#BlogLife1114 - Don't tell me what to eat...

I feel awful with the cramps and heat, just yuck, wanting to lay down and not do anything..

But my brain is ticking away so I thought might as well get it down.

Firstly the randoms, the new one G isn't bad, interesting to talk too, about a variety of topics but one thing I find weird, he doesn't seem to shop or eat much..

Shops are all around him, so I guess he just grabs what he needs, but what if, he felt tired or injured himself lightly where it was just convenient to be at home, making a light snack..?

The couple times I've talked to him, he's just having a sandwich for dinner or nothing at all, just seems peculiar, that you'd be hungrier at the end of the day, unless he's fibbing?

And he will never double message you, if you haven't responded, sometimes I want to be chased or checked up on lol.

He did do it actually, after I had written this. I can talk about food endlessly though, it's harmless but with him, I don't think I will anymore, it's just too strange, which is disappointing.

Although I did note, as soon I mentioned the voice chat at some point, he initially agreed but that could be a reason for the quietness too...

The other random chat, I haven't really been in the mood, was also food related..

He was saying Don't eat too many carbs, it's not good for you and I thought sod off...

It's about moderation and not expecting everyone to weigh the same and only eat healthy, that's why so many people have eating disorders, other people's perceptions..

I always feel like I have to justify myself and food habits, by saying, I don't exercise, but there's been steady weightloss because I know what to do now, for my health.

So then, he sent this cringey message.... Love yourself or something and I thought you just made it worse, instead of apologising..

But for the first guy, I just want him to eat properly, so I did suggest, other light things, that don't need to be heated up in this heatwavey weather.

Oh yea turns out, I either haven't shopped with Sainsburys or it's been so long, it's disappeared.

There might not be a discount code, I saw some, but I'm sceptical if they will work.

But I still want to try them, probably £3 for delivery. They have a mud mask, lip balm and more I want to try..

Oh yea Morrison did send me 3x£12 code off my next 3x shops.

I don't know if I will use it. I miss Iceland's chicken pasta, also them bringing me sturdy bags, when It's G, delivering..

I tried the Morrison's chicken chow mein, I really liked that, small but £2 so good value and not too salty.

I was initially put off by how saucy it was but actually it had a good flavour so it blended nicely.

I forgot to rate the Linda McCartney sausage rolls, good heavens they have shrunk, tiny now.

The cooking seems hit and miss, first time I did it for 20 minutes and it seemed overcooked.

The second time, maybe 17 minutes and wildly undercooked, did it some more and still undercooked, the pastry didn't fluff up.

The taste is umm, bland, it's ok but it needs herbs.

The other nice thing is accumulating cashback from the different grocery stores, it's £10 now, which is sorely needed.

It's odd they don't give you much time to spend it, I'm waiting for the full £10 to clear and then I will add it to my balance.

I can't remember the minimum cashout, hence why I'm waiting.

My balance is just shrinking. I don't know if soon, there is enough to cover the bills each month. It's scary..

Today I feel like getting takeout but I also feel too guilty for spending..

There are 25% off deals but I'll stick with what I have at home, crackers, snacks and not much else.

The Sainsbury order is due tomorrow, so will probably post that on Monday, unless I feel like doing one tomorrow..

#BlogLife1113 - Eeek almost locked out of Chromebook

Ooh my, the sweet onion Ryvita is a game changer, my favourite version to date, subtle flavour, but it totally adds to it.

More delicious, that would be hard to beat, flavour wise. It's very moreish, so I will be enjoying that this week and a bit gutted, I didn't get two..

But then who knew if I would like it? Oh just had a scare trying to login on the laptop.

I hate that, it needs a password to login, unnecessary if you live alone.

And for the first time, it got to 3x failed logins and I was carefully typing it in, so how was that possible?

Then a message came back, We couldn't verify you, try to recover your account...

I thought screw that, so when I'm concentrating and it fails twice, I restart the Chromebook and I think it gives me 3x chances again.

So I figured it was worth a shot and it worked, I typed in the password and boom, it let me go on the internet..

But yikes, I've no idea how to recover it, if it's complicated, what email address it would go too?

The yahoo or the unused Googly. Ugh, glad it's over. Ooh I just remembered got to change the phone's wallpaper from the birthday cupcake, to something new.... Hmmm..

I switched to a porch at night. I just use the Zedge app, it's free to download but sometimes you watch an advert to get it.

Lots of commercials but it's very vibrant, it's already on Twitter (@SleeplessScrib1).

I slept in today, woke at 9amish but was still drained so decided if I could sleep more and then the next I checked it was 12pmish..

And now it's 2.30pm I finally feel like eating so I guess a brunchy first meal.

I had to use up the bagels, so toasted, buttered them and then added chilli cheese.

One will add beef too, and the other cod fish fingers. I don't usually butter them, but they were not fresh so probably needed help.

I could melt the cheese but I'm not bothered, just waiting for the main ingredients to cook.

For a second I thought the new fan had conked out, I didn't see the red charging light but it was hiding lol.

Something I didn't think about was Mr Freeze sour icepoles, have more sugar in them sadly..

I forgot they added more sugar to bitter things, to balance it out I guess.

Still better than the alternatives and a lot cheaper and better value, but I much prefer the original..

Would I buy it again? Yes, only for the heatwave situation, where it's hot 24-7.

There is no reprieve from it.

Some comparisons, olives from Morrisons, are a tiny bit saltier than Asda.

The Morrisons pasta bolognese is tiny and cheeseless, weird. It's ok taste wise, I added my own cheese..

But it's supposed to be a blend of macaroni cheese and bolognese...

This is the first time I've experienced it cheeseless, the Asda one was phenomenal!! Huge..

Oh I'm tempted by Sainsburys next, the Paw Paw lip balm, I've been dying to try is currently £2....

I've never seen it that cheap before.. Plus other things.. I'll see, this time, I'm making a list.

I've just tried the Morrison's chicken enchiladas, quite nice, probably needed a tad more cheese and I preferred the original..

Asda version, which was like a whiteish creamy sauce, that just blended better, rather than a tomatoey accompaniment, that kinda suits, beef better, in my opinion..

The cheaper crappier version it was replaced with wasn't great, but this Morrison's one, is an improvement.

I think I'll give a score at the end between Morrisons, Sainsbury's, Asda and Iceland.

Rating the helpfulness of the drivers, the food quality, the tracking and the deals..

#BlogLife1112 - What does friendship mean to you personally?

Umm I had some posts written that I was going to publish but something happened last night and this fresh one, needs to be written to clear my head.

I don't know if I'll post it first but I need to get this off my chest. If you're a regular reader, you'll know, I spent my life as an outsider, looking in...

Trying to bond, trying to fit with people and trying to get the respect back, that I bestowed upon others.

It just didn't work. I was seen as this quiet, so obviously uneducated girl, who didn't have anything worthwhile to offer.

At lot of the time, I was mocked and ignored and I didn't have a voice or opinion that seemed to matter to others.

Eventually I stepped back, worked on myself and got to a point, where I thought, Ok, I am smart, I am good company and any single person, that doesn't make me feel good, I will remove, whether with a goodbye or not....

So in the last couple of months, that's how I felt once again, pushed aside and ignored and that doesn't work for me.

That's how all the friendships/acquaintanceships have gone and I'm not going to stand for it.

My needs are important too. So I thought alright, it's expired, they'll move on and I'll do the same.

Because I am not chasing someone, that doesn't want me around.

I take it extremely personally. I understand, life get's busy, family, friends, work etc...

And if you're the type of person, to drop someone when you're busy and then months later, return like nothing happened, no apology, no remorse....

It's just not the type of relationship I can live with.

For me I want to be able to finally trust someone and let my walls down. To rely on them, to be able to just reach out and say...

Listen I need you right now, can we chat? If I don't feel that way, if I've not given some of your time....

I just don't see the point. I don't want to feel insecure or insignificant because I am not.

I have worked abundantly hard on my self esteem and no-one is going to make me feel as though I don't matter.

When someone casually dips in and out of your life, how do you trust that, they'll be around when you need them?

How can you possibly open up and say, there have been new developments, when you're constantly re-acquainting yourselves??

You can call it selfishness, coldness, whatever you like but I'm sick of the inconsistency.

I will never demand, all of someone's time but certainly Yes, a portion of it.

We all deserve, someone making the effort, someone thinking about us and caring, not out of guilt, but genuinely wondering..

Aww, I wonder if he/she is having a good week? I wonder what happened with so and so?

I'm curious if he/she is feeling better?

That's the bare minimum requirement of friendships. You have to listen, you have to respect and you have to support.

Not under any obligation, but because your heart is full and you feel this mushy need to protect them or seek them out..

Why am I saying all of this?

Not to be rude but I feel icky, so someone who had no compulsion to talk to me, at first, kept reading the blog.

And I felt a bit... This doesn't seem right because, you're able to read my thoughts and then try to find a way, to bond with me again??

I don't find this person bad hearted but what is on my mind....

Is that, they took me for granted, assumed, even after being cast aside, I would just resume the friendship...

Like I have nothing better to do, or will settle for tiny crumbs of affection...

And specifically after I wrote Goodbye on the blog, that's when it finally dawned on them, I was done.

They had months to reach out, while reading my blog and they did not...

Suddenly, it's like they've gone into panic mode and the messages come and now pending comments from them and/or someone new on my blog....

The apology, no matter how heartfelt... It's just too lil to late.

My safe space, the place where, I can be vulnerable and share things...

Feels tainted. I have not responded to them because I don't have anything to say.

If you don't want to talk, don't talk, but don't assume, I'll stick around either..

When you lift your head out of the sand and think shoot.... That was a good person....

I realise now, how foolish I was, how I hurt their feelings and it's too late to repair it.

Just accept reality, instead of creeping around.

You're not a bad person but everything you've done, has further pushed me away.

I needed someone in my corner and you proved, that person isn't you.

Although I am alone and will always be by myself. Today I'm not mourning it.

I can stand tall and know my self worth, that I won't settle and I won't put up with someone not meeting my needs...

The years and years I just endured unhealthy friendships because I didn't think I deserved real love and respect and affection and care......

And now look at me... I'm amazing. Still very far from perfection.

Still impatient.

Still an Ice Queenie but damn, maybe no-one will love and accept me for me but I know that I do and today, that's more than enough.

Question, whether you are really getting something positive from your friendships because it will chip away at your confidence.

I should work on being humble, right? Ha..

Do I allow the pending comments to be published or not? I'm so gutted that they aren't real but from a place of desperation.

My blog is my baby and what you've done, is stolen a lil peace and joy from me and I didn't have much to begin with.

#BlogLife1111 - More weird foodie combinations.. Introducing croiss-oras :)

Hmm dips was really the other thing I should have gotten, to not make the sandwiches/crackers too dry.

Anyway I kinda fancy croissants and the pakoras, so I might mix them together..

I don't think the pakoras came with a dip. I'll add pimento olives, cheese and maybe break up some pakoras and stuff it in the croissant...

I'm liking the meat free meals, more and more. I'm not fully converting to being a veggy but the break away is nice.

What do we call it? Croiss-oras? Ha! It's nearly 2pm, I should have eaten ages ago.

I'm still in that, hungry, not hungry, not sure phase, but I don't want it to go any later.

Ok disappointing, the pakoras taste nice but they are onion bhajis, missing those pakoras herbs and spices.

I'll enjoy them, but it's not the same as biting into a real pakora, that burst of a zillion flavours, maybe slight hint of spice..

Anyway, it's unfortunately typical in the supermarkets, they can't tell rotis from wraps, nor pakoras from bhajis...

Thumbs down!

I quite like that combo, olives, cheese, croissants and pakora. It's tasty.

Yes it needs a dip, hummus or garlic and onion. Also the chilli cheese is very mild, the cheese is a bit strong, not mild, my preference..

But for something different, I like it. It's good to switch up, not huge on spice, but in tiny doses, I can tolerate it.

Another twist that I randomly thought of, is a hit :) Later on, I don't really know what I fancy.

Most of the meals got low scores, so it was a bit offputting.

I just checked the packet and it felt like I had 2x croissants but I only had one, I kinda broke them into sections so I could stuff them.

There was only room for the cheese and olives mainly, I had to squish the pakoras but yea it was great and after the hula hoops, I'm stuffed but I might get dessert...

There's cake or cereal bars or lollies.. Yum... Although, the cramps, nausea and bloating are increasing.

I hate pmt time..

I decided to combina the Rana mozzarella and garlic gnocchi  dumplings with the limited edition Morrison Marry Me girasoles, basically ravioli type pasta stuffed with chicken, tomato, ricotta and mascarpone cheeses.

I'll add olives at the end. I'll check after 5ish minutes. I'm peckish but not starving because the cramps are bothering me.

I just want a quick small dinner and then I'll sip water or have an ice lolly later, to try and settle my tum.

I'm not sure which binaural video to play, anti nausea? Cramps? Or the pmt one?!

Right, it cooked perfectly, but the water didn't evaporate, so I just drained it.

The gnocchi is a bit bland, nice but missing black pepper, more herbs. I expected more.

The chicken pasta one is spectacular, lots of flavour, I expected to like this less.

Now I'm really glad I put them both in the same them bowl together.

The chicken one should not be a limited edition one, it's too good.

At least my tum has settled and adding the olives, just gave it an extra bite of flavour.

#BlogLife1110 - Next to try Morrisons..

I was looking for a deal because I think it's my first time with Morrisons.

All I saw was £5 off a £30 spend which is okish but not great, but having a further search, £15 off a £60 spend, is heaps better..

£60 sounds a lot but it's not really, by the time you get the householdy stuff and with the discount, you only pay £45, woop if it works.

At least I can stock up on saline for my contacts, plus lip balms and probably another mud mask.

Ah no mud masky, boo. I just placed it for Friday 12-4pm as it was cheaper, £4 I think, plus the only early slot available, for Friday/Saturday which is when I wanted to arrange it for.

The bill started off as £66.75 and then with the offers and £15 off and then went down to £53 or £55 maybe you don't get the delivery cost included..

Shouldn't it be £51? They did say something about an extra charge, for the first time to make sure it's covered, not sure if you get that back..

But hell, still saved a bit and they charge 30p for carrier bags, so that's fine with me.

Scratch that, the total was £68.10 with delivery and the bag costs.

Then they took off £15 to make it £53.10 but when paying it was £55 I think lol

The point is, overall I saved ha. Let's not overthink it and it's all confirmed with a text.

I forgot to get mouthwash and sushi but again, I'm trying to keep to a budget so I have to be careful.

They had these mini chicken pizzas that looked fun, nope out of stock.

The things I'm looking forward to trying are... Rana cheese and garlic gnocchi (stuffed mini dumplings) £3 for a 280g bag, I've never seen that flavour before.

Market Street veggie pakoras £3 for a 12x pack, they had 2 versions plus the chicken one, but these looked firmer and less like a soft onion bhaji, so we shall see...

I went mad and decided to try chilli cheese slices 2x £4.50 I think, so I also got mild cheddar, my favourite, to pair with the crackers.

The Mr Freeze original ice poles (longer lollies) was out of stock when I checked out so got the sour version, which will be interesting..

I'll go through what I liked in subsequent posts, the other main thing, was the array of Ryvita cracker flavours, wow...

I can't even remember what was on sale but at least I have a ton of snacks to munch and new meals to try.

I don't know where my appetite is, both not hungry and starving at the same time.

Talking of which it's nearly 1pm. I have to take off the heating and have the leftovers.

I wonder if I'll get a narrowed down slot from 4hrs. Will the driver be helpful?

Will it actually be bagged? Will they find my location without calling me outside?

Can it be tracked? Will they give text/email updates, ha, so many questions!!

Oh that's cool, Morrison just emailed (Thursday) and said 12pmish - 1pmish the shopping is due.

I don't think it's tracked but from 4 hours to 1 hour, pretty good. Iceland gives a 2 hour window in comparison.

This morning (today) got a text to say it's due from 12pm til 4pm... What??

So the time is really wishy washy on the saver slot. They said check the website..

That gave me a different time estimate and out for delivery. Now the prediction is 11.41am - 12.41pm..

You gotta be flexible at home for these every changing slot times..

What if I forgot to check and still assumed 12pmish? Anyway what also changed was the bag fee, 10p each and they upped it to 50p for 5 bags.

The total now is £53.30. Oh yea, apart from when I tried to checkout and it said, this and that were out of stock..

There are no substitutions today, unusual. Ha at 12.05pm, it changed to 12.12 - 12.22pm.

I don't feel hungry, just curious. As it's the weekend, every neighbour seems to be opening car doors.

Ar 12.12pm, changed to We're here. Ah and they were. Very cool, very friendly and helpful driver, handed me the bags.

He found my location, no issue and considering they say, no live tracking, I did keep refreshing the page but it did update.

It didn't say, Oh there's X about of customers ahead, but it did narrow the time and that was damn accurate.

The situation is they are part of Ocado who is bagged but if it comes direct from the local Morrison, it won't be.

The driver said, I can hand over the bags to the next delivery driver if I choose and get 10p back, but I like them for bins.

The downside, very flimsy, non sturdy plastic bags, but still handy.

Now to unpack and double check... Yes everything on the list was there.

I saved on the cheese, Victoria sponge cake, lemon loaf cake (one of my favourites)..

Hula hoops crisps, Nature Valley cereal bars and I think there was more overall savings, compared to Iceland, so I'm happy for a smoother, less body aggravating experience.

I'm too tired to take out the bins. When I actually get trying the food, then I can do foodie reviews next week.

Apologies for no post yesterday, but I wanted to save this one for today to get the whole experience of it, fresh.

There is definitely a lot of food and snacks to last a while, well depending on the appetite increase/decrease...

I don't know if I'll go back to Iceland for the next shop. I forgot to mention, damnit, I've already forgotten..

Ahh interesting the email receipt mentions the use by date for each item, clever information..

Phew I remembered now. I think when I entered that code Newhere15..

It mentioned something about discounts on the next orders too, but Morrison hasn't mentioned anything so I don't know if that's true.

I have to go where the discounts are, to balance my budget.

#BlogLife1109 - Do you interpret dreams?

Song of the day - Go West - Faithful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-4tf66-V3Q

This song of the day randomly popped into my head and I realised it wasn't on my phone.

One of the classics I used play on repeat.. Didn't know the words, did know the band.

Ooh my hair is looking super cute today.

Strange sensation this morning, asleep but awake and I had a succession of dreams but only recalled the last one..

Shopping for an event with a former close cousin and we were distant but sorta friendly.

Then this market, had grocery thieves, celebrity spotting, fancy schmancy items and regular stuff ha, very strange..

I don't think about this person, so I'm not sure why they were there?

I have no wish to reconcile, they showed their true colours to me and made it all about themselves, dismissing my needs and not wanting to listen, at one of the most vulnerable times of my life, so I cut them out, having faced this toxic behaviour regularly.

I should have told her, what I was doing, but I think I just refused her calls, not knowing how to articulate, how I was feeling and the hurt that she put me through..

Back then, I didn't really talk much, I tried but it was so deeply imbedded, without me able to decipher it, I just couldn't..

Nowhere, noone felt like a safe space to share.

She was the closest thing I had to a sister. I desperately wanted that bond, to be seen, to blossom and I thought it would fix everything or make life easier...

But her turning on me and expecting instant forgiveness, was a betrayal too far.

You can't just trash someone, insult them and expect to still be close, without facing consequences.

Plus she didn't fight for me, she could have travelled down to see me and said, I'd like to understand you..

I'd like to reconcile or at least talk and see but her throwing me away, kinda reinforced, she just didn't care.

I really didn't need another fake in my life. I tried to make it work, with the other cousins, a lot of them had sisters too..

But I just remained in the outsider role. I didn't fit in anywhere.

I'll always remember trying to be brave and express, that home wasn't a good environment, it wasn't safe.. To my Aunt.

But I was trying to use my words carefully, trying to be, only half vulnerable and not fall apart.

So I had to sorta, tell it while sarcastically laughing, or grinning or smiling, it was the only way I could actually tell someone..

But I was so hoping, she would see through that facade...

And she didn't and it tore me to shreds because underneath I knew how hard it was, and I knew I was holding back the tears..

Experimenting with trying to be open, trying to talk...

And she said...... Well it obviously isn't as bad as you make out, you're laughing about it...

I must have excused myself and just wept silently. I think my worst fear came true, I shared a secret and wasn't believed....

And I think I must have shut down because, what was the point of communicating???

Who knew, many many, many, decades later I would write about it and not feel embarrassed or ashamed..

And actually have the words in my head, freely and laugh/cry, be happy and sad and accept it, without feeling I need to be strong all the time.

I think I just needed to justify walking away because I was made to feel like garbage.

They didn't take the time to understand me. I struggled so badly, craving someone decent to talk too, to just feel I wasn't the problem.

That there was some appeal to me, that one day someone would want me around, to get to know me.

Now I feel differently, After everything I've been through, the world can go to hell.

I don't need anyone. I'll have chitchats but 75% of me, will never truly be seen.

I didn't really know all that needed to be said. It felt like I had closure ages ago.

I know that my Aunt stopped talking to my Mama and held her accountable.

And at funerals and when I was in hospital she reached out politely, briefly, to which I acknowledged her but neither of us, discussed anything personal..

It was almost business like.. And if she ever wanted to clear the air, I would, but I would not rekindle the friendship..

Which reminds me of another cousin, that sought me out, Mama gave her my number, without my permission.. 

And she never got in contact, which really pissed me off.

Don't reach out fakely, unless you actually want to connect. I'm sick of ingenuine people.

Ugh how could I forget, the UC appointment is tomorrow (today). I'm going to think of it like exercise, something I should do but I don't.

I'll try to give myself an hour to walk and rest and then maybe, I can shop a bit and not be dead on my feet, that I'll want to pass out.

Especially in this excessive heat. I only have bagels and fillings left but it depends how I feel.

Ideally I want to get food and snacks, realistically even with the rest breaks, I still think I'll be thoroughly exhausted.

Or I could take a cab but I don't know where they would be allowed to park, the main area is closed for roadworks..

There's no easy solution and I usually don't sleep well, so that's even less energy.

Oh just realised something else, as my bus stops are closed either side, when I'm coming home, it stops right outside a sandwich and chicken shop..

But again, it all depends, if my legs will let me go to them. At that point, I'm going to be dying to rest.

So on to today and got back an hour ago and have been munching grilled wings and some chips.

I wanted dessert but there wasn't any, or cheesecake which I hate, too sweet..

Quite tasty the wings, probably needs another 5 minutes under the cooker.

For some reason they gave me rice and some bread so that can be for later or tomorrow, I just wanted to get rid of my hunger.

I am dying to wash off the makeup and change, I just couldn't be bothered because my left leg is developing a strain...

Pfft, headaches, hand twinges and now this. The UC advisor even asked me about it, uncaringly and still gave me an in-person appointment.

What made me laugh to myself was that she called me and I purposely didn't check my phone..

Because she's gonna ask security questions, name, address, phone number, maybe, I forget..

And that's a risk of identity theft... Anyway I loved the fact she said she was busy.......

As though she's the Queen, pfft, give me a phone appointment then dodo!!

As if I don't have things to do. As though I don't kill myself, strain my body trying to make it, to the crappy appointments!!

Sod off!!

So I gave myself an extra hour, wasn't really needed, 30mins next time.

It actually starting off drizzling and cooler, which made walking heaps better.

When I walked that whole market, I swear I wasn't near collapse and that was longer, or maybe the same..

But then the sun came out and even with rest breaks, it helped but it didn't..

My body remembers the pain and tiredness. When I got there, I wasn't fainty...

But heading back home, there's hardly anywhere to rest, so even when I got off the bus, that dizziness hit me hard.

I was just swaying, thinking, not sure I'm gonna make it.. So even though it was just a few steps to the cafe/bakery or the chicken shop...

I couldn't do it. I knew I would need every ounce of energy to walk home.

It's probably just 5x minutes to get home but felt like an eternity. But at least I took the bins out this morning so now to do the uc stuff and finally relax.

#BlogLife1108 - Trying Asda for the pampering stuff..

Well at least Asda didn't cancel, the way the regular Ocado/Tesco did but sadly there are substitutions.

Instead of nutty cereal bars, they will provide maple, yuck, too sickly sweet for me, I'll hand them back..

Also no chicken spring rolls, just veggy, I'll see if I can hand them back, just to lower the overall price.

Then thirdly there was a dark green hand towel and bath towel, not a set but the price was good and as I can't shop right now in the market, this was a good solution.

Oh just checked, they don't sell saline solution, I'm on my last bottle soon, hmm..

I also wanted lip balm, but the bill was pretty high, few pounds more than I usually spend, so not great.. 

I didn't bother. The hand towel was £2, I doubt it would be cheaper, even in the market, and the green colour just looked premium and different.

Normally I might be tempted by red or purple, purple wasn't there but the green stood out.

The green bath towel was £4 (70x127), but they substituted for the dark blue, which is fine, same size, but would have been 40p more.

It's a tiny bit smaller, but the green didn't say 100% cotton. As long as it's nice and soft, that's what matters.

I also got some pimento olives and cherry stuffed cheese peppers, yum :)

I couldn't resist the proper baklawa for £2.40 ha. Oh and excitedly, they had wholemeal bagels, yay, healthier but tastes bland..

But I will load it with toppings. I also had to try Asda's version of the ice poles....

Good grief nowhere has Mr Freeze in stock, such a shame.

The Asda one is £1.20 x8 which is not bad, if they taste naturally fruity, which none of them seem to do...

For back up, I bought the milk lollies 8x £1.62. I can't remember Iceland prices but when needs must...

And I like the fact that unlike Tesco where the beauty stuff came differently and there was another delivery cost...

Sneaky, Asda just delivers it with the groceries, yay.

Next, I hope these are scented, 150ml Face Facts detox peptide cleanser £4 which is okish, price wise..

I've never heard of it, so a fun usage and review, later on in the month..

Plus, Garnier Vitamin C 200ml for £3.50. I don't know if I've used that but I wanted at least 2x face washes.

That's it, I forgot to buy crisps, arghh..

Oh and I saw the Asda version of Always max night, sanitary towels 95p for x10, bloody bargain, sorry, poor choice of words..

Had to try it. Then £4 chicken katsu dragon rolls lol. Got to sneak in some sushi, x6 I think it is..

The rest was just householdy and pasta.. Oh they did a sandwich meal deal, added it to my basket, looked at the overall price, removed it, got to budget!!

It's only 11amish, they are not due til 1pmish-2pmish. It was £3.75 for delivery, ouch, but couldn't get cheaper.

I keep thinking, I'm better, but the hand strain/sprain is getting worse, everytime I press on it, it's really painful.

I took out the bins and would have liked a longer sleep but I was just too wired wondering if Asda would cancel or deliver..

Next I might try someone else, I need the salines and lippy. If a regular grocery shopping order is the only way to do it then so be it.

Otherwise I'll ask Mama and pay her back. Ha, I just opened the substitute kleenex box, that looks pretty packed so it makes no sense they gave me 2x..

Maybe regular customers, get a lil special treatment here and there? Works for me :)

I think I was trying to keep the costs down, but they had the regular Magnums almond for £2ish I think but only 3x, not x4..

I prefer icepoles to keep my water cool and give it a splash of flavour..

Plus they are just cheaper.. I guess I'm also worried about getting an unhelpful driver..

What if I'm left packing it into bags, bending, it's gonna be so painful, especially in this delicate state...

Asda tracks but doesn't have a queue number, just says Soon, unless it's only in the last 20mins or 5mins?

Tracking was useless, arrived just before 1pm, the sullenest, unhelpful driver, so painful to do everything, bending and grabbing items, with my delicate body.

But got the refunds and totally forgot, I have leftovers. At least the majority came.

The hand towel is a nice big size, the bath towel is small but that's ok. They are both soft enough, not super but good quality.

Ooh the saucy chicken sushi is tasty, I don't know what the smothered sauce is, but I actually like it.

Faint hint of spice, which is fine. Just a katsu mayo, with red peppers, chives, onions and carrot inside, no wonder it's tasty..

I just tried the pesto chicken pasta, at first, barely any chicken, they should have made smaller clumps of it..

Then no pesto... Turns out it was on the bottom, but not much of it, actually for me, that's better, less is more.

I just added olives because it looked plain. I don't like leaves or cauliflower but it was quite nice actually.

A good amount of pasta, I'm stuffed. I'm so looking forward to the Morrison shop where I can load up on snacks, I hate having barely any..

#BlogLife1107 - Slimming world hi fi bars, tasty or a wastey?

While I remember and it's fresh in my mind, the Seabrooks worcester sauce crisps were really tasty and not overloaded with salt like McCoys.

I highly recommend them and with the ridge, had a nice crunch. To me just the right amount of seasoning, not spicy, just enjoyable and different.

The Slimming World hi fi fruit and nut bars, I'm bitterly disappointed, a layer of chocolate at the bottom, very small and thin.

But maybe it's the raisin taste, which makes it seem like you're eating something stale, yuck....

There is an orange version I might try, not sure... The other nut or mint one was so good......

How can this be, so bad? I wasn't expecting to hate it. I'll still have it but not relishing it and I did check, it's not expired..

I gave myself a manicure yesterday, some of my nails were chipping, so I cut them really short.

I only leave them long around birthday/Christmas and that's passed now.

I'm still feeling run down, developed a bit of a cough/sneeze but resting a lot and taking it easy still, until I feel stronger.

I think I'll alternate between the peppermint essential oil, as that's long lasting, compared to the lemon which seems to disappear really quickly, which is not beneficial to my sinuses.

I'm still enjoying the crackers and salmon, different to my usual meals and I found some veggy samosas in the freezer that are good for a snack.

I also trimmed my hair, it's only been 2x weeks but with the weather being as hot as it is, or at least humid, I want it as short as possible.

It only just occurred to me that it's the summer holidays so the students have broken up for a break until September..

Ahh no wonder it's noisier. I just tune them out with the earbuds.

I was looking for a new game to replace Looney Tunes, Profile Perfect is similar to That's My Seat but in a grid form.

It still challenges my brain but the clues are given gradually and then unlocked with correct placements.

Plus there is also a story mode that costs 1k ingame coins, ouch. It is way more difficult because the clues aren't comprehensive, so guess work is involved..

At first I thought hmm.. But now I quite like it, although, the next game, has to be vastly different, so I don't get bored.

I thought I was improving, but walking around tells a different story.

I am really sore, it's hard to move around, the weather is getting hotter, which is not helping.

I feel feverish, without the fever.

Well it's now just Friday afternoony, ugh the earbuds are already only barely lasting until the morning..

But I feel well rested, walking around and using my hands, there is less intense pains, I don't want to scream anymore, so that's good.

There's a new random and we were typing a lot back and forth.

I feel the pressure of that, so taking a break, I told him already and he seems fine with it.

Oof and I'm happy that I remembered to pay my rent as it came in today..

I get the nasty impression, if it's even a few days late, the landlord is charging interest...

So I'm going to make sure, I try to pay it whenever it comes in, last day of the month or beginning, whenever...

Money is tight but I still have birthday money so gonna order food for later, macaroni cheese and maybe chicken..

Then do a grocery order for tomorrow or Sunday but the less typing the better..

That's why it's not been a proper blogging week, the pain takes over sometimes and I need to learn to just stop and rest.

Sorry about that, but it's par for the course, when you have severe health conditions, they don't just disappear, they get worse, until your body strains itself, which is what happened to me.

I just started limping, the pain was agony and my hands were just screaming to be left alone.

So I had to listen and forget the obligation of publishing and take care of myself.

And it was a good thing because my mood is starting to lift. I'm not 100% yet but maybe next week will be an improvement?

At long last, solved the issue of how to restock beauty items online.....

This weekend, instead of my limited Iceland order, I'll do it from somewhere else, probably Sainsbury's or Asda..

Whoever stocks more face washes... Phew problem solved :)

#BlogLife1106 - Low quality ice poles

I'm not sure where I found the energy today, on a few hours sleep.

The only morning Iceland slot was 8-10am which means 7.30am wake up, oof brutal, drifting in and out of sleep, from 6ish, trying not to miss the alarm.

But managed to take the bins out and have a morning dance party workout with party music, invigorating while packing away the shopping.

It's worth sacrificing sleep, because G delivered in bags, so no bending self packing or confrontational drivers...

I needed snacks and grocery ordering is hard when there's no hunger, so I thought stick with the basics..

Crackers, cheese, pasta, hotdogs, croissants, and a whole load of snacks...

The new things this week will be Tango blue raspberry icepoles, 12x £1.75, hopefully much nicer than the R Whites, couldn't stand it, had to bin the rest...

Mr Freeze, the milk lollies and the orange lollies are still all out of stock and the cornetto didn't appeal, actually if the almond Magnum had been on sale, or the knock off Majestic, I would have been tempted, but nope..... £3 I think...

Too much money! Next Seabrooks worcester sauce 6x £1.60, me and Mama used to love this flavour in McCoys crisps, but it was too salty...

Maybe it's improved? Worth a shot. I can't stop yawning..

The next, I'm not sure I've tried Slimming World, fruit and nut hifi bars, I know, years ago, they had a nutty cereal bar, that was scrumptious, let's see how this is...

Pricey, 4 or 6 bars for £2.65, ouchy but supposedly healthier..

That's it really. It feels good to use the face brush again, I didn't pack it, trying to keep the bag light..

And my face is once again butter smooth, a few light pimples but not surprising, as I'm due on soon.

I almost forgot about the weekend pampering, but yesterday, remembered to use the face mask.

My elbows are healed from the cracking. I'm almost finished with the second mini Garnier face wash...

Ugh I am so desperate to find a grocery shop, that takes cash. I don't have the physical capabilities to browse while the buses aren't running and I need stuff...

All the items came, but it was funny, they were out of tissues, so must have broken apart a four pack of Kleenex and gave me 2x I think..

I only ordered 1x, but I think the Kleenex is smaller? I'm not sure but happy because I was completely out and down to my last box, so that was kind, to give me 2x.

I just made brekkie because being up early, I felt peckish, had a jam doughnut first, I want sugar..

Then checked, oops the waffles expired, so got the Ryvita, rye crackers, tried one with butter and cheese, one with salmon and cheese and yum, that was tasty actually.

What I will say, is because it's on the dry side, you need butter, or fake butter as I use, less calorific...

And then it's more enjoyable to eat, but that was a nice lightish snack, which will fill me for a while maybe, not eating much, so I wanted more snacks than meals really.

I have wine gums, crisps, cereal bars, mini strawberry trifles and starburst/opal fruits, chewy fruity sweet that's refreshing to munch.

Lastly the Viennese biscuits with cream and jam because all this has to last a week or maybe two...

During hormonal times, my appetite wildly ranges, one minute it's small and the next, can't get enough food...

It's a relief though, to be at the stage of eating and not putting on weight since 2022..

I just could not maintain weightloss at all, unless I resorted to starving myself and I was fed up with that..

Pretending I wasn't famished.. But now I can balance, between healthy and regular and not crave excess.

It makes life and my mood so much easier.

Yesterday tried the tango blue raspberry icepoles, yuck, that same sickly artificial sweetness, I hate it.

I can't catch a break on them.

#BlogLife1105 - Almost to the point of collapse, still no phone meeting, selfish bastards!!

Ugh I still have leftovers but I can't move at present so ordered sushi with the birthday money, I needed a special drink too..

My left arm is dead and I wasn't carrying shopping, the bus stop outside on both sides are closed.

Had to walk to the next one, heavily delayed, then half way through, Oh we stopping here, ffs..

Still struggling to breathe normally, just the art of putting on the charger killed me.

I will get up only when the sushi gets here, the hand roll is extra nice and not sure if I've tried honey and garlic korean fried chicken..

Weird the 25% off closest branch didn't accept cash, the one a town away, did but only 20% off.

So I barely got to the uc appointment, couldn't stop to rest 15mins late, which means, probably 25 min walk..

In which by the time I got there swaying so badly, my legs wanted to give way.

I couldn't help it, the excessive sun, pain, exhaustion, dizziness made me burst into tears..

I didn't want them to mark me as absent and withold a payment, so no groceries or bills could be paid and ordered..

In the end ignored me for what 15-30 mins, just gave me my next appointment - in person..

Bastards, they could see, it took me 2x tries to get up from the chair, my legs stopped functioning and still no phone appointment....

And it's happening until possibly the end of August or December, didn't really make sense, I didn't get the blurb...

He said I could jot a journal note and request a phone one, but I bet that's limited to one, dickheads.....

Oh and I should register I'm long term ill, they know, asshole, they don't give a shit!!!!!!!

Thank heavens, nothing to do, today. I don't have it in me!

I was looking forward to browsing or picking up snacks but I can't do that now, which is a shame..

Maybe no more shopping until next year if they extend the roadworks? Ugh!!

My poor body :(

Mama or Mama's friend also gave me bath crystals or was it part of the Cath Kidson giftset? I don't recall..

They are laughingly pungent, so what I might do for the majority of them, is chuck them in with the washing, use it as a scent booster, we'll see..

They dissolved fast and I didn't notice the scent on me, just the usual bath soak, ahh think that's my last red one..

It's Monday morning now, I was writing all weekend for this week's posts.

I was hoping to feel better, I am sleeping but this excessive depleted energy is affecting me profusely.

It just takes ages to get up and stand, the dizziness hits, I fall back down and it just seems exhausting, to go to the kitchen and be on my feet.

I want to get on and do things but in this state, it's a disaster, I'll make myself weaker.

I guess I'll wait for it to pass. My recovery time is getting longer and longer.

I'll have to stop and rest, where possible on the way to my next uc appointment, screw it, if I'm late, my health takes priority.

I can not be in that state again, where my legs want to give up and I just want to pass out.

I'll give myself a couple minutes on the benches, recuperate for a bit and then get up.

I prefer just hurrying to get to the destination but that's not working for me.

The pain, tiredness and the sun is not a good combination. I'm dreading it.

#BlogLife1104 - Lady in red blotches..

Time to go home in an hour, the cab is picking me up but only charging me £20 this time..

I tried on the red leopard skirt and top and although it's a fraction of a shade lighter in difference, it's not noticeable, so looks like I'm wearing a figure hugging dress..

Looks great, even though Yes, I'm noticeably top heavy, my tum and hips are quite big but it's very feminine and I'm still looking healthier than before..

I decided to take some full length selfies in my new size but forgot how to do it, ha.

Googly says, instead of selfie mode, use the regular side in the mirror and take it that way.

It worked, the first set was ok, but then plucked and re-shot them.

I should probably be using alsorts of filters to make me look good but sod it.

It's more for me, I want a visual kinda update that my body is changing for the better and that all my good days, aren't behind me..

Oh and tried the new makeup, the foundation is my shade and the eyeshadow looks softer than I anticipated, probably better if it's natural..

But I didn't try the especially bold colours, so maybe that's different..?

The more I use the Avon perfume, the more I like it.. I should eat, but I have no hunger pangs..

I kinda feel bad for leaving Mama in the lurch but it's out of my hands and to be honest, I have the same pains she does

I managed to avoid excess stuff in my bag, refused it all, binned the rest because it's nice having them lighter..

Still bulky but not taxing. I've been having strange dreams about being thrown together and sorta dating, seems unnatural.

Like more out of circumstances than compatibility. I don't really remember details much.

Anyway back home, it took an hour, lots of traffic but felt like he was still taking the scenic route...

Very slow but at least it was just £20, slightly cheaper than normal. I just ordered food for today and tomorrow, falling asleep...

Ugh I have to unpack, tidy up and tomorrow ring the maintenance to set up an appointment..

Who has the energy for any of that? Not me.. I still can't get over, me in a dress like outfit...

They always seemed to be unflattering.. But I am starting to look more and more womanly..

The boiler is clicking away, I hope it's working, I'll test it when I get up, yep heat and hot water are available.

The new slippers are so soft, fluffy and toasty to walk around in.

I just washed off my makeup and all the uc stuff is up to date so I want to have an early night and drift off to sleep, refreshed for tomorrow's potentially stressful appointment.

At some point a tiny bit of mopping to do and that's it. Ugh unfortunately this side is still boiling hot.

Luckily my fans are charged.

Ahh forgot to mention a small victory. One of the olive jars at Mama's was stuck, so once again googlied ideas.

Re-tried the sink/hot water tip, place it upside down, leave it soaking in hot water, return in 1 minute and boom done..

Well the first try, didn't do anything but I twisted it again and boom popped open, so very cool because we are both madly sprinkling olives on everything..

Rice, salads, sandwiches and solo munches :)

#BlogLife1103 - My second to last day here..

I had a few hours of deep sleep so even though it was nearly 8am, I felt rested and now at 9.30am I'm up, trying not to make too much noise and wake Mama..

But I had to put on my lens to see and finally, after a whole day, Mama topped up my Oyster card but it wasn't registering online, so we thought it was a kinda scam..

Everytime I top up, by the time I get home it's been added or had the rules changed, where you had to make a bus journey, for it to be seen in your balance?

No matter, the crisis is over, the next day, my balance was updated.

Mama asked if I wanted to return but I got to get the maintenance stuff sorted with an appointment first..

Then kinda make sure the boiler is working, check the post, relax at home, have the uc appointment over with on Friday..

I think she feels a bit out of sorts, not being able to be as active as before..

Part of me, would have stayed a bit longer, if I had a phone appointment, the other side, is eager to get back to my bed and space..

My own routine of sleeping a bit earlier, not snacking at night, not drinking late and not forcing myself to eat things that I don't have an interest in..

I think my bag will be a lil heavier, but it wasn't really loaded to begin with, as long as the temperamental lift works, it's bearable..

We enjoyed the Indian banquet, there is so much leftover, grilled mild spice chicken wings..

Chicken biryani, chicken tikka and what I did, is what I used to do, but differently..

It was a strange thing but all the family, seemed to do it, so it became the norm for us...

We would fill a cup with fresh dhal and then tear strips of roti in it, probably grab a spoon and eat it...

Fresh buttery roti and dhal? Heavenly..

So what I did yesterday for the wraps, was drip dhal (lentil and veggy sauce), add the chicken, roll it and munch, with half the fillings coming out, ha...

But it was really tasty. I feel like rotis and chapatis are the same thing, but one always seems bigger than the other, when you order from a restaurant..

I was hungry at 7amish but now it's nearly 10am.. Suddenly I'm not craving anything, maybe another soup brekkie later?

The purple £2.50 makeup bag came, aw it's kinda small, so divided up the makeup and put them in that one and the other.

At least when I get home tomorrow I can chuck the green one away now.

I'm mostly done packing. I dunno when I'll return, maybe August. I wonder if the heatwave is over in my area too?

#BlogLife1102 - Crazy cod

I got some more gifts, cute purply bed socks, love those, a makeup case, mini lotions..

Mini foundations. I was craving a cod burger, so made a nutty version with leftovers..

Half an avocado, the remainder of the chicken salad filling, and toasted the buns and put the cod inside, really messy, but quite tasty..

It could have done with olives but I was too comfy too move. I also got a rumbaba dessert, oof that is so tasty, like a doughnut or gulab jamun but a different taste.

No rum discernment, just sweet and cream on the top, lush. I left more than half as I am stuffed.

Me and Mama crashed early and slept til 8am. I wanted to tucker myself out so watched Moana..

Too many damn songs. every 10minutes, good grief, hated that, fast forwarded those.

Seems overhyped for what it is. You'd think it was spectacular with the hype it got at the time..

I enjoyed it but, no love story. no big dramas... I'm not sure if I'll watch the sequels..

There's a proper original staff Ice Age next year, I'll watch that and hope it's not a bore fest...

Still no news about my skirt, which makes me increasingly angry...

They added a blooming proof of delivery photo, yet only sent 1 skirt, what the hell is up with that??

If I still don't hear back tomorrow, customer service will sort it. I don't want a refund, I actually want the other skirt to show up...

Strange day. Still no news about the skirt, so I officially reported it.

Then the foundations turned up... Umm not the 2x I ordered but 3x? Ha what is happening?

Everything is topsy turvy. I double checked but it was definitely only supposed to be 2x.

No explanation either, perhaps they wanted to get rid of the stock or noone was ordering my shade?

Strange, which reminds me, let's double check the shade.. The writing is too small..

It does look a bit dark but I can always blend it, Mama's samples she gave me look light or just right..

It was the colour I ordered, should last quite a while..

Something I've noticed is the pressure to eat, is putting me off food.

One minute, there is tons, then hardly any but I just can't turn into a robot and munch..

So to be honest, I've wasted a cake, some macaroni cheese and I thought I would crave fizzy drinks, but nope, plain water is still my favourite..

Ok well got my refund notification for the skirt, no apology or explanation, so that's that..

But I've seen the same thing on Amazon so that's an option too..

Today's feast, later on, which I am appetiteless for is rotis, salad, tandoori chicken and some lentil dhal, should be nice actually..

I'll make some wraps with it. 

Aww and a side note, Mama's hand/wrist is not a sprain but actually broken, so the doctor put it in a cast for 6 weeks and she can't swim but did get a sling, so hopefully it will heal nicely and be less painful.