#BlogLife407 - Yum yum, don't upset my tum

Song of the day - Marcia Miranda - Corn Soup

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10_W_E_tRVo&list=PLC743C3F57E46E499&index=13

I made a boo boo. Well it is the first time I've ordered it so I forgive myself.

I ordered the Pret meatless meatball wrap £6.25 (that's kinda an obscene price, I just looked it up.

I didn't realise it was that much but I did get £6 off my order and as it was on the hot menu side, I didn't... I guess I should have realised it would have been toasted.

I'm just really used to the soft versions. I'm not sure if they are lightly grilled or not to be honest with you but this one was crumbly, falling apart a lil.

I'm always interested in meat substitutions just for something different and nutritious to try and this was tomato based, lil salty, well seasoned though but a hard wrap the next day.

I don't think I was in the mood for it and that's why I left it, assuming it would be untoasted.

I would get it again though. It wasn't spicy which is a relief. It's supposed to have chipotle ketchup, red peppers/onions, garlic and herbs and red tapenade (I'm not sure what is).

It's a herby paste from what I can gather on googly woogly. It wasn't bland but it also didn't taste like it had the above ingredients included inside it.

All I tasted was the tomatoes, which was supposedly the ketchup but it probably was all there, I just didn't detect it.

At least there was a blend there, sometimes with meat free items, there is just nothing interesting but they made the effort to bring some flavours together, to make it a decent alternative.

I managed that and some tomato chicken pasta, more tomatoes which is not my favourite thing but sometimes, is the best of an average selection bunch.

My gums are bothering me as though I burned my mouth. I don't recall doing that. 

I'll just gargle with salt water and see if that helps. Hopefully I have some left. I just keep it for mouth problems. 

I don't ever cook with it. Seems a bit extravagant but I might do my mask tonight, my skin is just dry and I hate it when it's like this.

I didn't think I was going to finish it but just polished off the Cadbury's Nuttier bar with peanut and almonds.

Wow it's high quality chocolate and overloaded with nuts the way I like it. Not a measly amount at all.

Sweet, crunchy and scrumptious, I wouldn't say it was too sweet, maybe because it was a smallish to mediumish bar, it all balanced out.

It was £1.20 which is pricey but I guess everything is getting to be that way unfortunately. 

I highly recommend it though for a treat or just to sample it. It's packed with calorific goodness.

It's not the next day in the afternoon and although the face mask initially helped, my skin felt softer, it's now gotten worse, lots of big dry patches.

I don't really notice it in the mirror but then my eyes are bad so probably wouldn't but it feels like sandpaper ugh.

My gums are healing slowly, talking and eating is a bit challenging, I sound weird ha.

I think my appetite is back, I just tried the £5 (ouch) soft wrap sriracha, that's hard to spell, let alone pronounce lol.

It was creamy, crunchy, not salty, packed with veggies. I'm so glad I didn't taste the mint, not one of my favourite things in savoury foods or drinks.

It wasn't spicy thank heavens, I always think the ones with the fancy names will be.

It tasted fresh, coleslaw, coriander, spinach, carrots and miso mayonnaise which is a new one on me.

It tasted as though it was a multi blend. The only thing I hated was the huge wad of cucumber that wasn't thinned down.

I struggled with that but considering it's the third day in the fridge they kept really well, it wasn't soggy or hardened.

I did keep it wrapped and tightly sealed in a bag but I was expecting it to be on the stale side.

I'm thinking about doing an Ocado supermarket order, I think only them and Iceland do bagged home shopping now.

I wish I could manage without the bags but the bending and lifting is really brutal and it still takes me two or three trips to unpack it all.

I guess I'll see nearer the weekend. They probably don't even have slots, close to Christmas it gets booked really fast in advance.

#BlogLife406 - Hallmark movies love them or hate them?

I think I am about fifty fifty on them, some I absolutely adore and others I can't stand.

Do you have any preferences? The writery and foodie ones appeal the most to me as that's what I'm into.

I love watching them struggle with writer's block or lack of creativity as I don't feel so alone.

I sometimes look for certain actors or actresses that draw me in because they aren't over the top, they feel more real to me.

It's easier to get into the story when I'm not cringing at the super sappy performances.

Mind you there is always a lot of repeated themes and like disney, death is a common occurrence.

Well more like grief. but they are not total tearjerkers although sometimes it matches my mood and I don't mind it as much.

I bought more of those cheesesteak pizzas but I've totally gone off them.

I don't know if it's because of the meat but I remember the first mini, I loved and the second didn't taste as good but I thought that was because it had cooled down.

But nope I probably need more variety as my taste buds go off things so quickly.

I know now what's causing my lack of hunger. There's a pattern I go through with my periods and I started Saturday.

Aside from the bloating and nausea, my appetite disappears for a while.

Then it returns and that's when the sugar or chocolatey craving starts. Is it the same for you or different?

I finally ate some sandwiches last night with crisps and a cereal bar but I couldn't face anything else.

When I got home today, I brought a meatless meatball wrap I bought from Pret yesterday out and my stomach said Nopee, still in a sicky mood, put it back missy!!

Ha, so I did. I'm really disappointed that I forgot to look for some soups in the market.

I was laughing because in the international store, she was looking at me like I was an alien when I asked for wholemeal/brown rolls.

She even spoke with a colleague in their native language and was discussing it.

Yes, some of us are healthy and prefer brown bread which is better for you. Ha it was such a strange concept to her like...

Wholemeal in our store??? Madam go upmarket for that, we are but a simple establishment hahahaha!!!

But I think I had a good sleep last night at least for a few hours so when I woke up an hour early I just started to get ready.

I had time to do my makeup and put my hair in curlers and finally the flicky waves returned and it looked so sweet.

Who knew I would become my own stylist and that short hair would suit me and have it's own lil cute system of pizazz?!

I struggled to get the lil wisps in but eventually they stayed put. It's not curls, it's tiny waves, that give it some body and definition.

Oh if you're wondering Dictator still hasn't bothered getting in touch.

I'm running my battery down and then will stick it on the charger, switched off. so I can have some peace, possibly a nap.

The blankie full of heat on my back, feels blissful. I've finally worked out what I want for Christmas.

An advert free game from Scopely. I'm enjoying the scrabble app and it's testing my brain a lot but that's the fun of it.

I think the issue with scrabble is that you purposely get a bad hand so that you're forced to watch a commercial to swap letters but most can't be bothered to do that.

I do it a fair bit, if I am stuck but others don't do they put 2/3 letter words and close up the screen and then there is no way to open it and play big words which I'm a huge fan of while trying to use all my letters to get a huge bonus.

Such a great relaxation technique for me. I just don't want to pay the subscription of £4.50 per month, pffft.

That's really all I want aside from plush slippers, overhead headphones (that double as wintry ear muffs) ha.

Affordable Christmassy hair clips that don't cost £5 or more! Umm and that's all Santa, not greedy at all, very doable lol.

Oh and some calmness to enter my life as I cannot work on the fiction. My brain is just expired from all the stress and tasks ahead of me.

I'm thinking maybe when it's the Christmas break and I don't have anymore meetings then it'll be more chilled for me.

I'm finding out more and more my body just doesn't work the way it used to do.

I tried opening the door for a lady with a pram and I could only do it half way and that was such a strain.

The store owner didn't bother to assist and she thanked me but I still wish I could have held it all the way for her.

I mean it's a lot of lil things. Trying to keep myself loose and then that technique ends up aggravating my bones and muscles...

Oh lastly I've started using the new face wash. The green mask I find softens my face but the wash has left dry patches, near my nose, under my eyes and along my forehead.

I don't know if it's due to the coldness but as I've stated I hardly ever use moisturisers as they are too heavy for my skin and it can't breathe but this is probably the time to use it.

Off to rest and nibble later. Take care and find your own ways to unwind and don't let your day get crazy.

Break it up with something fun :)

#BlogLife3405 - No meal without wholemeal

Good afternoony to you all. I truly hope your day is going well. Mine is a disaster.

The nausea was bad again today and I still would have been early albeit with tears running down my cheeks because of all the heaving.

However the bus decided even though I track it, to arrive early. I missed it by seconds grr! Then the next one after was really really late.

That completely through me off waiting about 20 minutes in the freezing cold, hopping from leg to leg as the pain set in.

I still arrived just 4 itty bitty minutes late. I know it's not ideal but come on it's just 4 freaking minutes.

Even the receptionist when I called up to notify I had arrived downstairs was saying, Oh I'll get him hold on..

Then err umm sorry Dic-tator (emphasis on dic) is in a meeting, I'll come down with some documents.. He'll be in touch blah blah, go home!

What an ass! You couldn't wait a lil bit for me and our meeting was going to be 4 minutes long was it??

You command I be there and then can't even have the decency to see me, even though you damn well know how rough this journey is for me.

Go screw yourself!

I washed my hair and the cute flicky curl it did, totally disappeared. I pinned it back but it just didn't seem the same.

There was no way I could face putting on makeup with my stomach retching so I just left it.

Today's outfit was the shiny red tiger print top and blue trousers. It all fits so nicely.

What a relief to actually walk around and not be worrying it's too long, too loose, too tight or too small.

This was the blue trouser set, I don't even recall buying it in navy, but as the special offer is still going. I just bought it in black, the only other colour was chocolate and ick, no thanks.

Oh and the Dickie's socks I bought are a lil misleading. Heavy duty pffft, purleaseeee.

At best they are a medium thickness, they are not like the thermal socks you see, those are actually dense!

The fit is a bit above the ankle length, comfortable to wear and warmish but then I have the fur lined booties on.

I just took them off and even with the heating on it's not great, it's as though I am wearing thin socks.

They suit my purpose however as I wanted something thick enough so that my skin wasn't rubbing against the footwear and I don't have that issue, so for me I would recommend it.

It depends on what your purpose for buying them is though. I finally got to pay one of my bills.

The dictator hasn't called me back, if I'm napping later then he'll have to wait.

When I got home I couldn't wait to sit down, it felt so good to rest that I had to psyche myself up to stand and take out the bins.

Sprawling out turns into Narnia land. I was fine, didn't feel the pain or aches and then the delivery food driver got lost so I had to get up and dang..

I felt the intensity. I don't want to be up much so I have my drink and Just Eat had 25% off for cyber monday so I took advantage of that and will have meals for a few days.

I have no appetite and I don't feel like forcing myself to eat, even though it's past 3pm now.

I did get snacks in, cereal bars, crisps, mini strawberry trifles but no wholemeal rolls sadly.

I didn't fancy white so picked up some croissants instead. The only thing I really fancy is soup.

I don't have the energy to even hang my clothes up. I should get my blankie as my back is hurting but it's too much effort.

I can't believe there is another meeting tomorrow, not with dictator unless he requests it but with someone else.

#BlogLife404 - An apple tango a day keep nausea at bay..

Morning all.

How is your Friday treating you so far? I haven't had the greatest of starts.

Once again, I didn't sleep that much and then got up 7.30amish for the grocery order.

Everytime I think I'm passed this nausea stage, I randomly heave. The only good thing I suppose is that's it's an abdominal workout.

But I would rather be normal than rushing to the bin or bathroom constantly and worrying about bending down or brushing my teeth as that brings it on also.

The only thing I want to do is curl up under my blankie and eventually nap but I have a few things to do before that.

Oh crikey. I have got to pay a bill. Be right back. Ugh I hate when they change the rules. 

Normally I call up, go through the security checks and just pay it over the phone, today for some reason, they said we'll call you back and the first time, they just hung up on me grr!

My phones nearly dead so good luck with that. Why the hell do you go through all the bloody phone selection options, only to be told, sorry we can't be bothered to do our jobs right now....

It's the same with sites claiming it's a "free" service and then going through the stages until the last step and then being asked for credit card details ughhhhh!!!!

It's just frustrating trying to be efficient and having all these road blocks ahead of me. I try to do everything in the week and leave the weekends to switch my mind off.

I may occasionally write blogs but that's not taxing at all, unless it's the fictional stories.

I love citrus drinks so I had a look at what other fizzy drinks were available. I really don't want to buy these regularly but it's the only thing that helps and for right now is saving my sanity.

I saw that the Tango Orange Zero £2.25 for 2 litres was available so I bought that and the and Tango Apple in the bottle version was cheaper than the cans and cost only £1.25 for 2 litres also.

Both are sugar free, minus the sweeteners. The Orange I found was just a weaker but still tasty version of the original.

I didn't have any aftertaste or bitterness. The only thing I hate with the bottles is that once they are opened, they go flat really quickly.

Even when tightly resealed and in the fridge. That's why I only open one bottle at a time.

Unlike what my parents used to say, don't open multiple bottles at once, drink one first and then the rest ha.

I just like various tastes. It's fun to mix it up. I also decided to try the Fibre One chocolate cake bars.

It's four in a box and apparently ninety calories per cake. It's a small size but adequate for a snack.

I've seen the red velvet variety and that does not appeal at all. I would guess it is too sickly sweet.

It's kinda a strong flavour, sweet but not overly so. I would say the balance is right. It's chewy and I didn't realise it was triple chocolate.

I probably wouldn't have tried it, I just wanted a healthier treat. Honestly I think I prefer the lemon drizzle type better.

I'm glad I tried it as I was curious but with the chocolate icing on top, it's probably too concentrated for me.

I really am not a fan of plain chocolate things. I prefer when they add nuts or caramel to break it up.

I was tempted to get the apple bites again but those are quite dear at £2.50.

I'm disappointed Iceland are out of the wholemeal rolls again but I can pick some up next week. I have two meetings.

Nectar is doing this offer between 12pm and 1pm and you get 300 plus 30x bonus points, when you spend £10 on one item.

I had intended to get the speakers but the stupid thing ran out yesterday and I was sent a discount so had to buy it.

Grr the idiot seller didn't answer my questions though. I really wished they had used anything but Royal Mail as still waiting for a whole load of things.

Trousers, soft plush purple hand towel and my bluetooth speaker now.

Oh my white and black top is finally out for delivery with Yodel. I bought it since the 16th and it's been in limbo since the 17th.

Eight days. I'm at the end of the queue according to the tracking so that won't be delivered until the late afternoon or evening.

I don't think I need anything else aside from the hairclips but to spend £10s worth is obscene!

#BlogLife403 - Ways to cope around the holidays

We are almost at the end of November, are you excited about next month or dreading it? 

I'm back to sleeping badly and only getting a few hours of rest each night so in the daytime, my brain is going a mile a minute and then just crashes out and I doze.

I don't know what I was thinking to try and complete two stories, as it seems like everytime I relax and get into it, the email pings or the phone buzzes...

You need to do this, there's a last minute appointment tomorrow or we need a chat. Grrr at least with Christmas I'll get a break hopefully as maybe I won't be in the area.

I know some of you will be affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder due to the changing weather getting chillier.

The nights getting darker more quickly and the fact that you have to bundle up and not wear skimpy sleeveless short clothes anymore.

Personally I love it because I can curl up under the blankie and don't feel so exposed when I'm outdoors without layering.

But I'm trying to think of a few activities to get our minds more chilled and positive.

I think for me, I'm just going to try and be as organised and productive as I can, while resting frequently as the pain is just ongoing at the moment and it's affecting my concentration and mood.

I will do what I can each day up to my limits and then switch off completely.

1. You could bundle up and go for a walk/jog.

2. Take up a new hobby, you don't have to throw yourself into it straight away, you can do it in sections so that there is something to look forward to that's different, each day.

3. Donate your time to a worthy cause. What helps me carry on is knowing that I'm still able to walk around and do things for myself, some people can't do that.

4. Get stuck into a new book/television series. Try to pace yourself as this will keep you content for a longer period.

5. Similar to the above but go to the cinema, check out something you wouldn't normally consider.

6. Try citrus fruit picking in a farm that will be in season. All those delicious scents around you, lush.

7. You could try picnicking or camping, even if it's only in your garden with snacks, funny stories and lots of blankies.

8. Go visit a Farmer's or Christmas market, there must be tons around where you can locate fruits, veggies, flowers, jams and cheeses.

In the Christmas market, you may find candles, jewellery, food, alcohol, decorations and toys.

9. Some galleries and museums don't have fees so google local attractions and see if there is an appealing one that isn't too far away.

10. Some parks where you can see animals won't cost you anything, again this is location dependant and you readers are all over the world so I can't name any as it isn't relevant.

11. Try a new place to eat, whether you dine in or order it for your home, you never know when you'll discover a new favourite restaurant.

It might even inspire you to add your own creative flair to existing recipes.

#BlogLife402 - Cutting hair in the dark

I was getting ready for bed last night and I braided my hair as I hate having it loose when I'm tossing and turning.

If I put a bobble on the end, it rarely lasts all night, plus it keeps rubbing against my scalp.

I'm trying to leave it free as it was shoulder length but as I felt it, I thought it seems like ages since I trimmed it.

The light was off and I wasn't planning to cut it so soon but I thought what the hell, just do it.

I don't think I've ever cut it in front of the mirror. I recommend you do that for evenness and so that you don't cut your ears off ha!

But I just wing it, which is why it's probably never level at the back but I'm not fussed to be honest.

Maybe because it hasn't been washed for a few days, it's actually looking stylish.

The ends are still flicking upwards naturally and before having short hair, they never did that.

I'm gonna call it the Betty Rubble peacock style :D

My hair was always dead straight, unless I plaited it. It might now look old fashioned but I really love it.

On this style, i could get away with it being out and free. I'm just not sure how it's going to appear, when it's washed.

Normally one side has the volume and the other is flat or it's a bit frizzy.

At the moment it's straight aside from the ends and it's polished as though it has hair spray in it.

Usually it looks weird straight as though it hangs flat and it's too short for my face.

It's making me laugh that I haven't used curlers and all I have to do to fluff up the ends is puff them upwards with my hands.

Oh if you're curious, I don't cut it at an angle, I just cut it as horizontally straight across as I can.

I have seen some Christmassy clips to buy but I'm not paying over a fiver just because they look pretty.

I don't know about you but my hair accessories don't last long until they fall apart, so it's generally a waste of money to spend too much.

I've just had a close up of my do in the mirror, I think the back looks alright but the front needs pinning.

Some of the strands are uncurled and the rest are but I'm pleased with it. It's about ear level now, which is the shortest I've ever had it.

It's not layered as such but in the front there are shorter strands here and there but it works and blends well.

Ooh I just came up with a concept, a Frizz Free Frostess Flipper wand to blow only concentrated cold air on your locks and tame the frizz or make it soft and wavy,

Ha I know I'm nuts but I've been using cold air on my hair for ages to avoid heat damage and fallout and it works well.

Aww I'm gutted, one of the tops I order was damaged so they've given me a refund and discount on my next order.

It was quite a Christmassy unique top, blue and black and what seemed like white glitter but it isn't, it's just very glamorous.

Especially for plus sized clothing. Normally it's flowers and other unimaginative variations.

An update on my skin from using the mask and cleanser. It's mostly smooth. There are a few small blemishes.

I have a few acne scars and other than that, it's clear but there are a few dry patches on my forehead and cheeks.

#BlogLife401 - The non diet - diet!

I still hate the word diet and always will but when it suits my purpose, I'll happily use it.

I'm always consciously looking for healthier alternatives but I'll only switch if it tastes good. I'm not going to suffer through it, just because it entails less calories, fat, sugar, carbs etc.

I want to enjoy each meal or snack and know that some or most will be nutritious but satisfying.

I don't cut out all "fatty" foods as that is too restrictive and makes me crave sugar incessantly.

I have got to write these reviews while the taste is still fresh so here goes.

Ps these are not diet foods just some new items I was excited to try and thought I would share my experiences with you.

Oh and also if you're wondering why as a photo-hating person, I'm suddenly uploading so many images to Twitter...

I still despise pictures but the world loves them so to get more interest I've decided to break up the words with piccys.

1. Chicago Peppered Cheesesteak pizza

These are the deep dish varieties so there is two in a box and the price was £2.50.

I wasn't that hungry so I just took one out and cooked it for just under three minutes.

It smells soooo good. It's cheesy and has beef, green peppers and onions.

I've predominantly loved only the green peppers, I thought they were gherkins actually ha.

The beef I was really surprised at how soft it was. I thought it would be more tougher but it was melt-in-the-mouth fresh.

I really didn't taste much or any of the supposed pepper but I'm okay with that, not a big fan.

It's just a delicate steak flavour and I highly recommend it. I would definitely get it again.

2. Iceland's Apple Pie Bites

I always compare any apple products to the famous Mcdonald's apple pie and I've never tasted anything similar since.

These are not the same but the best alternative out there. They were also £2.50 but there was a 3 for £5 offer going.

You're supposed to cook it for eight minutes only, but if you like it crispier, I would say give it two extra minutes.

It's already cooked and you're just warming it up really and they are very tiny but I'm actually fine with that.

I just wanted something sweet and didn't fancy chocolate. It's twelve in a box and very soft pastry.

I find with apple products, it's hit and miss and some are sour and some sickly sweet.

This was just the right amount of sugar. The more you bite into it, the more the deliciousness hits you.

I'm so glad they added cinnamon to the recipe, that just makes it for me.

Even though they are small, it's still a rich dessert and I popped four to heat up and after two, I'm really struggling to finish the rest.

Next time I will just do two at a time but again, I would buy it and advise you to try it out.

3. Iceland's Sweet chilli chicken spring rolls

I don't know about you but in the spring roll world, I typically see duck (yuck), veggie (not bad but bland) and pork (revolting), but chicken is only at Christmas.

Why do they hate us chicken lovers?? They always add pork to spoil the limited favourites that we have.

Anyway these were £2.50 for fifteen rolls. It's not overpowered with sauce or salt.

It's crunchy, smallish but still you'll get a few bites. Looking at the ingredients, I thought I tasted soy sauce but it's garlic paste.

Plus loads of ground up veggies. I find the filling is lodged in one section, so when I take a bite, I tend to get all of it.

It's flavourful and a genuine taste of chicken. Oh I don't taste any pepperness at all.

Ha again supermarkets either drown the food in spice or there is none at all, there's no middle ground :D

4. Tango Apple sugar free

These were six cans for £2.25 each but I did the two lots for £4 offer and also bought the Dark Berry.

I have never seen or tried these before. I wanted something different aside from the vimto (£3.50) and these looked interesting.

It's fizzy as I wasn't sure if it would be. It's sweet but not overly sweetened with whatever they use. (Sweeteners) ha.

It's like Appletiser but different somehow. Probably not as saccharine.

There's no bitter aftertaste as some sugar free drinks tend to have.

It's just nicely flavoured with apples, the blend is just right.

5. Tango Dark Berry sugar free

Again I was concerned this would be a bitter drink but I saw berries and special offer and had to try it.

It's definitely helping me not to vomit. It's this subtle berry flavour.

It almost doesn't taste sweet and certainly not sour. Just fizzy, refreshing and mild.

I really do like these versions. I didn't see Orange, which would be a favourite, I'm sure.

I recommend them but as they both contain sweeteners, I wouldn't buy it often, maybe every few months or so, personally.

Plus with fizzy's they taste so good I end up finishing them quickly. I think there is only two of each version left and that's from Saturday and it's only Tuesday lol.

6. Hellman's fat free vinaigrette/Young Gastro Cod and Parsley Fillets

I tasted a bit of the sauce on it's own and I couldn't make up my mind if I liked it.

On first impressions, it tastes like watered down vinegar and that's it.

I made two sandwiches and split one of the Young Gastro's parsley cod fillets in half, added one with sauce and one without and sampled them.

The fillets just seemed like a gimmick. I got it particularly for the parsley and I didn't notice even a hint of that flavour.

Plus the cost was £4.50 for two large pieces and I can get four for the same price, minus the supposed parsley. It's a rip off!

I didn't notice a difference. It was £2 for a 250ml bottle and I don't recommend it at all.

Just because it's fat free, it doesn't have to be boring. My favourite dressing is probably Pizza Express Caesar.

I love how creamy that is but it's probably too calorific for me.

Oh the instructions did say to shake it well and I did it twice and it was still dull.

It's supposed to have red peppers, thyme, garlic powder, parsley, herbs and black pepper!!

That was the whole reason I wanted to try it.

7. Murine refresh and clean eye drops

Just a reminder that I wear high prescription rgp (hard) contact lenses on a daily basis so my eyes get very dry and uncomfortable fairly easily.

I can't wear glasses for long as I can't read with them and are now allergic to wearing them as I have an ear sensitivity to anything being close to them

I've tried various cheap and expensive drops, these were £6 including postage which is not ideal but I desperately need a good quality drop to relax my eyes.

I find these come out in big splashes not tiny controllable trickles, so you might waste some each time you use it.

It does sting a lil bit, I thought the sting was because I had perfume on my hands and then rubbed my eyes and burned them, ouchy.

I did flush my eyes out and they are fine now. It does help to moisturise the eyes but I'm not keen on the ones that sting and I'm sure last time it didn't.

I'll have to use it a bit more and see but they are making my fragile eyes tender so at the moment, I wouldn't recommend them for the obscene price tag and the stinging.

This morning my eyes are normally tender from rubbing them, tired and extremely dry but today they felt fresh and hydrated which is unusual.

Those drops lasted a long time, from when I used them in the evening.

#BlogLife400 - If Twitter dies.... *400th blogaversary post*

Happy 400th Blogaversary!!

Song of the day - Kool and the Gang - Celebration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

How are all you sixteen wonderful readers doing? Yup I mean every single one of you?

Moi? Well me personally, I'm good thanks. It's amazing what switching off the phone and getting some decent blocks of sleep will do.

The nausea/cramps still come and go but I've stopped throwing up so that's a great thing.

I wish that I could have surprised you with a completed story but I'm just not there yet.

I think, I know that's why I was more realistic about finishing them at the end of the year, that's more doable as I'm juggling things on a daily basis now.

One of the things I'm looking forward to in December is wearing my red perfume.

It can be worn anytime but because it's red and has this sweet sort of flowery musk to it, it just reminds me of Christmas.

I have a daily version which is blue and that's another favourite. They're all just Elizabeth Taylor types as I've turned them into my signature scents.

They're just feminine and classy and give my senses a boost. I should really do a vocal introduction everytime there is a milestone post but I've already forgotten how to do it.

I know that I said I would read a post or story but I get sooo nervous that I get tongue-tied and stumble over words or just laugh because my face is bright red and I can't disguise it in person.

Even surrounded by family and friends, even if it's over the phone, I still just feel self-conscious.

I'm not sure why, maybe because the focus is solely on me and my blog is so personal that it feels weird to put myself on display in front of people?

Here on blogger I can tuck myself away and nobody can see me or know my identity and that's freeing, which is the opposite to how I've always felt.

Normally my tactic would be to avoid talking about myself and direct questions at the other person and distract them and I would say that it works well because opening myself up, to this day, is still a challenge.

I don't want to get too technical about the title. Twitter has changed hands and under the new management, the employers left because change was dictated.

So the service remains in peril. That's just to explain the title, I'm not getting more into it.

But out of Facebook and Twitter, I really do prefer the latter. It's just nice to have mini vents to air out my grievances and then I can forget all about it and move on to the next crisis.

Plus I use it to advertise the new posts and share what's going on with me.

I never ever did that with Facebook. I tried to get into it but I just couldn't.

If the worst happens, either I'll find an alternative or I will just use Facebook to advertise myself.

I've just googled some alternatives and Mastodon seems to be the highest recommended platform.

At least I have options. I'll also miss the Twitter competitions but again, there is always Facebook for that.

I have a whole week of not needing to go out for anything and I'm so relieved.

My body is not painfully aching all over but there's a section which has been hurting for a few days now.

I think it's more when I'm on my feet and walking around, it tends to twinge and I don't know if it will fade away or get more intense.

I'm wrapped up in my heated blankie as usual as it's freezing this morning and the warmth helps my bones, which is one of the reasons that I love winter.

I don't really like to get up earlier than 10am as a few hours later I'm sleepy, I woke up at 9amish and it's 11:32am and I'm already feeling tired.

As I was preparing breakfast, which I don't usually eat, but I cooked because I was sooo cold.

My brain was chattering on about today's post. (Ok at this point, I fell asleep).

I was trying to be really good and post this in the morning but I was yawning so much, that I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

Growing up I started off normal, chattering away and then lil by lil I was made to feel shame and seen as an outcast.

It started with my immediate family and was amplified by cousins, aunts and eventually friends.

I was silenced alot mid sentences and received snide comments that were muttered under the breath.

Are you really wearing that?

That's your opinion on that?

Why do you think that? We all agree on the other way?

Oh I know you don't understand this but we all do and it's hilarious....!

Oh you can't/refuse to do this? Well, we all do so it's going to be done!

My personal favourite...... Are you really going to eat that? Umm do you really think you should?

When we're in public, pretend you don't know me, don't embarrass me!!

You know it took me a long time to realise, this.. That I was being bullied.

This was the point where, instead of being excited to share my views, volunteer to my put hand up and join in, I felt stupid.

I constantly felt like that, even to this day. I'm very conscious of what I say and to a degree, how I act.

I do not want to be ridiculed! I can make fun of myself and admit my mistakes and I'm alright with that but if someone is mean about it, I don't accept that.

It was at this point, my mama was pushing me to socialise because I didn't realise why I had difficulty making friends.

I didn't want to say anything at this point, just in case, it was perceived as nonsense.

I didn't know how to look inwards. I didn't know, why I didn't want to talk or socialise.

I just knew that I wanted to be seen as smart and funny and sweet and I just felt foolish.

I convinced myself that I was doing something wrong, to make people treat me badly.

It couldn't be their fault, right?

My voice was spoken at the normal level and then it got softer, quieter and eventually sorta disappeared into a whisper...

One instance is this, we were at a family gathering. We were all outside playing games.

I have no idea what the new game was but I didn't want to participate so instead I was the host.

I don't know if I was reading questions, or judging submissions but my voice was a whisper and I didn't consciously know this.

People were saying can you speak up, we can't understand you and then everyone said it and I stood up and said something like....

Well if my voice isn't good enough for you, then find someone else!!

I think that was one of the few times I actually stood up to them and I realise this was a silly thing to make a stand about.

They weren't particularly being cruel, maybe their were some whispers about....Hmm her in charge?? Really??

But I ignored all that and started to have fun, I think. I remember this because this was at a pre-teen time, when I didn't confront anybody mistreating me at all.

I think in my own ways, I was rebelling in random outbursts. I wasn't really furious. 

I just thought for once, couldn't they get off my back and say job well done but so and so really wants to take over, instead of once again, hurting my feelings?

I recall sitting in that room alone and nobody for ages, checked up on me.

They eventually did and I rejoined them or said I would babysit while they continued playing..

When I got into my teenage years, that's when I pieced together some of it, that people weren't treating me respectfully and I tried to avoid them.

But my mama who was heavily into religion, pushed me to hang out with them, even though I explained how unhappy and depressed they made me feel.

It was this struggle of, maybe I'm overreacting to their cruelty? Or am I? I should forgive them and let them walk all over me because religion dictates I be a bloody doormat!!!!

And this went on for years. Until once again, I decided to take a weird stand.

My mama was furious but it served her right!! It was a celebration, maybe it was my birthday so my mama invited the cousins that I despised at this point over.

I told her I wanted nothing to do with them. First and maybe second cousins, something like that.

I holed up in my room, refusing to come down, to the bewilderment and great mortification of my mama.

She was horrified and inside I was pleased but once again, seen to be this drama queen.

One by one, everyone came up, "acted sweetly" Oh hey, what's up?

Can I do anything for you? It's more fun if you join us... I think I barely said a few words. I didn't even look at them!

Which consisted of.... No thanks. I'm good and that was it. You see I still couldn't confront them and say, do you really want to know why I'm being like this???

It's because you treat me like dirt. You belittle me, laugh at me and don't even know I'm aware of what dicks you all are!!!

Eventually people mature, even though gossip just flies around, same as ever...

Some of them changed but I think because they never apologised or felt bad about treating me horribly..

I distanced myself and whenever they suggested getting together I made up excuses, that they were insulted by but never had the courage to ask.... Why??!!

I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself but I've made progress and will continue to try and improve my bad habits.

I know I've said some of this before but I really just didn't like myself and didn't know why and I do love myself now.

I'm proud of me and each time I say that, it's significant because I never thought I would feel that way, ever.

I hope this explains why my heart and brain constantly try to protect me from people because I don't ever want to loathe myself ever again.

I don't want to disappear into the abyss of depression that I grew up in but family does this to me and they continue to steal my joy and peace.

But in my own way, I'm fighting the hold they have over me and constantly learning to say NO!

#BlogLife399 - I inspired myself

We are almost at the 400th BlogLife. It wouldn't exist without you loyal and fresh followers so thank you very much for your reads and support.

I remember how much I struggled in the beginning to open up and still do but it's a fraction easier now.

Just like how I re-learned how to function again. I was able to regain my voice.

I realise I'm not the happiest lil blogger in the world but I appreciate you sticking by me, regardless of the many troubling subjects I have to touch on.

But we can't all be perky writers, some of us have varied experiences that mould us and lead us down certain involuntary paths..

Alright enough of the mushy stuff. I don't know if I have time to do anything special for tomorrow's post.

I'll see. Before I forget, the rest of the Rustler meatless chicken burger review is this..

At first the vegan mayonnaise tasted like salad cream with a slight tang but creamy and seasoned and yummy actually.

Then the following bites seemed like regular mayonnaise. I was surprised how big the fillet was, I thought it would be a tiny thin thing they skimped but on no it was a good portion.

I was trying to work out what it reminded me of but to be honest, it just felt, looked and was the spitting image of real chicken.

I think the package said it was £2. Quorn could take a leaf out of their book. I really can't stand their chicken substitutions, just bland and awful.

Their meat and mince however is delicious. I would buy it over their regular chicken burger version, it's much more flavourful.

If anyone is playing Scrabble Go, my username is MzHateSmallWords haha, that's a big hint that I hate the 2/3 letter word players.

Plus the bunchy overlap types who don't spread out the board, which is what I do and can still win the game.

I just figured out something. When the annoying adverts play, minimise but don't fully close the app and then reopen it and the advert is gone.

On the A41 it displays more commercials that are barely skippable but on the A13 it skips most of them, how weird?!

I was trying to sleep last night and the Christmas story I'm working on was playing in my head.

It was insisting that I write more but I was yawning so much and could barely keep my eyes open so I declined.

I think aside from picking a title and naming the characters, when it comes alive like that and seems real, that's when it feels more established and that I can progress and finish it.

Before that it feels like it is in limbo and could dissolve any second.

I picked the names but I can't remember if I used one of them before.

I eventually have to go through all my stories and see. Ha, I'm so old!

I noticed that when I tried the skirt in a size down, it was still loose. It wasn't falling down but I'm happy that it fit and I'm not sure if I could have gone down another size still...

That's a lot of progress for me. I'm a yo-yo lose/gain type of person but this time feels different.

It's not a faddy diet, it's a healthier way of life. I'm not starving myself, I'm not bingeing, 

I'm not saying I'm forbidden from sugary snacks, I'm saying moderate the calorific food/drink items.

#BlogLife398 - Chatty chicks watching flicks 5 *Christmas edition*

Men are always welcome too but have absolutely no remote control privileges sorry.

I've been in the mood to watch some Christmassy romantic comedy movies so I thought I would list some of my favourites in no specific rank..

1. Undercover Christmas/Undercover Lover

I love Tyne Daly and she plays the heroes mama. It's about this dollybird (Jami Gertz), let's call her who is in love with a criminal, who doesn't treat her well but pays her expenses so she's tolerates it.

Then an uptight lawyer (Shawn Christian) with a stick up his butt, coerces her to turn against him and they end up spending Christmas together.. Awkwardly but hilariously, with his whole snobbish family.

2. Flight Before Christmas

I'm trying not to give too many spoilers away. A man (Ryan McPartlin) is travelling home to see his long-distance girlfriend and a woman (Mayim Bialik) is also travelling home to see her family.

The two of them bicker and banter and end up spending the holidays together in less than ideal circumstances which make them reflect on their other relationships..

3. Christmas Caper

A bit different this one. A jaded thief (Shannen Doherty) gets into hot water and hides out with her estranged family and then bumps into her childhood sweetheart who is also...... A cop.

4. Holiday in Handcuffs

A struggling waitress/artist (Melissa Joan Hart) is due to travel home with her boyfriend to spend the holidays with her family who have high expectations of her.

She resorts to unexpected measures when her plans go awry and must resort to kidnapping to keep up appearances...

5. A Very Merry Mix Up

A woman (Alicia Witt) is travelling home to meet her boyfriends parents and bumps into his brother, who enjoys spending time with her, a lil tooooo much but are the feelings reciprocated??? Hmm...

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I feel like it's more enjoyable when the heroine isn't simpering and agreeing to everything like a stepford wifey.

Instead when she has confidence and conviction, even if they always make her this cold, hard nosed person, it's still more entertaining.

I could watch the above a hundred times and not get bored of them. It's just great when they inject some humour into these movies.

I might add to the list, as there are so many that I like and five doesn't seem that much at all.

Ooh I just got the first of my goodies at 10.55am. I always like to note down the times to gaige for next time.

It's my Murine eye drops. These are the Refresh and Clean types and I've tried the brand before but not sure which version.

I'm trying to find some drops that I really loved that I didn't note down.

It's not Blink, it's not Supereyes, I'll have to keep trying them out.

I think I've broken the spell, I haven't thrown up today but my stomach is still wobbly.

I'm trying to sip a lot and listen to subliminals that work for me. Plus eat some food that I hope will stay down.

On Monday I think it was I started my period and it was super light and by Tuesdays it had finished.

I'm still getting the nausea and slight cramps and definite bloating though.

The advice was, the more puffy you feel, the more you should drink, but sometimes I find that brings on the nausea too.

It's weird, I'm just trying to be productive and keep things moving along so I'm not overwhelmed.

Plus napping is immensely therapeutic. My body and brain get to rest and not get over-strained for a bit.

Oh my skirt and top is out for delivery so that is not due until the afternoon or evening.

As per usual the tracking is stuck but it's due with Yodel and I think they usually make it on the day, they say they will.

If there is still natural light, I'll try to take some images, otherwise it's just too dark and I can't see that well so it's blurry.

#BlogLife397 - Challenges of upcoming December

I have been using Yahoo mail forever now. I like the layout and it's easy. I only signed up to Protonmail for the randoms, penpals and for this blog.

They were vague when they said they were changing and I didn't know whether I had to re-sign up and pick a new email.

I didn't do anything and then they emailed me to say, I didn't need to alter my details, just to sign in at the new location and I bookmarked it and that was it. Phew.

I did a lil side project and was just paid £10 Amazon for it so that was handy. 

I know what I'll get mama for Christmas as even over the phone she sounded excited about it, even though she downplayed it.

As well as cash, which was requested, I'll get her a Just Eat (food delivery service) voucher for when she can't be bothered to cook. 

Her latest craving is Sri Lankan food so although I feel like she's been curbing her expenses, I think she'll appreciate it.

She said she's planning to go to Canada for January and I know she's missed travelling so that will be great for her. She's going to spend time with her mama for two weeks and chill for a while.

I'm trying not to think about the Christmas get-together as I don't know who else will be there and it's stressful enough at the moment.

Aw I'm going to miss my blankie, so nice curling underneath it and dozing in the afternoons. It's a bit too heavy to pack.

I don't really nap while I'm there but now I guess I'll have my own room, so it'll be more convenient, especially when my insomnia tends to be overstretched.

Lack of sleep leads to crankiness and lack of creativity. I may go on another hiatus, I haven't decided..

Oh and I was thinking I should challenge myself to compose another Christmas short story before the year is out...

I have no idea what to base it on. Eeek. Plus if I do travel home. I have got to find a way to ignore the verbal abuse.

The constant critiques and put downs. That drives me nuts and leads me to be depressed.

I'm not sure how to do that either. I'll have to make a plan eventually. As it's getting mentally destructive, even more so now.

On a plus note, I've just done a whole new shopping haul. Yes, I know I said I was stopping but it turns out I needed a few extra things.

Four tops, one skirt, one/two trousers the offer wasn't clear but at least those will be shorter. 

I was able to pick the length and I always go for 29 inches for the inside leg, so it's a lil longer than necessary but not swimming on me.

A glue stick as I hate licking envelopes, yuckity, ick plus Murine eye drops as the other one is finishing and my eyes feel so dry.

Some of the tops look so Christmassy so that's exciting. Oh and I bought a new ultra soft purple cotton hand towel.

The only thing left is some hair clips. I can't decide which ones to get, so I'll leave that for now.

I'm kinda hustling because at the end of the month is a new postal strike. Eeek.

#BlogLife396 - Magical disappearances

Sometimes I feel like magical creatures live in my room but they only like odd non pairings. Just one of each item.

Like my lens which seemingly go in the case and then disappear into Narnia land.

Or 1 sock out of a set that cannot be located at all, even though they were washed together.

I can't find a single matching set, wait just found one actually. But I might just throw away all the odd ones as they are different sizes and textures and get some new ones in the market.

I forgot to mention that me and mama sorta touched on Christmas she enquired whether I was coming on Christmas Eve and I said..

It depends who else will be there? She said the younger one isn't staying just popping in, which is not ideal but somewhat tolerable.

But that the older might just randomly pop down which the two of them together is a big NO NO!!

I love how vague she is, so I just said if he's there, I won't be. She quickly said Oh don't worry, he won't be staying here, which is not the bloody point!

I want nothing whatsoever to do with any of them but during the holidays, it's tricky.

We will revisit this conversation because if there's a chance of him being there... I shall not be attending.

She doesn't get it at all. Imagine surrounding yourself with people that can pick a fight and turn aggressive within seconds and the mood is directed at you....

No thank you. I would happily celebrate the holidays by myself, than deal with my childhood traumas again!!

Why should I be scared for Christmas??

This year has already been stressful and now the idiot (Mr X,Y. Z is requesting another appointment tomorrow morning.

I bet he isn't even cured and back in the office. If I have time, will ring tomorrow, if not, he can wait again.

I keep falling asleep under the blankie and it's only 9pmish too early so I decided to put foam rollers in my hair for tomorrow.

I'm not going to re-wash my hair or sleep in them but maybe they will retain the wave at least as there's going to be no time at all to mess with it.

TIme just goes so fast when I'm getting ready.. I never know where to place them so that it's an immediate style.

It just looks raggedy and weird, bits curl, others stay straight, half one side has volume, the other is flat.

I might re-spritz with the leave in conditioner, it might make my hair oily though...

I need to fill in my left eyebrow but I never remember to do it. It's just the front bit was over plucked and grew back thinly.

I'm not concerned about looking perfect, I just want to look decent or half polished.

I got to get some clothes, that actually fit me.

It's been a crazy day. I woke up to find something fused to the back of my leg and..... It was my lost right contact lens. 

I am thrilled!!! I thought that was lost for good but I'm happy I'll have a complete spare set to use in case I loose the new ones.

I unfortunately did end up throwing up again, my stomach even now, will not settle down.

Lunch is delayed and so is the nap. I've been sipping vimto and that helps and listening to binaural beats works for me too.

I have cramps which hopefully will pass soon. I'm happy that the Dictator (Mr X,Y,Z) called early and I updated him about a few things and he said so you'll be doing them now then??

I scoffed and explained well I just got in from getting soaked in the rain. I haven't eaten or rested yet but later sure...

He said....Oh okay that's fine then. Thank you, your bloody highness for granting me leniency for existing as a sick person.

Shish if I don't look after myself, noone will. I'm not doing anymore stairs, I've already decided, I'll suffer downstairs and wait for his highness to see me.

Oh and because of the rain, hardly any stalls were there so I couldn't get anything. I just ended up on Ebay instead.

I didn't really feel like shopping, the windy was chilly and I dressed in layers but still felt the cold.