#BlogLife566 - Saying I'm sorry and meaning it

Song of the day - Gold - Tolan Shaw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8_vSYkEQ5g&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=1

I heard this on the show Sen Cal Kapimi. I'm not sure why they play it so frequently though.

Granted it's a nice song, but spread it out and mix others in. Oh and they must be sponsored by Head and Shoulders because there is no other shampoo used and that cracks me up.

It's just odd in the middle of the workday to be washing your hair. Bahaha!

These things are supposed to look seamless and natural and not obvious. Good grief!

I had a crazy start to the day, my head was just rambling with stories and I wasn't concentrating.

I was putting my lenses in and I think maybe I have only ever done this once or twice.

But I put both hard lenses in the same eye and was wondering why it wasn't blurry.

But one lens has slid up and one was over the eye. I just quickly removed what I assume is the right one, from my left eye and then queue the burning and crying.

I'm all good now and just checked the tracking, hopefully the bedlinen will come together from Hermes.

Hmm I not sure though one says 4pmish and the other 3pmish.

I think what's bothering me about Sen Cal Kapimi is that Eda is expressing herself and saying she feels wronged and expects an apology.

And Serkan keeps ignoring her pained expressions and words.

That's not okay. If someone mistreats you and doesn't atone, doesn't respect how you feel, they will keep doing it.

It's really important to think about how your words and actions affect people.

And if you've made a mistake, innocent or not. Face them and admit you were thoughtless and having really gone over it.

You've realised that it wasn't kind. I want you to always know your value and truth worth.

That you are amazing and sweet and good-natured. Don't let people walk all over you.

Say actually. I don't appreciate your tone. I deserve better. Re-think your attitude and when you're ready and mature enough to apologise.

I'll be waiting..

#BlogLife565 - When brain freeze is a good thing..

I felt rough even before I ate something. I realised that I haven't taken the Perfectil supplement in days, probably why I've been feeling good.

I start off taking them regularly and then I just completely forget about them.

Today I just feel headachey, although that's gone and crampy and a bit sicky.

Oh no I think the headache is coming back, I forgot to grab the gel eye mask from the fridge, I hadn't tested it yet.

My head doesn't usually hurt that much, it's the rest of the body that is a problem.

I really don't understand why my insides have gotten so delicate.

It's so aggravating to be tender all the time. I've just gotten more comfy.

I got the eye gel mask from the fridge, I didn't realise it had velcro straps at the back, not so keen and it feels weird looking through eye holes.

It's really not as cold as the other one, it's comfy though and I can still be productive wearing it.

I feel like a really nerdy villainess ha. It's not helping my headache yet, maybe in a while.

I moved the mask to my temple, I feel like that's where the pain is coming from.

I miss having a regular random to chat too. I hate the beginnings of conversations.

What do you do?

What do you look like?

What are you wearing?

Where in *censored* are you from?

Entirely too dull for words! I'm just sipping on Shloer red grape and have to say my tummy is now settled.

Thank heavens. Hmm the mask is already warm, I should have timed it.

My other simple one, without eye holes, is a lot better, advanced technology pffft.

But it's good to have options.

Sen Cal Kapimi still continues to confound me. Why is Serkan adamant about chasing his ex, when he's pretty rude to her?

Headache is finally gone and I was thinking about with creating a piece of fiction...

It seems like your brain has to be totally focused and raring to go to start or build on a story but sometimes I turn mine off.

It can be damaging to hear those negative chimes.

It's not written well

It's not succinct

It's not original enough

It's putting me to sleep

So sometimes I turn off and have white noise on and just write without thinking.

#BlogLife564 - Shopper's tonic

Song of the day - Baby It's You - JoJo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fKH62358I8&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=2

Sometimes it's fun discovering old songs that I used to know but had totally forgotten about, this and yesterday's are two examples.

I was busy doing a few things this morning and for the first time in ages, forgot I had a post to write, oops.

I'm resigned to the fact that I probably won't get my booties but I gave Mama the cost plus extra to have them delivered to her place.

I wonder if she remembered to put her new address on it. I forgot to remind her until this morning and she had already placed the order.

I guess we shall see. I had a look at Asos and didn't see anything and I wasn't going to pay £40 for booties!

The maintenance people are coming next Wednesday and I'm not looking to strangers being around but hopefully it will be really quick.

I opted for the morning so they don't just turn up randomly anyway and I can get it over and done with.

Oh Shoezone did get back to me with a very feeble apology and wanted to know my address?

Rolls eyes and I told them it's the same one it's always been and that I have shopped online a lot and not had problems.

Anyway that is that and I should get my refund. I just bought some summery bedlinen.

A cute bright red slogan duvet cover and pillowcase set for £9 and some purple fitted sheets for £11.50.

Argh I could have checked the blog, I wanted to buy the thin silky one again but I've bought so many sheets, I don't know which is which.

It's really comfy to sleep on, even though it's thin, the thicker ones seem a bit rougher.

The randoms are playing hard to get again, one minute, the email one is all chatty and frequent and the next doesn't reply for a week. Ugh.

Then the text one is all friendly but didn't say anything yesterday and I don't chase.

Anyway I have gotten a new Turkish binge which is Sen Cal Kapimi.

It was funny because an acquaintance said he watched it too and enjoyed it.

So far so good, strong characters and great chemistry. Even if I don't like the plots of some of these, the acting is phenomenal!!

So the gist is a female student (Eda) has her scholarship revoked so can't graduate and the benefactor shows up for a hallroom talk.

She gives him a hard time and they get... Entangled together for a while ha!

and the premise is that they get into an arrangement, where she will pretend to be engaged to him and he'll pay for her studies.

He wants to get the ex back, although doesn't seem to have feelings for her, which I find weird, to be honest.

The hero Serkan I think he's called, is a mixture of nice and rude, sometimes he can be considerate and other times, just harsh.

It's really funny and not too serious which I like. If she stays as an opinionated tough character then this one maybe a keeper.

But if she turns into a doormat, I will stop watching. I know when you develop feelings, you compromise.

But when they lose their personality, I feel to disgusted to carry on. Ick!

I'm really enjoying having a settled stomach, again no sickness today, I could eat in peace and not pause.

#BlogLife563 - Don't buy from Shozeone!

Song of the day - Too Little Too Late - JoJo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvtzWusWvc8

I've just now calmed down from the bitter realisation that the purple booties are not arriving once again.

I felt better after I wrote Shoezone a scathing email telling them they were a useless company that can't fulfill simple orders.

And that I would be using someone else from now on. In reality because I'm desperate for comfortable, good quality footwear, I might just get Mama to get it for me and pay her instead.

I'm not sure but they have delivered my orders to the neighbours, not delivered at all and just been unprofessional.

I really don't get it. I frequently use online shopping without any headaches usually but a company just making mistakes constantly?

Yeesh, what is up with that??

I saw the ending finally of Kiralik Ask just to see who ended up with whom.

Ugh I am so glad to be done with it. I didn't think Sinan would have a different love interest from Yasmin.

But I'm glad he was happy. Defne to me just didn't learn any lessons whatsoever.

They glorified lying so that it was alright. She got off way too easily and continued being shady right up until the end.

She didn't even tell her partner first that he was going to be a Papa, she told everyone else.

And justified it all because whoa is me, blah blah blah...

I wish they had just made her pay penance and learn from her many mistakes, that just because you get away with it and cover it up.

A lie is still a deception and you have to own it, take responsibility and vow to do better.

She was just like..... Umm it's not my fault and took every opportunity to make it someone else's blame.

We are all responsible for our actions. We can choose right from wrong.

It was a dissatisfying cop-out!

Apart from the disappointment of today. Health wise, I feel pretty good.

I had some sugar free orange juice and a cheesy toastie and feel just right.

#BlogLife562 - Less drab, more fab

Song of the day - Born Without  A Heart - Fauzia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX64K1l8GU0

To be honest, this came up on the recommendations and her voice is a bit scary at first but the lyrics are amazing.

If I had an anthem, this would be it, or at least one of them. I'm just watching Season 11 of My Big Fat Fab Life.

It's a pretty sad opening, knowing that Babs won't be a part of the show anymore because of her passing.

I usually avoid or skip through anything to do with grief but I didn't this time.

I guess I wanted to see the goodbyes and how they were coping. 

It was sweet that she was exercising with her Papa that's probably how she lost the weight and having company doing it, makes it seem, less like work.

I totally hate Kiralik Ask now. The writers trashed Defne's character. She became desperate, clingy, a compulsive liar, possessive, insecure and unbearably stupid.

Who likes someone without a personality? She kept saying I want to love everything you do, aka music, films etc.

Ugh! Then it was the game playing. I don't want you, let's breakup but yet, didn't want him to be with any other woman.

Her friends are just to whinge too. She dropped Sinan's friendship completely. Didn't care whenever he was having a hard time, even though he supported her non-stop.

I can't stop watching for some reason but I don't recommend it at all.

If someone is treating you right, being attentive and just available a lot, why would you think badly of them?

Plus the other thing bothering me, they were working apart and she was evolving and then because he wanted it, she resumed working with him, even though she didn't want too.

So living together and working together? Who does that??

Anyway I had to get that off my chest, it was bugging me. I've had two glorious days of minimal nausea.

I've had killer cramps but that's slightly more bearable. At least I'm not gagging while eating, gargling or cooking.

I only have one pair of boots that I wear and are comfy so I just had a look at Shoezone to see if there were any bargains about.

I saw these purple, flat-ish, tiny wedge, zip up boots that looked cute for £20 and I paid an extra pound for delivery on Saturday.

I really hope they don't mess up this order, the last few times were a disaster.

They couldn't find the address, label came off, delivered somewhere else. Ughhh.

If the comfort and quality weren't so good, I would shop elsewhere.

But this is their last chance, I'm fed up with the shoddy service now.

I do love finding something reasonable and fashionable though. I'll put up pics on Twitter if they ever arrive.

#BlogLife561 - Are you unique?

Song of the day - What It Feels Like For A Girl - Madonna

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYwgG2oyUbA

Song of the day is back and I've probably put that song on before but I've always loved it, so back it goes.

Most of the time I consider myself to be ordinary and plain, not remarkable or special at all.

However, because I've always been looked down on and underestimated, I've elevated my own status to unique.

I mean we all are. For the times that I feel hopeless and unsure of myself, I give myself a boost.

I tell myself or remind myself that in fact there are lots of things that make me stand out.

(While you are reading this, please think about and list some of your great qualities). Thanks :)

I can make people feel good without even trying by complimenting them or reminding them of their talents or sharing stories and it works.

I can weave tales from absolutely nothing and spin it and twist it and it makes sense. It comes together.

I look back at my posts and don't get me wrong, I love everything I've written, even the mundane ones.

But there are some that are just brilliant and it's weird for me to praise myself.

I'm not thinking, Oh I'm great, I'm perfect... I'm saying that, on that day I was really proud of how it turned out.

I spoke well and it was crafted carefully and all the points I wanted to make were included.

I was talking to one of the randoms recently and he was one of those types to add insults in, every so often.

Nothing cruel, just unflattering, to which I fired back but then he said one of those deal-breaker things and I blocked him.

There are certain pressure points which cannot be exploited and one of them is my physical appearance.

I've said this before that men expect women to have perfect bodies and I've never liked mine.

So when he said something akin to.......Improve yourself... I lost it.

I wanted to be found attractive and whole as a flawed woman in every sense.

Physically, intellectually, emotionally. I don't want to change, to please someone.

I think it is cruel and wrong to expect everyone to look the same. It's not something to joke about.

Knocking someone's self-esteem affects them deeply.

#BlogLife560 - I flashed my legs

What I've noticed about the two different types of Perfectil supplements as I am alternating months, is that the Gold one gives me less energy than the blue one.

My nails are still chipping. I'm still occasionally breaking out in pimples, but my hair feels stronger, that's the only difference I see.

I'm still enjoying Kiralik Ask but I've gone off Defne because of the constant lying and deceptions.

I know they have to bring conflict and keep them apart and I am only a quarter way through but I'm not rooting for these couples to get together.

In real life, trust is so hard to come by and then if you let your guard down and welcome them in and they treat you badly..

It's tough to forgive and see them the same way. The rose tinted glasses way, where they had flaws but it was all bearable.

The weather has definitely cooled down but I didn't want to walk with a jacket today so I wore a thick green top and I was generally alright, except for the biting wind.

I was going to pick up some snacks and fruit but I felt drained so I just conserved the energy to get home.

Ha I ordered from the local cafe and they gave me another jar of relish... Why? So weird.

Plus a complimentary bottle of Ice Tea in a yucky peach flavour.

Would be nice to get something useful but unfortunately I have to bin these, because I dislike them.

I totally forgot about the order and when I came in I felt stifled so I half undressed and then the door rang I had to open it.

But the top was long, my thighs were covered, only my legs showed.

#BlogLife559 - Short do on my large curvy frame

Song of the day - Strong Woman - Poonam Singh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr2a0jIuEa8

Afternoony all, having a peaceful or wild weekend? Good for you.

I just had a shower/bath and remembered to use the new product I bought.

Badedas £1.77 for 200ml bottle. A shampoo, shower gel and conditioner in one.

It smells really nice and I don't like these, everything together products but I like bargains and new items.

It smells lovely and sweet, I can't pinpoint it but afterwards the scent lingers and my hair feels really soft and smooth.

More than usual. I'm letting it air dry Oh it was a pretty dark green colour and it wasn't thick or thin, medium consistency.

It lathered easily and was simple to apply and wash out. I didn't have any issues with that.

But for me it's better when a conditioner is thick, I feel penetrates into my scalp better to make it hydrated.

I'm solely using it as a conditioner because I have everything else and my Radox soak is my preferred moisturising shower gel.

I cut my hair yesterday (Saturday) and I felt so much better. Long gone are those days when I was fighting the hairdressers to keep it long.

Now when it becomes shoulder-length or it feels too full, I just chop a few inches off and it's really short. Mid ear height. It grows really fast so I can cut it every month or two.

I've nearly always have a bigger shape than my small face and got teased about it.

But I didn't care. I had no wish to be skinny, just thinner and despite not being slim, I've always loved that I had curves.

A small waist that goes in and hips that flow out. I prefer that than the alternative.

I can't believe it finally rained heavily last night, what a glorious sound and much needed.

#BlogLife558 - How many lives do you have?

Song of the day - Forever Alone - Poonam Singh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bh--IG2mUM

Kitty cats have nine lives and this blog has.. Umm I haven't even counted.

We have BookLife, AgonyLife, BlogLife, Oh that's it, just three. Then the other themes are Dear Bully, Crazy Self Therapy, Chatty chicks watching ficks..

The various spoofs, fiction pieces and scattered letters. Plus I put in some self interviews, Q&A. 

My brain craves variety, so depending on my mood, I will branch out into whatever section that is most compelling in that moment.

BookLife started because I had so many stories in my head I thought it was going to be simple to transfer them onto a page.

Lil did I realise how much I was going to hate writing dialogue, that sounds phony to me.

Plus it plays out so fast in my head but getting down to it, you have to describe, every lil detail, arghh!

And then feeling constantly ill or tired makes it really hard to concentrate and find that peace while writing, that I need.

AgonyLife came about because I like problem solving so I thought would give some general advice but I tend to do that in my posts anyway, so I discontinued it.

I was blogging in general and felt rather stale. At that point I was questioning whether or not to continue.

I didn't feel I was making much of a connection with anyone and I set about trying to, looking for other blogs like mine, searching social media for blogging groups..

And the results were unsatisfying, it was an empty community, it was just people out for themselves.

That was my experience, the popular bloggers had no time to chat and the lil ones like me, just wanted views to their own site.

I was disappointed but accepted it and did some soul searching.

I came to the conclusion that I never wanted to make it big. I just wanted some regulars that would care about what I had to say.

Really and truly, as quiet as I was, I had always been this animated storyteller.

I would look at my audience laugh and their surprised expressions of joy as I took them on this journey of magical wonder.

This was only with people I knew well and I realised that with blogging, it was just me telling more stories and I loved that.

I was damn good at it! I had hoped some new or old bloggers would stop by and they did briefly, which was sweet.

But I didn't need them anymore. I branched out and BlogLife took off on it's own.

I shared it on Twitter and Facebook, although I gave up on the latter as it crashed too often.

I don't have many followers and that's alright. Sometimes there is nothing to say and I am fine with that too.

As I do find something to talk about during most days. The weekends are my own, I have to get rid of the stress and rest up.

I'm quite chatty on Twitter but that could be foodie or beauty uploads, gaming updates or just grumbles.

I stopped watching Sefirin Kizi. I found it too depressing. A physical abuser and an emotional one, was too much too bear.

And her self worth was getting lower and lower, like I said, I related too much to it. I don't recommend it.

I switched to something more lighthearted called Kiralik Ask. It's about a woman (Defne) in need of fast cash.

She's a waitress and this cowardly guy (Omer) is either breaking up with his girlfriend or saying he doesn't want to get serious.

Omer grabs Defne and pretends they are a couple and kisses her, for which she slaps him.

Omer's Aunt later on approaches her with a job offer, (she got fired by her boss).

Get Omer to fall for her and propose and then she can dump him and the Aunt will pay off her debts.

The set up is, Defne is now Omer's Personal Assistant and struggling.

Since when do Assistant's cook breakfast for their bosses?? I haven't watched many episodes but with her makeover, I don't know if he recognises that she is the former waitress..

I quite like that she's not purposely flirting and seducing him and he isn't either.

They are just naturally drawn to each other, although he is fighting it.

Chatty chicks watching flicks was targeted at films or tv shows. A more in depth look.

Crazy self therapy from what I recall was about the times when I felt really agitated and I shut down.

I decided to be my own therapist and coax it out so I set it up as a real therapy session and then it poured out without thinking about it and it was supremely helpful but very sad.

Dear Bully was about confronting my past. Instead of ignoring everything that was said and done.

I decided I would attempt to express it and try to heal. It was very cathartic but ongoing.

The spoofs I like being silly and being totally over the top. I hope they are entertaining, I had great giggles composing them.

The interviews I thought I would try and answer some questions that people might be curious about.

The letters I just find easier to write, as though it is on auto-pilot. Sometimes I don't know how I feel but through letter-form it's all laid out in the open.

The fiction can be both happy or sad. I've written some pampering pieces and on the flip side some really extreme stuff, where I have felt on the edge.

It is freeing to get it all out. I can re-read it from either a good or bad place and I can see how I survived and how things are different or not as low as before.

#BlogLife557 - Living in a dreamworld

I'm just getting breakfast ready and trying to keep calm so that my stomach doesn't lurch.

I feel so uncomfortable both physically and mentally. It's getting harder and harder to watch Sefirin Kizi.

Sancar keeps pouring all this hatred on Nare and not taking any responsibility for his part.

Nare is just taking it and not standing up for herself. Plus Sancar is using his current wife and then shouting at her.

Only Gediz seems to look out for her welfare but she's too blind to see his love.

How is that a good example for her daughter? To take crap from others and then ask for more??

Instead of standing strong and saying, I'm right, you're wrong, treat me with respect!!

Also why on earth she is taunting an abuser like Akin, is beyond me, when he catches her, she's gonna be stupidly sorry!!

It's hitting too close to home and I loathe the main hero character. 

I don't find anything redeemable about him and I know they will end up together and at that point, I will stop watching.

I know what it's feels like to care for someone, only for them to pretend to cherish you and trample on your feelings.

To whisper closely, I'm here for you and then in the next breath say the most heart-hurting things.

To be blamed for things that aren't your fault and told, that you're not a good person to be around because what you say, how you look, how you feel, doesn't amount to anything.

Somebody taking pleasure in squashing you down so that you don't have the strength to pull yourself back up.

Then when you're emotionally beaten, he says Run to me. I'll save you. Only I can heal you. 

Only I will ever feel something for you. Nobody else will look twice, only me.

I crumbled and I faltered and my throat hurt so much with the tears that flowed after those conversations.

But the one thing I never did was chase him or flee to him. As destroyed as I was, sitting on the floor, tear stains on my cheeks...

There was always that tiny tiny voice saying Don't believe him, you're precious. Stay put and let him rot in hell.

Don't let someone hurt you. Fight back! I got an email from someone, maybe a reader, maybe a penpaller?

I am unsure but she was very young and lost. I felt for her but I didn't respond.

It seemed inappropriate to converse with someone that youthful. 

Even in the volunteering, they forbid us from communicating with under eighteen year olds because they were too fragile and not emotionally mature enough to handle any truth hurts.

I hope that she found someone on her side and has learned a way to build up her confidence and find a purpose.

It's not that I didn't care. It's that I didn't want to make it worse.

I'm not sure what I would have said. Find something you enjoy either as a career or as a hobby and develop it.

Learn to be kind to yourself. Get to know what gives you meaning.

Distinguish who in your life is good and who isn't. Start a diary or a blog and let it all out.

See if you can connect with someone that makes you smile, someone that doesn't hurt you.

As much as I hate it, find a workout that pumps you up. Exercise has never really been my thing but it was a way to let out my aggression/depression and get healthy.

The reason for the title was because in that fake world, there is no pain, there is just hope and laughter.

I would rather exist there, than here. I'm sick of being sick!

#BlogLife556 - It's going to get better right?!

Song of the day -  Far Away - The Artist Indian

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EhAO3aPvpQ

It's been a rough sickening start to the day. I slept on my duvet again but woke up chilly.

Then I thought I would try the new bread I bought from Ocado called Jackson's multigrain brown bloomer. (£1.75 800g).

It's tasty but it's tough, I wouldn't over toast it and it's quite thick. It looks small but it's big.

I shouldn't have done four slices, as I was preparing it, I was doubling over with dizziness and nausea.

Not really fun when you can't do a simple thing like cook/prepare a meal without wanting to retch. Yeesh.

I washed my hair yesterday so I'm probably not going to try out the all in one product immediately, Badedas £1.77 reduced from £2.60.

I forgot to check the size and it's only 200ml but I don't use much conditioner, if any.

400ml is probably the one I typically get. It's a shower gel, shampoo, conditioner product.

I'm not a fan of the all in ones as I believe, they don't concentrate on one area enough.

But the reason I got it was because my hair felt dry and itchy and I've been forgetting to use a conditioner and haven't had time.

I do try to have a hearty lunch/breakfast to give me that energy boost.

I quickly googled some reviews from Amazon and Boots and it all seems positive.

I do like something completely new to me and it didn't cost that much.

It smells nice but I couldn't pinpoint the scent. I'll talk about it more after I use it.

At the moment I can't get rid of this voice in my head telling me everything I write is nonsense.

I guess what I'm supposed to do is prove it wrong and continue but it's getting louder and louder.

I'm battling that and trying to ignore feeling unwell, with the constant cramps and nausea and it's hard.

That's the honest truth, I am struggling. I'm going to go back to resting because it helped. I don't feel as bad as before.

#BlogLife555 - Do I recommend Siyah Beyaz Ask?

Song of the day - Avicii - Waiting for love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ncIVUXZla8

I know, I know, for someone that's not a romantic person, I sure do listen and watch a lot of lovey dovey things.

*Holds my hand in the air* Guilty! I think what I relate to, is the raw emotion out on display.

That's so not me. I would keep it concealed and not bare it all in the open but they do, put their bleeding hearts out for the world to see.

It's fascinating, it's compelling, I can't look away and I can't stop listening.

There is still a heatwave here, my poor fans are getting battered but they last a day or two because I invested wisely.

I spoke to someone yesterday and he said I'm struggling so much so I said why not get a fan?

He replied because we don't have summers here in the UK. To which I scoffed and said Suffer then!

Yes we predominantly get bad weather but there is still scorching days.

The cheapness of some people vex me. A fan is something you might not use every day but it will get used.

I am just in a bad mood that is continually climbing. My stomach is just cramping badly.

I forgot that I ran out of the supplement strip and I was due to get the other one out.

I don't know if that's why I haven't been feeling as sick. Today no nausea but my tummy is just churning uncomfortably.

I did have a big lunch, crackers and cheese and then chicken and rice with veggies.

I listened to both the anti nausea and the cramp binaural beats and it did help.

I feel like it is coming and going. I started back on the Perfectil, month two.

This one is the Perfectil Max as opposed to the blue original. I think I read you're supposed to take one of each daily but I'm not doing that.

I will just alternate. I have to get back to my routine of finishing the stories.

How do I do that with enthusiasm? I just feel sick sick sick! I keep playing these soap opera stories in my head.

They want to come out and get on a page but all I want to do is rest.

Now that I've finished Siyah Beyaz Ask, here are my thoughts.

I felt it was a slow beginning and then when the action started it became more interesting and adventurous.

But towards the end I just wanted it over and to see how it would play out, I lost interest halfway.

The hypocrisy of both of them lying and demanding the truth or they would exit the relationship pfft.

The co-dependency of depending on someone for your happiness, whenever there was a fight, the other would leech on and not give any space to think ickkk!!

What kinda sickened me was the bed hopping. I don't know who was actually related to whom?!! But yuckkk.

Cousins marrying cousins?? A girl having an affair with someone akin to an Uncle? Ickkk.

Plus the fact that here was a main character Ferhat who was going to become a father and then finds out he already has a kid.

And instead of embracing that fact because parenthood is upon him, he instead threatens his baby Mama, in front of his child and wants nothing to do with them, bar obligated responsibilities.

The fact that she tries to kill herself, speaks volumes of her fragility but instead of saying, Is there anything I can do?

Can I bond with my daughter? He's like... Pfft, doesn't concern me.

And Asli the wifey, isn't bothered about his indifference to his child?? When she's carrying his baby???

Actually seems happy about it, disgusted me and I'm not even a parent!!

What I did like was the main characters sibling bonds. Asli and her brother and Ferhat and his brother, they argued but remained close.

I didn't like that the women had to account for their whereabouts and the honour killings are just barbaric!!!

I would like to find something that I can enjoy right the way through.

I'm not sure I would recommend this, it did have a lot of humour, I will grant you that.

On to the next binge, which I will share, once I figure out what that is and hope that the English subtitles are consistent.

Sometimes at the crucial bits the subtitles just disappear, arghhh.

Having seen a few episodes, I've just got hooked on Sefirin Kizi.

Childhood sweethearts Nare (female) and Sancar share a close bond, even though, he is poor and her family is wealthy I think.

Her Papa only cares about money, perception and male point of views.

He places more faith in his adopted son, than his flesh and blood daughter.

This is where, I'm a bit hazy on the details but I think they get married and on the wedding night..

He accuses her of infidelity because she's not a virgin. I'm not sure what he based that on but he kicks her out and doesn't listen to her explanation.

So she disappears and then returns five or 8 years later. I don't want to give anymore details but at this point, I really am rooting for the best friend Gediz, he seems sweeter, more caring.

The randoms are kinda irritating me as well. Pestering me with questions I don't want to answer.

Do they think, the seventh time they've grilled me, I'll cave? It just makes me want to block them.

The more cornered I am, the less communicative I become. Another one seems to take longer and longer to reply.

So as petty as it is, I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine and let him stew until the weekend.

If I'm an afterthought, that you can't be bothered with, then you are too.

I really am in no mood to be taken for granted!

Oh sorry, there was a second drama that is drawing me in but not for the plot, for the main characters.

Adim Farah, which I don't know if it's a copycat of the American show The Cleaner.

I only saw a lil bit. I don't know if eventually this regular cleaner, will be disposing of crime scene blood evidence. Hmm.

But what attracted me to it, is the fact that the Mob guy, showed kindness and respect straight off the bat to a woman that he didn't know.

Normally I find they start off gruffly and then get nicer. A change of pace, is he like this to all women, or just her??

#BlogLife554 - Trapped on one hand, biscuits on the other

Song of the day - Let Me Love You - Mohombi/Shaggy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNPUelcx1jo&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=1

I know I'm not posting these in a timely morning fashion, sorry about that.

I just can't seem to get my brain working until late afternoon. I'm not a biscuit person anymore. 

I did love dunking in coffee but ever since I gave up hot drinks, I just disassociated with biscuits but I just got a craving for them.

And I'm out of snacks or so I thought. The freebies that I scored from Ocado I put aside, incase the driver came back but he didn't.

They are the sandwich types which were never my preference, custard creams and chocolate bourbons which are on the sweet side for my taste.

Every time I open two packets at a time, I hear my Mama's voice saying No No, One at a time ha.

The chocolate one is so much nicer. Maybe because my period's come and gone my nausea doesn't seem as bad.

Nothing at all today which I'm relieved about. I've worked really hard to get to a place where I don't bottle my feelings up.

It's hard though when someone is standing in front of me saying or thinking, I'm going to control your life.

I sent off the information and haven't heard anything back but now when I check my emails, I have a sense of foreboding.

This man looked at me and kept asking if I was pregnant, had kids or was a single parent??

How many times could I say NO, NO, NO! Was it my age or was it because I had a stomach?

Judgy, judgy. judgy! Honestly every time I spoke, he kept saying pardon? Even his colleague was looking at him, thinking dang, I can hear her, why can't you?

Then it was like great, I can contact you, whenever I want, to do whatever I say and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Ahem, I have responsibilities, I have duties, I have naps to be taken!!

I just don't divulge that I'm a writer, I need to let off steam, without them saying, Oooh let me read it, let me know what's in your head.

Argh, no thanks!!

#BlogLife553 - Dic's judgy replacement

Song of the day - Faydee - Move On

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2faWIst-YE&list=FLI0DEk_aDykRP0sJnme-JBg&index=2

It's getting harder to remember what I've put in for song of the day.

I can't be bothered to go through all my posts. It's been a rubbish day.

I thought with Dic gone I would be alright but nope, a replacement has been set up, ugh.

I'd like to scream that they are bloody useless. I'm supposed to email me them some details but meh. 

It's like being scrutinised under a microscope that every health issue I tell them about means nothing.

I get some peeved because they don't listen and hear what they want too grr!!

I will do it after this. I did have a glorious nap after I got in. I popped to the bank and the heat just beared down on me.

Ick. I took out some money for the eyebrow shape/pedicure. I'm not sure if Mama will join me for this one, she says she want to go this month but hasn't made plans.

I guess the good thing about the Chromebook update is that they let me change the background. 

I chose this dark blue night sky mountain and it's cute. It even changed the bookmark bar.

At night I like something darker to go easier on my eyes and get me ready for bed but I don't mind it being dark in the day.

It actually looks more colourful. I did intend to do a bit of grocery shopping, pick up some bread, crisps and sandwich fillings but the heat was too much.

Ah spoke to Mama she's made plans to go with a friend as their birthday treat so on a less heatwavey day I'll just go to the salon.

I don't get why Asli was trying to get Ferhat imprisoned and incriminated around her brother the Chief of Police and his brother.

Just because she was outsmarted? They are at the point where they have real feelings for each other.

I don't really understand it. At least he's mellowed from the Think what I tell you too.

After that I thought stab him girl, he's gone off the deep end. It's only one season, very short but I still recommend it for the laughs, romance and action.

Siyah Beyaz Ask. I keep having to look up the spelling ha. Archer is back, it's a bit weird not to see Lana in the field.

I like her and Archer's crazy exasperating banter, the arguing, the flirting, the makeups and breakups.

#BlogLife552 - Turkish delight drama

Song of the day - Charly Black - Indian Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nai3BnfG-eg

I don't actually enjoy Turkish delight sweets but I thought it was a good name for a title.

I was watching old episodes of Futurama and I realised I wanted something more gritty and romantic to watch and searched for either an Indian subtitled drama or a Turkish one and found a list of possibles.

The first one I checked out I wasn't sure about but the more I saw, the more I wanted to rush to the Wedding bit.

A lil background information, first of all I think the name is Price of Passion/ Siyah Beyaz Ask.

Forgive me if I have the names wrong, there seems to be a thousand titles and I don't speak Turkish so I don't know what is accurate.

That small time frame of feeling good is fast fading. Ugh cramps and upset tummy.

Anyway I didn't watch all of it, I skipped chunks of the beginning because it was a very slow set up.

It seems like a brother and sister are parentless and share a close bond.

I don't know if they live together. According to the subtitles Asli, the female surgeon is 18yrs but that's not right.

She looks more like 28yrs so maybe it was a mistake in the translation.

It's her birthday and her friend is organising a bash for her at the restaurant she owns or works for.

There is a guy there that is either a colleague or has a crush on her, I can't recall his name.

Ooops I forgot to pluck my right eyebrow.. All done and finished off the manicure.

I haven't found anything as good as Hercai/Ramo.

Anyway Asli is working and is lured away by the main guy Ferhat a killer.

It's a case of mistaken identity, he beckons the wrong person, claiming there is a person trapped and in need of assistance.

And long story short ends up kidnapping her and threatening her and her family if she doesn't stay.

Eventually she sees too much and Ferhat is ordered to kill her but you can see he admires her spirit and beauty.

So after she begs for her life and he is unrelenting, he pauses and says, you have a choice.

I can kill you or you can live and become my wifey, this is the only way you'll be protected.

Family doesn't kill family.

Ok that is enough spoilers. Good premise though. What would you do in that scenario?

My reaction would be to stall for time. Then scream Are you out of your mind?

I'm a goodie goodie. Not a criminal. Maybe I would call his bluff and hope I was charming enough for him to let me live?

But in all honesty, survival instincts kick in and within reason anybody would do almost anything to stay on this earth.

I would give out this false bravado, I would make you suffer for the remainder of this farce marriage and keep trying to escape.

I was dying to see the wedding but of course, they will delay that and I was getting so tired, I had to get to bed.

The scene that made me laugh was when he grabbed her and she said I hate you and he said I adore you. Bahahaha!!

I kinda like that although you can see he is getting to like her more and more, he's still psycho-ish.

Normally when the main male starts to fall in love, he goes soft and it's a bit against normal character.

Nobody goes from sinner to saint in the blink of an eye.

Ha

#BlogLife551 - Friday's Dance Party Females

Song of the day - Enisa - Blame It On Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV-2mw6cxYM

I was just searching for what to add for Song of the day and this popped up in the recommendations and I liked it.

It's been a rough start to the day but I'm happy you're here to keep me company :)

I felt so sick this morning it felt like I was going to bring up all my internal organs.

My stomach won't settle completely. A nap would help but I'm not tired enough for it to take.

I'm in limbo so I thought let's have a weekend party. Of course it all centres around nibbles and drinks, like any celebration should.

Lucozade, lemonade, mini steak pastry puffs, cheetos and niknaks. I'm not the biggest fan of steak but I like these.

Plus for dessert we have Black Forest Gateau, feel free to gobble all the cherries, I usually bin them.

I read somewhere that morning sickness could be linked to lack of sleep and if so it makes sense, with the couple of hours I get.

*Nappus Interruptus*

Sorry fell asleep. I was up at 7amish to get the groceries. The nap helped a bit but everytime I munch I have to quickly play the anti nausea video instead of music.

Maybe I'm not drinking enough? Although I have been sipping quite a bit.

Ahh I'll try the citrus drinks, that's supposed to be soothing.

First things first, how was your week?

Uh huh? You didn't expect that? I didn't either, so what he say? What did she say? Realllly. Hmm.. Go on...

That's it. Alright, well thanks for keeping me informed on your latest gossip :)

Eventually I started feeling better but physically it was a rough time on my body.

My mind was a lot better. I discovered some new music, a new, well new to me Turkish drama.

Sunday I had a one day period, after two months of skippage. It used to be that the periods were worse than the symptoms and now it's the other way around.

It's past 2pmish and I haven't eaten yet but I will soon. I ended up buying Mama the same phone stand as me.

I asked her if she would like one as she actually does a lot of zoom and video and whatsapp calls.

And I've never in my life done a video call. I just bought it to stop picking up my phone as much and ease the pressure.

You know when there's a lot to say, but your brain goes blank? That's me at the moment.

Oh that's what I was going to talk about. I was wondering if the Perfectil multivitamins were started to make me feel nauseated.

That was an all day sickness event and my stomach wouldn't let anything stay down.

But I think it's more the pmt related nausea because I am coming up to a month I think and I didn't experience any symptoms for the first two weeks.

In fact it gave me an energy boost. I think it picked up my mood as well.

It didn't help with the hormonal acne, I did break out a lil but with the mud mask, I think they are all fading now.

My scalp has started to go dry again. I'm eventually going to start investing in the Vatika conditioners.

I still have leftovers, that's why I'm not purchasing any. Just to clarify, I'm not dating anyone.

I don't sleep around. I just thought it was funny that I didn't have a period for two months and then I accidentally get someone else's pregnancy test.

If I was dating, I would have so many scares but then again. I've never done the unprotected thing, so maybe not?

I for once, have no nausea today so let's dance dance dance, while I make some cheesy toasties or whatever else you fancy..

*Cue the hip swings woop*