#BlogLife616 - I'm Berry Mixed Up

Song of the day - Enna Solla Pogirai - Shankar Mahadevan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gep0IzKTcFI&list=WL&index=32

It's 9.12pm on Friday night and Yes thankfully I arrived safely.

It took 3 hours to book a car service. No answer, triple my usual payment quotes or too busy.

Everybody local was gouging me on the prices so I booked from Mama's area and although it was pricy.

I was out of options so instead of leaving early at 12pm, it was around 3pmish.

I was falling asleep in the car but thankfully he knew the area. For the first time in a long while I hit bed early at 10pm and then woke up every few hours until morning.

It's now Boxing Day (Tuesday), well actually it's Wednesday because I can't seem to focus on blogging.

I'm enjoying the lack of responsibility of doing very lil, watching junk television and sleeping a lot (or lil in my insomniac case).

I tried out the Dalston's cherry sparkling water and it's my favourite of the bunch.

It's not sweet but not sour, there is no aftertaste and it has a good amount of the cherry flavour.

I would highly recommend it for the no added sugar, low calorie version.

Next I tried the J20 orange and passionfruit, which wasn't sparkling but a lovely refreshing strong citrus drink that I thoroughly savoured.

A lil sweet but not too much, some I drank on it's own, others I mixed with the lemonade.

The Tango dark berry sugar free was the sweetest of them all. I had to start diluting with water or lemonade.

Amazon lemon and lime and the apple and raspberry were great bargains.

3 of each flavour were less than 30p each, Although the fizz didn't last long once it was open.

Not much overpowering sugaryness just tasty flavours. Mama had this faddy thing she bought on sale that I had to try.

It's a block of chocolate on a stick and you have it as hot chocolate.

My theory was that it needs to be melted into hot water and Mama's thought was that it enhances a hot chocolate drink by stirring and melting slowly..

Who was correct? Well in a way neither. It was by Divine and I like their chocolate but this was awful.

It had no taste. They say, heat up milk and stir it in until it dissolves and enjoy...

I don't drink milk, so I used hot water instead and stupid thing didn't melt, so whizzed it in the microwave and then it did.

Except there was zero flavour so I had to add hot chocolate and there was still no flavour boost.

A waste of money.

Last one was the 7UP cherry which was also a mild but wonderful taste. It didn't seem overbearingly sugary.

If you're sensible you'll stop reading the post here because I need to add something crazy....

So Mama has developed this nasty habit of dropping information, wretched news casually into the conversation.

Things I don't want to know or shouldn't know. The latest she flippantly blurted out is that the youngest sibling......

Had bought guns into the home and she was constantly throwing them out.....

Now what rings in my head, with all the threatening that he did, was what she had said the last time.....

Oh yea, he wished you were dead.....................

He never pointed a gun at me but the fact that he was a junkie and a psychopath, well that could easily have happened.

She almost almost, laughs it off as though that is normal behaviour.

What the hellllllllllllll????? She went ahead and discarded them like they harmless newspapers....

I really don't know what to think and the fact she found that and still didn't kick him out..

Knowing how he threatened herself and me........To be honest I am trying to forget I heard about it.

But that for me cements he is definitely capable of bodily harm, not just emotional.

That's not something you casually purchase. Oh pardon me shopkeeper, can I get some gum, some sweets and Oh ermm, a gun????

#BlogLife615 - Twitter killed me

Song of the day  - Sugar Aloes - Black Cake Lover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4gP5X185uw&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=46  

Afternoony, I can't believe it's nearly, well past 3pm now. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year or just happy holidays and enjoy your time off.

I was going to put that as the title but I feel a bit mischievous, cranky and poorly today.

Say I fell asleep at 3am, I woke up at 6am and found it difficult to go back to sleep.

I went through my mobile bookmarks and landed on my Twitter account, I refuse to call it the other name X, pfft, the address is still Twitter.com!!

Anyway my page was blank, no tweets at all. I thought maybe the wifi was off or I needed to refresh.

I did that a bunch of times, nope so I thought either they've banned me or I've been hacked or it's technical difficulties..

And I thought hmm, I don't think I've said anything controversial, some blog links maybe an overshare but that's about it.

But as Twitter Down is trending, I must not be the only one it happened too.

It's back to normal now but even half asleep that was a bit scary.

All those competition entries, the links to the posts, the mini rants, the lil tips, all the pictures that I never post on the blog ha.

I'm finally starting to feel better, normally eating helps but this time it made it worse.

I sprinkled lemon essential oil around and breathing that in helps. I don't know if it works for nausea but meh was worth a try.

It's my last night here, although if Mama decides she's too rundown to host Christmas, I'll understand.

She did sound particularly weak and fed up. I'll call her later to see but if I know her, she'll power through.

Oooh I got my refund today but good gracious, she/he is being a bloody pain about the whole thing.

I know if I didn't chase it up, they wouldn't have said Cooeee Madam, here's your money back.

Now they're asking if I'm saying I got the item? Umm No you twit, as soon as you lied about the shade I wanted being in stock and then backtracking, I was no longer interested.

Why?? Because it was overpriced and in the other colours, looked ghastly!!

Shish, I even attached proof that I received the refund and there is all this backchat!

Ugh!! I'm not the one scamming you. I wouldn't have asked for a bloody refund if the item had been delivered.

I have less than no patience today. My stomach is churning, I have things to do but I just want to lie down and wait for the cramps to subside.

I'm wishing you premature greetings because from now until I return home, whenever that is....

I really can't say if I'll be blogging. I have nothing in reserve. Too busy.

Once again I might link to some classic old posts on Twitter but while I'm away, I don't even want to think about writing.

I know I tend to miss it and that's why I might write some but not necessarily post them, we'll see.

For now I'm going to wish you all the best, I hope it's a good break for you and be safe, well and kind to yourselves.

If possible pamper and look after yourself, do things to make you smile and there is nothing wrong with self indulgence once in a while.

It means you're self aware and astute enough to realise, Hey, I need some feelgoodness also.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning or afternoony. I haven't packed. I like to leave it to the last minute so I know what's in the bag, instead of emptying it out half a dozen times.

It's nothing much anyway, nighties, clothes, unmentionables (lingerie), charger, toothbrush, makeup, perfume, tweezers, epilator, contact lens case and of course the new robe.

*Waves*

I'm off, toodles for now......

(((Dramatical Hugs))))

#BlogLife614 - Where am I spending Christmas?

Song of the day - Bindley Benjamin - SOS To Santa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr_CaSsFNLA&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=49

Mama finally got back to me and said it will just be us for the holiday festivities woop!

It's such a good feeling to have an answer.

So that's it. I'm definitely off on Friday to her place which is in the UK also.

You didn't really think I was going to narrow down the precise destination did you?

Grins, that's not really me, the blogger you somewhat know and tolerate ha!

Ugh the flipping neighbours won't silence themselves.

Either it's a domestic, a loud call, kids or somebody wandering around being noisy at 2.30amish.

Mama's got the sniffles unfortunately. I told her to keep hydrated and rest up.

She didn't sound great so I'm hoping it quickly passes and she's more herself and happier.

I don't really buy or take medications any longer.

I rely on binaural beats and/or essential oils.

I don't recall ever having a flu jab. What I do is continually use the antibacterial hand sanitizers as soon as I return indoors.

Plus purchase antibacterial hand-wash and that's basically it.

The peppermint is good for cold, flu and cough symptoms.

Which is what I used to sprinkle on a tissue or on my pillow.

However the lemon one blows it out of the water.

I felt stuffy or had a lil cough or the minor sniffles and liberally doused the pillows with the lemon..

Next day I felt completely normal and cured so I wanted to get Mama some but because of Christmas they might arrive late.

I don't think she has any. She swears by ginger water or tea I'm not sure. 

I think the oils will benefit her though. 

I got lemon and then lavender to relax her and help her sleep.

I can't stand that scent but she likes it. Eucalyptus was an option also but I was drawn to the lavender.

She's not an insomniac like me. She sleeps fairly easily but sometimes can't drift off or can't get back to sleep.

Maybe these two oils will be a boost to her routine.

*Holds hand up guiltily*

The Ferreros didn't make it. They just looked too yummy and my snack rations were dwindling.

I ate both packets, not at the same time, separate occasions. 

It's something I'll consume once or twice a year only, even though it's a favourite.

Chocolate is too moreish. I tend to stick to the low calorie versions.

Typically the Fibre One range or Iceland's Skinny or Bliss or whatever they keep changing it too.

I miss the mint chocolate one, that was tasty. I haven't watched Muppet Christmas Carol that's on the Christmas binge list.

If there's humour and some heartfeltness in the film that's normally a winning combination for me.

I do particularly enjoy the writer/foodie films and Yes Chef Christmas was a good one.

#BlogLife613 - Neighbours are at it again..

Song of the day - Kenny J - Stay Inside

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nev-ZegNv44&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=51

Afternoony all, how are you doing? Is the week going smoothly or are their problems?

I'm still stressing about Christmas and that means I'm not sleeping properly.

My fear is that she'll wait until the last moment to tell me, he's coming down and I'll have to hustle for a grocery shop and all the slots will be filled.

She's kinda thoughtless which irks me. I feel lousy today and this is not helping at all.

The usual cramps, nausea, bloating and restlessness. Plus the neighbours are taking the wotsit again.

I don't know why they harass me?? Is it my skin colour? Is it because I'm a woman?

I have no idea but this is what is occurring. They call up either a taxi service or a takeout and have it delivered to my address.

Late, late at night, let's say about 11 or midnight and at this point I'm trying to wind down or get ready for bed.

And suddenly there is scary loud incessant buzzing, which freaks me out because that's not the time to expect someone.

I always deal with people in the daytime where there is plenty of light outside.

I've learned not to even acknowledge it now because some of them are aggressive and will stand there arguing about it and expecting payment and that unnerves me a lot.

I think the next time they don't leave me alone because they stay for about 5-10 minutes..

I'll probably just say, stay there, the Police are on the way. Which would ideally scare the hell out of the neighbours also!

I don't need the additional aggravation, I really don't!

I'm kinda mad at myself because I don't have the energy to trek and get my brows and pedicure done.

No sleep means no motivation to get up early and psyche myself to go outdoors.

The reason I find leaving the house traumatic is because I'm battling both physical and mental exhaustion.

I feel like I have to be hyper alert of the potential dangers surrounding me.

The pain of standing and walking is building upwards. There is so much going on inside my brain.

I have to keep the cheerful music on, try to be light and relaxed and not let the flashbacks and triggers invade my brain.

I'm also mindful that the last trip was quite taxing and that is still haunting me to be that scared and trapped is unbearable.

Once the food arrives, hopefully I'll settle down. There's something about fries that just makes my tummy calm.

Oof I feel a lot better now. Food to the rescue and lots of leftovers for tonight and tomorrow.

I fancy dessert but too full, will enjoy the tiramisu later. I would have gotten something else but none of the alternatives appealed.

Oh one less thing to do, I trimmed my hair and cleaned my laptop. I feel more smart and presentable now.

I can't tell if I have to even it out and trim a bit more, maybe I need to wash it and then see.

#BlogLife612 - Two dead to charge

Song of the day - Rowland Bowman - Santa Brokes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPIQiKmrELM&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=53

Why do laptops pick the worse time to die? Yesterday everything was fine, the laptop was happily intermittently powering up.

This morning it went off and on and I figured, Oh okay, the cord or plug isn't pushed in properly.

I checked that, nope and I saw the battery was dying 10% and then it was 5% and I quickly had to remember what brand to get.

I get the universal ones, I'm not paying £60 for a charger. The last one lasted a year, ugh!!

It was coming on to 2% very dramatic I know and luckily I still had a couple days of free Prime delivery left at Amazon.

I saw this recommended one and it was initially £24 which is fine but then it said have a discount and I realised I had credit in my account, so I ended paying £9 lol.

Woop, I forgot that I kept the previous charger for emergencies in case I got a dud or needed it and good job I did because I am using it now.

The new one arrives tomorrow but this old one is stuck on the same 2% at least it's working though, not well, I think I have to keep it plugged in but a whole day without the laptop would have been so depressing.

I have the phones but it's not the same at all. I was so flustered that I made a boo boo.

I know I wanted an extra long lead, 2 or 3 foot would have done and I bought a 10 foot one instead.

Hopefully I can just tape up the excess so it doesn't get in the way because I have a habit of stepping on the wires or the charge box, there's just not much room and it's in the way.

Oh no the battery now says 1% I don't know if it's charging or not. the symbol indicates it is but it should be climbing higher not lower.

Yup, both chargers are dead and of no use to me so I binned them.

Ugh I hope Amazon comes early tomorrow. If I had gotten up early maybe I could have gotten the same day delivery option.

Well the charger arrived on Sunday and it's long but not 10ft but I'm relieved that it works well.

It seems sturdy and it's actually a blessing this happened before Christmas as it would have been really depressing without a laptop for that long.

It was only a day without it but that was a long day, well a day and a half, technically.

I guess I have to be firm and make Mama give me answers on what's happening with Christmas.

Whether I'm attending or not. I feel so stressed and she never thinks about what it's like for me not knowing.

She will give the other two all the consideration and time in the world for what they want, even though they treat her like crap.

I will do what I can for her, to make sure she's comfortable and relaxed and yet my needs are dismissed.

Ugh I hate confrontations!!

#BlogLife611 - My on and off love affair with olives

Songs of the day - U2 - Christmas Baby Please Come Home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiSPNaQNGOY&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=7

Jon Bon Jovi - Please Come Home For Christmas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3Ia635WEvY

It's the same song, just different singers and versions of it, I like them both but the U2 one is my favourite, the Bon Jovi one just popped in my head this morning so I added them both.

To carry on the Christmas musical theme I have going. Oops so sorry about this late post.

It's been a long tiring day and I just wanted to munch and do nothing but game and switch off and then I remembered, oops I haven't done today's post.

Forgive me please? Thanks you are very gracious. I feel a bit guilty actually the Re-ghosted post has hit over 1k hits of which I am flabbergasted.

Again, thank you very much, all reads and curiosities are appreciated but it wasn't that deep or meaningful, I was just sharing briefly on what occurred.

Some randoms get to me and I feel fond of them, while others I know are temporary so I enjoy the time while it lasts.

For everyone that disappears, there are more queueing to take their place.

There's already a newish one, MC and he and I are very silly, joking back and forth but he comes on at night time and even though I don't sleep early, I like to switch the laptop off and rest my eyes.

I had such a strange breakfast and it's harder in winter to think clearly because I am so frozen and my body does not react well to that.

I love winter, my body hates it. While I am shivering, I can't focus on writing so I typically either start the post of the day or I will drink, munch and wait for the heating and the blankie to warm me up.

Then later on I can get going and concentrate. Although the advents are time consuming especially if they attach lil fun games to try.

Those are my favourites. In the New Year I have to shop around for a new body butter.

I will probably stick to the American Dream brand as it's 500ml and lasts me a good while.

Oof it's been 6 and a half months since I got it and there is still a bit left. Way back in the beginning of June.

Ahh I paid £7 for it, ouch. I will see if I can get it on sale.... I do forget to moisturise daily but now I do it once or twice.

I had a one day monthly so I hope that's it for 2023. I started talking about brekkie and then rambled somewhere else.

I'm addicted to olives which I used to hate. I just remember first seeing them on cocktail sticks at family parties.

It was peanut butter stuffed prunes on one side and then it was cubes of olives, cheese and mini onion balls.

I use to leave the olives and devour the rest, I didn't really mind the onion.

I remember trying those for Mama's milestone birthday party and the posh cheese that they wanted kept crumbling on the toothpick and I was so glad when it was finished.

For the adverts you definitely have to get creative with the stories.

I consider it to be embellishments but you have to get the attention of the judges to snag a prize or two..

I miss the fleecey jackety robe thing I bought but I rolled and stuffed it into the bag and now I'm scared to pull it out, in case it won't fit.

But I'll probably never take it off at Mama's. Have a wonderful weekend and I shall see you on Monday hopefully :)

#BlogLife610 - I like you but I'm using you..

 Song of the day - Viking Ding Dong - Single This Christmas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm9RrJ2QP5g&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=56

Oh I've found another flavour I like in the new foxes bag, first it was lime, the green one and now it's the pink one, maybe strawberry.

As usual there has been a change of plans, I can instantly predict it as she does the same thing every year, one minute, it's come along this week, it's fine.

Then later on, it's no no, not this week but next so probably on the 22nd. I'm not fussed but I went ahead and did a grocery shop for tomorrow because there is nothing much left to eat.

The other frustrating is, she hasn't confirmed or denied if the other sibling is going to be there, which means I remain on limbo for another week.

That's really the only thing that ticks me off, she never demands straight answers from them but for me, it's need to know now now now. Ugh.

At least I have more time to get my brows and probably a last pedicure done but I've been putting it off, after the last times freak out.

Plus I'm still feeling the weakness in my legs, having to hoist myself up and falling back down, doesn't inspire me to go out, when I don't absolutely need too.

I'll see how I feel later.. Yesterday when I went to my favourite shop, I didn't see anything appealing, normally I grab a handful of treats.

I decided to simply it and bought some single stack ferreros. Four in a pack for £1.15 each, so 8 pieces for £2.30 seems like a great deal for munchies for me and Mama.

This is what I kept forgetting to mention, it's left a sour taste in my mouth, that wattpad vote I got feels spoiled.

I had a feeling as soon as she pmmed me, something was up and true to form she had a business proposal.

Ugh I was so annoyed but I politely declined, maybe she goes around voting to get an openi.ng and then spams people.

I thought someone took a genuine interest in the story, not wanted to exploit me for money.

I'm sad about that but these things happen. I put myself out there and crafty people rise to the service and think Oooh fresh meat, let's move closer and take advantage.

Ugh it is, what it is. I've just finished the advent competitions and still no wins, but the games are fun, I'm pretty hopeless at most of them but it's not about being the best, just having a laugh.

I had a glorious nap earlier as I woke up from a bad sleep to unpack the groceries and it turned into a nightmare about murder and feet.

That's how I recognise one of the symptoms of stress, bad dreams.

I got into a new game, lots of adverts but easily clicked off, some you don't have to watch just close instantly.

It's called Mergedom Home Design and it's different to the norm, a lot of guess work is needed and they don't explain anything.

The aim is to collect stars to design a house, it's different rooms and sometimes there are colour options.

The main portion is a grid and you tap various lightning bolt items so that what comes out is what you will end up merging with other items in that box to get what is needed.

I haven't felt like I need cash to play this game, Yes there is a limited energy supply but I'm multi tasking anyway so when my energy is done, I go back to being productive.

The downside is as I progress, I never know where to get specific items. I'm constantly googling which is annoying.

They should have their own cheat sheet so you know exactly what item to tap on to eventually get your desired product.

It's simple but for some reason I enjoy it. The lightning bolt boxes are use specific, so after a few uses are just locked, until the time runs out or you can use coins to speed it up.

I am off to enjoy some noodles, toodles for now :)

#BlogLife609 -Race against the buzzer

Song of the day - Preedy - It's Christmas Time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FRj59rNDM0&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=57

Afternoony all. I got in not long ago, a lil drenched from the rain, I missed it this morning when I went out but just as I got off from the bus it hit me, quite a lot of it.

Luckily I was wrapped up snugly in a red shiny top with a top underneath and either blue or black trousers, it's still so dark, I can't tell.

I just tried on the new festive trousers and have no clue if they are silver or gold, it just looks in betweeny.

They fit loosely but don't feel as though they will fall down, maybe I could have gone a further size down.

They are still quite long and feel silky soft but my favourite thing about them is that to me, they look like pyjamas ha!!

I'm definitely walking with them. I don't know if I would wear them outside of the holiday season but I do like them.

I'll pair it with one of the red tops. I think one is sparkly and if it's too thin, I'll layer it with something underneath.

Now the title refers to a lil game that I don't know if anyone else plays.

Typically it's with an express delivery due in an hour and usually in the mornings.

I book it and then race the clock to shower and wash my hair before they arrive.

I normally make great time, I've only been caught out about once or thrice but I raced to the door and made it :)

I forgot to wash my makeup off that has been constantly dripping in my eyes and burning them.

I am stuffed but happy to have leftovers for later. If I'm leaving on Friday, nothing is certain yet, it doesn't make sense to do a grocery shop for the week..

I'll just get takeout again tomorrow for two days, maybe pasta or sandwiches..

#BlogLife608 - This truth hurts will set me free

Song of the day - Swappi - Christmas Morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt8MhaLucfY&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=60

I'm glad this day is over, my lenses have been irritating me all day, pure watery tears and burning but I always seem to recall what I want to talk about after I've just posted.

I spoke to Mama and she doesn't want a robe because she has a bunch but she also hurt her arm/shoulder while swimming.

But it's better now and she properly tried out the massage chair mat thingy I got her and it's just what she needed/wanted.

She actually harangued herself for not using it sooner. Ha. I'm thrilled it's something useful.

I'm eager to sample it when I next visit. Iceland had these chicken balti pies that I was curious about..

I finally bought it, 4 in a pack £2.75, on the small side but for me it's just right.

I know I say I'm not a fan of spicy dishes but this is mild and well seasoned, pretty tasty and is such a winter food.

My whole face warms up and it's not burning my mouth off, the spice doesn't linger and get stronger, it's bearable.

I do recommend them as something new to try. I just started my period yesterday and I'm hoping it finishes quickly.

I think I skipped last month and if I go to Mama's I might end up leaving at the end of this week.

Normally she prefers me to arrive just before Christmas but I guess she's all organised and I could do with switching off and relaxing.

There is just one hiccup before I can leave, I need to know that the other sibling won't be present.

She hasn't mentioned it and that's concerning me. I even had this crazy daydream that she ambushed me and I was so peeved that my filter was removed.

And I told her everything that I had kept silent about, how I didn't want to be around them, how I tried to harm myself, plus how I was harmed by others, just because I was avoiding being at home.

She was shocked and full of disbelief, which I think would be an accurate reaction from her.

But instead of feeling guilty for telling the truth....... I should have felt bad about it but I felt.. Unburdened, this sense of relief that she could not live in denial anymore.

The best bit was saying I don't ever want to hear their names anymore unless it's about their passing because I deserve to live without fear and have a sense of safety around me.

I'm still not going to reveal any of it but in that fictional moment, it was satisfying to be released from some sort of blame that was put upon me.

Like I was the bad child, the cause of headaches, while I just tried to survive.

She'll never know what impact my childhood had/has on me and in this way I got to share it, without her defending them, or accepting the blame on herself.

When I want/need is for her to finally say.. They were cruel to you and I should have stopped it and I regret that I didn't and that I didn't remove them from the house sooner.

As usual I don't know if I'll be blogging while I'm away, if I do because I'm eager to do the drinks reviews, it definitely won't be every day, that's for sure.

#BlogLife607 - Unrobed and unfocused

Song of the day - Rome - We Parangin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSII0BiDNPw&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=62

It's been a crazy morning. It's taken an hour for my lenses to focus.

I was just too sleepy. Yodel woke me up at 11am but I was in the deepest sleep, which is unusual.

It was due Saturday so I didn't set the alarm but I'm glad they came early.

I was so hazy that I went into the kitchen thinking I will chug some water and ended up downing neat, undiluted Ribena, ugh.

But I'm more alert now although I still can't tell if the trousers I ordered are silver or gold.

I wouldn't have ordered gold. I can't complain to customer services, until I figure it out.

The robe I am so thrilled with, it fits loosely, is thick and soo soft and snuggly. It feels velvety/veloury.

Plus the colour, a deep plum, it's gorgeous. They both weren't cheap but everyone deserves a treat at Christmas.

Now when I get up away from the blankie I have the dressing gown to keep me toasty.

I've only owned about two. One yucky towel white, one satin purple and now this.

I stopped wearing them. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then they remained in the wardrobe or behind the door.

It seems old fashioned, maybe like an 80's or 90's accessory but everytime I handle the fridge/freezer items, I get frozen again.

At least through winter, I can definitely see myself wearing it. It will be a challenge to fit it into the Overnight bag.

I will ask Mama if she wants me to buy her one, when she sees mine.

#BlogLife606 - Do you put enormous pressure on yourself?

 Song of the day - Parang Fever - Chris Rojas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmW4XvEZwZI&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=65

Afternoony everybody, I'm much preferring the longer sleeps to the afternoon naps.

I'm drained but still have energy to do things, only a lil behind. My parcel of the robe and trousers are due on Saturday, a bit slow for premium delivery but it is Christmas after all.

I still have no patience but I'm working on it. I properly tried out the Warm Neroli mist oil, well more oil than mist.

It's probably my favourite out of the trio, fragrance wise but as with the Bergamot it's too faint and short lasting.

It's highly moisturising on my elbows but with perfumes I want them to last a long time. I don't want to keep spritzing and topping up the scent, especially if I have no time.

Only the Pink Pepper lasts a while and stays strong, the other two need more staying power.

They are conveniently sized to put in a suitcase or a handbag so great to travel with and hand out as a giftset.

That's it now, I shouldn't have to get anything else, the basics and gifts are all covered.

I'm so curious to see how my adorable lil weekender bag is going to fit everything, in it's tiny quarters.

I would have given Mama one of the scents but she says she has enough fragrances for a while.

I want to pack at least maybe but I'm scared. Last year the mouthwash spilled and it fried my charger.

I'm not sure what I will do this year.. But I have to be careful and wrap whatever liquids I take properly.

Now on to the title. Do you have a flippant attitude and ponder on whatever you achieve is great and whatever fails is no big deal?

I seem to get increasingly annoyed and pile more and more on my plate and I'm not sure why I do that?

I'm either proving something to myself and/or others who don't seem to think I'm capable of much.

But the thing is when you're chronically ill, you have to factor that in and make allowances.

I get frustrated and disappointed when I can't do simple things anymore.

It's not fair to me but I do it anyway. I say to myself Oh that is a straightforward task, get on with it.

And I should give myself a break that I have limitations and a weakness that keeps increasing, day by day.

It's an effort to carry things, open things, twist things, clean up, maintain positivity, gather up energy to be active.

To stop and do nothing and lay down and let myself rest is an argument because I feel I should finish up before I do something for myself.

If being selfish lets me recharge, that's a wonderful thing, so why do I feel guilty?

I reckon it's because I keep hearing that word that I hate. Laziness.

Me, SS, is being unproductive and I can't accept it but through all this negativity, I still to take care of myself and lift my spirits.

Let's do an exercise, well you don't have to join in, but it might be beneficial for you too.

*Holds my hand up* I SS, can't do everything straight away, sometimes it takes a few tries to get it done.

Other times I need a break. I may need to psyche myself up or sit down first.

I may need a minute or five before I can re-attempt it. That is alright. It's nothing to be judgemental about.

We're all different and some of us will struggle just a lil bit more.

It's not a failure, it's a postponement. You have the strength and mentality to do it but on occasion it's depleted.

Let's hug it out and renew the belief in ourselves, that we are not perfect and as independent as we are, we can handle most if not everything ourselves.

Reach out if you need too but personally I will always strive to know that persevering paid off and I finally did it.

Woop, go me, go you, go us :)

#BlogLife605 - Are you excited about Christmas?

Song of the day - Kiegs - Christmas Is Love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4SNKLeEYCY&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=63

Afternoony. I feel a whole lot better today. I forced myself to go back to sleep and not get up early and feel all the better for it :)

Plus what made me happy was checking my emails and the order has indeed been cancelled so I'm not stuck with something I wanted but in a yucky colour.

The purple shade was stunning, the rest were tacky. Oh I just saw a cheaper nicer one, so I got that and some trousers.

They should be arriving this week as it's only Tuesday today. Unless there are more complications..

I'm trying out the Mark's body mists day by day, to see which one I prefer but they have such strange names.

This is what gave me pause for thought. Spiced bergamot? I have that essential oil, strong and not that pleasant.

Then it was Pink pepper and Warm Neroli. I'm not sure about Neroli but Pepper as a fragrance?? Hmm.

But so far I think the pink pepper is my favourite, it's headier than the rest. Bergamot fades really fast and is weak but kinda musky.

Whatever they used to blend it, was genius. I can't give you any notes but I would get this again. I might wait for a discount though.

Like I said, I love them all as they are sweet but not sickly and tomorrow if I remember it will be the Neroli oil which I have a plan for.

I'm going to start using it on my dry skin areas. I tried it on my elbows and it instantly absorbs and sinks it, they feel soft already.

And possibly my tootsies as they dry out too. It's actually nice having an oil added. I don't feel cheated our of three mists because it's not messy, it doesn't leak it just disappears into the skin.

#BlogLife604 - Re-ghosted, the ever ending story..

Song of the day - Kiegs - Paime

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWNJoa8VimA&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=68

I know I'm exceedingly late today. Apologies. I just felt really exhausted so soon after I woke up and had munchies, I drifted back off to sleep.

I'm getting this constant dizziness at the moment. It's especially bad when I close my eyes. I feel disorientated.

I'm hoping that it passes soon. Anyway on to the title. I just recently realised that the email D, and the text D, have the same name but are two completely different people.

Email D, I haven't heard from for about two weeks now and he can't have gone on holiday again, that was his excuse last time.

You would think someone going away, having a blissful time, would come back revitalised but he was a complete misery.

If I don't hear from him then that will be that. I won't chase him up.

Now text D, that I re-united with told me his phone is acting up but now I don't know what to think.

Because there's been no text saying, Is anything coming through?

I can't be bothered with either of them. I just find it weird that he asks to be unblocked and then disappears again.........!

Both of them are nitwits and they will not spoil my Christmassy good mood.

I can't believe it's the 4th of December already, my my my. A moment ago it was November.

I'm trying out Naked beef instant noodle. I realised I should have put more water in, oh well.

Most of these are a bit on the salty side but now where possible, I add less seasoning and it's much better.

I think it's beef and vegetables. it's nice but it's too soft and gooey.

I'm enjoying the advent competitions, lots of good stuff on offer, no wins yet but that's alright.

I'm still buzzing from last years phone win and I don't need much.

It would be nice to win a heated blankie that stays working all the time and not just when it feels like it.

Oh I was thinking about how Mama's place is freezing all the time and I know one option is the heated blankie, I gave her.

Plus thousands of mugs of hot cocoa but I saw this lovely fleecey purple dressing gown, that was expensive but looked cosy and warm.

I ordered that yesterday, and got an email just now to say, Oh sorry it's out of stock, Ughhhhh.

Now that is frustrating enough but now there's an email to say Oh it's on it's way, been posted to you.

I emailed and said, I didn't want any other colour, I would have asked for a refund.

I'm not sure what's happening. I might be stuck with it. I'll wait to hear back but that was a bloody cheek to not wait for my response.

#BlogLife603 - Confessions of a beautyholic

Song of the day - Myron B - She Eat It All

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CLqgYN5GK4&list=WL&index=35

Let me ease into this, the guilt has finally caught up with me but first let's do some beauty and food reviews.

I'm still working my way through the Foxes sweets and they have unfortunately changed the recipe as most companies do to their downfall.

I probably would not purchase it again. Out of the couple I have tasted, only the lime green one tastes nice.

The rest don't taste natural or fruity at all. I will let you if I like any others.

I tried out the Nivea face wash on the spin brush which brings me closer to my revelation..

It dried out my brush, it was peculiar, I doused the bristles in water, spun it, added the face wash and it did not foam or mix well.

It sat on the top and after a few rounds on my face just disintegrated and I had to apply more.

Mostly my face feels soft, a tiny bit dry and bumpy but it's not dehydrated anymore.

When I first bought my face brush, I wasn't really knowledgeable about them.

I think spin and rotating brushes are the same thing. I'm not sure what I was trying to compare.

The only thing I can think about, that I mean't to discuss was, non spinning and spinning. I like the spin for the massage properties.

Plus it feels like a deeper than normal cleanse. It just needs a foaming face wash, then it works better and more evenly.

Oh I think I already amended it, ha. I just re-read it, expecting to be horrified but it makes sense.

Okay my conscience is clear and I should probably scrap this post and start again but I'm not going too.

Oh the eye drops that had the different packaging are definitely different.

These sting a lil bit and the other ones didn't but these ones seem to be more concentrated.

More like re-wetting drops and and they go more precisely into the eyes and I blink a few times and they dissolve.

It seems almost as effective but I'm developing a headache which the drops are supposed to prevent.

My hair has already grown long enough to get trimmed again but I'm going to leave it for a bit more.

I don't know which story to work on next. There are times when I write myself into a corner and am not sure how to develop the next bit.

It should really be between I Hate My Fiancee and Fighting Fate because those are published but incomplete, whereas the rest are in my drafts begging to be finished.

But it's great to have 7 or 8 fully composed stories, seven being on wattpad and the eighth being too weird to put on there.

Quite a change from the girl whose stories just lived in her head to putting them out there for the world to see.

I know they are not perfect and expert could have told them better I assume but they are still precious to me.

There's always going to be that apprehension about tidying them up and putting them on wattpad but it's good practice.

#BlogLife602 - I'm married to myself

Song of the day - Bon Jovi - It's My Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORLeih2mUKE&list=WL&index=37

Sleepy morning greetings everyone. Actually I'm pretty much awake now.

I woke up properly about 8 or 9am but I think I was softly awake, way before and I wanted another hour but my brain was up and raring to go.

I still feel a bit drained but last night I went ahead and copied Paloma's Holiday Hijinks to wattpad and made a book cover.

I hate all that crap. I'm not the best at it and I usually have a vision on what the cover should be and I end up having to compromise usually as I borrow free images.

But it's done, although I always get too excited and promote it on twitter, just to show the layout and then forget to add the blurb.

So I pasted it and then remembered and deleted it and re-posted ha. I'm still such an amateur still.

As it's such a short story, 1957 words, I decided not to split it up into chapters but make it one long one.

Plus if they choose people can like it once and have done with it.

I did actually get my first read and vote on there, which was lovely, plus two new followers.

Hmm I mean as this is a holiday story, technically I don't have to be in a rush to finish the other one but I'll see..

You know I hate personal questions and the randoms are full of them.

I know some of them can't be avoided but a couple of times you can say something to halt them in their tracks, especially if they are overly keen.

Saying I'm married to myself, is better than saying, I'm single and not looking.

That is akin to folding my arms and having that unapproachable look on my face, that says, avoid me and save yourself the hassle of being rejected.

The other question is Where in the UK are you based? Now I just say, All over, ha.

I don't want to narrow down my location and a lot of the time, they don't know it anyway or they keep asking for a more precise area.

And I think, Why are you asking? It's not like we're going to hangout and become buddies.

I don't do meet ups. Nobody gives me enough time to take it slowly, it's always, let's get together tomorrow, or next week and that's wayyy to soon for me to be calm about it.

I was considering getting another heating blankie, after seeing all the discounts but today the prices have gone up again, ha.

That was quick. Mine is still very much on and off and some parts don't seem to heat up but it works, so that's something.

The more I use the Badedas shampoo is the more it reminds me of the Henna shampoo I loved.

It doesn't colour the hair but it really softens and moisturises it. It's like I've just had a deep conditioner or just been to a competent salon and had a treatment done.

Oh the next Christmas binge is Christmas Caper, it's not anti-holiday, it's just not schmaltzy, more of a dramedy.

The black sheep of the family returns home, hiding out and is babysitting her niece and nephew.

Now the niece is quite rude and unwelcoming and I suspect the Mama/Sister bad mouths Kate to her children because of their attitudes.

The nephew is actually happy to see her and tried to bond with her because he too, feels out of sorts in his surroundings, stifled and misunderstood.

I love that the ex-flame is around also. It's a great watch. I wish she did more hallmark or comedy roles.

#BlogLife601 - You think too highly of yourself..

Song of the day - Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9tKwSboJeg&list=WL&index=38

Ha! If he only knew!! I was on chat and one guy DD, asked me for a date and I said no and then he did it again and I blocked him.

Then CP of the quote above came along and he was regular, nothing stood out.

We suddenly talked about multi tasking and he said he had loads of women he was taking too.

And to be honest I didn't care because I was replying to D's text, even though he was busy and tired and Ohhh I haven't told you about him ha!!

Plus I was watching my Christmas binge, A Very Merry Mix Up Christmas and though oof even if it's a comedy, one of the leads is sooo controlling ick.

I just realised that her beau was well off and could easily have said, Let me be a silent investor or pay for employees or a financial advisor to help you out for a bit..

But I guess his first love, was collecting money and not spending it, with his lil insensitive cruel digs at her expense.

Anyway I digress. I said something like, Oh I love multi tasking, it makes things more interesting. 

I even multi chat, although I got rid of all my pms because they weren't suitable.

Someone has to be really enthralling or I have to be too sleepy to only have one conversation.

Now I assume at this point he got offended I wasn't smitten with him.

The funny thing was I was making more of an effort, just to pass the time until I could sleep.

Then he switches too, Umm actually I'm only talking to you. I prefer one on one.

Then I followed it up with, Well you're my only pm now also.

Honestly I can't stop giggling. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just matter of fact answering all his questions but I guess brutally directly.

And this is where he should have said I take offence to that or left or said Um I'm going to find someone who wuvs me lololol.

I can't recall exactly what I said next but he kept pushing for answers, as in to rate him.

And again he reallllly shouldn't have because I came out with..

I'm not hooked on you but you're alright. You don't make me want to scratch your eyes out.

So I suspect because women weren't falling over themselves to talk to him and men always chat women up..

He didn't appreciate me having options. That is when he said it.

You think too highly of yourself. Instead of him making the effort to be interesting or cutting the discussion short.

My retort was Some people are that good and can afford to be. Then I blocked him.

I suspect he wanted me to feel bad and definitely be less confident so I would have become attached to him.

But I see through that tactic and I was feeling good about myself so he couldn't spoil it.

Then he bombarded me with messages and I suspect not to apologise but to be nasty.

I made the right decision.  If he didn't keep bugging me for praise I would have kept my feelings to myself.

Anyway onto D which is a far better tale. I checked my other phone for accuracy and this occurred on Thursday night.

This name popped up in chat and even though I rarely remember names and conversations.

My brain said you know that name but I didn't know if he and I were on friendly terms or not.

At first I ignored it and then maybe I checked my notes on the randoms to see if there was a blurb about him.

Or maybe I replied and then checked. Anyway there was a note.

He and I had swapped numbers at the end of September, got on well but he ghosted me.

Four days went by and I suspected he just didn't want to contact me any longer so I blocked him.

Then as we were talking he apologised, remembered my name which was sweet and explained.

His friend I think was hospitalised and on the fifth day he had texted but of course I didn't receive it and then he tried a few more times.

Plus sought me out but we didn't see each other at all until now.

So we basically ended up talking and reacquainting for hours.

And it struck me that he wasn't angry or accusing or even passive aggressive. 

He was just happy to see me so I pretty much instantly forgave him but didn't divulge it ha.

Then at the end he asked me and I said Yea I made peace with it ages ago and I'll unblock you.

I've only done that a few times as it's generally not worth it.

But he had a good attitude and we blend well together. 

It's effortless but I forgot what he sounds like. Ugh and I don't want to say call me lol.

He's not local but he seems decent. He's not taking me for granted.

He'll make the time to text, even if it's not straight away, which is not expected anyway.

He'll apologise say Sorry was blah blah but even before that he'll mention he's busy.

So when I hear that I'm thinking, right he's occupied for the evening so I won't disturb and his response is probably going to be the following day.

And I so prefer that. Than thinking Oh he just can't be bothered to get back to me, even though he's free.

Now on to today. Ugh what a horrendous sickly morning. In my head I was still partially buzzing that I managed to compose and publish a story out of thin air in about three hours.

To be frank, I was stressing about it and I didn't actually think I would be successful in completing it.

I even had a nightmare last night and that usually occurs when I'm frazzled.

My mind was totally blank but in the morning I thought, wouldn't it be nice if it had a Christmas theme?

Then I thought something about water, I always knew it was going to feature a girl. I just wasn't sure about the age and once I got going.

My brain was like okay, do you want to go here, or there, how do you want to end it?

My hope was to make it upbeat but in the back of my mind, I had a sneaky suspicion that it would be an unhappy fable because I feel a bit up and down at the moment.

Somehow this year I'm excited about Christmas but that also entails spending time with family and they have a tendency to be unkind.

Although it might just be me and Mama, who knows, or I might not even travel down there..

Anyway I just feel really weak and sickly today. I thought I started my period, which would explain it but nope.

I was going to order sushi today but the place I usually get it from doesn't have ordinary drinks, just bubble tea and that has no earthly appeal.

So I saw some pistachio tiramisu that I have never known existed.

It's not my favourite dessert but I knew tomorrow or later I would want something sweet and I felt so rough today..

I didn't do any shopping, just power walked to the bus stop to get home as quick as possible.

Oh I did try the new purple Rimmel lippy. It's not as bad as I thought.

I put on a dark lip liner, well actually it's an eyebrow pencil that I double up as an lip liner.

Then I put on lip balm, actually no, the lip balm was the base. Then the lip liner and then the purple lippy.

It did look quite nice. I think I can get away with it. it's not too too light.

It is quite thick. I got away with wearing one coat, normally I would double up but I kept wanting to vomit all morning.

Everything took ages and I wanted it over and done with. Now that I've munched, I feel much perkier, although a nap would be ideal.

I'm not happy with the title and I've done some more editing on the story. I'm going to copy it onto Wattpad eventually.