#BlogLife1104 - Lady in red blotches..

Time to go home in an hour, the cab is picking me up but only charging me £20 this time..

I tried on the red leopard skirt and top and although it's a fraction of a shade lighter in difference, it's not noticeable, so looks like I'm wearing a figure hugging dress..

Looks great, even though Yes, I'm noticeably top heavy, my tum and hips are quite big but it's very feminine and I'm still looking healthier than before..

I decided to take some full length selfies in my new size but forgot how to do it, ha.

Googly says, instead of selfie mode, use the regular side in the mirror and take it that way.

It worked, the first set was ok, but then plucked and re-shot them.

I should probably be using alsorts of filters to make me look good but sod it.

It's more for me, I want a visual kinda update that my body is changing for the better and that all my good days, aren't behind me..

Oh and tried the new makeup, the foundation is my shade and the eyeshadow looks softer than I anticipated, probably better if it's natural..

But I didn't try the especially bold colours, so maybe that's different..?

The more I use the Avon perfume, the more I like it.. I should eat, but I have no hunger pangs..

I kinda feel bad for leaving Mama in the lurch but it's out of my hands and to be honest, I have the same pains she does

I managed to avoid excess stuff in my bag, refused it all, binned the rest because it's nice having them lighter..

Still bulky but not taxing. I've been having strange dreams about being thrown together and sorta dating, seems unnatural.

Like more out of circumstances than compatibility. I don't really remember details much.

Anyway back home, it took an hour, lots of traffic but felt like he was still taking the scenic route...

Very slow but at least it was just £20, slightly cheaper than normal. I just ordered food for today and tomorrow, falling asleep...

Ugh I have to unpack, tidy up and tomorrow ring the maintenance to set up an appointment..

Who has the energy for any of that? Not me.. I still can't get over, me in a dress like outfit...

They always seemed to be unflattering.. But I am starting to look more and more womanly..

The boiler is clicking away, I hope it's working, I'll test it when I get up, yep heat and hot water are available.

The new slippers are so soft, fluffy and toasty to walk around in.

I just washed off my makeup and all the uc stuff is up to date so I want to have an early night and drift off to sleep, refreshed for tomorrow's potentially stressful appointment.

At some point a tiny bit of mopping to do and that's it. Ugh unfortunately this side is still boiling hot.

Luckily my fans are charged.

Ahh forgot to mention a small victory. One of the olive jars at Mama's was stuck, so once again googlied ideas.

Re-tried the sink/hot water tip, place it upside down, leave it soaking in hot water, return in 1 minute and boom done..

Well the first try, didn't do anything but I twisted it again and boom popped open, so very cool because we are both madly sprinkling olives on everything..

Rice, salads, sandwiches and solo munches :)

#BlogLife1103 - My second to last day here..

I had a few hours of deep sleep so even though it was nearly 8am, I felt rested and now at 9.30am I'm up, trying not to make too much noise and wake Mama..

But I had to put on my lens to see and finally, after a whole day, Mama topped up my Oyster card but it wasn't registering online, so we thought it was a kinda scam..

Everytime I top up, by the time I get home it's been added or had the rules changed, where you had to make a bus journey, for it to be seen in your balance?

No matter, the crisis is over, the next day, my balance was updated.

Mama asked if I wanted to return but I got to get the maintenance stuff sorted with an appointment first..

Then kinda make sure the boiler is working, check the post, relax at home, have the uc appointment over with on Friday..

I think she feels a bit out of sorts, not being able to be as active as before..

Part of me, would have stayed a bit longer, if I had a phone appointment, the other side, is eager to get back to my bed and space..

My own routine of sleeping a bit earlier, not snacking at night, not drinking late and not forcing myself to eat things that I don't have an interest in..

I think my bag will be a lil heavier, but it wasn't really loaded to begin with, as long as the temperamental lift works, it's bearable..

We enjoyed the Indian banquet, there is so much leftover, grilled mild spice chicken wings..

Chicken biryani, chicken tikka and what I did, is what I used to do, but differently..

It was a strange thing but all the family, seemed to do it, so it became the norm for us...

We would fill a cup with fresh dhal and then tear strips of roti in it, probably grab a spoon and eat it...

Fresh buttery roti and dhal? Heavenly..

So what I did yesterday for the wraps, was drip dhal (lentil and veggy sauce), add the chicken, roll it and munch, with half the fillings coming out, ha...

But it was really tasty. I feel like rotis and chapatis are the same thing, but one always seems bigger than the other, when you order from a restaurant..

I was hungry at 7amish but now it's nearly 10am.. Suddenly I'm not craving anything, maybe another soup brekkie later?

The purple £2.50 makeup bag came, aw it's kinda small, so divided up the makeup and put them in that one and the other.

At least when I get home tomorrow I can chuck the green one away now.

I'm mostly done packing. I dunno when I'll return, maybe August. I wonder if the heatwave is over in my area too?

#BlogLife1102 - Crazy cod

I got some more gifts, cute purply bed socks, love those, a makeup case, mini lotions..

Mini foundations. I was craving a cod burger, so made a nutty version with leftovers..

Half an avocado, the remainder of the chicken salad filling, and toasted the buns and put the cod inside, really messy, but quite tasty..

It could have done with olives but I was too comfy too move. I also got a rumbaba dessert, oof that is so tasty, like a doughnut or gulab jamun but a different taste.

No rum discernment, just sweet and cream on the top, lush. I left more than half as I am stuffed.

Me and Mama crashed early and slept til 8am. I wanted to tucker myself out so watched Moana..

Too many damn songs. every 10minutes, good grief, hated that, fast forwarded those.

Seems overhyped for what it is. You'd think it was spectacular with the hype it got at the time..

I enjoyed it but, no love story. no big dramas... I'm not sure if I'll watch the sequels..

There's a proper original staff Ice Age next year, I'll watch that and hope it's not a bore fest...

Still no news about my skirt, which makes me increasingly angry...

They added a blooming proof of delivery photo, yet only sent 1 skirt, what the hell is up with that??

If I still don't hear back tomorrow, customer service will sort it. I don't want a refund, I actually want the other skirt to show up...

Strange day. Still no news about the skirt, so I officially reported it.

Then the foundations turned up... Umm not the 2x I ordered but 3x? Ha what is happening?

Everything is topsy turvy. I double checked but it was definitely only supposed to be 2x.

No explanation either, perhaps they wanted to get rid of the stock or noone was ordering my shade?

Strange, which reminds me, let's double check the shade.. The writing is too small..

It does look a bit dark but I can always blend it, Mama's samples she gave me look light or just right..

It was the colour I ordered, should last quite a while..

Something I've noticed is the pressure to eat, is putting me off food.

One minute, there is tons, then hardly any but I just can't turn into a robot and munch..

So to be honest, I've wasted a cake, some macaroni cheese and I thought I would crave fizzy drinks, but nope, plain water is still my favourite..

Ok well got my refund notification for the skirt, no apology or explanation, so that's that..

But I've seen the same thing on Amazon so that's an option too..

Today's feast, later on, which I am appetiteless for is rotis, salad, tandoori chicken and some lentil dhal, should be nice actually..

I'll make some wraps with it. 

Aww and a side note, Mama's hand/wrist is not a sprain but actually broken, so the doctor put it in a cast for 6 weeks and she can't swim but did get a sling, so hopefully it will heal nicely and be less painful.

#BlogLife1101 - Swishy mermaid

I just tried Pub Originals lemon and scampi crisps (potato chips), those are yummy, not too salty, good flavour and really crunchy, tiny bag but a great snack.

I'm not sure if my skirts will arrive today or maybe tomorrow, they are with the Yodel courier, who knows?

I just had a spinach and chicken alfredo dinner and just added an avocado and some olives, delicious but so fulling.

Oh Mama bought back Hershey's chocolate pretzels, very sweet but nice, also plain Kisses as she didn't see the hazelnut, yum..

The Organic Shop pumpkin and honey balancing oily skin mask arrived today, not really scented, disappointingly..

More like a cream, not a mask, it didn't harden sadly, I left it for 15 minutes and it easily washed off.

I think it's 75ml, £5ish. It was easy to rinse off and left my face super smooth. 

Wow just got the notification Looney Tunes World of Mayhem is discontinuing, it was a sorta fun game.

Been playing for 5/6 years. I just left the alliance and uninstalled, new game needed.

Today a strange breakfast of drinking hot creamy chicken soup, like coffee and an almond croissant, which was delicious.

I feel dehydrated and bloated, all at once. Half the parcels are not even posted yet.

Hmm, well got some avocado sushi, tuna, salmon and chicken but a waspy is haunting the room, so I'll eat later..

The skirt arrived and it is more fabulous than anticipated, yes long, but swishy at the end and thicker than I thought, yay.

Fits perfectly, gorgeous material and bright colour, red leopard...

What is the downside??? The multi leopard (blue, didn't get packed with it and they are both marked as delivered)...

Quite gutted, either they are trying to take advantage or it's not in stock, they should have emailed or refunded me though and there has been no correspondence...

Bit underhanded... What if I forgot I ordered 2x?? They would just keep the money and skirt..

I contacted them and will see what the response is.. I am not pleased!

Hmm, just pretended to buy it, to see if it would say Out of stock and nope.

See that blue, was the prettiest shade out of all of them.. I'm wondering if they wanted to charge a higher price....?

Anyway I'll find out this week hopefully.

I tried another kookie combination today, a mock trifle, no custard, just chocolate and cream yoghurt..

Then I dumped an almond cake finger into it, blooming marvellous, shouldn't work, but it does..

I guess in the end it was nice being away, getting that change of scenery and just letting the pressures go for a bit.

I'll leave on Wednesday or Thursday

#BlogLife1100 - Birthday retail gifts

I forgot to add, Mama tasted the Polish fudge, nice but her favourite is still the waxy bon bons brand. At least she didn't hate it and it's convenient to pop in her bag and share or take to places..

I've decided to get the things on my shopping list, while I'm at Mama's she's treated me to some and I've insisted on paying for most..

I've got the silver slippers, so cute and soft and fluffy. I've seen a purple eyeshadow glitter palette and got that for £4.

I've seen two gorgeous skirts for £13 each, but a pound discount. I hope they fit, it's the first design I've loved that wasn't boring..

Plus 2x foundations £3.60 for a 40ml tube is great value. I'll try and take some pictures, if they arrive while I'm here.

Plus we got some food and drinks to try, Rana's chicken ravioli and Volvic cherry flavoured water.

A makeup bag for £2.50 as mine is ruined with a leaking something..

I didn't like the cherry Volvic, too sweet and artificial tasting, I mixed it with a vimto ice lolly, ha, much nicer.

We had fish and chips today, cod and a cod roe, fresh but the chips were a tad overdone.

I feel horribly bloated today and yesterday so it's a bit unpleasant.

Not a great night's sleep, cobbled together 5 hours altogether, at least it's something..

Everything is taking ages to get despatched but I'm not in a hurry, just eager.

I'm most excited about the skirts, apparently super long, not great for a shortie, under 5ft6..

Eventually I also need another pair of ankle booties and a duvet/quilt but that can wait.

There's another maintenance appointment due to repair the wall, but I'm not at home and they've had months to arrange it so I'm not rushing back for it.

Oh something else that was new, Tesco had a greek style chicken sandwich filler, mayonnaise, onion, chicken, tomato, yoghurt, mint and dill..

Pretty nice, I toasted a wholemeal roll with it but I thought it would have had a stronger flavour, more dill needed but tasty.

I don't normally have brekkie but I didn't eat much yesterday, due to the bloat, so I was really hungry today.

Ooh two parcels just came, one, horribly packaged, it's falling out..

I had a peek, as I was curious if it was one of mine. I've left the other one in case it's a birthday gift for her..

But the open one was Lindor hazelnut truffles, we are not fans ha, we like crunch and dabble with the dark chocolate, once it's tasty...

I wonder who sent it? She'll think it was me, but nopey...

One thing grating on me, I know it's not my place but the daily loudspeaker calls with her youngest, the one that reported me and tried in vain to send me to jail....

All because we refused to pay him off, for squandering his inheritance....... From both my parents..

Everytime I hear his unrepentant voice, I just want to vomit. NO conscience, no guilt, mentioning my name, as though, everything is forgiven....

I would happily dance on his grave... So when she mentions both, I have zero interest, I tune her out because she has no sensitivity, to what I feel.

And I just swallow the disrespect and anger, while I am able...... But oof the day it finally comes out.....

It will all come out and then I might just disappear for a bit to calm down and say I need a break, because at that point, I don't think I'll care about her dismissive response..

I'll be too relieved it's out, I've spoken the truth about life and why I am, the way I am.

No trust, no connections to others and always having to watch my back and be secretive and distant..

Plus, the plummeting confidence levels, why I don't date, all of it..

But for now, I can keep it to myself..

#BlogLife1099 - Officially on holiday/Tissue box hack

After speaking to Mama yesterday, the lift has been fixed and I will cab it to her, maybe Sunday or Monday so I'm taking my break now and haven't decided if I'll want to post while I'm away.

I feel I do need some downtime, some irresponsibility, with feeling rundown and not sleeping well, I'm a lil burnt out really.

The laptop frequently overheating and then freezing has been really annoying me but I've found a solution..

I just use my cooling laptop tray as a regular placement without the fan element as that's broken.

Now whenever I'm not writing, what I do, is place my tissue box on the lapdesk, then balance my laptop on it and boom, no more overheating, it works a treat.

So that's my shared hack, if you find it useful great. I'm just charging my electric toothbrush and will probably change the head.

It won't take me long to pack although half my laundry is still wet, ugh, always leaving at the worst possible time..

I wasn't sure what to eat but I have leftover rice, so I can cook the sticky chicken strips and have it with that.

I saw a pair of slippers I liked no red or purple shade though, boo.. I chose silver instead.

I am lifeless but all set for today (Sunday), 1hr30 minutes to kill as she changed the time to 3pmish.

But I changed my duvet and sheet, which was brutal and washed it, oof so tiring..

I trimmed my hair yesterday and actually it's behaving neatly, just about had the energy to wash it.

I'm packed but waiting until nearer the time to add the yoghurt to my overnight bag, plus my charger.

Then I will lower the boiler, take off all switches and lock up. Oh I should walk with the cake too...

Must have birthday cake, well ordinary with sprinkles, but Mama doesn't have any.

I feel bloated but decided to brave wearing the other new top, red leopard print, skin tight, but fits comfy and it's super cute.

It's still strange to view myself slimmer. Either I've reached my target weight/size or I am very close.

If I have, I'll still aim for another stone, my tum still seems oversized.

But I'm proud of myself, I look a lot healthier, less weight to carry around.

Less pressure on my body straining itself and clothes are fitting much snugglier, showing off the curves...

It would look better if I wasn't top heavy, but the twins as I call them are just there.

I'm sick of wearing baggy clothes and hiding away. I want to feel svelte and feminine.

There is going to be no more crazy weight gain. I have overhauled my eating habits.

No alcohol, barely red meat except for beef, lots more veggy/vegan options..

Drinking tons of water, exercising when I feel like it, I'm so bad at that..

Not eating late, or excessively when I'm bored but still having a hearty appetite to consume 2x meals a day, plus snacks.

Simple rules but it worked for me, no more denying carbs or sugar or that nonsense, everything in moderation.

I did really well, these past few years. My face is still round/squareish, I can't really tell..

It would be nicer to slim down my thighs, arms and tum.. Hopefully I'll recognise, the right time to stop consciously trying to lose more.

I'm not there yet though. I'm waiting to eat at Mama's, macaroni cheese, maybe a sandwich or toastie also.

It's lunchtime and I don't feel thirsty or hungry, just tired, although had a good night's block of sleep, til 6/7am and then a bit sketchy..

I wonder if she'll like the fudge? I wonder if it's good quality? I have sugary cravings at the moment, sometimes it gets tempered when drinking water, sometimes it intensifies..

Time to relax now, just over an hourish to wait... Just a lil note which is funny to me..

Her so-called friend charged me twice the cab fare amount I usually pay, so a hefty £40..

Supposed to be a saving but it was not the case, even when she's recovering from a hand sprain, I've never heard a single one of her driving friends offering to pick up groceries for her..

Seems quite one sided as she'll offer to run errands for them, without a car and suffering with chronic pain..

Anyway it's half breezy, half humid here, I didn't sleep the best. I'm just waiting for a breakfast fruit selection and an eggy avocado baguette and apple juice to get here..

Plus a chicken salad baguette for later or tomorrow, I changed my mind, can't face food yet, maybe a nap?

I put a picture on twitter, hmm, where did my appetite go? At 6/7am I felt famished...

#BlogLife1098 - Competency vs Rip off??

I don't know why I feel so awful but it's cramping all day and I hope to heavens that I'm not getting another period this month.

The binaurals aren't helping. I'm trying to keep hydrated with ice water.

I just tried that sticky chicken out, pretty tasty, would go great with a stir fry or rice or anything really.

I just had it on it's own because I'm having small snacks instead of big meals, just not that hungry still, but I don't want an empty stomach either.

I'm looking forward to shopping on Friday but if I'm still feeling like this, I'll only grab the essentials and then rush back home to lay down.

So not really coping well with the heatwave, barely slept, so feel really weak and dizzy.

I'm gutted my slippers guy wasn't there but the samosa guy returned, too tired for it.

I did top up my Oyster even though my legs were swaying badly, it needed to be done..

Then I checked with a new beauty store which is actually not new, 4yrs old ha...

Now this was a mixed bag experience, did a good shape with the brows, but ignored my non thread request, pfft...

Then this was the weird part..... I've never ever been to a place, where they didn't sorta disinfect afterwards.

The most common is aloe vera, natural antibiotic healer, some use cream or other stuff...

But she did nothing..My eyebrows are burning and am guessing will bleed or at least are cut to shreds.

I have aloe at home, I can do it, but quite unprofessional. Then she didn't have change....

She went to a corner shop to break it, bought herself water for £2 and instead of the charge being £6 and £14 change, it was £12.

Now I was waiting for her to mention it, next time a discount or let me refund you but nothing.

I will bring it up next time, she said return in 3 weeks and the regrowth will be better.

If she doesn't discount me, I will return to the other place, long trek, but I can't stand being scammed.

So what would you do in my place? Visit her again or go to the other one?

Oh wait, now that the salmon avocado sushi, chicken karangi and other stuff has arrived, I'm gonna aloe my brows to soothe them.

And yes I got a discount of course, all part of the birthday month experiences.

Oh let me just mention, I am a bad bad bad fem, but gosh it was satisfying to give the delivery driver all my change...

£5 worth of pennies, two pence, five pence, ten pence, twenty pence and the rest in notes.

I did apologise and he said Wow, ha hilarious, he couldn't be bothered to count but it's all there, I wouldn't cheat them.

Now I can close my purse properly as it's empty, woop :)

Ok, that is really stinging but hopefully it will cure and soothe too.

I'm not going to wipe and wash off my makeup for a bit, to let it work it's magic..

Oh I put a picture on twitter, the other stationary prize was in my postbox, not sure when it came..

It was funny because the envelope got jostled so all I saw was a marker pen and I thought, Oh, bit gutted...

But when I jiggled it, there was a cute tote bag and a ruler and 4x other fancy pens, plus the marker, so a really generous prize and I'm happy with that.

Oh didn't get the baklawa, I dunno Mama isn't big on too much pastry, I was worried she wouldn't enjoy it..

I was looking and there was a £4ish dark chocolate selection but didn't get it....

Instead I for the first time, saw butter fudge Bogutti £2.70 for a 400g bag, she only likes plain or clotted cream flavours.and she'll probably love that more as a snacky because we both have sweet tooths.

I got 4xcakes for me £2 and cashews £3 ouchy and it's lunchtime and I should eat...

I'm just gonna buy slippers online sod it or should I wait? 

I'm gonna relax now. Last thing, which again made me laugh, she was in a bitchy mood....

The uc advisor rang and even the receptionist, said I dunno why she's ringing you when you're here waiting for her....

I said nothing........ And even my phone refused to cooperate, it went frozen ha, funny.

So she said I called you and I said Yes sorry, my phone froze, she was like Get it fixed for next time....

Nope give me a proper home, phone appointment, dumb dumb!!!

So that was it, ahh my next appointment is in two weeks, just after my birthday, it's awkward timing.

What I'll tell Mama is, I will visit her, when her lift gets fixed, hopefully no heatwave because I feel like I will vomit in the cab with this breezeless weather.

I feel quite hurgly gurgly, which ranges from nausea, cramps, no appetite, no sleep and feeling frail.... so not really in the mood but we'll chat and decide and I'll update.

Possibly see you next week, I'm kinda winging it, not sure if I'm posting, not posting...

#BlogLife1097 - Shut up shut up shut up!!!

As much as I'd like to ignore this, I fear it will eat away until I address it..

So today went smoothly, bar one part of the conversation which just plain vexed me but I as usual had to swallow my irritation because the sun and moon seem to shine out, when she talks about her sons.....

The bullies, terrorisers that I grew up with. Once more she's waxing lyrical about how benevolent they are and I want to scream NO they are monsters....

Why do you insist on bragging about them to me??? I ask no follow up questions, I hold zero interest...

Yet she continues on like they are saints..... How funny, they continually borrowed/stole money from you!!

Hell I'd rather starve than be irresponsibly, running to you for handouts, on things I do not need!

Yet, they say, Oh make sure you treat SS well, she deserves it....

Oh piss off!!! I don't know where the fuck, this saint act came from.....

But I remember the real person..... The one threatening violence....

All the time criticising, calling me an idiot, silencing me, day in and day out...

Now suddenly, you're the good guys??? Go to hell!!

I wasn't the screw up. I wasn't the cause for the Police visits!!

She just went on and on, as though all those memories of my childhood are magically erased as though they didn't happen.

As though how I felt, like the self loathing and disgust, I felt for myself, didn't happen...

Always questioning, why everything I thought and said must be wrong...

Why else would I be mocked? Ridiculed to the point, I stopped talking in school.....

Where the only solution, was to take myself out and not exist anymore...

That would be better, no silly, dumb, unattractive, fat SS, getting in everyone's way........

She is so unapproachable for the deep stuff. One step forwards, two steps back.

The point is, I finally respect how I am, how I feel, it is important but she doesn't!!

It's getting harder to ignore and forgive.

I just had to vent, please excuse the bad language but when I'm mad, I am mad and no-one will censor me, not even me.

I need my voice, I need to be able to express myself in peace.

I wrote the fan and body butter reviews on Amazon, hopefully they will help someone save money.

I always love neutral reviews. No-one likes wasting money.

Strange the Iceland order was due 10-12pm but it's nearly 11am and it's not even out for delivery.

There's been no text to say G or someone else is delivering it..

Hmm, I hope it shows up, there's no call or text, saying there is an issue...

I hope G delivers and no sign of the stationary prize yet. The postie has come and gone and no knocks...

Ugh what an ordeal that was, new driver, argumentative, refused to listen to instructions, talked over me, did apologise afterwards.

But cripes, I kept saying Ouch, ouch, down the phone, having to put my boots on to step outside to further direct him..

Only for him to once again, argue and say I was outside, didn't you see me?

Lies!!! If you were there I would have spotted you. So stressful, arguing with males..

My back is now hurting! Anyway, the whole point of bloody online shopping, is that it gets delivered to your door!!!

I'm kinda irritated today as you can see. I don't appreciate being ignored!

Time to munch leftovers and during the week, I have new things to try...

The R Whites, lemonade and raspberry ice poles, 8x £1.75. They are still sold out of the ginger chicken, which is amazing, so not surprised..

I saw some Chinese sticky chicken to try, 400g bag for £4, I don't think that was part of a deal...

Should be interesting in a sandwich or as a snack. I should have looked for sticky rice.. Oh well..

#BlogLife1096 - Hate sports but it made me a winner...

Umm I am so bad at this. Was it the world cup that was recently?

I really can't stand sports, especially football, something about rudeness and egos and entitled to behave badly...

Anyway, there was a bunch of competitions going, related around various prizes and I thought meh...

Why not have a laughable guess. I know I'm not into it, but I always pick England as a favourite to win..

My weird prediction was England 3, Mexico 2. A random guess because I know less than zilch about who is set to win and possible scores blah blah blah..

As I was entering today's competitions, I saw a notification on facebook and thought here we go, spam..

And then I clicked as it just said you were personally mentioned, no fake win and then when I click, nothing is there..

This one said Congrats, you were right...... LOL? Moi? Correct about sports?

Has the world gone mad? I won another stationary goodie bag ha...

Something I don't need but fun all the same. It's at least my second win from them and they confirmed, it's on it's way to me.

How cool is that? I'll take a picture and put it on twitter, if it arrives.. Of all topics, sports? Craziness.

So that's made me perky. It's always great to get a freebie, the comps and the product testing, is a fun way to score some high quality expensive items..

I am drained but pleased.

Ooh struggling to move around today. Just got in and was a lovely, fun but draining day, the sun was out early. so we were boiling hot and shattered.

They were short staffed so Mama got her pedicure first and then mine a lil while later.

Scored 2x massages, well 3 with the chair. One scrub, one cream and a relaxing rub down.

Afterwards it was a struggle to stand but my body stiffens faster these day but it was great.

One of the employees played a lil prank as he knows us as regulars, so said you're waiting for Mama and I said Yep, and then she popped out behind him, ha, silliness :)

We decided to go different, Mama did the veggie mushroom, hash brown bean egg brekkie and I opted for a chicken kebab wrap and then we both did fresh orange juice, sublime.

The chicken and salad was great but too leafy/tomatoey yuck. The chicken had a great seasoning though, I couldn't eat much, no appetite, so had a few bites and was done.

Had a few more just now and a laddoo dessert and now I'd love to sleep but the UC stuff to do..

We got pakoras and veggy samosas too, that can wait, no room, maybe later, maybe tomorrow..

She did give me some birthday money, I can use some for bills/depositing..

The rest, takeout or clothes, maybe a long skirt, mud mask, definitely getting my brows done..

Oh Mama's lift is still broken so hopefully that gets fixed soon, that's not nice for the retired residents, that are frail or Mama..

As it's the birthday month, went ahead with a top I've not worn before, would make a great date outfit..

Half one side is black, the other side and sleeve is purple, the front is slashed so I wore a tshirt under but it fits perfectly..

Totally gorgeous, with blue trousers as I have no skirts that fit.. I'm not sure what to wear on Friday..

Dare I risk the skin tight red top??? I felt so comfy, apart from the layers, it's too hot for that..

I'm still plus sized over 18+ and my goal is 18/20 but I am getting there, trimmer and trimmer..

#BlogLife1095 - Robinson's fruit shoot ice poles

I'm still waiting for Mr Freeze ice poles to come back in stock, better flavour and more value but in the meantime I'm trying Robinson's..

Although it would be nice if Mr Freeze returns the limited edition blue raspberry, the greatest slush puppy flavour ever..

Anyway so far a mixed bag, the orange version tastes artificial and flavourless, not like real orange, disappointing.

The apple however does taste nice, genuine apple, so a weird quality bag.

I don't know if it's just orange and then the apple one, or is there a mixed fruit one?

I thought there would be more flavours.. Would I buy it again? Probably not unless I was desperate, it certainly helps to keep my water icy with a hint of flavour for longer..

I was definitely hoping for the blackcurrant type. Ahh just checked the freezer, there is more, summer berries, I've not tried and the apple and blackcurrant is very very light but okish..

I had a horrid night. I just could not sleep for some reason. I think about 5/6am or later I finally drifted off for a few hours, ugh..

I was so tempted to get up but I desperately wanted rest. I have things to do and no energy for it.

I guess depending on what time I get back tomorrow I might do a same day grocery order or might leave it for Wednesday..

My stocks are running low but tomorrow hmm, I'll see about a top up shop, or maybe I'll order food.

I was looking on Just Eat and none of the grocery stores on there, actually hardly any restaurants are excepting cash payments..

Only my sushi place, a Chinese localish and a kebab place, which had rumbaba on the menu, holy moly, what a treat..

Tesco is also doing the baklawa selection but it looks different, I'm not sure the small store would have it.

With the intense heat, lack of sleep and general soreness, it's difficult to do much.

So I can make all the idealistic plans I want but actually going from store to store is a challenge..

I opened the Ryvita crackers yesterday, just with butter or cheese and I didn't mind it, somewhat tasteless but good for you, as opposed to white cream crackers.

I would get it again, because the toppings make a difference to it.

Plus I still have weight to lose but it's getting there, slowly but surely.

Tomorrow morning, I'll meet Mama and will probably be late on purpose, I hate going to a place, where I don't have the cash to pay for stuff, I feel like a thief..

But the pedicures and massages will be fun and then whenever I feel up to it, I will get my brows done.

It's lunchtime already, I have one bagel left. I might do a meatball version with some cheese, cut or break them in half.

I've not tried that with a bagel. There's so many lil things I need to get..

Some slippers, a new foundation, a new beach towel, a new makeup bag, because the old one, something leaked and it's sticky..

I need to top up my oyster travel card and then I will think about sniffing out a bargain for the mud mask and a proper moisturiser.

But if I can't get good deals, I will leave it. For the first time in years, I might be overdrawn because UC is having fun and games, with making the repayment, higher and higher..

And it's cutting into my careful groceries/bills budget. Mama is giving me some birthday/Christmas cash so I'll use some of it, to deposit for the bills.

Friday is the UC appointment, and if it's weekly, I can't visit her, I'll see how it goes, unless they give me a phone appointment..

Her and my birthdays are upcoming and it's not my favourite time..

It highlighted how awkward I was or became and that I could not connect with people because I was labelled "unacceptable."

But this month, no matter how I feel, I try to be good to myself and take care of my needs because I deserve it.

I have no idea what to get Mama, aside from the baklawa, ooh maybe truffles??

I will browse that international store for inspiration.. I've always tried to spoil her, even when money was tight.

I want my appetite to return. She said she has some goodies for me, probably what she bought back from her holidays.

As well as the pakora recipe, I found another one that looked interesting, this is a dessert/snack one.

If we do get together and decide to make them. I shall try and take some photos, we are not experts so it might not look the way it should.

My hands are dreading cooking, the pain of it.... But maybe the results will be worth it?

#BlogLife1094 - Chatty Chicks Watching Flicks 28 - Soul Food/ Hudson & Rex

I thought I'd do a dual review as I'm not sure if I will need to pad this out.

Soul Food is an old show about 3x sisters. The oldest, a control freak, workaholic, unlucky in love lawyer, who takes charge, but will let you know it.

Aww it's sweet her love interest is her real life beau, hubby now. I think she wants him to be more ambitious but it's a touchy subject..

The middle sister I think is a full time housewife. I don't know if she has more than one kid, but he is narrating it, just like umm..

So many others, Dougie Howser or Everyone Hates Chris.. Anyway her marriage seems solid, it's just seems unfulfilled and unappreciated..

The youngest just had a baby and is working part time, her hubby, the guy from Family Business, constantly lies about illegal work.

There marriage is bumpy but committed, the cheating seems to have gone on before the show, the eldest got cheated on..

For some reason I thought it would take place in a restaurant, bit gutted.

Hudson and Rex I just started and silly me, thought they would begin at the start, where the human met the dog, sorry can't remember who is who lol.

It's a highly trained Police dog/partner situation, reasonably well behaved and loyal.

I've just started but there's not that smug level of arrogance that you usually find.

No love interest yet, bit unusual but I don't mind it for now.

The lead seems familiar but not sure where I know him. I can watch dogs on tv but in person, I have a whole body freakout.

Anyway, good hook, straight away a kidnapping and the poochy races to follow.

It was so interesting how the dog, didn't bark, it just observed like a human would do.

Then casually jumped in the second getaway car. If it doesn't have a tracker on it's collar, it should do!

Ahh no tracker then, silly and I'm not even sure there is a collar, so what will poochy do now?

As soon as he carelessly left the gun on the table top, I thought so foolish, someone's going to sneak behind you..

So far I am enjoying both of them, not too dark, some humour and playfulness, and interesting storylines :)

I like the acting and characters, which make a show worth watching.

I'm not sure what is causing these succession of intense migraines.

My head is thumping. I've just come on and I think I'll skip dinner again.

All I want to do is sleep or switch off but my brain says, No let's work on the blog, no peace for you!

Ugh the old fan doesn't want to charge, I switched ports but no red light boo :(

At the moment it's mild and the new fan is charging, I didn't do it all night as usual, I wanted to give the charger a rest..

I don't know why it's so temperamental..

Anyway mini update on the Garnier face wash. I am loving it, minus having a nice scent, they missed a trick not adding that..

But my skin feels like butter, it's smooth, clear, soft and I feel like I just had a facial so I do recommend it.

#BlogLife1093 - Late night confessions - LetterLife6

I was getting ready for bed, feeling empty as usual and willing myself to get up and pack everything away..

When this post tumbled out of me, It seemed to expand and after I finished this long thought..

I didn't really want to write it. I didn't race to open the blog while it was still fresh, it just kinda sat with me and then I fell asleep.

When you don't think about it or forget or hope you've dealt with it, it just seems closed....

But then you relax and let your guard down and there it is, taunting you.

I don't really remember it, it was just huh, yea that happened and that and this....... bitterness or an anger twinge remained.

The title flashes in my head....

Dear Guilty,

What if I turned the tables on you? What if I hunted you? Preyed upon you?

Made you lose your voice, your confidence, your feeling of safety or of peace?

What if I took away your hope of happiness and trust and the fairytale of happily ever after?

No matter how many times I talk about this, it doesn't go away, it doesn't help.

What is the point? It should just stay in my head where it belongs....

But No, it's loudly insisting it be let out and acknowledged, once again.

Maybe there is no such thing as closure? 

I just thought I would snap out of it, one day.. But the more I share or unearth it, the more I want to retreat further away from the world.

I am either perpetually ignored, silenced or talked over. Yes I am used to the fact, it will always be like this.

People come and go, randoms, acquaintances, all of them. I don't need them but it also can't be healthy either, to be this alone?

As a side note, I made a cheese and a salmon sandwich that was heavenly, well toastie really.

It just needed cucumbers and probably olives, but those are too premium for me to get..

Mama and me are probably doing pedicures next week, I told her I'm not sure if I can visit her, the UC appointments are haywire, which is the truth...

The other reason I'm pausing is that, she makes me feel invisible, like no matter what I say or do, it's just not interesting or important enough..

And I'm over that feeling now, it's been a lifelong thing and it's tiresome.

I guess my overall point is....  I am sick to death of feeling I have to prove myself to others, men, female acquaintances, family...

That what I feel is real, that I am happy alone because there are too many self absorbed people to be there for other human beings..

And I don't want to beg for attention. I serve my own needs. I will continue volunteering and standing up for the vulnerable.

Stepping back to take care of myself, when I need too and pushing myself to be more chatty, when I'm too much in my head.

But as for sacrificing my personality and values, to please others?

Hell no!

Honestly, how do people get over being assaulted and not being able to function in relationships and being bullied to the point where.....

Nothing and nobody is worth it?

*Shrugs*

-SS-

#BlogLife1092 - No rest, nitwit/My newest version of a fillet o fish

Good grief, I just checked the next appointment for UC to mark it in the calendar..

Every fortnight it's supposed to be, yeesh, some people only have it every few months, via call lucky so and so's.

It's supposed to be in 2 weeks, this cretin instead of making it the week of the 13th July...

It's next Friday, bozo, that's completely messed up the plans to be away...

Unless it's weekly now, ffs. I would understand if my journal was empty, I was skipping appointments or being uncooperative but I'm not.

My body could have really done with the time off. I don't know if it's a blessing in disguise or not..

I guess I'll see when the next appointment after that is, cripes.

Anyway this was a childhood favourite, when McDonald's stopped using cod in the fillet o fish..

I think out of the Big Mac and the McChicken sandwich, the fillet o fish, beat them hands down..

The tartar sauce complimented it so well and the cheese.. The generic cheaper fish, is rubbish to me.

So when needs must, you adapt. I toasted bagels, probably buttered them..

Cooked 2x cod fish fingers, placed those and some cheese in the finished bagel..

The for a couple seconds, whizzed it in the microwave until the cheese was oozing out the top and it was done.

I honestly can't remember using condiments. I might have added a thin layer of marmite but that's all I recall.

If the egg mayo is in stock, I'll add it to my sandwich, lush and maybe a hint of the burger sauce...

I used to love, umm not sure if it was onion and chive bagels... It was onion and something..

I don't see that now, I switched to the tasteless wholemeal version to be healthier..

But seeing as Iceland keeps being sold out, I opted for alternatives, bagels, crumpets and croissants..

Also instead of white crackers, I decided to get Ryvita. A good source of rye and magnesium, according to Googly..

I did like the taste of that with butter or cheese or maybe I'll try salmon paste..

Or the egg or the turkey rashers.. Food has just lost it's appeal but I'm trying to mix it up..

I just unpacked the groceries, yay G delivered and everything was there, except the waffle fries, yeesh you couldn't substitute any other fries? Ugh..

It might take a day but I'm curious to try the Robinson's ice pole version.

Usually I buy Mr freeze 20x £1.75 but it was sold out, Robinson's is 12x £1.75.

If it tastes fruity natural, it's fine but if it's artificially sweet, it will be a waste of money.

Apple, orange, blackcurrant I think are the main flavours. It's too early to eat.

I think I'm just bloated and sleepy. It's still humid but at least I can use the covers and sleep properly ish..

So I just threw whatever felt right in the bagel, smeared with garlic and herb Philadelphia cheese, added a turkey rasher..

Put some egg mayonnaise and lastly fish fingers and then done.

I think the updated version will be better. I just did one to avoid nausea and not being that hungry.

Got to say, it was fabulous and then for dessert, those Belvita honey, nut, chocolate chip biscuits, perfect, the rest is for later.

Why put 4x in a packet? Just put 2! It's been years and years since I had a bagel, so soft...

I still don't see why their can't be wholemeal versions of these things?

Why no brown crumpets? Or brown muffins? Or brown paninis? Or wholemeal bagels anymore?

If you want the country to be healthier, sell more nutritious items.

My back is still a bit sore, but the binaurals, helped with a sore throat I had and something else, Oh yea, healing the scratches.

The binaural beats playlist is getting longer and longer.

#BlogLife1091 - Record breaking UK heatwave ending soon?

Hmm every day I've been searching for the demise of this damn extreme weather.

3/4 hours of sleep per night is wrecking me. I know up til at least 6/7am I was awake..

Shattered and drained. I kept grabbing my phone to do something but I had zero attention.

I watched the sky go from dark to light at maybe 4amish? I am sick of my clothes sticking to me.

I wanted to charge the fan all night, but I got scared because it keeps overheating and I don't want it to cause a fire..

I took it off at 4am, that's how I know the time. I forgot and remembered about the essential oils but I couldn't locate them.

I don't think I have lemon, maybe just peppermint and maybe another one?

The citrus ones are invigorating but calming for some reason. Hmm well as the heatwave is due to end today (Friday) I guess they won't cancel the UC appointment on Monday.

I would have loved a phone one. It's still baking, I'm sceptical about the weekend being milder..

The UK has had heatwaves before but never like this. I think the advisory was to stay home, unless you need to be out..

I only recall my skin burning once and it was so strange. I never use sunscreen, if it happens to be included in the product, so be it..

It's lunchtime, I should eat because my insides are empty. I'm probably dehydrated from perspiring all night.

I did want to do a bit of writing and volunteering first though. I miss my rolls, it's not the same with toast.

The thing I hate about these mini fans, is that the base is too light and keeps toppling over.

Oh and I finally did most of the washing. The sun should dry them quickly enough.

Pity no notification, the Monday appointment is still on, how will I have the energy for it?

Oof today was rough, the dizziness, no enthusiasm for anything.

I have to look for the aloe vera, I have this scratching compulsion and my skin is all bruised and tender.

I don't know if it's a coincidence or not but as you know, instead of painkillers, I use binaural beats videos.

Healing soundwaves, no ingesting nasty chemicals. Sadly the ones I prefer that are crazily effective..

All seems to have this devil music, the kind they play in horror films, creepy piano...

Ugh I hate it so much. It bothers me on a deeper level I think. I didn't put it together before..

But I bolt awake panicked, like I did this morning 8am and I didn't remember the dream but I just have an inkling..

I'm reverting back to panic attack induced nightmares. When I was in hospital and just out, I got them every night..

I feel like the music is a lil too haunting and it's upsetting my mind.

I've searched for alternatives but they aren't as good, so I have to put up with it.

Ugh my back keeps painfully twinging, I feel like it's going to snap off soon, it really hates bending.

Getting the charger, opening the freezer, picking up fallen bits.

I need blankie's heat but if I put that on I'll collapse. I have a feeling I did have a bit of heat exhaustion..

My appetite is gone, 1x meal per day but I know I need fuel so gonna heat up the beef tagliatelle pasta.

I so want takeout but can't afford it really. It's been a horrid morning with sickiness, cramps, dizziness..

But I think the last 2x nights, I've sprinkled peppermint essential oil on my pillow and truly that has knocked me out for hours.

So happy to get some proper rest. There was no seat on the bus going, I felt so rough.

And then I had a mini panic attack as someone bought a bloody dog and it was right next to me, so a mini freakout.

That should not be allowed unless it's a seeing eye dog. Ugh!!

It still feels heatwavey...  But an alternative UC advisor was there and he seemed human, so I was having an enjoyable chat with him actually..

I've realised what the source of my stress is, it's visiting Mama and not knowing if she'll take a toll on my emotional health..

Ugh I don't want to get up for food but I have too, my poor back.

I know I'll play muscle binaural beats videos.. Let me dream I can afford takeout.....

Here's what I would order salmon avocado or chicken sushi and sod it, probably lemonade, ha

#BlogLife1090 - Go go go, No no no..

Hmm well the Greek yoghurt wasn't sweet and neither are the berries but it's not sour either.

I just thought what could I add to make it a lil sweeter? I don't have honey or sugar, never buy it to be honest..

But I do have a smidgen of nutella left over, I could add a dollop maybe, I'll see how I feel.

Getting cool, works for a second and then the sauna atmosphere returns, I wet the ends and my face with cold water and it's refreshing for a whole second then it's evaporated, my hair is dry.

Thank goodness for bottles of ice water from the freezer and my cooling mist which is kept in the fridge.

What another horrid night, the heatwave doesn't seem to end. I thought yes let's be clever, sleep on top of the duvet...

It never works, I can't get comfy, it doesn't feel cosy, even though the duvet is suffocating..

The fan does nothing, the humidity sweeps over the room. I think eventually maybe after 5am, I got an hour or so, maybe more.

I was drained, my head sweating all night. That was a long hour to have the heating on, apparently it's another bad day so I wanted to get up early and put it on.

I still can't tell if it's the weather making me sick or pmt. My stomach just feels empty.

The weird thing is, I have no thirst whatsoever. I'm sipping water to keep hydrated and so that food goes down but it's a struggle.

I'm not bored of the taste, if that happens I stick an icepole in the bottle..

Oh the one thing I do have is hunger, that is normalish, there's loads to choose from, I might do the roast potatoes later..

I've no idea what to pair it with or I could cook the cheese ravioli..

Right now I want sleep but there is too much to do. I should do housework but I'm not sure my legs are up to standing for that long.

As I got the water, I grabbed some ready salted crisps to settle my tum but I don't have an appetite yet so I'll just leave it.

I wondered yesterday, what was the point of going to bed? Laying there, tossing and turning, begging for drowsiness to take over?

Maybe I won't go to bed early but after midnight? The backache seems to increase every time I'm standing up and I can't apply heat to it.

I'll have to play binaurals later. 

I had my first ice bath, not real ice, I remember having icy cold showers on holiday..

Oof once you get used to it, it's refreshing, I washed my hair and did not scream or squeal..

I was brave and now unfortunately it's getting warm again, boo.

Mama's back and she called me, she sounds happy and glad to be back, wow, to a heatwave of all things.

So I guess it will depend on her behaviour, whether or not I spend some time next month with her..

I updated her about the competition win and the debt, maybe we'll do some pampering soon?