#BlogLife15 - Squint, blink and skedaddle

As you know I wear hard rgp contact lenses and I am really short sighted. Reading bright faint fonts, kills my eyes. There are several sites, Twitters, blogs etc..

Where I visited once and promptly left because I couldn't see a damn thing. Why oh why would you do that, to your poor readers trying to get more information or sign up or become an active member?

I think I was guilty of that with the gold font and some of the others, so I just darkened the shade and improved it. You gotta think, big picture.

It is so competitive and there are a million ways to put people off. (By not having pictures for example :D) That is why i say this is a diary-type-blog.

It hopefully softens the blow and let's people know what to expect. Less lavish, more simple.

Q1) What is your opinion?

A) Excuse moi Mz sightless, most of the people in this world have perfect vision, so why should I change my colour scheme for a few people?

B) Meh I'll get around to it one of these days. I have bigger concerns than my readers..

C) Am I the only sensitive person in the room? First I would test all my links and if they weren't legible to me, they sure as sugar, wouldn't be clear to some of my readers. 

Then I would change them lickity split to make them easier to read. I care, unlike you two!

Q2) I had to Google this, because I'm running out of questions. What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

A) Laugh and the world laughs with you..

B) Treat others how you wish to be treated..

I was compared to impeccable people and I did it myself and it is the worst thing you can do. Why do all their highlights appear glaringly, smugly in your face and their flaws are diminished?

Be your own person, shortcomings and all. It's fine to not be perfect, to make mistakes and stumble. At least you are trying. Those people you see as ideal, really aren't...

They have just become experts at showing that false bravado. Pretending that nothing fazes them and they can do no wrong, while pointing out someone else's failings. 

That in itself is insecurity ten-fold. If they were really as superb and confident as they appeared, why would they need to point out someone's errors???

Just something to think about if you are feeling like you don't measure up :)

You do so. You are remarkable and don't let anyone tell you different!

Ps. 

I'm sorry this BlogLife turned into a mini rant at the end. It wasn't supposed to but some subjects just hit a nerve. I've trying to fix the appearance of the blog and I managed some of it, at least the title is readable.

I can't seem to separate the image and description. I'll work on it and hopefully change the font style as it is hideous Ugh. By the way the answers to my questions aren't supposed to be really rude.

They are just pretend mocking. Someone said it seems less comical and more insulting but it is just me being playful and silly to make you laugh :D

#BlogLife14 - Shorties or longies

Ahem. Let's keep it clean, ladies and gentleman. I am referring to the length of your posts. 

Q1 Do you prefer to write long or short pieces?

A) Mine tend to get to the point and be smaller than most to make sure I keep the readers attention.

B) Short?? Are you kidding me? I don't even like tiny queues. I have so much to say about this, that and the other. You cannot limit my genius philosophies. 

C) Sometimes I feel like I'm having a conversation and it's my turn to express my views and the more I talk, the more excited I get about making my point, so I just like to share it all.

Whether you're a fan of either choice. I think it's important to reread your subject before you publish and make sure you have not repeated yourself and that you have made all the valid points you needed too.

I don't really bother with the short posts. It doesn't feel like there is enough of a voice to keep me there. On the other hand, the insanely long posts I do read and enjoy..

Don't get me wrong but I also cheat and skim some of it too. I do worry when I'm previewing my posts that I go on endlessly. I've never in my life written commentaries for example..

But Ramo and Hercai (to begin with), made a big impact on me and I had so many opinions it didn't seem fair to overload my followers.

I just try to put all the relevant information into them but I am not sure what matters to people. As for the others like fiction. I just write them out until they conclude themselves.

 Q2. Just for fun, if you had a secret benefactor and they said this is a one time deal. What would you buy if I gave you splurge money? It can't be spent of anything practical like bills or on someone else, no strings attached..

A) Hmm well I do need a new case for my spectacles..

B) A case..Pfft, some people have no imagination. I would go for something huge.... A bunch of pens, with different coloured ink, top that!

C) Purlease. I can top both of those. I would purchase postage stamps. A book of twelve. Now that my friends is an outrageous extravagance!! Watch and learn.....

March musings

Good evening, almost :)

I hope you are all well and enjoying some sunny weather. I've just taken off the heating because I've been preoccupied with the blog.

To be honest, I wasn't sure whether to do a monthly update (musings) or BlogLife. I went with this one because I wanted to tell you all how sorry I am for the state of this blog.

Thank you for your patience. I felt really restless with the background and wanted to jazz it up. I don't know anything about the coding so I prefer my templates ready to install and not needing further edits.

The layouts aren't customisable for some reason so I have had to download a few dozen and see if I like them. Being a woman it had to emphasis something feminine.

If I saw another flowery theme though, I was going to hurt somebody. Shish we aren't all into flowers and hearts you know.

I'm sad that in the end I didn't get to try out the Bzz campaign for the eye drops. That would have come in so handy as my lens are irritable and I just did a protein tablet deep cleanse overnight to fix them.

On to the new theme, what do you think of it? I didn't want to have something flirty or provocative, that isn't how I want to represent the blog.

I am used to being in the shadows and not in the limelight. I want to observe others, not be the centre of attention. Having said all that.

I am desperately trying here, not to contradict myself. I feel like I have been playing it too safe. Unfortunately (and fortunately), there are a lot of intriguing fellow bloggers out there.

I need my page to stand out a little so that when new or my sweet curious regular readers seek me out, they may not see stunning photos but they will hopefully see some unique and interesting content to get hooked on.

On Twitter I said I was going to try and change the title and description colours because they are so hard to read but I don't even know if that is possible and today I am exhausted so it isn't happening anytime soon, if I can even attempt it.

I was just so relieved to finally have something I liked. It's not me but maybe that is a good thing? I keep saying I want to grow and promote myself and that starts with changes..

I never present you with an upload schedule because I'm afraid I wouldn't keep it, with the BlogLife series though, they are super easy to write.

If I continue, it should mean that you get more regular posts. I don't want people to get bored of it. I can only go by the reads and so far..

It does seem to be enjoyed, even though you naughty, naughty readers haven't joined in :D I am trying to include the silly answers and give more of myself in terms of stories or memories.

But honestly I am determined to have a mix of serious and lighthearted BlogLife chapters. I think that is more realistic. I know we all prefer a giggle, here and there but life isn't always like that.

#BlogLife13 - Experimentation

This is a personal blog so I feel that the template/theme/background, whatever you want to call it, should also be softer and less clinical and sterile than the ones I am used to seeing.

They all look way more professional than my dinky blog but at the same time, they also all look identical. I want mine to stand out, while also being welcoming.

I actually do like the current background because to me she looks both pensive and sleepy haha but I am going to save it and try something more traditional.

I want to see if in this one instance, I need to conform and be like every other blog. I have backed up my current theme and retitled it so that i can find it easily.

Step two is finding a theme I find aesthetically pleasing to my eyes, forget about everyone else's though obviously it would help if they adored it too.

This is pure torture, the font in these templates are barely legible. There aren't many with female silhouettes included. Eek I've taken the plunge and it is coming up with error messages.

When I opened up a new tab, it seems to display correctly but it does not let me customise it all. I'm not sure how I feel but I think I prefer the previous theme.

I am going to keep it for a while though and see how the visitor stats ebb and flow. If you feel strongly about it, you can reach out.

I don't mind at all :D

Q1) How often do you change your theme?

A) Change? Moi? Are you kidding? Mine is perfection.

B) Every once in a while. I like to keep it fresh and unique.

C) Wait a minute. I can change it? They didn't say anything about that in the Blog Guide For Dummies handbook..

Q2) What is something you wish you could do but can't?

A) Reach the top shelf, damn my small stature :(

B) Listen chicky, SS, whatever you call yourself. I can do anything I set my mind too. Except eat just one single ferrero rocher, ooh they are sooo moreish..

C) Go window shopping. I used to love trawling for bargains and trying on cute outfits, hoping that the mirror and light were flattering :D

#BlogLife12 - Am I ready to quit?

Last year I wasn't in a good place. My blog felt stagnant and I wasn't inspired and my books were left abandoned because I gave up.

I thought on how difficult it was to open up in blog-form. I mean forget about people. I don't connect with them but writing was a way to be myself and not let anyone take that away from me.

I considered just deleting my blog and disappearing and a scary painful thought bubbled up to the surface. What if this was the only way I could express myself?

What if when I erased this blog, I lost my voice again? This panicked me for a lot of reasons. My life isn't straightforward. There is emotional, physical and lifelong pain to deal with.

I remember voicing it somewhere safe online and someone saying. "You're up, you're down, you're like a rollercoaster, don't you think you're being a drama queen?"

It's not word-for-word but it was along those lines and tonight I shared my blog with someone new and he said "Hmm, you're quite stoic huh?"

I had to Google that because I wasn't even sure what that meant. Enduring hardship without showing their feelings or complaining is what it means.

I had to laugh comparing the two vastly different responses. I braced myself for the negative. I think I do that because I am used to that feedback.

When he said there wasn't anything to critique, I relaxed and pushed him to be honest. 

I'm not as witty as I think I am, right? 

I need a new theme?

My posts are too long? 

I'm too whiny? 

I started off with a red face being terrified he was going to be brutal and now I was actively goading him to be mean.. 

I realised I could take onboard what he had to say without being personally attacked.

When the first guy kept chipping away at me, I realised it wasn't a safe space after all. I struggle with critique because it isn't always helpful.

At times it is downright personal. It isn't about growth, it makes me feel as though I am being silenced again. 

I quit that site and when the owner asked why? I explained that I struggled with self-esteem and to have someone that couldn't be blocked constantly in my ear, was too much for me.

I was already adrift, this was pushing me over the edge. I think I just took some time out and slowly let my confidence build up again.

When the second guy asked about my tagline.. 

A 40something's woman's personal diary type blog about writing fiction, the aftermath of growing up in a household being bullied/belittled and my tactics in trying to deal with everyday trauma due to PTSD/chronic illness and chronic pain.

He said is it true? I just said I didn't want to talk about, to which he replied. I wasn't going to judge you.

The funny thing was I believed him but I can't just launch into my past history. I feel a need to protect myself from physical and emotional harm.

I'm glad that I persevered and broke through the writer's block. It's amusing that the first guy thought I was playing up my emotions.

That I woke up and thought, I know today I'm going to be purposely down and write a miserable entry about how unhappy I am.

Then after lunch, I'll be upbeat and write something really cute and schmaltzy and sickeningly sweet.

My days are the same. I wake up hoping I am suitably rested. I don't act happy anymore. I will have a conversation and go with that mood but I can also find something amusing about it.

I don't see it as hiding my feelings. I see it as not letting them control me and through this chat I am genuinely smiling or laughing.

Then when I am all alone I just let my mind wander wherever it needs to go. When I perform an action like carrying a bag, I am soon reminded that ouch, I can only be carefree for a certain point.

Leave me to be whoever the hell I want or need to be in that moment!

Sometimes I need to just be angry because the same things occur and instead of being able to be in a rage. I am stuck being afraid.

Part of me wishes I could be a normal happy chirpy blogger, giving advice and helping people but I can't. I accept it because this is my voice and it may not always be pretty but it is honest.

#BlogLife11 - Are you content with your content? :D

It's really late and I got carried away watching half the Ramo episode and constructing the commentary and just as I was casually thinking..

Hmm I wonder what the next chapter of BlogLife will entail, an idea surfaced. Content. I'm happy with my BlogLife series from my low-key status.

I enjoy, well perhaps that is the wrong word. I find it helpful coming up with the CrazySelfTherapy posts.

But I have deleted a few posts on this platform and a lot from the others when I was copying them over.

The reason being, some of them made me cringe and maybe I just had to let it out and then delete it and the others were immature.

I feel like I confronted some demons and got it out my system so I didn't need them reminding me of the past.

Q1) If you've written something or are in the process of composing it and it doesn't measure up to your standards or you just feel unhappy with it. Do you delete it or edit it? 

Q2) If someone offered or you invited them to do a guest post on your blog. Would you insist on final approval before posting?

Grins. I don't know if that is controversial or not but it's definitely interesting :D

I don't regret erasing my posts as they served their purpose and I don't think I've ever scrapped a whole post.

The most I do especially if I write it late at night is leave it until the morning and maybe change words around, correct any spelling or grammar mistakes and format it.

If someone was guest posting here. I would definitely insist on pre-approval. This is my baby and I stand behind everything I've written so if someone came along and said something I was seriously against..

Difference of opinion is one thing, different values are another.. But hey that's just my opinion.

Q3) Aha I've thought of something. What is your favourite book or magazine to indulge in?

I loved reading but since I started writing my books I stopped. Actually I may have stopped a tiny bit earlier.

I got fed up with the same formula's over and over again. One hero and one heroine, predictable. There's always a cantankerous relationship with the mama.

Oh yea and the heroine is always insecure about weight, looks you name it which is why she let's the idiot casanova woo her.

Purlease!!! Work on yourself and get some frigging self esteem and then get a decent guy!! Alright rant over because I need sleep. 

Just remember when you hear that nagging inner/outer critic saying ugh this is garbage. I hate what I wrote. I can't do this.

Counter it with.. This may not be ideal but I will work on it until it is. I've written or I will write pieces that I and others adore. 

Lastly. Hush. I have got this under control. I am more than capable!!

For I am a writer/blogger or just a fantastic wordsmith. Either way I have a beautiful mind.

Sweet dreams :)

#BlogLife10 - Morning dance party workout :D

I actually wasn't going to write a new #BlogLife today. I was going to check out new theme/templates for my blog but I accidentally inspired myself.

I am not a morning person. I open my eyes slowly, look at the time and say no, no, no, please five more minutes and then I hug my pillow and attempt a shallow sleep.

The name Sleepless Scribbler was derived from Raving Insomniac which I use for Wattpad, when I signed up to Blogger it was taken.

I used one of those name generators and it came up with Sleepless Scribbler and I thought.. I think I like this even better and I do.

I have always slept badly. I have all sorts of dreams, vivid, nightmares, ongoing dreams that last days, dreams where I am observing etc.

These all leave me exhausted as though I haven't slept at all, the curse of being creative. Couple that with the chronic pain and it makes me sluggish.

The last thing I want to do it workout but today for some reason when I switched from sleepy asmr to my regular music, I just started dancing.

Janet Jackson - Got Til It's Gone, came on and then Foxy Brown - Gotta Get You Home and I was bopping my head and shaking my hips and just energetically moving and I started laughing.

I thought to myself I used to walk a lot and do aerobics but now I'm limited because everything is really painful and puts a strain on my already delicate body but dancing is not like a regular workout.

It's fun and I thought if I could start doing that as part of my morning routine every day that would get my heart rate up and burn some calories.

I hope you'll join me and we can do it together. Just choose whatever music gets you up and feeling carefree. No slow jams!!

Music is vital to my well-being because I chose that instead of the Doctor's orders of toxic anti depressants and painkillers. I am just trying to care for my body without those nasty side effects and dangerous chemicals.

It doesn't always work but it is better for me to try. Doing this will boost my mood and make me even more creative.

Q1) What time do you prefer to workout, mornings or evenings or somewhere in between?

Q2) What song or songs are guaranteed to get you dancing like a maniac and bewilder everyone around you? :D

I skipped breakfast, so I am off to make myself lunch.

#BlogLife9 - How do I reach you?

I was thinking about all the ways readers could reach out to bloggers and either ask a question or share something. There is Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Email, Commenting etc..

Q1) What is your preferred method for readers to interact with you?

Q2) Do you have your email listed, whether it is under your profile or listed on your front page?

I don't think I can afford to be picky at this stage. I have three methods.

https://www.facebook.com/shiza.sabra.3 which is the pseudonym I created. I don't really use this except to advertise the latest post.

https://twitter.com/SleeplessScrib1 that I set up to work side by side with the blog and I use this method constantly.

Lastly the comment section which I tailored for regular or anonymous remarks without the annoying captcha. 

I even put in my own tagline which is supposed to be cute and funny but maybe is scary? :D

"Something on your mind? I am all ears, I mean eyes and I will get back to you inbetween rants :D"

It makes me seem like I am constantly screaming bahaha :D and ready to attack anyone who dares to leave me a message...

I honestly wouldn't know what to put now, instead of that. How about...

SS is here today, so have your say and don't delay. Have a nice day? 

I can't stop laughing at these cheesy taglines I was making up in my head and the one above :D

Enough of that. Let's get serious. I set up an email account for when I comment on other people's blogs and for my own but I don't know whether to display it.

I was afraid I would get too much spam. I get spam comments but spam email too? I did have it listed and then I chickened out and removed it haha :D

Seeing as I am a braver these days I'll put it back in my profile and at the top and see how it turns out for this month and April.

#BlogLife8 - Beginning of my blogging adventure

I always do things backwards and maybe this should have been #BlogLife1 but nevertheless I am sure you won't hold that against me.

This is difficult to talk about so I'll be brief because I don't want to go into specific details but suffice to say that I was stuck indoors for an extended period and writing in a diary had migrated to a huge A4 notebook.

I had given up on writing fiction and wanted to try an alternative. When the opportunity arose for paid blogging I didn't jump to it straight away but I was intrigued.

It was a small community and people were encouraged to comment purely to gain extra incentives but soon we all relaxed and got into it and there were more specific responses, some good, some bad.

I began to get more comfortable just as it shut down. I migrated to another platform and my love of composing fiction returned.

I even connected with a few people and made friends. It was such an easygoing community and again it wasn't huge just lowkey and really simple to use.

Unfortunately they also shut down :( and eventually I came to Blogger where I could customise my page, a definite step up :D

Q1) At long last I hear you mutter.. How did you get into blogging?

Q2) Was it something you always wanted to do or did you fall into it?

#BlogLife7 - Self love

In the last episode I talked about spreading the love for other people's blogs. In tonight's one let's talk about ourselves.

You and I.

Q1) Are you satisfied with your blog?

Q2) What is your favourite creation that you've ever written so far? 

Q3) What has been your ideal getaway spot?

Am I satisfied with my blog? Yes and no. I like the direction it's going in but it might be time for a change in theme. 

It's been a while but it'll mean scouring through Google because the bookmarks didn't migrate properly when the old laptop died so I have to find a new site to harvest from. Grr tedious.

Hmm my favourite piece? I'm going to cheat because I can and list several. My happiest, saddest, funniest, rantiest and blogscapism..

Happiest..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2021/03/wattpad-story-completion.html

It is pretty self explanatory. I was so down on myself and I was constantly nitpicking saying I can't write a book. I'm not good enough. 

I'm not smart or talented but I overcame it and finished the first one and am already getting stuck into the second.

Saddest....

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2020/07/blending-into-obscurity.html 

So many to choose from. I chose this one in particular because this was another post I had wanted to write but couldn't.

I remember I just wanted to scream as loudly as possible so I incorporated that bit into it

Funniest..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2020/10/fancy-m-fiction.html

I can't tell if any of my writing is funny to others or even if they understand my crazy humour but this to me was hilarious.

I love asmr and that is all about sounds that are soothing and tingly to the ears. I thought I would try something different and write pampering pieces with hints of sarcasm thrown in, just for the hell of it.

Fake impoliteness combined with beauty treatments. Sweet and sour I guess :D I call it blogscapism posts :D

Rantiest..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2020/09/my-brown-skin-beauty-or-curse.html

Ok granted it isn't my rantiest but it is my favourite. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to write it because it was potentially gave away details that related to my privacy but when it was finished I loved it so I put it up.

Blogscapism..

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2020/11/beauty-and-mind-cleanse-fiction.html

https://sleeplessscribbler.blogspot.com/2020/09/pampered-with-love-fiction.html

I love them all. I don't think I can decide. Is it too cheeky to list them all? I love beauty treatments. It just makes me feel so luxurious and beautiful :)

My ideal spot was whenever I visited Iceland. I still don't know if it was because my favourite uncle lived there and he was always making me laugh..

Or because my baby cousin was growing up and I got to play with her and give her cuddles or maybe I was growing into my looks and started getting checked out..

It was just a great place to explore and I was studying German at the time which was similar to Icelandic so I picked up bits of the language smoothly.

#BlogLife6 - Love for other blogs Update

I feel like I have been going on about this forever but I have made a dent in my quest for new blogs. It is only two at the moment but I am loving the content.

Fabulous women and lifestyle bloggers. 

The first has a mix of tips, poems, stories and is wonderfully engaging. She just pulls you in with her warm, witty nature and there is so much to choose from that you'll be subscribing to both of them in no time.

https://theblackprincessdiaries.com

I have discovered a second lifestyle one. Yay. Go me. It has a broad spectrum of topics dealing with health, beauty and fashion. I just love the name and the posts pique my interest.

https://utterlyquackers.wordpress.com

Now why you ask, am I showcasing other blogs that could potentially have me losing readers for their sites? I could say, sharing is caring but that sounds cliche.

What I will say is that they deserve recognition and what's wrong with showing a lil love for blogs that make you happy?

On to the mini quiz...

Q1) How do you discover new blogs to follow?

A) Ask friends or family for recommendations and patiently wait until they remember the url and then backtrack and say that isn't right hang on..

Then wait another ten minutes, have a drink and wait for them to find you and ask "What were we talking about??"

B) Type it into Google and wade through pages of insignificant content?

C) Something brilliant noone has ever thought of which you are keeping to yourself mysteriously!

Personally I have used Google and Twitter and have seen lockdown this and that blah blah Zzzz blah. I'm not interested hence why I have hardly talked about it in my own blog.

#BlogLife5 - Surroundings

I got to admit after an early productive morning I had a long nap earlier. I don't know how you feel about those, some people love them and some advise against them.

To be frank, having ailments and being a broken sleeper means my body requires extra rest so I will take a break in whatever form it takes.

It's not a regular occurence and that is why I avoid waking up before 10am because I know I will crash out at lunchtime.

Q1) What does the space you blog in look like? Is it an office atmosphere with stationary and those cute swirly chairs?

A) It's my woman/man cave. It has everything I need, binders, notebooks, colourful pens, a computer and yes a twirly office chair.

B) I like to write in the kitchen where there is a lot of natural light and sweet access to the food and drinks.

My space is my bedroom. I lounge on my bed (I know I know, easier to nap) but I can't sit down for a long period of time. I have to switch positions and my bed is the most comfortable place to spread out in.

It's not dainty but I bring a cold bottle of flavoured water from the fridge with me and just write away until it is time for a break.

Q2) What movie makes you laugh the hardest?

A) It's none of your beeswax, a person's film choices are their own. Just kidding. It's Innerspace. Who doesn't adore Martin Short?

B) Three Fugitives. Martin Short and Nick Nolte, what an odd pairing but it is soo funny.

A definite theme happening. I have too many to list. Have you ever seen Big Business? It just cracks me up.

I guess my point is, where ever you choose to write, make it somewhere comfortable that you can stand for a while because you are more likely to finish writing and get lost in your work, rather than fidget or procrastinate.

The reason I asked about the movie choices aside from getting to know you and you getting to know me, was because sometimes either we will hit a stagnant point where nothing flows or..

The opposite in which writing is pouring forth beautifully but it is so emotional that it destroys the inner harmony and if you are like me, afterwards you need something light and feelgood to give you comfort.

#BlogLife4 - Am I a bad writer/blogger?

Great morning to my lovely regulars and to the newbies sneaking in.

This series has endless possibilities. I thought of half a dozen things to talk about but today I'm going introspective. 

I am not speaking for all bloggers and whatever I say may not be how you feel or act but this fits me.

Q1) Am I a bad writer/blogger?

A) Purleaseeee. Have you even checked me out?? I'm all over social media. I have a regular upload schedule, a healthy subscriber base and trillions of regular comments. Frankly I'm insulted at the question.

B) Honestly? I don't know. I use Twitter mainly and Facebook as an afterthought. I don't upload continuously. My followers are small but steady and I have zero interactions with them. Does that make me bad? 

Probably in the eyes of most but to me I'm climbing up there. My voice has grown. My writing has improved. I've opened up more and I feel more content and confident.  

I'm not here to criticise you or tell you that you don't measure up. I'm here to say I think you're wonderfully courageous. 

It takes guts to put yourself out there. So what if people haven't noticed yet. It will take time and effort but whether you are a small blog like mine or a huge one..

I think you are doing an amazing job. Some people are naturally open so it is easier for them to share but for me I am a closed book with brief aspects of my life out there for the world to read about.

I feel elated and maybe don't have the right to be. If I stopped and compared myself to successful bloggers I would be a mess.

I'm not about to do that and you shouldn't either. Celebrate your milestones. Think about what your contributions bring to the world.

How your tiny voice survives in a sea of louder speeches and still somehow reaches people. I'm not going to say I don't care about how many reads each post accumulates or the lack of comments I get because I do but at the same time..

I would rather have zero comments than a bunch of obligatory types that to me signify pity or boredom. I deserve better and you do too.

I don't want to go on about this but I just want to wrap it up in this way. What helped my confidence was rereading my words.

I'm just me. This is my interpretation. I don't do things the same as other polished bloggers do but I accept that I'll never be the best and frankly I'm relieved.

I have no desire to be. I just want to have a close, cosy bond with my readers. That's it. It's not easy to build trust when your anonymous but I'm persevering.

Take care lovelies and one last thing I want to clarify just in case I come off as unapproachable or egotistical. 

In a lot of my posts I'm giving myself a pat on the back and praise. There is a very important reason for this.

I had absolutely no self worth at all it was taken away from an early age and didn't return until.. I feel like saying recently but it's been a while.

Having said that though, the harshness that sowed seeds in my psyche remained and it still tries to destroy my confidence regularly.

But by being vigilant and aware, I just turn those unhealthy thoughts into validation. It works for me and it might seem strange but it's what I need to do to keep my head up :)

#BlogLife3 - No time for that

 Afternoony :)

You're the first to arrive, take a seat. I don't know about you but my mind is continually racing. I multi task for a large portion of the day.

Q1) I guess I'm curious to hear about what other bloggers and writers do about their time management?

A) Do you throw your hands in the air, look up at the sky and say. For the love of pizza. I'm only human, I'll get to it, when I have too.

B) Are you super organised and have allocated pie charts, spreadsheets, graphs, post-it notes and alarms to figure out what you should be doing at what time, so that no second is wasted?

I'm going to whisper what I do, so that the rigid amongst you don't get mad at me :D I cannot set a specific time to write or be creative, my mind doesn't work like that.

I can say to myself this morning, I have time to spare, let's see if I can be creative but I have tried a schedule many times and if I say 10.00am I will write either a new chapter or a new post..

It never turns out well. Either my mind is blank or the little that pours forth makes me shudder. The pressure to be imaginative on the spot is overwhelming for me and I shut down completely.

Everyone is different and you might need more structure than I do. I find that when I choose to write, I can totally immerse myself and just get carried away with it and I am thrilled because I tend to more relaxed and it just rolls out easier.

Q2) How do you get out of a funk? By that I mean a totally immersive mood where you just feel lost.

A) Raid the fridge/freezer/cupboards/secret hiding places for comfort foods? I don't mean hugging your snack drawers affectionately.

B) Set up camp under your duvet with a severe do-not-disturb-or-I'll-hurt-you sign freshly drawn on the door. An array of dvds, magazines and everything else until hibernation is over?

What do I do? Honestly I cry it out in as many forms as I can find. Depressing music, movies, blogging and switching off my phone for me-time.

It is heaps better than insisting I am fine for the millionth enquiry and avoiding it. I may just need a day or a week but afterwards I feel back to normal.

It is out of my system and sometimes when I'm happier, I go back and try to pinpoint the trigger but it's not always possible. 

For recurring issues it's a lil different because they tend to pile up overtime and just get harder to face. I try to deal with it before I hit my breaking point but sometimes they sneak up on me.

Shawn Mullins - Lullaby

Lisa Stansfield - All Woman

Sia - Big Girls Cry

Des'ree - Crazy Maze

Jagged Edge - Goodbye

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

Mary J Blige - No More Drama

These are still some of my favourite songs to play while I'm in this mood. I think I'm going to end it here. Thanks for coming along.

Chat show host/Quizzer could be my new career :D Goodnight and no promises for when the fourth piece comes out but hopefully soon :)

#BlogLife2 - Blogspiration

Good morning. 

Nice to see you back so soon. How are you doing?

Me, personally, I feel good. I don't honestly find myself being optimistic about this series flourishing but I'll give it a shot anyway.

Q1) How do you deal with the emptiness, when you're not at all feeling creative?

A) Do you try and sweet talk the page/screen and then when that doesn't work angrily threaten to throw it out the window? 

B) Or perhaps you feel despondent and give a whole speech about how you gave it the best years of life and this is the thanks? 

Until someone inadvertently walks by and asks "Were you just talking to someone?"

I've experienced this many times, staring at a blank page or screen and feeling guilty for not being productive and slacking off.

I usually just step away and try to give myself a break and do something fun to release those negative emotions.

Q2) What did you want you be when you were younger?

A) A superhero. You had the cringey name picked out and everything.

B) An ice cream sampler, until you realised the constant peril of ow ow ow brain freeze.

My career thoughts ranged from Ice Skater, Secretary, Nanny and Writer. I always wanted to write and I was obsessed with books.

Feel free to ask questions. If it's anything I deem personal, please excuse the lack of information given.

That wraps it up. I didn't expect to like this as much as I do but it's different. As always thanks for stopping by and maybe one day you'll take me up on my chat.

Sweet dreams and I'll see you back in the next installment. 

#BlogLife1 - A bloggers mindset

Hello and welcome to potentially the first in a series of posts about life as a blogger. 

If you've been reading my posts or following my twitter I've been searching for somewhere cosy to meet fellow bloggers and have a real conversation.

I don't want to promote myself or ask for tips. I want to ask questions and listen to other bloggers talk about their feelings and other general subjects, not solely about writing, although if you want to talk about that, I'm fine with it.

Q1) When you tell people you're a blogger, do they say..?

A) Oh, not another one, everyone is a blogger these days.

B) Really? I would love to pick your brain on how you make money??

C) Ooh give me the link quick (so I can read all your thoughts like a creeper)?

Ok I made that last bit up :D but I have had many reactions to it.

As promised, I said this wasn't all going to be about writing so here goes....

Q2) When a song you love appears, do you...?

A) Scream with excitement, grab the nearest broom and twirl it around, dipping it romantically?

B) Grab the remote (Wait a minute, who can ever find that)? Let's change it to hairbrush and start loudly and offkey belting out the tune, singing the words wrong and hitting hardly any notes?

C) Hit the replay button so much, the neighbours from three streets down, bang on the door and say turn that racket off!

You get the drill. It's for anyone who wants to answer some cheesy questions or have a bit of back and forth.

Just a bit of low key chit chat. Oh and if you are not a blogger, you can still take the mini quiz. I'm afraid you will be discounted from the imaginary free sock giveaway.

Yes, just one sock, the right one, that says "Trust me, I'm a blogger." On a more serious note, let me just lead you to the goodies table....

We have hot chocolate, coffee, tea, orange juice or vimto. Chocolate hobnobs, digestives or shortcake. Lastly we have a choice between the carpet or a sofa? 

Thanks for having a read, maybe a smile or even a mini giggle? I know I am very goofy but that is part of my charm. 

I would love it if you joined in but if not, have a good night and don't keep it all bottled up..

Dear create-a-holics, sorry I'm late to the party..

Evening or should I say morning as it is 1.10am? I was a lil tired but now my brain wants to write. I took the plunge and tried something new. I'm struggling with the nuances of the game. 

Looney Tune World of Mayhem. I watched some YouTube clips and then heard the magic word. Freebie, actually correction, it was more like giveaway. 

I joined the discord community and entered. I've never signed up to discord before and had no interest. I thought it was microphone orientated and that put me off.

I was expecting a thriving group but it seems a lil dead. No real answers but regular competitions. It got me thinking about other topics so I browsed for bloggers and found very few.

Those listed were not suitable and the one that looked promising was also lifeless. Grr. I'm still not that far along in my ongoing quest. 

I've found one blog I enjoy and infrequently comment on. I've joined one Facebook blogging group that I'm not active in and Google is not helping at all.

I've decided that instead of a place which serves as a tool for building blogs. I would much prefer to connect with bloggers to see how they find it. Just a non spam place to talk in general.

Partly about writing but mostly a variety of topics. I keep Googling and there are just pages of techniques on how to be successful.

What about something for the low key amateurs? Who don't want to take over the world or be in the blinding spotlight? 

If you are a personal blogger, feel free to leave your link in the comment section for me to peek at. Just please include something about it. 

I actually wouldn't know how to do that myself. I would spend half an hour on the wording alone. I like reading about health, weight, dating, writing, beauty, competitions and just life in general. 

It helps if the person doesn't take themselves too seriously and injects some wit. I spoke to my mama tonight and she apologised for not reading my book yet.

I'm not bothered at all to be honest. The reason I sent her the link was mainly because the last piece of writing she asked me to share I adamantly refused.

It was too personal. I don't think I've told her about the blog either. I definitely wouldn't share that. It's my place to vent without worrying or holding back. 

I felt I owed her and I didn't actually mind her reading it. The only issue is.. There are some scenes which are the reason I made it mature.

I doubt she'll ever have the time to read it. She is super busy constantly at everyone's beck and call. That would stress me out completely but she enjoys it. 

I am somewhat curious to know if she would genuinely relish it though. The new book has two chapters written and I didn't want to do anymore this weekend.

I just felt like chilling out.

Looney Tunes World of Mayhem 1

This is one of the games on Mistplay that is not as straightforward as it looks. I used to play it on my G6 Play and my Samsung A41 but the G6 is crashing so I'll uninstall it.

This is my experience of the game and yours may differ. I'm not going to say you have to do this or that because it's subjective. Your goals may be poles apart from mine.

This is just what I do. I collect my free crates every couple of hours, there was a glitch yesterday and I was able to get two. I didn't even notice that I could watch adverts for ten gems.

Full disclosure. I am always a free player but I accidentally made a purchase and briefly turned into a paid one. It was coins, gems, core boosts and loyalty tokens.

I check to see if any of my crates can be opened for free. I guess some people spend gems to collect goodies quicker but I have found better uses for them.

I use my gems to buy coins or golden tickets. My reasoning behind that is, I constantly need to promote my toons to get them stronger.

It is very expensive to do that so I need to be careful with my currency. The golden tickets are used to spin wheels and get some new or old toons.

When I click on World, I'll click on houses and upgrade them a lil to get free toon pieces and cash. The higher the upgrade, the tiniest chance you get a few more pieces.

The last couple upgrades are a joke in terms of cost. I am on player grade 49 so I have five houses available to pick from. My Iron Mutt toon is on level 9 with one more to go.

It will cost me 20k to move it to the maximum level and all I will get in return is probably just under 2k per 6 hours. It's not worth it at all.

I only have one toon at the highest level and that is my adorable Baby Elmer because there was an event going and no other way to collect pieces.

It kinda sucks about the special toons, once the event is over, you can only get them from the houses. There are always events happening so different toons need to be leveled up slightly.

I only just figured it out that even when the houses are maxed, you still don't get pieces from legendary characters grr. Just gold, considering how expensive and energy consuming it is, you should get both!!

I have to be smart so I know that I can only do events up to a certain point so I will either replay them when I'm stuck for goodies or I will just quit and move on to the regular campaigns.

There is an important event taking place for a legendary toon. I don't know if this is the highest level. It looks like it and I had to make a choice between getting this toon, Anubis K9 or just levelling up newer less impressive toons.

To get Anubis I had to sacrifice 15 golden tickets for 1 lousy spin of the wheel to get from 45-300 at the very minimum. I wasn't prepared to do that.

Instead I focused on the roadrunner event wheel. For every spin it only cost 3 golden tickets and toons amassed to 125-300.

A much better deal for me. Oh and the kicker is. Toons need to have a certain amount before they can be used or "activated" Anubis needs 300 pieces lol!!!

While I am taking part in the event, I am reaching goals anyway and collecting a bunch of toons. The next time the event rolls around I can re-evaluate the deal.

I currently have 90 just from participating and instead of getting that one toon. I have 3 that I acquired in play. Different events, require other toons.

Four play at a time in battles so I work on at least two of them and get them tougher, increasing their skills and power. 

Core boosts are a way of increasing the statistics for a core group of toons. WB Studios, Avalooney, Tasmania, Forest, Town, Farm, Desert, City, Space and Summit.

I am prioritising Forest, City and Space because that is where some of my highest ranked toons are and also my event toons.

There is a choice between what statistic you want to increase. Attack - increases damage. Defence - decreases damage. Health - increases health points aka stamina.

Lastly we have Speed - makes you have your turn faster. It's a tricky one. Either you can work on one group and one statistic or mix and match.

I personally chose to focus on Attack and HP to start with and then Defence because I wanted to be more aggressive and last longer before expiring.

These are hard to build up, so use them wisely. I wonder if crates are still stealable once they reach the Open stage. Also some people choose to steal crates and not open or store them to quickly rank up for more benefits.

Everytime a crate gets pilfered you loose ranking points aka trophy's but you do get cash. I do a mixture of both. When you open a certain amount there are bonuses to collect.

Inside the crates vary from cash to xp potions which will help to increase the level of your toon to make it harder to beat. Also some contain materials that will help to tune-up your tunes.

In other words increase the skills, so look at your toons and figure out what you need and then attack the team hosting the crate and steal steal steal!!

Be sure to check out their team power and make sure it is beneath yours for a fairer chance to gain it. There is also cosmic stars to elevate your toon even higher.

I'm not sure who to recommend as I'm still new. However I do like Iron Mutt, Leopold, King Bugs, Scout Foghorn, Cannoneer Canasta. Presto Pig and Gridiron Gossamer so far.

One last thing. It is recommended to get a mix of attackers and defenders on your playing team. I don't think I have ever done that before.

I tend to go for the autoplay x4 the fastest and it seems like half the time, whoever has the highest team power appears to get more attacking opportunities.

This is why I concentrate on a handful of toons for most things and then when events roll in, I go and level up those toons and leave my core team alone because the money runs out super fast.

Do play the Arena battles even if you are a weak player. There are still rewards to be had. I used to lose all the time and now I get second or first place.

These are some characters that have the potential from tune-ups to attack multiple enemies at a time. Leopold, Van Wile, Starseeker Lola, Iron Mutt, Cannoneer Canasta, Cupid Elmer. 

Welcome to my blog party :D 200th Post!!!

Come in, come in. You're early but you can help me set everything up. 

The caterers haven't arrived yet and by that I mean Iceland but they are due anytime now, so keep an eye out please because I am cranking up the music slightly :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeTgx_pj6m8

Starting with Kool and the Gang - Celebration! 

Why are we having this hullabaloo you ask? Well I couldn't publish my book and not mark this milestone. I feel like all I'm known for is being sick and dieting pffft.

That changes now. Loads of people said they wanted to try writing but couldn't but I actually did it.

Party tip number one. I used my mini fan to blow dry my hair and get some volume and yes it is all completely done. Cool air means that I won't get heat damage.

The sour note is, I just realised I have to go out in the rain soon grr. Looking through my playlist, you know what I'm realising?

It's really tough to find an upbeat song that isn't lovey dovey :D

This isn't exactly up-tempo but it is a really fun feelgood song. It really spoke to me from the first time I heard it and I have adored her ever since.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFRv6ZHScHQ

It's India Arie - Video!

It's all about loving yourself and embracing your imperfections, We all share them. That's my take on it anyway. 

I play it when I need to reminder that I'm too hard on myself and I should ignore people that criticised my looks.

Next up we have...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yYYDV0EPxk

Kool and the Gang - Ooh la la la

Granted my playlist is all over the place, with old and new music but it's the music I partly grew up with and then developed my own tastes away from my family but who doesn't enjoy the classics? :D

Half of mama's gifts have been despatched, fingers crossed the other half get there today or tomorrow. 

Ahh yes, the food has arrived. We have lemon or victoria cake. Not mixed together, all separate. 

Creamy chicken and herb or salmon vol-au-vents. You know those mini pastry things with fillings. Nachos topped with cheese and guacamole. 

The pepper sauce and beef are on the side because I don't know who eats what nowadays and also..... I am a lightweight when it comes to spicy food.

I don't mind it seasoned but nothing that burns the roof of my mouth off or makes my ears fill with steam :o

I feel like I am missing something... Hmm. Oh yea mixed nuts. Cashews, hazelnuts, almonds and we also have some decadent choccies.

I bought the mixed selection box of Ferreros. You know I love them and it's something for everyone. Dark, milk, coconut and white chocolate.

Anything else? I can't think of it and I am tired from all this dancing. Ok two more boogies and then we relax.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6Dqyj0yWqo

Daddy Yankee - Limbo

I got the spanglish version because I don't speak spanish and I like to try and sing along to the words lol. 

Party tip number two. I don't know why and it could just be me but songs just sound better a lil bit sped up. 

I've been playing them at 1.25 speed on Youtube for years and on my phone I downloaded Dub music player which has a speed setting.

Try it and see what you think.... Where are my manners. Please excuse me for not offering you a refreshing beverage. I have chilled drinks.

Shloer rose wine, vimto, fanta or you could play bartender and mix up some fruity mocktails??

Alcohol free zone I'm afraid.

Ready for more music?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cGjiue0xAE

Another Level and TQ - Summertime.

Wow that was fun! Who knew you were such a party animal. You look so reserved and quiet but you are chatting away and seems like you are enjoying yourself.

That was my hope. Now we have to wind down because it's getting late and I'm yawning, no offence but I just want to curl up and watch something cheesy.

You want to join me? Coolio. I just finished watched Coming 2 America, that was great, Want to see the original? Or we could watch.........Charlies Angels? Bridget Jones Diary?

You pick. I'm going to turn up the heating and try not to fall asleep..

Thanks for helping to make it a entertaining party.

Sweet dreamZzzz...

One last thing. You all looked gorgeous tonight and I can't believe I've written two hundred posts!!

Wattpad story completion!!

I'm still buzzing. I was half gaming, half rewatching Moonlighting for the billionth time and suddenly I wanted to write.

First I loaded up Blogger, attempting a fiction post and a second later. I thought nope. 

I'll go on Wattpad and see if inspiration hits. I've been avoiding finishing it, not knowing if its been worth my time but it was a dream of mine so I persisted on and off for years.

My process is while I am staring at the page, I have a vague idea about what I'll write but it never turns out the way I think it will.

I say to myself okay, this is the direction I see it going in. I make notes for plot ideas and just work around that notion.

The moment I start writing though, words are dancing in my head and my gut takes over from my brain.

Is that normal? Who am I supposed to be listening too? I've been going with my gut because it just spills out of me, more naturally. 

I usually write half or a whole chapter nowadays before I would write the night away but not publish until the morning.

Tonight I thought. Alright I seem to be super inspired so even if it's changing directions again..

Ill go with it and that will be it but as I finished that chapter. It finally dawned on me, how to end it.

Some bits of ideas I kept and the rest discarded. I haven't set it to *status complete* until I finish some small edits.

But the fictional story is written in its entirety. I thought I was going to feel anxious and sad but I feel great. 

Love it or hate it. I'm not sure I'm fussed but it'll always be my first baby and I'm proud and thrilled its finally done.

I'll leave a link but don't feel obligated to read or comment. It was a passion project. Hopefully some humour injected and a story that makes sense lol :D

I was beginning to think I would never do it but I overcame it. Very satisfying feeling.

I'm going to try and attempt some sleep. Although, one game of scrabble might be played first.. 

I deserve a treat :) Strange I didn't even make it to 40 chapters by 38 it had wrapped itself up.

I'm going to leave this as a draft and then when my edits are done. I'll put the link in, it's already on Twitter but I'm not sure how many of you use that.

By the way I put a mature rating on it, not because there is smut. There isn't any. I did it for the mature themes and slight violence.

I just wanted to cover myself in case it got flagged.

What is it about? A mystery woman who isn't who she appears to be and two men who arrive with agendas. Are they trustworthy?

Will they be good or bad guys? Who will she pick in the end?

https://www.wattpad.com/story/37953079-faithless-pursuit

Fancy a chat?

This might be a bit one sided as you lot are the strong silent types so mind if I start? I know it's been a while since I did a proper update but life happens.

The Mistplay gaming is time consuming but fun and I have redeemed three £30 Amazon vouchers so far. 

Those of you that follow me on Twitter (https://twitter.com/SleeplessScrib1) will know that I have been vocal about it and will put up random tips and let you know if there is a mistcode going for free points.

I won't post the code but I'll let you know a new one is up. I feel a bit awkward. I think you should follow their social media if you want the code that way they can continue building their brand and offering more perks.

I can relate to trying to do that and I'm still trying to build myself up and showcase my blog but in my own way. I'm feeling more confident each day.

But until I get that recognition, I'll continue giving myself kudos. I feel like the positive thoughts need to outweigh the negativity.

As a semi frequent shopper on Amazon I got offered a 99p weeks trial so I snapped it up to avoid delivery costs as I was shopping for Mother's Day that is on the 14th March.

It has come around so soon. I've never received a gift basket aside from competition wins but I think they are such a fun and exciting gift to open.

This year I thought I would just go the semi indulgent route. I compared prices and ended up with an assortment and all those things had Prime discounts lol which I didn't realise until I checked out.

Altogether I think it was a £6 saving which though not a massive amount, it's still a good portion. I bought some Lindt nutty dark chocolates, A Christian mystery fiction book, sparkling rose non alcoholic wine and a wildlife dvd set.

What do you think? Is that a cute enough bundle? What are you buying for your mamas? I tend to buy the same mixtures as gifts with slight differences as that is what she likes.

I'm surprised I managed to get Sunday delivery but Prime lets you choose a day for no extra cost and she is likely to be home at the weekends plus the actual day itself.

How cool is that?? It's only the wildlife dvds that will be delivered between now and the 15th March as they weren't covered by Prime.

I find Amazon delivers most stuff early anyway aside from at the holidays and those awful Black Friday deals, where they jack up the prices, instead of lowering them.

At home I don't have a mirror in the bathroom or a Vanity table. I just usually squint and do my makeup with a hand mirror. I do have a full length mirror on my wardrobe but half of it is covered, so I don't tend to use it.

I finally got around to plucking my brows and I noticed more prominent grey hairs right at the front in between my black hair. Ugh it is sooo noticeable.

What do you do with yours? Assuming you even have any? I have finally got my hair back to it's healthiest-ish state. No more colour treatments or heat.

Regular trims. This last time. I am sure I hacked off about three inches by choice. I resisted it for the longest time but you know what?

Not having see-through stringy hair anymore is such a great look and feeling. It's not thick or too thin. It's now got volume and texture to it.

I still can't leave it loose though. It doesn't seem neat enough. Ooh I just spotted the wide thick yoga headband in the black shade for £3.61.

It's a lil more than I wanted to pay but it will make tying up my hair and keeping it out of my face better. Half the time when I use my face brush, my hair gets soaked.

Not ideal and I can wear the headband out because it isn't a flashy colour. I'm not trying to draw attention to my hair because although it's in a much more improved state.

I don't think I'll ever be considered trendy. I just think those females with the headbands and messy buns look so effortlessly chic.

What do you do with the front wisps of your hair? I don't know if overseas they are referred to as bangs? Even though I have a round face.

I hate having any hair free and loose. It just annoys me, especially when I am out and the wind is smacking it into my eyes and makeup. Grr.

I think most women prefer to have some of it out and it does look nice but not me. Another reason for the headband option. I really don't spend that much time on my hair.

I'm lucky if it is even fully dry when I leave. I air dry it and half of it tends to be dry and styled and the rest is playing catch up. Don't laugh!! :D

I prioritise sleep over getting ready. I have so lil of it. I am frequently running late so I just grab hair bobbles and stick it up into mini buns or ponytails.

If I have time, I like to do my makeup. Foundation, eyeshadow and lipgloss and that is it. Occasionally I'll fill in my brows with an eyebrow pencil but half the time I forget.

I have never really done the contouring thing. Again, it looks stunning on others but I'd rather do the minimal and let my face breathe, then cake on makeup.

I'm due on my period soon and feeling extra tired. Do any of you feel lethargic just before you start? I remember reading ages ago that drinking orange juice helps.

I don't know how. I should probably Google it but since I started doing it, it has. Strange the things that help. Do you have any tips to recommend?

I've got these two specifically on my Youtube playlist for cramps and a reduction in intensity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp-pJXhWwhg&list=PL_S79tzxwHpPxSrIjg-Rj-EEMAvAtdqGA&index=2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMlxRiOdIsw&list=PL_S79tzxwHpPxSrIjg-Rj-EEMAvAtdqGA&index=3

To be honest. I don't listen to binaural beats regularly. I use them as and when I need them. It's not a universal thing. It helps some and doesn't work for others.

I don't use medication so I have to look for natural remedies. I don't have much of an appetite at the moment. I'm not feeling bloated just not hungry.

I can handle eating snacks as meals but not a huge feast. I bought some crackers that I'm really enjoying and I've tried the Asda chocolate and nut muesli bar...

It's really good value. Six medium sized bars for 61p. The taste could be better but it isn't bad but the texture is rock hard, that makes it undesirable.

I'm not going to go into details but it's funny how you get used to an organisation being really brutal and heartless when you're in a super fragile state...

Then you get a call out of the blue from them and my defenses were up and I was thinking, here we go, what mean thing are you going to say to me?

She was a delight to talk to. Big shock. I think on a personal level, she related to me as our circumstances are very similar. She even told me that she would handpick the next person I have to interact and make them super nice.

My eyes were watering at that point. I am so used to dealing with these power-tripping people that put me down because they know I can't say anything back.

So it was a real change of pace to deal with someone showing me respect and telling me I deserve better. I didn't tattle. I just told the truth that some of them are awful.

I didn't say this to her but when she said I was getting a new person. I thought. Thank heavens. I hated the previous one. Vindictive for the sake of it.

I could have easily mentioned his name but the pushback would have got me in trouble too. His personality seems horrendous so I know that if I told her his name, he would have sought revenge and made me look bad.

I don't need the stress and I'm already feeling a lil vulnerable with the surge of hormones coursing through my body. 

Holy moly. I didn't mean for this post to go on. Once I get chatting, there is no stopping me. Oops. In my head I'm working on a fiction piece but I'm not sure about it.

Take care you lovely readers and be safe :)