#BlogLife320 - Random things I do..

Good afternoony.

How is your Friday treating you? I kept waking up last night so I am a bit all over the place.

I kept thinking it was morning and it still night time. I finally gave up and woke up about 7ish and then a few hours later, I crashed back asleep for another few hours.

I wasn't sure I would post today, to be frank. My brain is scattered. The heatwave comes and goes.

There was a few days of reprieve and then it seemed hotter than ever.

I go to bed warm, on the covers and in the middle of the night am freezing with the fan blowing in my face.

I am so going to catch a chill soon. Mornings and early afternoons are cold and then the sun splashes through my blinds and heats up like a sauna.

I'm so fed up with the humidity steaming my lenses up so that I can't see. I have to be so careful with them because everytime I take them out, they fly and easily get lost.

I feel like I've had these for the longest, maybe a year, without needing to replace them as they are a high prescription and I need to see my optometrist before I can get more.

Must be so easy for the people able to use disposables and not freak, when they lose a pair, just pop in a replacement.

After all those pmt symptoms, I still haven't come on, so odd my cycle.

I can't stop munching though and the chocolate craving is still present. I bought some more of those MixMax cakes plus a Bounty.

I was craving the coconut macaroon cakes but alas Iceland is sold out so I thought Bounty is the next best thing ha.

I've been watching cooking shows on Youtube for the last year maybe. I also like seeing the Bloopers from my favourite shows or films.

Do any of you do that? I watch some of the Jamie Oliver ones and KBD Productions Cook and Review, those are so fun.

I'm not really doing it for the recipes as I don't cook as such, just fix things together.

I guess it's nice as a foodie to get some ideas on how to change up fillings, rather than use the same ingredients.

I can't seem to get the Bath Soak in stock so I am trying the Radox Bath Salts instead.

I hope it doesn't clog the drains. I haven't used Salts in ages. I don't remember if I like them but here in the UK, well anywhere really, you just got to adapt to new products.

As there are still shortages for the basic stuff. Oh I waited too long because I wasn't sure and now the blue bra I wanted sold out.

I'm gutted about that. The pink version is in stock but I wanted to buy it all together to save on postage costs.

#BlogLife319 - Blink Intensive Tears eye drops review Update

I finally got these and I'm not sure if they are re-wetting drops but I don't think they are.

I paid £4.50 for them and they are 10ml in size. They are thin but not watery and don't sting, thank goodness.

As soon as I put them in my eyes were blinking and crying but after about a minute they stopped.

I feel refreshed and my lenses are comfortable again. It feels like I took them out and cleaned them and popped them back in again.

It will be interesting how they work on fogged up lenses. I think that is the purpose of re-wetting drops, probably stops you from having to remove, clean them and insert them back.

The writing is too small for me to read it but the box claims it's soothing and long lasting for dry tired eyes.

Suitable for use while wearing with soft or hard contact lenses, which is something I look for in drops as it is more convenient, not to wait around for the required safety time to lapse.

I've started storing mine in the fridge as I want that coolness. The humidity is steaming up my lenses really badly and I can't see or read properly and I can never be bothered to remove them as this usually happens in the evening before bedtime.

I'll let you know later, if the cost is justified!!

Providing long last relief is a lie. Within a few minutes, my eyes don't feel dry as such but they do feel tender and a bit raw already.

I don't recommend them for the price, I'm sure there are better ones out there and they don't soothe for ages.

I'll keep looking for the one that really impressed me, maybe it was Murine?!

The heat is back so my lenses got fogged and I tried to sprinkle the eye drops and blink to see if it would help clear things up...

Result, nothing happened. I really wouldn't bother with these.

#BlogLife318 - Introducing my non judgemental salon *500th post!*

Do you love getting pampered as I do but sometimes hate getting professional beauty treatments because of the staff's rudeness?

I'm with you there. I'm not sure who gave these stylists and beauticians God complexes but they should be returned immediately.

You can be stunning on the outside but if your insides need work, ooof you become quickly unattractive.

I'm constantly being looked up and down, told I can't pull this look off or that my hair's really thinning.

Oh go screw yourself!! If I want to feel bad about myself I'll do it. Why should I pay for a service to have my confidence knocked by some airhead???

If I had my own Salon I would call it Fluffy Love - Enhancing Your Natural Beauty.

I would only cater to the plus sized amongst you and as soon as you entered...

I would smile and make you feel at home. I would compliment you on something but not be a phony. It would be a real observation.

I like your earrings, blouse or footwear, you have great taste putting that together.

I would only see one person at a time, so no-one is waiting, unless they arrived prematurely.

To give you that unrushed pampering experience and so that you feel completely catered for.

In the summer I would have a selection of cool icy beverages like fruit juices or fizzy flavoured water drinks.

In the winter hot chocolate, tea or coffees, that all came with straws, in case there were nail treatments.

There would also be snacks like, chocolate pretzels, peanut m&m's, dried fruit and nuts and seeds.

Instead of music or the radio with people talking disturbing the vibe, asmr would be seeping out from all the speakers, scattered around.

Beach waves, forest sounds, crunchy snow, rainfall. Wouldn't that be amazing during a haircut, massage, manicure or pedicure??

There would be no-one being critical or making you feel self conscious.

You would be treated like a King or Queen. It probably would be women only, as men creep me out, sorry, lol.

Just before you left there would be a mini photo session on that particular treatment and it would be hung on the treatment wall so people could realistically see the results, without guessing as to whether it would suit them or not.

Plus a mini chat about how rejuvenated you feel, compared to when you apprehensively walked in, not knowing what to expect.

#BlogLife317 - Friendly or friendless?

Listening to stormy weather during heatwaves definitely helps trick the brain into thinking it's cooler than it actually is.

All I'm doing is constantly sprinting to the kitchen to swap icy bottles of drink.

A nice tip is storing the undiluted squash bottle in the fridge so even if you run out of cold water, you can still have a chilled drink. 

I need mine ice cold as by the time I have a few sips, the ice has melted and it's warm again ick.

I just rubbed a few ice cubes on my face, neck and arms as the tray was emptying and I wanted to refill it. It felt sooo good.

My body is not feverish anymore but I can feel it climbing slowly again and the nausea is still coming and going.

I was just thinking about the different sets of people, some are attached to their phone completely and constantly checking for missed messages and calls..

While others are more laid back and pondering....Hmm I left my phone somewhere but I'm not sure where and I don't need it, I'm not going to search for it yet.

I think getting to relax away from stress has inspired me and I feel energised and at peace.

I guess I wonder why some people panic when they've missed an alert and scramble to respond, even when they are crazy busy and it's not in anyway urgent..

Unless I've been waiting for a response or I am at a lull, I don't reply straight away. I may read it and think hmm, later but I drop everything and hasten to respond back.

Is it an obligation thing? Do you assume the person can't wait? Do you feel rude, ignoring them, while you deal with your responsibilities?

Do you get the impression it makes you a bad person or friend?

That's why for calls anyway, I firstly enquire if they are busy or not? Or if another time is better?

I have no hard feelings towards them, if they say, actually I'm tied up, later would suit better, unless they always say that or..

If they only ever repeat those words to me and don't do the same for others because then it is just taking me for granted.

Which is another trigger for me as that is a pattern of behaviour I have experienced a lot.

The person will say sorry I have to do this and that and the next minute, text saying.....

Oh I just talked to so and so. It was so enjoyable, we discussed the plans for blah blah blah.......

At this point, I'm sighing, throwing my hands in the air and thinking, what am I? Dull......?

You could have just had the same conversation with me. Everyone knows when it's a choice between texting and calls, I pick calls, unless I'm saving my battery life ha or you don't have a nice homey voice..

My question is this, would you rather have a phone that didn't stop pinging with calls, messages, messenger alerts and voicemails 24-7 or would you rather it hardly buzzed?

You can't cheat and have it in between :D For me I like the peace and quiet.

I don't have people going moody on me because I'm not in a sociable mood or I didn't respond to their idiotic forwards.

I do not miss those at all or being flooded with silly pictures!!

#BlogLife316 - What's different about today?

I'm bloated, nauseated and cramping but still no period. I think the big thing is, I don't feel depressed this newly passed birthday.

I'm not sure what's different exactly. I did have some large cash gifts which I never asked or hinted for.

It's not a milestone birthday. I'm just middle aged which sounds funny because mentally I feel like a teenager sometimes, very immature and silly.

Physically I do feel my age and then some, certain pains are getting worse and not disappearing but less intense, unless I make a movement and then it flairs up cruelly.

I did get myself some treats. A toblerone which I haven't had for years. I just wanted a different indulgence.

Cake is always a necessity. I'll hit my favourite supermarket and get some alcoholic ones but for the moment I was craving black forest gateaux, minus the cherries..

Iceland was sold out though, instead I opted for a classic victoria sponge cake,

It's cream, jam and I'm not sure if the topping is coconut or icing or sugar. Then after this celebration is over, I can go back to minimal splurges.

I also just fancied crisps. I hadn't bought them in a while. I got  wheat crunchies. I can't stand tomatoes but in this snack version, they are my favourites.

I'm relishing my Bridget Jones marathon as it's feel good, silly and funny all in one.

I hadn't realised how annoying Darcy was. I hate when serious men, get together with carefree bubbly girls, they just seem to take away their joy and make them uptight. Ugh!!

I guess that's why I look for someone that's a bit silly and lighthearted. I have enough drama in my life for both of us, so I need gaiety from that person to decompress.

I do want to buy some clothes but I have to make sure I am home on the day they deliver.

Ooh I finally got my blink eye drops. I have a bit left over on the other one, so when I use it, as usual I will put a review up.

#BlogLife315 - A text gift?

Morning all :)

I know I said I wasn't sure if I would be posting as often but I think I've done pretty well.

How are you doing? I'm so glad it's the weekend because I feel like vegging out and watching cheesy movies.

I watched Bridget Jones last night the first one and rolled my eyes at some parts, like her quest for weight loss and how clingy she was as a girlfriend, who name dropped her boyfriend to anyone and everyone..

But it still always makes me laugh and feel warm and fuzzy. I was supposed to have an early morning appointment today and I slept through my 2 alarms. Arghh!!

I would have been late but then I squinted at my phone to see a message. I undimmed it and it said it was cancelled.

Woop!! I was not expecting that but I'm relieved not to face the sun with my nausea back and I'm breaking out in pimples also.

I need some good pampering, a facial and even if it's a heatwave I have to massage my back. I can feel it stiffening up so I have to prevent it getting worse and locking up.

I want to go in for a pedicure and eyebrow shape but the thought of this heat and travelling through it, puts me off.

Oh I heard back from the random but I didn't read the message. I didn't want to get drawn into replying.

Maybe he was just saying goodbye but I didn't want to spoil my mood, if he said something nasty as a parting gift.

I'm still waiting for the eye drops to arrive and I haven't gotten used to sleeping on top of the covers but with a heatwave I have no choice.

It's just doesn't feel as cosy, snuggly and restful as usual. I still have to keep the fan on 24-7 otherwise the heat is overwhelming and I'm sweating.

I charge one and run the other. It is the only way to cope, that's why I always get rechargeable long last batteries.

Take care and do something for yourselves, guilt free, SS's orders..

#BlogLife314 - Sticking with the average Joe?

What would you do? How would you play it out?? There are randoms milling about that are not my ideal.

They are pleasant enough, intelligent, decent and chatty but they don't satisfy the itch for a good earthy chat.

They don't have soothing voices and it's always an obligation to reply.

It's not as though they have done anything wrong. I just don't find their chats that appealing.

I guess I'm just avoiding giving the speech.. Is it better to block and ignore them?

Or should I be mature and hurt their feelings by saying ta ta, I never want to hear from you again?

Which would you prefer? I'm not sure either. For the ones I like that suddenly disappear, being ghosted stings a bit, for the others, I'm not fussed and it's a relief when they go awol.

Okay well that takes care of the main one. I emailed and said the friendship had ran it's course and to take care.

He deserves that and hopefully he will respect my wishes.

#BlogLife313 - Trying not to vomit

I did have a decent nights sleep and my practice of only hitting the sheets when I'm extremely tired seems to pay off.

Rather then just going to sleep wide awake at a sensible time and trying to trick myself into dozing off..

I'm currently fighting nausea and cramps due to pmt I guess, my cycle is so crazy, I don't even know when I'm due and if it will happen for more than 1 day...

I popped into Tesco thinking I would be spoilt for choice but the fridge section was unavailable so I couldn't pick anything.

Ordered Greggs instead as I am still catching my breath and all I want to do is lounge.

I'm not really hungry but to settle my stomach I might have a bit of the chicken bake.

It's definitely breezier and the sun isn't as overbearing as the last few days have been but it's still not ideal.

I feel a lot better after munching and sipping lemonade. I knew I would.

I'm not sure if I'll manage a nap but definitely limited movements for a while.

Ahh and today marks my first cold shower-bath. I kept forgetting to do it and today I remembered.

I ran the cold water and then seeped in some warm and it was utterly refreshing.

I highly recommend it for the brave among you. Me and L were discussing what makes people change?!

She's big hearted and she'll reach out and try to help if she can and to a point, I'll marginally do the same but I am also hyper aware of people needing space and respecting their wishes.

I mean it's true some people want to be chased and fussed over so they can cone back and feel needed maybe?

There is no right or wrong way, everyone is different. but others who remain silent.. It just feels like their reaction has spoken volumes and they don't want to be contacted.

I could be wrong but when it's only one person making the effort, it can be pointless.

I sometimes put myself in their shoes and when I'm awol. I know that I don't want anyone reaching out becomes I'm overloaded already.

Then you add the guilt of not replying to messages, it's too much.

I guess just look at the persons behaviour, see if they give indicators, that they want to talk, before you approach them.

#BlogLife312 - Anti summer love

Are you a summer bunny or do you prefer the colder climates? How are you dealing with the excessive heat?

I'm just wearing light clothing and putting half filled squash bottles in the freezer to make homemade slushies.

Then every few hours I rub ice cubes around my face. I also have the fans going all day and night. I am so relieved that I bought 2 now.

I know I'm in the minority but I hate this heatwave and not keen on summer, not being able to layer up and waking up sweating.

Feeling as though I am slowly baking in an oven that can't be switched off. Ugh!!

Have you got sunburnt? Stock up on aloe vera, you may or may not need it.

The only time I ever recall my skin actually burning as I have never in my life bothered with sun block, was when I was a teenager.

I was in a t-shirt and shorts I think and my bare arms starting tingling and then I felt them scorched by the heat.

They weren't burnt but I really felt vulnerable that day. I've never experienced that since. I'm not looking forward to popping out tomorrow for groceries.

It's not much, maybe bleach, wraps, tissues, that sort of thing but I will go early and hopefully be back before it's too bad.

I'm hoping the bus tomorrow has windows and a seat. My Supereyes drops are nearly finished so I bought Blink.

It's the Intensive Tears version. I'm not sure if they are rewetting, the type I am supposed to purchase for my hard rgp lenses but they are contact lens friendly again.

I don't need to remove my lenses, to use them. I've used this brand before but I can't remember if I liked them.

Some drops are too thick to be hydrating and fog up the lenses and some are too thin.

I just hope they don't sting. My eyes are still sensitive and irritable and very dry.

They cost £4.50 and are due to arrive between today or before the weekend.

#BlogLife311 - Row row row your boat..

Have you ever been in a boat? 

I'm not really sure what the circumstances were, but it must have been summertime and during the weekend, so as a family we decided to go on an outing.

None of us had ever rowed a boat before and we were nervously excited. It was practically empty in the water.

They each took turns and seemed to fail at it and then I decided I would try it out with a tiny bit of optimism and bravery.

Although the oars were extremely heavy and bulky to navigate I seemed to not only steer but manage to row naturally.

One of the few times my mama outwardly praised me and said I was doing an exceptional job out of all of us that had tried it.

I was quite chuffed and the heat wasn't unbearable. It was just a sunny clear day, with gentle breezes.

It was quite a workout but we were all in good spirits and I think later on we had a picnic on the grass.

That memory popped into my head for some reason, maybe because it was one of the few times she wasn't attacking me for some simple mistake.

Or maybe it's because I'm due to spend time with family soon, unless I can make an excuse up, not to visit, it's just too emotionally draining and depressing.

On that note.. MD texted me this morning and broke up with me.

The usual vagueness, it could be temporary, if I was open to being contacted again?

I'm not but I felt like being equally mysterious so I replied... I don't know.

He let slip there were other women in his life and then refused to comment further so as suspected it was just games and misdirection.

I should be devastated but I'm not, just feel like there have been too many ups and downs in this farce and now it has finally come to a head.

I'm not going to be anyone's second choice. Have a nice life MD and Nextttttt!!!

#BlogLife310 - The long awaited call

Don't you just hate those moments, where something is in your eye, like an eyelash or grit and it's irritating your contact lenses so that it feels like you're dealing with broken glass?

I had that issue today, which probably means the humidity has been steaming up my lenses too much and they need the protein tablets for a top up thorough cleanse.

I finally remembered to soak them last night but they still feel uncomfortable and will not stop watering during the day but at the same time, feel incredibly barren.

I did have the call from MD, I don't know why I sometimes call him DM, Dangermouse? lol! (A kids cartoon show).

But I can read people better in person or on the phone and it dawned on me my suspicions were correct, he avoiding calling as he didn't think I would pick up or that I would slam the phone down.

Ego thing maybe? By doing these pre-emptive breakups he was avoiding being dumped possibly by his logic..?

But how many times could I have explained I wanted to talk things through?

I did confess to my crimes and I didn't feel as though I was crawling, I am just a grownup and if I'm wrong, I'll say it.

I know that he appreciated it and it was slightly awkward but somewhat the same.

I had forgotten what he sounded like. A bit posh. He thinks it's just about the voice but I like him for more than that quality as I confessed that mid yawn.

I wanted to nap through this heat but I can't. Grrr. I think another problem was that, it still always felt unfinished.

I had this nagging doubt inside my head that, there was more to come but even I have to be realistic and let go.

Except I really didn't want too and still don't, he's still in the back of my mind, since the beginning and hasn't really left.

He did apologise genuinely and will make a stronger effort to communicate better.

I shall wait and see. I will say that things appear differently than before.

It seemed more flowy and now there is a slower pace and less interactions.

Thinking about it though, maybe that isn't a bad thing. To pace it and get to know someone properly, instead of rushing in?

At least now I am slowly coming around to the idea, that it's more of a mutual endeavour, instead of just solo.

I would take five minutes with him, than an hour with a random.

Now I have gotten decent blocks of sleep, I feel more myself. I did have a breakthrough on of the stories but I still don't feel like working on them at the moment.

#BlogLife309 - Want to have lunch with me?

Who do you normally partake in lunch with? For me it's usually by myself.

Me, music or normally some cheesy tv show or film and that's all I need to be happy and content.

Then afterwards I may follow it with a restful slumber but for today, want to lounge here and join me?

Yes or No? I'll leave it up to you.

But just to sweeten the pot. I have a chicken sandwich or baguette with mayo, salad and sweet peppers.

I also bought those puffy triangle cheesy crisps and some mixed nuts and seeds.

I confess that I drank all the orange lucozade. Sorry I was quite parched.

There is blueberry or vimto chilled for your convenience though. I don't have dessert as I devoured those choccy cakes, they were too good.

I could have bought some dessert but am trying to be sensible and ration the treats.

I won't stop you, if you want to bring a scrumptious sugary treat to our lunch party.

I assume all that convinced you to take up my invitation, right? Great!

What's new with you? Uh huh.....Really?? They said that and what did you say? Hmmm I don't blame you. I feel the same way!!

Ooof. Some people right??? I know, I know... What's new with me??

The usual really. Although I did get catfished recently ha. Ahem, don't laugh....

He claimed to be 28yrs old, yes yes, I know he's younger than me. It wasn't romantic, it was just supposed to be a phone chat.

I'm wising up and blocking my number by dialling 141 and then their number.

A UK hack for anyone wanting to protect themselves from fibbers.

As soon as I heard his young voice, alarm bells rang and when he said, he couldn't recall what he made up on his profile.........

I freaked. His real age was 21yrs!! Ickity ick ick ick!! Will you stop chuckling! I am not amused!

I just mumbled I was calling it a night, blocked his profile and hung up quickly. Yowser!!

As I always say...... Nexttttt applicant....

#BlogLife308 - Letting go and being pulled back...

I've been keeping the fan on at night and hoping that it will help me nod off quicker but it hasn't helped.

I don't feel as suffocated but my mind just keeps being active and thinking about things and people.

If you're following my posts, you'll know that I blocked MD but with a Samsung phone, there is an option to check if messages/calls are left by the person in a folder.

I was checking daily and then decided. It's ridiculous, he put all the blame on me and didn't take any responsibility.

I stopped scanning and focused on other things. I mean we hadn't spoken since the 3rd July so there was no reason to look back.

He made it clear he wanted to part company so fine, I don't want someone around that doesn't wish to be.

Today I'm not sure why I slipped and decided to look at that folder, expecting as usual to see nothing.

But there it was, a cluster of messages from Monday and then yesterday.

Rather than him calling the shots. I figured out what I need. I think a phone call would clear the air.

And I'm actually glad that I didn't see his words until today. Let him stew for a bit for a change!

He said that he wants to be friends and misses my laugh. I don't know what to make of it.

He just seems to be playing games, one minute obliterating our communication and the next, popping by, to reiterate it's over.

Then further still, letting a lot of time pass and communicating randomly.

I kinda wonder if, he decided it wasn't quite for him and instead of sharing that fact, he put it on me and disappeared.

Thought I was an unforgettable fem but the realised too late. I'm unique...

Before I could stop myself I replied to his text and said.... You confuse me.

Will update you when I know more...

#BlogLife307 - Can I be your food genie?

I keep getting this funny weird request to have someone pay my bills for me.

It's not all of them, strangely enough. It's just the groceries, but specifically food and drink, not household surplus.

Although there is a stipend for that I'm told, providing that half must cover the food/drink expenses, on a weekly basis.

He calls it an experiment as he has more money than he knows what to do with (my words not his).

He has a high paying job with possibly, very lil bills and maybe no responsibilities.

He said he is curious about spending habits, when someone else is footing the bill, does it increase or stay the same?

I haven't found many wealthy guys that are generous and I could always do with saving money.

What is my role in this? What sacrifices do I have to make? Can I look myself in the mirror afterwards and still feel clean??

Ha. You know me better than that! I just have to upload the receipts for the food/drinks every week and that's it.

The non yummy items, I can spend as I please. Lingerie comes to mind.

Not for anyone else's eyes but my own!! The blue and pink bras and some knickers to go with it.

Plus a skirt, maybe some booties or shoes. Tops I'm not sure about.

I could have got more cash but it would mean me getting a family sized portion of food to consume and that's not me.

It's not a done deal. He's probably a kook with a twisted sense of humour playing games but we shall see.

I've not heard from Monsier Moneybags, although I did get a blank email with a subject line of hello...

Nothing in the body of the message at all. How much of a chicken are you?

You can't jot down a sentence?? Pfft as usual. I will relegate it to the spam folder.

I have my own money but these requests always make juicy blog material.

#BlogLife306 - Chocoholics unite

Technically I am not one of you... I'm not really a chocoholic as I can do without it for months and not blink an eye..

However pmt has been crazy these past few times so I was craving something sweet and decided to try out something in Iceland.

Mix Max cocoa cream sponge cakes. I know there is also a chocolate chip version but I wasn't interested in that.

Wow it is super soft and delicious but what surprised me aside from the bigger than average, individually wrapped bundles was the taste of hazelnuts..

It's 10 in a pack for £1.50 which is really great value for money as it will last a while, curbing those cravings.

It won't make you bloated but it will satisfy those who have a sweet tooth so I recommend them.

I don't actually know if it contains nuts, but that is the taste that I am getting and it is sublime.

It's a chunky rectangle, totally immersed in milk chocolate, when you bite into it, the middle layer is fused with even more chocolate.

It doesn't taste over the top or too much. It's just a moreish treat.

I apologise for being absent the past few days. It's probably a combination of this excessive heatwave and me just hating this month and hoping summer goes quickly.

The combination of regular insomnia plus the heatwave type, where I'm shattered but sleep won't come and even when I nap in the day, it's not refreshing, just doesn't let my brain sparkle.

I have this feeling the posts are going to be very scattered. It's my and mama's birthday and the last couple of times I've stayed with her have been an utter nightmare.

I'm not looking forward to it and my day has always been this depressing non event.

I can see myself going awol but I'll try to give you a heads up before I do.

#BlogLife305 - Pucker up dollface mwahhh.... X

Have you ever played kiss chase? As a kid running around the playground in fear or excitement that you would be given a peck?

I can still hear the laughter ringing out as girls and boys screamed and chortled and ran around like crazy while I just stood there bewildered.

Nobody chased me. I didn't actually want them too but they could have pretended to spare a lil girls feelings ha.

Then as I was older, we all gathered around in a fake friends abode. I think it was mainly just our class.

I think I was about 15yrs at the time. I had never kissed a boy or dated or anything peculiar like that. I just apparently wasn't fanciable except by creepy old men. Ickity!!

We all gathered in a circle but before that, my friend who was in the same boat was laughing it off and I was petrified.

I asked if she was really going to participate and she said Yea of course. I replied..... I don't know about this.....It's all just too new and nerve wracking.

I don't know how to kiss, what if everyone laughs at my clumsy attempt?

I watched the bottle spin and it landed on my friend and she moved forwards to kiss whoever. I can't recall.

But she wasn't even shaking. She shrugged it off and I recall the guy saying Oooh she has such soft lips hahaha.

My heart was pounding and I don't know if the bottle actually landed on me but the next minute I just got up and ran to the stairs and said I can't do this.

I don't think anyone laughed or chased after me. I just remember cringing and smiling and thinking, this is not how I want my first kiss to come about.

I guess I romanticised it way too much so it took me a long time to experience it.

I'm pretty sure I was in my 20's before I snapped and thought I just want to get it over with and see what the fuss was all about.

I was on a date and the guy was goading me. He said I know you fancy me. I know you want me to kiss you, just let go and let it happen.

He was right but I kept saying No no no. As I had built it up so much, I had stage fright for the actual event.

I remember just losing it pushing him up against a pillar and kissing him sweetly and that developed into a proper kiss.

What on earth I was supposed to do with my tongue was and is still a mystery but the simple, non wet, non tonguey smooches were tender.

I enjoyed them as long as they were slow and consensual and I didn't feel obligated or pawed at!

Some men are just awful at it, where I feel I need a napkin after to wipe my face from drool, ick....

Or they take no time and just go at you on the maximum speed.

I have taught a great many on kissing etiquette and that it is not a race.

#BlogLife304 - Volunteer for a spell..

Fear not I have not taken up witchcraft. I don't believe in all that. I do feel very well rested and energetic for once though.

I've been napping a lot and forcing myself to sleep in and I needed it too.

I can't remember the last time I woke up and actually felt like I had significant slumber time.

I had a few volunteer sessions also. They weren't too bad. One was challenging but then I think, maybe that is the best sort and I think I got through somewhat..

As the anger seemed to fade. There are still a few technical issues but I'm glad I did it.

Just had my croissants for breakfast. I can never seem to wait for the filling to cook, the sausages.

Always too famished. I think probably the best way to heal my elbows is a combination of the Aveeno lotion and the Cocoa butter substance thingy, that isn't cream.

It seems to hydrate the best and although it is still cracking from constantly leaning on them. It's slowly improving.

My lips are cracking also, despite liberally applying lip balm.

Oh and I have, well actually the phone switched me to the default Samsung keyboard app which I am quite enjoying.

I'm not sure I have used it for a very long time and for the most part does auto correct and predict better than SwiftKey.

There are some errors still but mostly it's working great. I was typing up today's post last night and when I looked back on it, I only saw a few corrections I needed to alter.

#BligLife303 - Twisted tale of a former Yum Yum

Hmm.. Guess whose name I saw pop up on my screen?,

It was MD!! After a long week of nothingness! Now he decides to just say.. Hi!

At 1am in the bloody morning. I was getting tired but I was awake.

Wednesday after I wrote the last post, I blocked his number, as there didn't seem any point in delaying the inevitable. He didn't want to talk.

The whole thing seemed like a farce. He greeted me casually and I was so taken aback by it.

Why now? After so much time has passed? I thought?

I stopped what I was doing to yell at him. I basically said No no no, we're not talking,you had you're chance..

He was like ok take care. Then I kept yelling, as I didn't think I was going to get this chance or another and I wanted closure.

His excuses were lame...

1. There was a problem with my phone! 

I replied how convenient did it explode? He explained he was out of credit..

(Hmm.. There are things called shops, where one can purchase refills).

2. I was disappointed you didn't check up on me. 

(During a fricking row)? Why would I? We were on the outs and you weren't even communicating with any depth.

3. Then he said he was unwell. 

(I think he was going for the sympathy vote but I wasn't in the mood).

I told him, I hope he suffers until there is ever a time the clouds lift on our interactions.

We seemed to talk for just under an hour.

His version is.. I pushed him away and to a degree I did but after the argument, when I wanted to twist the knife.

What I will say in his defence is that, he does do all the initial calling/texting to me and these are lengthy each time and my phone plan is unlimited.

How did we leave things?

Well I have no idea. It was left up in the air. He said he was tired, I was too..

I don't think there will be a Part 2...

Something I do want to do is reread the texts to see if he ever said something mushy without being prompted.. 

I just perused the text transcript.. I avoided that till now and I have to he honest..

To give him his dues, he did make a lot of effort. He would send morning texts first.

He would call at lunchtime. I didn't ever do it first. As I felt like I would be disturbing him and he would answer out of obligation.

Plus he did say caring things about me that were unsolicited. I think it was the fact that he said it more in the beginning and less later on, that weighed on my mind.

I can hold my hand up and confess I was wrong in certain aspects. Oops..

However I wasn't mistaken about it all. I don't feel reassured of his sentiments and things are still so fraught between us.

It just doesn't seem like a natural thing to get in touch, even casually.

Part of me thinks that maybe this was just his conscience bothering him to clear things up.

He did say he wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings left between us.

He never said Well...... I missed you or you were on my mind. I was concerned or I wanted to know where we stood.

There was nothing like that at all. He could be being cautious or it could have been a Goodbye but in a more pleasant way, so that his brain could say, well I did my part and now it's done.

I can't say I really understand it. Why get in touch at all? Why not just leave it as it were.........Dead?

I'm going to conclude that it was him wrapping things up in a neat lil bow.

I'm not sure how I feel. Except bewildered. I guess I got to say the things I wanted too..

I just didn't get the answers or statements that I hoped for. I don't know if this was him making the effort and now he's expecting me to get in touch....

I kinda feel like if it was an olive branch and he actually did apologise, somewhat, I would have felt more hopeful.

The apology just seemed empty or forced. It's difficult to read someones tone over text or chat though.

I can only do it by phone calls, in these types of circumstances.

I just felt like once again I told him what I needed and he bypassed my requirements.

Then again maybe he sees it as, he's reached out a lot and I haven't and it's just not worth the time.

I need to stop rambling and wrap this up. In conclusion. I need lunch, as I skipped breakfast and I don't think I'll be contacted from him again.

This is the final Goodbye parting. I expect.

Toodles MD.

I have to start getting over you, from the beginning, once more....

Oh forgot to add, I did relish gloating on the fact I had written two posts about him and would be making a third and he would never get to read them!!

He doesn't have the blog link, never asked for it and now won't ever get it.

#BlogLife302 - SwiftKey keyboard? SlowKey more like!!

I have tried lots of keyboard apps for my phones. SwiftKey, Google, Grammarly but none of these have the autocorrect feature that is remotely accurate anymore.

SwiftKey is the best of a bad bunch but now it has become unusable. It lags, autocorrects the wrong words, bunches up text, duplicates and will not let you amend it.

It's just so awful every time I try a bunch of different apps, hoping for an improved experience and there isn't any noticeable difference.

I'm going to try TypeWise and see how it fairs. Ahh I just tried something with SwiftKey.

I pressed Clear Typing Data which loses the saved words and it seems a lot better.

Not perfect but at least I can type better on the internet now. I have finally activated TypeWise it has some interesting features.

Mostly you have to pay for a lot of the perks, including themes, there is just black or white or a hybrid presently on the free version.

I do like the option of swiping up to capitalise a letter. Not keen on the exclamation mark setting.

It would not register that I pressed it during the tutorial. I wasn't keen on the hexagon layout so switched to traditional which was easy.

I had a dickens of a time trying to locate the delete key. I was randomly pressing buttons..

Why would they not make it easy, when you're in a hurry? I finally had to switch back to SwiftKey to rattle of the message.

I just tried it again and can't find how you erase the text which is one of the most basic features.

I'm uninstalling it. It's useless to me. I need something easy and quick, that's ready from the get go.

I'm really used to the predictive text side of things also. The keyboard that anticipates my next thoughts.

Ugh once again I am stuck using subpar SwiftKey, until I can be bothered to try out some more garbage apps!