It was stressful up to that point, plus the additional cost of a fiver, yikes cab prices are ridiculous.

Mama also told me that her friend the housing manager called up the rude Advance Cars company and yelled at them for their appalling service.

I didn't realise she did that, so it made me laugh to hear they got scolded because it took me ages to recover from that ordeal.

I just plucked and tomorrow is the celebration party which I'm indifferent about.

I'm just very stiff and sore and tomorrow will be aggravating my body further.

I've been tired all day but I can't sleep and it's 11pmish which you would think I would be snoring away.

The party was fine really just physically took a toll, as there was a lot of standing and sitting which stiffened me up and the pain was climbing.

Her friends and family are a warm welcoming bunch but there's also a suffocation element as one in particular latches on to me.

Sweet though she is, she brings all eyes on me and it makes me squirm. Not in a negative way but in a flattering, look what she's wearing it's so exuberant, you must see.

Because I only packed one skirt and that was the multi coloured beautiful tropical skirt that is too big for me but really summery.

Greens, oranges, black, blue, red maybe and it suits me well, although I kept tripping over it.

I paired it with the reddy/orangey top and it was really cute but I frequently escaped to my guest room but left the door open and laying down flat was glorious for my back.

She let me try her feet circulation booster which was really freaky haha.

You spray the machine with water, definitely designed for men, as the feet shapes were huge ha.

And my size is 8 for normal boots and 9 for fur lined types. Then plant your feet as flat as you can.

It's tingly. I thought it would feel like painful pin pricks but no it's umm medium vibrations which you can increase.

I stayed low because it can be intense. There's one type that has the sensation of squeezing your feet tightly, a lil uncomfy.

The other one is better as though a force is pushing up to your feet and ankles.

I wouldn't call it a massage but it's bearable. On the higher settings it was too much and it felt like it was bringing on cramp so we both laughed as I said less please ha.

#BlogLife538 - First time trying male products

I flip-flopped again and saw an offer to get 2x face washes for just under £6.

I was going to get the Fine Flowers L'oreal one but I didn't really see it.

My skin looks smooth but it's bumpy and I've been breaking out for a while now so I need something more aggressive or targeted at pimples.

Mostly what I saw was around the £5/£6 mark so getting 2 for that price seemed a bargain.

Unless I hate it or it does nothing for my face. It's due anytime before 2pm so a 2 hour window which is nice by Hermes/Evri.

I like the fact it's new to me and green. It's supposed to smell citrusy but we'll see.

It's the Garnier Wasabi gel wash and I didn't realise it was for men until I saw the fine print.

I don't typically buy men's products as I figure there must be a reason they are marketed for men but this time I didn't see much choice and I wanted a good deal.

I did watch a Youtube review that said it's effective but extremely drying but I have moisturisers so I'm not bothered about that.

I'm really irritated that the Electricity meter appointment has been scheduled for next week when I would have departed grr.

I'm going to call and see if they will let me change it to August. I keep being pulled into things, arghhh!!

The washes arrived at 1pmish and they smell of lime, which is lovely.

I used it with the face brush first, as I spun the brush it was beginning to lather and then when it hit my face it was foaming and light and felt refreshing.

I just love that it's a green colour, I find it's way more visually appealing and satisfying to use when they've made the effort to alter it from clear to something vibrant.

Then I decided to use my hands and it stayed in the gel form mostly but as my face was still wet, it lathered and still did not feel heavy.

Looking in the mirror afterwards, my face feels deeply cleansed as though I just put on a mask and toner.

My face is mostly soft but there are dry patches, along my forehead and nose.

I guess I can see how some could find it drying. My face is combination oily and dry so thinner products work better and then if I still need hydration, I will use a moisturiser.

Oops I thought I was publishing these in order but I missed this and maybe another.

 Now I know the Wasabi washes mess up the skin a lot, not just a lil.

I feel like I'm forever waiting for maintenance people to arrive. It's only 9amish but they are due anytime from now until 1pm.

Although the last time, they waltzed in around 2pm, hence why I keep the day free.

I want it over and done with so I can eat and get rid of this nauseated, crampy feeling and relax.

Yesterday afternoon was glorious. I got caught in the rain a bit and inside seemed to be colder than outdoors so I was able to use my blankie and nap to recover a bit.

They are predicting another heatwave, in the middle of this month but I hope it's wrong.

I think I'm half or mostly finished with the Argan Vatika shampoo so I was looking at the next version to get.

I've never seen the garlic version before, that made me laugh. What if it smells awful??

There is also an egg protein and a sweet almond one so I'm spoilt for choice.

I usually opt for a volumiser or a hydrating and repair type. My hair isn't damaged but it's frequently lacking moisture or flat.

I would definitely say since switching to Vatika that the condition has improved, when I was at Mama's I noticed the difference.

Her Gliss shampoo dried my hair out and made my scalp itchy and uncomfortable again.

#BlogLife537 - Thank you readers :)

Do you get most of your film or television recommendations from other people or are you the one that gives them tips on the next exciting popular thing?

I guess I started with friends and family pointing me towards entertainment that I might enjoy that they were enthusiastic about.

I recall far back the reason I first began watching Sex and the City was because it featured a female writer/blogger.

And that's what I wanted to do but didn't feel I had the talent or creativity to pursue it, who did I think I was??

And now there is a follow up version And Just Like That, I think it's called and I have no earthly interest in seeing it.

They did whinge a lot about very petty things, some I related to but others meh I saw it so much, I never wanted to see it again.

Then I remember my friend suggesting a show Secret Diary of a Call Girl that is based on a book and I thought hmm, doesn't sound like my thing.

I don't know if I tried to watch it and didn't get into it or I just had enough to occupy my time with.

But now I'm getting into some really old shows, Sanditon was excellent.

The Forsyte Saga was really enjoyable, another period drama that has likeable characters.

I think if I don't find straight away a cast member's storyline that I'm hooked onto then I can't watch it.

I tried to watch The Great and I hated everyone so dismissed that.

I loaded up Rescue Me which had good actors but the dialogue made my ears bleed, misogynistic men and the racial element of it, just no!!

But maybe second time around Call Girl show is funny and interesting, my first thought was, does she have a love life and does he know her employment?

Why on earth would you see clients in your own home? I did think it was cool she had a video intercom system, at least she could see who the visitor was prior to buzzing them in.

In my head I was thinking, be truthful or at least test the waters with any potential boyfriends.

Tell them you're a masseur, a personal trainer or a ugh, I've forgotten the third one because they can be sex workers.

I've spoken to a lot who sleep with their clients for money and don't see it as an issue.

And I reckon you would be able to tell from their reactions, if they could handle it or if they are repulsed by it and then you know they aren't boyfriend/girlfriend material.

Haha probably overthinking but I like to get into the character's heads. Solve the problems maybe?

At least if you're upfront, they know what they are getting into, they aren't being lied too.

You know the moment I gave myself a break and told myself to stop writing was the moment I fell in love with it again.

It stopped being a chore and an obligation and it reverted back to being a pleasure and a joy.

This is my fifth blog in the queue for August but if you're missing the stories or the writing, every now and then I would have been putting up old posts that I really got a kick out of composing.

I just wanted to say thank you to my followers for being patient with me when I haven't always been around.

I can't make promises that I'll do better because stress and illness is a part of me and I'm always going to step away at times.

But if possible I will keep linking to classic posts that I really enjoyed putting together.

I'm settling back home and it's nice and serene but I still feel a bit emotionally agitated about the family stuff.

And I'm always going to be worried that Mama is home alone with them and she's in potential danger.

At the moment it seems less physical and more emotional scarring but that's still no comfort.

Sometimes she just seems resigned to it, like she deserves it, which no amount of protesting on my part, seems to change her mind.

I wish I could do or say something to get through to her..

I'm going to focus on the L'Occitane review as I have to be productive and try to change my mood from depressed to positive.

I don't really want to look up the price as it was a gift and that seems sneaky.

But inside the box was a shower gel, a hand cream and a perfume.

I found the fragrance to be generic which I didn't like, I gave that away.

The shower gel was really luxurious. I found it super hydrating for my skin and the scent was a mild sweetness.

I do recommend that but probably would not get it for inflated price that I assume it is.

The hand cream has a mild chemically smell that was nice and it was a lil thick, not watery and I used it on my elbows which is absorbed well into.

I recommend that as well, although I still prefer body butters. Ahh I don't think I mentioned the scrub.

Creightons scrub I compared to St Ives, which was the one I fell in love with. It wasn't as strongly scented.

Actually I'm not sure there was a scent but it was really nice and thick and my feet felt so soft and smooth afterwards.

I think it was £2.62 and that is a real bargain. I would get that again but as a foot scrub only, not for my face.

I find for me mild scrubs do nothing at all. It has to be a thick grainy scrub to be of any use.

That's what I forgot to add. I surprised Mama with 2 gifts. I figured she deserved to be spoilt and cherished because the other 2 are not loving.

The first was just some simple 500ml x2 saline solutions, so she didn't have to go trek and buy them, they will last a while.

The second, hopefully second time lucky, I found the pedicure massage mats that are draped over the chairs.

It's got the rollerball thingy that travels all over, with heat, vibration and various massages.

She didn't want the hard shiatsu one, but a thinner, gentler version and I only paid £25 for it so I hope it's effective.

She adores massages and I find them excruciating because it feels like the person is pressing into my bare bones and it's so horrible.

I hope, hope, hope, this one seems ideal and that she will get a lot of use from it, she looked it over, just in case it wasn't right but it seems to fit the bill.

It's arriving this week, maybe Wednesday or Thursday or even at the weekend but I'm excited and I had to mislead her slightly.

I said it was a late Birthday present so she would enjoy it immediately and not an early Christmas gift, she would have to wait to use.

Unlike the other two I don't care about money. I would just like to do something decent so when they harass her, at least she can feel there is an opposite side of things, where she's taken care of and has her needs met, without a bloody agenda or a quid pro quo.

Because I don't want a damn thing from her, except that she feels happy, unburdened and respected.

I know I keep getting angry but it's the thought of ongoing emotional torture which is aggravating me and I didn't realise it was happening.

I'm pleased at least that I skipped July's period but now I have some cramps.

Oh and this is day 2 of the perfectil supplements, Mama got me some and I don't usually react to those so I'm going to sample them for a month and see how I get on.