Thursday 30 June 2022

#BlogLife301 - One of those unhappy bunny days

I think I had bouts of sleep which wasn't bad, still woke up at 4ish and thought it was morning but I managed to get more rest.

I was running on time, so had the chance to do my hair and makeup properly without missing any buses. 

I did feel nauseated though and cramps weren't helping and then my contact lenses just felt irritable all day.

It just got to the point where the sun was blazing and I couldn't see to cross the road. I should have walked with my eye drops.

I ended up buying a chicken salad panini and a chicken baguette, had some and then couldn't finish the rest. The salad was really good, red cabbage, cucumbers and coleslaw.

I always pick out the tomato chunks, ickity. I remembered to browse for every day lotions but I didn't see anything appealing, except Aveeno.

I had tried this before in a sample version but I think it was a thick hand cream that appeared heaps better.

This is a daily moisturising body type, 200ml tube and disappointingly watery thin. It did absorb in easily and actually for skin that is cracking, it did thoroughly moisturise and replenish it.

My elbows are super soft and smooth right now. I'm not sure how long that will last. Quite steep at £3.70 but I'll see if it's worth it.

There's not a pretty scent as such just something generic and that's always sad as I prefer a heady perfume wafting into my nostrils.

Dull green packaging too. Nothing that stands out. I'm quite astonished at how long it lasted. I didn't have to do a top up.

I found that it was fine until the morning, where I woke up and my elbows were back to cracking again. After one coat, they seemed fine again.

I don't find thin lotions do anything for me, however this is the exception. Not ideal but it does seem to work well.

I've finally remembered to read the blurb on the packaging. It does say unscented and something about clinically proven to moisturise for 24 hours.

Well that is a lie but it performed better than expected, just not that long.

I made a cringy boo boo today.

I thought that I was undercharged so I figured would give a nice tip, only I misheard and I underpaid.

I cringed so much as she handed me back the change. I didn't have spare coins to give away.

Oh well. My hands are still in a lot of pain. I think heat is probably the best bet and for the eyes, cold and icy gel packs.

Ooh I can't believe I have finally gotten the android 12 update. Thought it was due at the end of summer.

It's taken about 20 minutes but it is going from android 11 to 12 so understandable.

Apparently it's added grammarly to the native keyboard but I've tried it and not impressed, more on that in the next or upcoming posts.

Wednesday 29 June 2022

#BlogLife300 - I'm in the mood to fight!! (Goodbye part 2) mini update

Something snapped. I think I had been holding back some resentments and they came out today from what seemed like a petty instance.

I think I'm just aware of people constantly taking me for granted, using me and then just laughing or being smug about it, so when I see it, in someone supposedly nice, it burns me.

At first I really do try to understand it and ignore it, maybe as them being a lil thoughtless but then after a while, it feels like it's calculated.

Asking me questions like...... "Do you miss me?" Instead of saying.. "Oh this happened and I thought of you" or "Just checking in to see how you are?"

"I couldn't keep away, I couldn't not text, was bursting to talk to you, even though I am swamped."

You know something simple like that instead of always making me talk about what I feel and you just carelessly mumbling the same afterwards or agreeing. Pah!!!

Irritating!! You say we don't fight, well possibly that is because I hate confrontation and I feel guilty for bringing this up and upsetting you, even though I'm bloody entitled to do it!!!

That should have been my red flag. The way you harped on about us not having problems and getting on famously. I'm sure I reminded you that I was difficult at times, but you dismissed it.

The other thing that bothered me was you claimed to routinely fight with exes and had no issue with it. Why couldn't you have done the same with me?

I just think it was your pride. You must have falsely assumed my feelings for you would cloud my judgement and I would what??

Let you get away with murder?? Let myself be dissatisfied forever without facing you and offloading??

I'm not the bravest person but if it is a choice between staying quiet or screaming at you with rage? I'll take the battle option and see what unfolds.

Nobody wants to prompt someone, otherwise it feels disingenuous and fighting with someone that's using smileys and short texts is even more aggravating.

The funny thing is, you could have so easily diffused my anger. If you had just accepted my perspective and had the balls to face my wrath. You didn't though, did you??

Which makes you a coward!

Ugh!!!! Fine, see how you like short texts from now on too. To think, I was looking forward to talking to you but now I don't want too at all.

Why does it always come back to you and how you're impacted? You could have said....... Oh I didn't realise, I didn't mean to treat you that way.

Now you think I'll come running and chase you again? Well no!! I won't. I do miss you but you need to express yourself better and chase me for once!

Show me that you care, that you would make the effort to work things out until there was no point, relentlessly but then I'm starting to think, you don't. 

You've just been playing games. You left very quickly without looking back.

Hmm. I don't know, perhaps I was wrong about you, seeing/hearing what I wanted, instead of the apathetic truth.

Same ol same ol garbage!!

Next!!!!!! 

Have a nice life!!

You failed the argument test. 

I need to be able to communicate my emotions, have you understand my perspective and then reply back with comprehension and a suitable response.

I will not go back to being ignored as though what I am going through doesn't register at all.

Plus I need to hear your take on it, you can disagree, you can see it differently but you have to speak up and let me know, otherwise we don't belong together.

It's still immensely challenging to express myself, so you have to realise if I am doing it or shouting, it's because I'm frustrated and I'm sick of being tolerable when I don't feel it's returned to me.

All couples row, it's human nature. We should have been able to navigate through this, instead we broke apart.

You haven't been in contact since yesterday afternoon and I don't think you will.

You want someone that is meek and won't go against you at all. I can be chilled at times but I'm not a doormat, if something is eating away at me, I should be able to vent, without you running away.

Ps someone tell me how to stop picking up my phone and checking for missed calls/messages every few minutes..LOL.

This did help. I just needed to get it out of my system so that I wasn't replaying the last conversation again.

I will give you until this evening and then I'll block you permanently.

No relationship/friendship is perfect but for me I need certain things to be able to breathe.

I grew up with fear and dysfunction in my interactions. That's not how I want to live anymore.

I want something healthy and normal. I want to get through conflicts and not be depressed or scared.

It should be routine and cathartic to vent. One day maybe I'll find someone that lets me be all parts of moi.

The soft, the vulnerable, the sarcastic, the witty, the sweet, the angry, the aloof, the suspicious, the affectionate, the lovable and lastly, respectably nutty.

**Oh and one final thing, you selfish bastard. (Yes I have been cursing you out).

You asked to hear one itty bitty chapter of my work and that was it. You weren't keen on any of the posts that didn't mention you!

Yet you kept asking again and again for me to hear more of your story. 

Considering how nerve wracking that experience of reading to you was but how fiercely I defended my work, when you didn't like a certain detail..

Plus how supportive I was with yours, when it wasn't to my genre taste at all.

I would have thought you could have been way more supportive and enthusiastic.

More examples of your over inflated ego! What was the bit he didn't like?

In Uncivilised Civilian when I was describing the shower amenities, he thought I harped on about it excessively.

I pointed out that this was aimed at women, who always had a million and one products cluttering up the bathroom, so this should appeal.

Ok, now I wash my hands of you and I'm officially done!

Tuesday 28 June 2022

#BlogLife299 - Dear Yum Yum (Goodbye part 1)

Sheepishly looks at you. I have a confession to make, I got the dates muddled. We aren't at our 1 month anniversary, it's coming up to our 3rd week, next Wednesday.

Maybe I'm still trying to fast track us? Skip ahead to a more established time? In order that I feel more secure and comfortable and that this isn't another disaster in the making..?

I can't really pick faults with you, the way that I do with others, In regards to my past history.

By this time, I have always discovered a fountain of flaws and unpleasant habits that I want to distance myself away from.

We already have sickeningly sweet pet names for each other, as well as the rude and bizarrely humourous types. It seems to flow out of mouths more naturally, instinctively.

Perhaps it is too soon? I have no idea. This is unfamiliar terrain. I guess I will always feel cautious.

Don't move too fast, keep it at a slow steady pace, don't get overrun by hormones or infatuation, take your time, get to know him truly first and see if there are any haunting surprises.

Surprisingly when I had a rough few days, I actually did not turn away from you. I opened up and explained what happened which is fairly new to me.

I prefer stepping back and unravelling it myself and then returning to a more lighthearted mood.

You were quite caring and understanding, felt moved by my plight even though I quickly dismissed it as overreacting and moved on to more pleasant discussions.

On one hand. having hashed far more than we probably should at this stage, I wonder how it will be when there isn't a time limit?

If we will just sit and talk endlessly and not be bored or making excuses to escape.

You just seem so certain about us, that it will all magically work out and I don't comprehend that at all, with so many obstacles in the way.

Maybe you're just saying what you think I want to hear or what you assume all women want? I can't say. Or are you just an optimist?

I just know that for me. I can't envision the future. I'm so used to being by myself, it's ingrained that I'll always be alone, fending for myself.

I've never had moments where I could let myself unfold. Trust someone and say, this is me. I'm not perfect, I'm not traditional but I'm loyal, honest and I can learn to be affectionate and share my time.

The simplicity of my life, doesn't seem enough. Writing, writing and more writing.

Then there is my constant state of exhaustion. The aches and pains lingering gently or aggressively.

The stress of keeping myself going, knowing that if I stop, I just might not carry on anymore.

I don't hate my life, tough though it may be. It's just a lot to deal with but when there are moments of serenity, it's bearable.

What if I can't be me, anymore, as a couple? What if I have to pretend to be in good spirits so that you don't fret about me?

I don't want to lose my essence. I don't want to put on a mask and not be genuine. 

I just want to be the same person but with allowances set aside to include you.

I don't need things my way all the time, I can compromise and we can work something out.

It should always be equal and respectful. Everything seems good on the surface but I don't feel I am 100% in yet.

We did seem to share a lot of the same views and that helps immensely because I've never quite met anyone that is more like me, in some respects.

You agree to take things at a slow pace and never dismiss my feelings, instead constantly validates them but I'm still wary and can't let go yet and go with my emotions.

It would lift the weight off my shoulders to confide in you and let you support me/let us be there for each other. To be able to be transparent all the time, instead of having my guard up.

However what if I do all of that in due course and you betray me??

It's a risk and I have been taking you at face value. You don't shy away from awkward exchanges and you randomly volunteer tidbits so I have no reason to doubt your word.

I just need time and for you to be patient. If this is going to work out like you assume, then I don't want to be backed into a corner and rushed.

It should just be taking the next steps as they come and hoping that there is a pleasant journey ahead.

One of the issues is that I have never liked my body, slim or voluptuous it always received negative criticisms so I always felt it wasn't appealing.

I think disrobing will be a challenge for me but fancy pants lingerie will help. I've already seen beautiful summery bras but i miss buying the sets.

We gabbed about many things and I wonder if we will get to that domesticated state?

Having the neighbours over for dinner, sneaking off into the kitchen in the guise of a ruse for some covert smooching..

Going for walks, holding hands or arm in arm to walk off a meal, get some air or just because the mood takes us.

Visiting the local pub for lunch and drinks but ignoring everyone, lost in our own bubble world.

Me making lunch for you, adding lil notes and piling in extra treats for you to savour.

Us curling up sometimes when I nap or offloading to you or you to me, after an aggravating day.

Swapping immature but giggly challenges and seeing who can best the other.

(You're going down, I fight to win, fight dirty too *bats eyelashes*)!

I'm not asking for promises. I'm uncertain whether it will be a success or not, myself.

I guess what I want is for you to be a good guy. To be someone that I can learn to rely on a bit, that I can unwind with and be happy with..

As I don't quite know how to divulge the horrific details of my home life and my dating past.

It's just all really........ disturbing.

                           ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Hmm I'm not sure I have the right to feel miffed at you but I do. You could have texted, even if you didn't call yesterday.

Not that you're obligated but sometimes it seems like I'm the one thinking of you or missing you and you only say the same thing, after me.

That's not very nice or balanced. At times, you should be the one to say sentimental things before me, assuming you do feel that way.

I do not want to be in a one sided thing. I know at other times, you say stuff randomly but you're a lil bit too laid back.

You should never be that complacent, that you have me. I've told you that before.

I'm not the self titled Ice Queen for no reason. I will not settle for crumbs of affection!

Monday 27 June 2022

#BlogLife298 - Parcelforce gave my parcel to Mr X

I guess I'm still smarting a bit from this, that I'm still dealing with duplicitous neighbours that don't seem to stop harassing me in one form or the other.

From stealing my welcome mat, to trying to break into my home, to letting their pet defecate repeatedly outside my door to stealing my post..... To getting me in trouble with the council/bin tampering fines.

How much is one person supposed to tolerate exactly. I've done nothing to these jerks and I don't want to get the police involved.

My daily life is already exhausting and to deal with apathetic police too? Ughhh too much.

This is what happened. I discovered a missed parcel note from parcelforce in my mail.

I scheduled a redelivery and customer service said it was processing routinely and should be with me soon and someone would be in touch to explain more.

Hah lies!! As noone did contact me. Then tracking said address couldn't be found. I called up once more to be told they need my complete address and instructions.

Aka the poor itty bitty courier can't use GPS to locate my area. They found it before, why not this time???

I was told they would not re-attempt delivery until Monday, not yesterday. I thought fine, whatever..

Yesterday I check the tracking because I don't trust them and low and behold it's been collected...... By the addressee.

Have I changed my sex??? I'm pretty sure I'm still a woman. Funny because a man collected it, with a different name to mine.

Maybe Parcelforce just hands it out to anyone that comes looking. ID here???? No no no. 

Come one, come all, take anything you please. We are not fussed, we just like emptying our workload.

The less deliveries, the better, that's our motto. Once again I made a futile effort to contact customer services but they were closed.

I shall see what nonsense they come up with to explain it all....Then I will just let it all go as I don't want this weighing me down.

I'll add to this post. Ahh it's past 8am I can call them. Well, well, well.

That was resolved very quickly. My temper was in check but I was aggravated.

As I explained all the details, dealt with the annoying robot and got through.

The representative told me that there was a mix up. The street name listed, was incorrect but was something very similar to mine with one word, that was different.

I just don't understand how they didn't flag, that my name was different to that of Mr X.

Even if the address was wrong, the name bloody wasn't, grr causing me undue stress for no reason.

The biggest laugh was him asking me, if I was expecting anything. I said no but that I did order a lot from amazon.

To which he replied, no this isn't from there, this came from abroad! Lmao!!

Amazon is international, a lot of the stuff is imported. Bahaha!!!

I am just relieved everything is all sorted out and I can chill. Hope your week goes smoothly.

Friday 24 June 2022

#BlogLife297 - The soft egg debate

I was randomly talking to someone and of course the topic of food was broached. I can't remember by who, but it was probably me.

I was saying I prefer crispy fried eggs as opposed to the other versions. There is scrambled, poached, boiled, benedict etc.

I won't list them all as I would probably forget some. I don't even know what some of them mean. Too much googling.

He prefers scrambled on toast with mushrooms which is not appealing. I don't mind scrambled but I draw the line at mushrooms, not a huge fan.

Having tried eggs with avocados I would definitely add that to the mix instead or maybe turkey bacon or possibly fruit.

I do have a weakness for berries in particular, they are not dry or bitter but full of interesting flavours, unless they aren't fresh.

I might not even have toast, maybe a hearty bagel or a croissant or half a baguette. I guess it would depend on how famished I was at what time of the day it happened to be.

When I was lil, we did have a mixture but I remember most prominently we all had soft boiled eggs with cut up strips of toast soldiers.

I think it tended to be a plateful of maybe sausages, beans. I hate to confess but before I knew what it was...... Black pudding too.

Good gravy my taste buds must have been dead back then. Anyway it was also fun dipping into the egg held in a cute lil egg cup.

I don't even think I was that keen on eating it afterwards, just enjoyed the dousing, which always ended too soon for my liking.

I'm curious about who would be on my side..... Team fried and who would be on his side? Team scrambled? Boo hiss, inferior team. Grins..

I'll leave you with a new favourite pun....

I'm eggs-hausted :D

Thursday 23 June 2022

#BlogLife296 - Let me read your blog....

"Oh you're a blogger? Wow that sounds fun and easy, give me the link then so I can check you out??"

Would you be flattered by that request or uneasy like me? I've been blogging for what seems like forever but still whenever I hear that query I cringe.

Particularly if it's from a male as they tend to be extremely critical and judgemental.

I don't mind them seeing a selective few, personally chosen, random posts but not something deep and meaningful straight away without any context behind it.

I don't want a zillion questions fired at me. Why did you say that? Don't you think you're overreacting?

Why so moody? Can you not just move past that? I don't understand your point of view, can you elaborate?

Ughhhh. No no no no!! They want too much, too soon and I am not having it!

It should be a gentle pace not a frigging high speed race, where they immediately presume they know me intimately.

I'm not at all comfortable with that. I would make an exception if it wasn't such a personal blog.

After I said No. One guy said......Why not, you should be promoting it, not hiding it.

Pah like I would fall for something manipulative like that. He was obsessed with wanting to read it.

I just explained I do promote it, just not on that medium. I suppose you need a thick skin about exposing yourself to others.

That's understandable. I just don't tolerate the assumptions, that some make straight away.

They don't read something and say....Does this mean...? Blah blah..

They say. Oh you always felt like that because.... No I don't like that at all.

You don't know me from one bloody post. Read the whole blog and then you can have a lil insight about me.

Wednesday 22 June 2022

#BlogLife295 - Start or middle of a relationship?

 What is your favourite part of a relationship? Is it the beginning, where it's all shiny and new and uncertain?

Finding out what you have in common and your similar distastes? Sharing cute lil stories and philosophies?

Finding out what they want out of life and if you fit in? Or is it the middle where you are finally established?

Everybody knows where they stand and you can just relax and be together. A pattern starts to form, calls and texts are routine.

A date night emerges. Things transpire from light and flirty to a lot more significant.

I've only ever had the starts, if that. The getting to know you stages and after a dozen first dates, it does get tiresome, not evolving on to the next level.

As fun as the beginning is.. Learning all those precious details.. I want to skip straight to the middle.

Coupledom. Somewhere I have heard of but never been. The tedious getting to know me probes have finally disappeared.

I feel less insecure and nervous that it's another timewaster. At least if it doesn't work out, I would have had some relationshipness.

Preparing meals together, snuggled on the sofa, having our favourite song, film or snacks in the background.

Going for gentle walks or going grocery shopping, holding hands or arm in arm together and occasionally stopping to kiss or whisper private in-jokes.

Having silly, insignificant fights about this or that and sheepishly making up and going back to the lovey dovey contentment.

I honestly don't know if I'll ever be a couple, whether I have the capacity to let someone in that much.

Whether I can even fall in love or trust someone fully ever again. I want that respect, I've never received.

I want the affection that has eluded me. I need the kindness and care that I don't feel from others.

I want to let go and have someone catch me, to know and believe with all my heart and soul, that they have my best interests in mind in their words, thoughts and actions,

Lastly I want someone that will look after me and make me their priority.

Now by that, I don't mean dropping everything and focusing solely on me and my needs, neglecting themselves/their others....

Ick, no. I mean that they consider the impact on my life, when making medium to big decisions.

That their first thought is to include me and divulge tidbits. That they treat me as though I am the most exquisite thing in the world to them.

They don't smother but check up on me. They don't force answers out of me but they softly coax me.

That they think about me sometimes and how they could make me smile or see me and have a fierce need to hold me close and cuddle up.

That's all. Does that make sense?!

Tuesday 21 June 2022

#BlogLife294 - The reason you're ignored.. Updating

..Is because of lazy conversation starters.. Turn these around if you expect any type of response. Bear in mind how competitive it is, you need a hook..

1. How's you?

No shortcuts, just say How are you? That will make the other person realise, hmm he/she has a brain and isn't too slovenly to use it.

2. Tell me about you?

Nobody likes vagueness. Be specific and it will be way more engaging, instead of the other person floundering and being unsure what information to share.

3. What are your hobbies? What is your occupation? What...

Stick to one question, unless they are related to each other. 

Flooding someone with enquiries proves you have no conversation skills.

4. Talking of which, today..... 

Don't just ask question after question, mix in some personal stories or anecdotes, other wise it's just debate mode Zzz

5. I'm bored

Never say that because it instantly makes you sound uninteresting and that you can't entertain yourself.

6. Make your feedback and inquisitiveness delicate and intriguing.

Find fun ways to phrase things and answer, make it amusing but still provide the relevant information. Possibly a play on words..

7. Don't go under or overboard.

Keep it light and playful. Nobody needs your life story and heavy details, straight away, just keep it informative but a tiny bit vague.

8. Keep it mostly relevant.

It's tempting to go off on random tangents because there's a great story involved but if you do it too often, it will be hard to keep up and confusing for the listener.

Your goal is to enthrall, not leave them stuck and praying the phone rings to escape.

9. Be the best version of you.

You only have one chance to make a first impression, make it a unique one. Be polite and respectful. Everyone appreciates good manners.

10. Only ask questions that you are prepared to answer in return truthfully.

You will see how fast they skidaddle when you clam up about something, you've needed to ask them.

Refusing equal civility towards them by withholding the identical details.

11. Don't ask stupid, obvious questions.

If you're still not sure about something blatantly obvious, then disguise a follow up enquiry to get the details you need.

Otherwise once again, the listener loses all respect for you and thinks you lack insight.

When someone does that to me, I rip them apart with sarcasm. It's not hard to use your intelligence to grasp simple facts.

Monday 20 June 2022

#BlogLife293 - Creightons fruity face wash

My other supply finished yesterday and so I started with the Creighton's Grapefruit face wash.

It's 150ml with cute pink packaging and I paid £3.15 for it. The going price seems to be about £2.

The colour is sheer which I always feel is disappointing when the packaging is so bright and playful.

It's a gel like substance, thickish and when first applied has a strong sweet grapefruit scent which I find invigorating in the mornings.

As soon as you wash it off though, I don't really sense it on my skin, maybe faintly but it quickly wears away, which is a shame.

I did have some hormone related pimples flare up, prior to sampling this and now looking at my face in the mirror, my complexion is mostly clear.

It didn't prevent more blemishes from popping up though. I find the hormonal acne is the hardest to prevent.

My skin doesn't have any dry patches after using it and although it took ages, it does foam up on my face brush.

I'm not sure why it takes so long though, that was a bit annoying because I don't spend ages with the brush, I just go a few rounds and then stop.

Ahh I just read the description. The grapefruit possesses a natural salicylic acid which is the ingredient that fights against acne and oily skin.

No wonder I see it in so many brands. It is something that I used to look for in my skin care purchases but now I don't browse as much, I have to be less picky.

I recommend it because my face is heavily moisturised but it doesn't feel heavy just coated and soft.

Now this morning, I don't feel greasy but baby soft skin and youthful.

Friday 17 June 2022

#BlogLife292 - Pmt/Pms depression

I feel like because my cycle is so off my hormones are at their craziest. One minute angry, then sad, hungry, depressed and deep in thought, sentimental, romancing..

I think I'm up to my fourth 1 day period. This last one didn't even last a day. It was just the afternoon. 

Very light and then it was over, there was nausea, cramping, bloating and mood swings.

I'm still craving sugary things. not chocolate really, just something sweet in the afternoons.

Sometimes my brain races ahead. I lay my cards on the table for future scenarios and say oh by the way, it might never happen but this is my opinion, just in case haha!

What a fruitloop?! I wonder if anyone else does that?? Please say yes so I'm not the only looney.

I also just seemed to be really upset and sad. I processed the bad volunteer chat. I'm not dwelling on that anymore but something feels residual. 

I find myself withdrawing again and instead of reaching out, I say to people, focus on your own needs, not mine....I'll be fine, toodles..

I think just between you and moi... I am waiting, well not desperately but a small fraction is curious if someone will actually say....

Actually SS, I can see you're not fine so let's focus on you and give you a lil bit of tlc.

It's like I've had all 4 full term periods because I've gone through all the emotions each time.

There is someone I'm actively pushing away or testing or whatever you want to call it.

I'm just not entirely sure if I am doing it for my sake or his. It doesn't seem ideal on paper, however we get on swimmingly well and seem to fill each other's voids.

My brain just can't get around the big reality practicalities because they are huge.

Me being poorly, needing to rest a lot, not being active, the selfishness of being my own person and catering my own musical/movie/foodie delights.

Or even something as huge as relocating out of the area I have lived all my life and am comfortable in.

I think some men just get lost in the feelgoodness of it all and ignore the obvious obstacles, whereas I just like to look at them and think.....

How on earth can this survive because from all angles, there just doesn't to be a way to maintain it.

They think short term, everything seems peachy right now, why rock the boat?

I just come along and screw with that because you can only live in denial for so long before you wise up.

I'm not sure what outcome I'm expecting or hoping for. You're right? Goodbye? Or we'll find a way...?

I feel guilty about bombarding him but it's how my brain works. I spiral and have this need to divulge my thoughts and see what the reaction is...

I didn't sleep well last night, even worse than usual so I had my phone off all morning until lunchtime and then it was off again.

There were missed calls and texts that I wasn't in the mood to return. I could have dialled him back but I felt cranky.

I did text back and say we don't need to communicate, I'm tired, you're busy and he agreed readily which stung lol.

Then by mid afternoon I finally was able to nap after putting on the heated blankie and curling up.

I just can't seem to snooze without it covering me, even in summer, peculiar.

When I switched on my phone I replied to messages and we started talking like natural, all day, maybe lunchtime calls and occasionally evening ones.

I like him but dating is not realistic, someone that has to come down to see me, as I can't travel.

Someone that has to be patient because being in constant pain makes me frustrated, angry, weepy and despondent.

Someone that realises I'm never going to be fit and healthy because any lil bit of movements seem to cause catastrophic strains.

Someone that knows, I'm not an open book at all, It takes time for me to reveal details and to trust them, it's not an immediate stance I can ever take.

Someone that knows, when to leave me be, let me rest or let me heal myself because I'm overtired and overwhelmed and not coping.

Someone that can support me but not push me into anything, that recognises, I know what is best for me.

Lastly I think, someone that makes me feel utterly safe and relaxed. I have never had that before. I've always had to watch out and be on the look out for abuse or lies.

By the way, the outcome of the chat was that he was understanding about my concerns and fears. He got where I was coming from and just acknowledged how I felt was normal.

He appears to be very different that I'm used too. He is open and talkative but actually has opinions and a backbone.

He's not afraid to say No to me or disagree and he doesn't back down which I respect.

Before I seemed to be getting my own way and turning people around but not in this case.

It's very appealing.

Thursday 16 June 2022

#BlogLife291 - The headfuckery of volunteering

Obviously I cannot go into any details for confidentiality reasons but this was another doozy.

I don't even know if the account they were telling me was fabrication or real but it was disturbing.

Just when you think you're prepared enough and have heard some horrific things, not that I'm arrogant anymore but still.

Then you listen to someone and a sense of foreboding washes over me and I convince myself, no no no, it's not going down that path but it does.

Still more details are pouring out and it is just getting increasingly worse and I think, okay it's changed directions, seems fine, pulled back.

Then SMACK, it starts again, adding and increasing the traumatising information.

I don't know what the hell to do. I'm trying to tread softly and navigate and I manage it but it just takes a turn and....I think nope. can't do it.

Have to politely end this because my head is fucked up!! I'm sorry, I apologise for the bad language but needs must.

I have to get it out of my system because the guides were busy to offload onto and I need to vent it out of my system as my face is burning red.

One did attempt support but in the worst possible way and I'm grateful but it frustrated me more.

Dr K was around but I just bad about always running to him, so I didn't bother. Let the man have some damn peace haha!!

Maybe it's a triggery thing and that's why I am taking it hard but no more volunteering for a bit for me.

That one, was too much!

Wednesday 15 June 2022

#BlogLife290 - Don't only focus on him/her/this that..

The highlight of my day was absent mindedly making my bed and realising too late, the earbud case was perched on the edge.

When I lifted the duvet to fold it over, to my horror it then catapulted right over the bed.... I scrambled to get it, and it didn't looked cracked.

Hopefully it still works but it made me laugh. My own blooper. I'll test it later, pleading there are no side effects.

As I'm struggling myself and maybe you are in the same boat or eventually you will be, I thought we could help each other.

It just took me ages to get started today. I had calls to make, bills to pay, headphones/phones/fans to charge.

Things that I had been putting off and forgetting which is not exactly like me. I feel I have improved from the procrastinator I was prior.

Though cleaning, I will always drag my feet on. Yesterday I wanted to pop into the international store but I really felt too fragile to do anything much.

Just remember how good it feels to accomplish your daily tasks. Afterwards I felt so relieved that I was back to being responsible and focused again.

It felt great. Turning the lollygagging around and concentrating on my duties. It's fine to take an occasional break but don't just get lost in it.

Think about how fulfilled you'll be, when everything or most of it at least is accomplished.

Otherwise guilt and self loathing might come up that you've wasted the day instead of being productive and using your brain to be the brilliant person that you are.

I find instead of music, non talking asmr helps me with this. It's not trying to derail me, it's assisting me to get on and achieve my goals.

I guess another tip would be instead of leaving your phone on and checking it every five minutes for notifications....

We all do that, not just you ha. Just switch it off and immerse yourself in the duty at hand. You might even forget about it entirely for a few hours.

Then when you're done and grab it, you'll feel as though, you truly earned a break and can catch up, with a clear conscience.

Tuesday 14 June 2022

#BlogLife289 - Independence within relationships

I'm not in a relationship but every time I get a lil closer to someone I wonder about, what if I lose my independence?

I've been alone a lot through life and it isn't necessarily a bad thing but it makes me self reliant.

I look out for my needs, build myself up and make sure that I'm working towards goals that will make me content and productive.

What if I lose all that, trying to focus on.. Making them feel good or supporting them and neglect myself?

Would they care? Would they check up on me and steer me back towards, where I need to be?

I'm not sure to be honest. I can be kind, but rarely do I get it back. People seem to care about themselves more and snatch up what I give them and close up shop, never returning the favour, making us equal.

I can sit happily and listen to music, have my lunchtime naps, watch some cheesy shows, or write all day and all night and not get bored.

It might seem uninteresting to some or most but I love it. Being sick is extremely taxing. Going outside is difficult, walking even a bit, trying to stand straight and realising I have to hop or adjust because..

In the few minutes it takes to reach the bus stop, my feet or legs are burning. My hands are aching from holding the bus pass and phone..

Plus the sights and sounds of traffic whizzing by are making me anxious. It kinda preys on my mind, how I am walking, my weight, how sometimes I need to hold onto to the wall for balance or because of the intense pain.

Do people assume I am lazy? Out of shape? Milking it for attention? I don't dwell on it for too long because I know the truth but I am curious at times.

I guess it is about picking the right person, who will really see you and want to know, how to help you, to make you smile and laugh and feel fulfilled.

Maybe they will put your needs above them and you'll do the same but also each of you will take care of your separate wishes.

Sometimes you need quiet time, just to reflect or switch off. Possibly a form of exercise, a swim, a sauna, a walk, some dancing or a run, a game of sport? Who knows..

But if you are privileged to have all of that, cherish it and don't take it for granted. It's not something I expect to have in my life.

I'm not complaining. It's just exhausting pushing people away and trying to be strong when I'm empty and feeling incapable of standing, let alone walking.

I thought the pain was gone but just from typing, my hands are hurting quite a bit.

Why do I push people away? 

It amounts to lack of respect. If you know someone is being caring towards you and you dismiss their needs, you obviously don't appreciate or think highly of them.

Which is not acceptable!

Monday 13 June 2022

#BlogLife288 - Blinking or flirting with me? Update

The door has been going nonstop today, deliveries and more packages. I had Iceland, 1 private, 1 ebay parcel my drops and a Greggs sandwich order.

I've never heard of the brand SuperEyes but the reviews across the board were positive and my eyes with the hard lenses are very dry and itchy at the moment so I needed some comfort.

I know you are not supposed to rub the eyes but I do it to clear away the grit, the itch and because it is sooo satisfying.

I wasn't sure if you could wear these with contact lenses. I always have to check the label, otherwise I would have to hold off from inserting the lenses for up to an hour or so.

Not all drops are allowed, with rgp lenses you have to be extra careful. I did google it though and the box did say contact lenses friendly.

Luckily I can wear them while I already have the lenses in. It's a 15ml bottle and a lil drop comes out but I prefer that, it's less waste.

I never have great aim, these seem to mostly go straight in my eyes though and felt cool and refreshing. I had this sense of immediate hydration.

Although I have to admit, they did burn slightly because my eyes were probably raw at that stage. I've learn't for me, that the best time to put drops in, is the mornings.

Mostly your eyes shouldn't be that red, irritable and barren at that stage so less likely to be sensitive. The worse shape that your eyes are in, is the more pain you will feel, applying the drops.

I don't know why that is, as something designed to soothe but that was confirmed by the optometrist. However today wasn't that bad and it was still fairly early.

Good heavens at night time, my eyes just feel completely inflamed. The computer, the lenses and also the humidity at times.

I no longer wanted to itch and it went back to feeling as though I don't have lenses on, which is the way it used to seem.

The price will vary, Savers apparently has them at £1 but I bought them from ebay for £2.50 with free postage.

This one was just for Tired Eyes, I have seen different versions though and they were pricier on Ebay, not sure if they are the same amount in Savers..

I used to buy a lot of drops, well mainly I got them free actually from the hospital or optometrists but now I'm not visiting them anymore, I have to buy my own but I forget to use it and it expires.

I can see myself using these up daily or even multiple times a day because it's useful to feel invigorated, especially if I'm writing and have to stop the creativity midway through due to the burning.

I do recommend them, much cheaper than the alternatives out there, a bigger bottle and better value as it will last longer.

**Additional notes**

I just wanted to add that, these will not clear up fogged over lenses. I tried and it had no effect.

If you want to do that, remove your lenses, re-clean them and insert them back and that is the best way to fix it.

I would avoid purchasing them if your eyes tend to be on the delicate side as the sting can be vicious.

I made that mistake and it was burning for a while and it was really unpleasant.

It's fine if your eyes are normal and they do soak the eyes nicely but they are very thin drops and will not be suitable for everyone.


Friday 10 June 2022

#BlogLife287 - PTSD button pushers

At certain times I do feel invincible like nothing can faze me and I can take on anything. I'm in my merry lil world and everything is perfect.

I think mostly though there are invisible cracks in my shield and it doesn't take much for me to feel pushed into a corner, fighting to breathe and feel steady on my feet.

I had an instance today that was fully recognisable. It feels like this acquaintance set out to goad me and act superior, not really that nice, especially when they came to me for insights.

I'm trying to remain calm and not turn bitter at their rudeness. What makes it more irritating is that they are seemingly arrogant.

Meaning, to themselves they are full of bravado and self belief but if they truly were, they wouldn't be talking down to people. 

They don't even realise they are being immensely disrespectful by dictating questions I should be making enquiries about and asking me all manner of inappropriateness at the same time.

My head is ready to explode but I take a deep breath and assert myself. I courageously tell them that I'm happy to try and help them but first they have to value what I am trying to say..

Which is I'm uncomfortable with your grilling and can we change the subject? Also if you are going to continue ignoring my wishes, then you can find someone else to converse with.

Pro tip for anyone that is seeking sympathy......... Do not rile up your audience that is willing to be there for you.

Don't act above them and say, If I were you I would ascertain this firstly and would you please calm down and do as I'm instructing you..........

Big, huge mistake!! That will get you nowhere! Three strikes and you are out. I just clearly stated that I was sorry but I couldn't stick around for it.

What made it worse was the lack of self awareness and then being told that they are just like me and as such I should know how better to read people!!!

Arghhhhhh! Purlease. You have no idea what I'm capable of and unlike you, I can see things objectively. I know when someone is being polite or when they are being rude.

I hate to say it but yes I am better than you because I don't treat people like crap, I lift them up and renew them.

This just triggers the part of me that says SS, you're completely unworthy of attention. Why should I listen to you? There's no intelligent interpretations to gather from you.

Every single day I have to just cast aside these horrible nagging doubts and come through the other side feeling capable and tough.

Even though this confrontation was still difficult, I managed to deal with it correctly and take myself out of it. I still feel a lil guilty I can't fix their personality....

But I'm only human, I can't assist everybody........

Thursday 9 June 2022

#BlogLife286 - Next came MD..

I told myself I had gotten over my chat fix but I think it was a combination of things that persuaded me otherwise..

I'm still having one day periods. This is my third one to date. It's never been three in a row before, that's weird even for me. I just hope it eventually skips or plays out and then, returns to semi normal soon.

In addition to this, I feel a bit burned out on fiction. The stories just completely occupy my mind and there is very lil peace during this creative process, so writing a few back to back was different.

It's not my normal schedule, I space them out a lot but I was inspired so I carried on and I am pleased with how they ended up. I hope they were fun to read at least and made sense.

I think I'll take a break and then concentrate on the arranged marriage tale. I roughly know where to go with it and I'm looking forward to the wedding but I've just started it so a long way to go until I get to that bit.

I think I'll stop trying to control the length, if it's mean't to stay short it will and if it's longer than that, I'll stop worrying about it and enjoy the journey.

I think I wanted to break loose and have some fun away from being productive. Let my brain rest and recuperate.

After I finished munching breakfast/lunch. I went on and scouted for a decent conversation to pique my interest.

I had a few that were pleasant enough and some made me giggle but there was one name that stood out from the rest. MD.

It wasn't even the opening line, it was the name, that to me represented a woman's brain, instead of her body.

We had one misunderstanding, where he asked me my name and didn't offer his, which irked me and I thought, he's one of those non-sharers..Nexttt!!

I did my pouty silent routine and wondered if he would get the hint and in the next few minutes, he rectified it, without me saying anything and told me.

Which frankly surprised me, we did seem to be on the same wavelength for most of the chat but at the end, there was another revelation.

I don't think I'll ever trust a man again. What they say is normally rehearsed or their version of the truth.

However we did seem to spend the entire day talking and when it migrated to the phone. He had that tranquil type of voice that you want to hear, after a bad day.

That you could talk to for hours, and not get bored. That you could not run out of things to say and then look at the time and realised hours flew by and it felt like seconds.

He's a creative guy as well. I have spoken to a few of those, one was super arrogant and made it all about himself, plugging his work and it was one sided and dull.

The others, really didn't go into details and preferred other topics of interest but he was broader in a sense. Talking about different aspects of what he liked and didn't and what he had achieved.

I don't think I can remember having that type of discussion before. I was pretty much hooked on it. I did have a bad habit of occasionally interrupting him though, I gotta work on that.

This one I can see talking to again because he is very amusing and down to earth. He doesn't seem like he's guarded, ready to make a speech or launch an attack but we'll see..

These randoms sometimes appear nice and then the claws come out. I'll let you know what happens much much later.

Oh he did offer to read something I wrote but that scared me too much so I declined haha.

Oh and another random migrated to email and asked me word for word, the questions he had previously enquired about over the chat, WTF??!!

Was I talking to your clone? Why would you ask the same things??

Wednesday 8 June 2022

#BlogLife285 - A tale of two randoms...

I felt a bit restless so I decided I would go look for some company, a bit of a chitchat before retiring to bed.

One was last night, we'll call him H and late Monday was D. D started off a bit gruff, not bad but I wasn't sure and then he ended up being quite sweet and charming so that was nice.

Although we did natter for a long time and in the morning I was very tired and yesterday there was H who began nice and then ended up being a tad curt.

He wasn't exactly rude, but the manner when he didn't get his own way, was quite dismissive. Picture someone throwing a hissy fit or giving you the silent treatment, it was like that.

However when he was being friendlier, he did make me chuckle. They all claim to have deep voices and they all lie. Do they even know what deep means?? 

I think not but it was an engaging conversation, until the abrupt ending which was off-putting. Instead of saying, thank you for entertaining me or being enjoyable.

I said something like, it's late, I guess we should say goodnight now or soon, I can't recall and he said yup we should, night, click...

Haha!! In his defence it was exceedingly late and the short call, turned into an hour but still, I've had way more decent endings than that.

I'm not obsessing about it. I can barely imagine what topics we touched on but it did serve a purpose, just to help me unwind and be carefree for a spell.

I don't think either will make a reappearance and that's fine as I eventually found a movie to tucker me out.

I fancied watching a Bruce Willis film and Die Hard, the one with Samuel Jackson came to mind and aside from the bad language, is really amusing.

I'm trying to investigate what traits to avoid when conversing. I realised it's the dismissive attitude and not respecting my decisions.

As in, if I disagree, just accept it and move on, don't try to change my mind or become angry, as though you're the only person who counts, instead go with the flow, adapt.

The second thing is, if I'm honest about something but not hurtful, just matter of fact. Don't become defensive and bitter. Just see it as alright, so something I said or did, isn't to her tastes.....

Well I can conjure alternatives easily, that won't be a big deal at all. I call it being a drama king. Get over yourself, grow up and stop being a petulant bambino!!

Tuesday 7 June 2022

#BlogLife284 - Knock Knock it's Acelon!

I had set the alarm for 7.30am and woke up at 6am but I was determined to get a lil more sleep and it was a deep dead to the world slumber.

Until someone was buzzing the door at 7amish and I was out of it. I asked who it was and they replied "Acelon."

I thought who on earth is that, then I realised I still had my earbuds in and took them out and they repeated themselves.

"It's Iceland, your delivery." Oops lol but they were nearly an hour early. I didn't have my lenses on, my hair was messy and my brain wasn't switched on.

They normally come later but my cupboards were empty and I didn't want to risk a late delivery, knowing they could easily be delayed.

He did apologise though and I said it was fine but I thought why didn't you call or text to see if it was acceptable, instead of just showing up?

People book slots for a reason. Although, just between me and you, my phone was on silent. I hate being woken up prematurely, it's hard enough to sleep with insomnia.

At least everything was in stock. I tried the Fibre One chocolate flavoured squares at 90 calories each.

It's tasty but I prefer the lemon version, it just seems more seasoned. There were 6 small packets though, I'm sure the lemon one only had 4 or maybe I am mistaken.


Monday 6 June 2022

#BookLife6 - Uncivilized Civilian (fiction)

Chapter 1

I had timed everything perfectly. I sat crossed legged on a cardboard box waiting for him to arrive. His name was Quince and he assured me everything would run smoothly.

I felt the knots in my stomach grow, the first time I had moved, I couldn't afford professional movers, and I could only carry the bare essentials, this time around was different.

I had money now and although it came from an unlikely source, I was grateful nonetheless. I could be comfortable, I didn't have to struggle and do it all myself.

I jumped out of my skin as the phone rang and vibrated in my hand. I smiled, it was Quince.

"I'm on my way, you can relax, there is not going to be any problems, I have done this a hundred times, you're in safe hands. I'll arrive soon, alright Maribella?"

"Thanks Quince, I just can't quell this anxiousness quite yet but see you soon." I had never met him before but his references checked out and the reviews were glowing..

However that didn't stop me panicking. I lived and breathed disappointment. I always felt better preparing myself for the worst.

I tapped the glass on the watch that embraced my wrist. It was the first reckless splurge since coming into the money. It was littered with diamonds and a pink/red hybrid.

I had it engraved with my name on the back and the front just to thwart any potential thieves.

I got up and took one last look around at the small flat I inhabited for a few years. It was home but I hadn't decorated it much, it lacked something.

The place I was moving into was freshly built and had every convenience. I still intended to modify it but for the most part it was perfect and spacious.

2 bedrooms/bathrooms, a large fully furnished kitchen, 2 lounges and 1 office. Plus a medium garden for entertaining of which I would probably neglect.

The one thing I wouldn't compromise on was the shower. I wanted a spacious walk in, with a beautiful stained glass surface and a powerful setting, with enough areas to store my oils and other beauty supplies.

It was glorious with rotating shelves that could be tucked in and hidden if need be. The amendment was ready, something I had never seen before twin shower heads, placed a couple feet apart.

It was available solo or in a dual mode and I couldn't wait to sample it later tonight. I had paid for the deluxe package which mean't Quince and his staff would be assisting me in unpacking and setting everything up.

Television, Internet, phone line and boxes. The furniture had arrived on site, a few days beforehand. As much as I wanted to be independent, I confess, I couldn't manage this alone, the last time broke me.

Chapter 2

Now I wasn't afraid to seek help and would pay the earth if it made my life easier. Everything had been removed and donated or dumped in a skip.

I was meeting the landlord to hand over the keys and for her to do a last inspection and bill or refund me my deposit and other costs, should it arise.

I wasn't worried because everything was still in pristine condition. I wasn't a wild girl and respected all the flats I have lived in before.

I hope she wasn't late because I didn't want to miss the appointments. I laughed as Easy Lover by Phil Collins blared out of my phone, keeping me company and helping me pass the time.

I lowered the volume as I heard a knock on the door. "Ah Maribella, I thought I had missed you." I smiled. "Sorry the music was too loud I guess, please come in."

Jazmin grinned back and I handed her the keys, glad to get rid of them. She had a brief scout around.

"Well everything looks great and I'll send you the money for the upkeep and alterations you did."

"Thanks for the keys and I wish you all the best." I hugged her, as landlords went, she wasn't the devil. I closed the door and sighed in relief and turned the music back higher.

Chapter 3

I started pushing the boxes closer to the door, there was about 7 of them. My crockery, clothes, accessories, jewellery, phones, laptop, books, bedlinen, headsets and tablet.

I yawned as I danced around an empty unfurnished ex home. I had awoken at 6am and no amount of talking myself back to bed had worked.

I was shattered. I did manage a few hours but I felt restless, excited and nervous about today's events.

It was only 7am and I had pestered Quince to move our schedule up by an hour, instead of 8am. I couldn't wait any longer and mercifully he agreed without fuss.

"I just see you, see you.." I sang Ashanti's Foolish lyrics out loud when the door pushed opened and I saw him.

I held my breath and his voice boomed down at me. "Maribella? I nodded as he extended his hand to shake mine and then a wide crooked grin spread across his face."

He shuffled and looked sheepish as he explained he had gotten lost. "It's okay, you're not the first, my place is tucked away."

"If you don't mind, can we just get started. I'm sorry that I can't offer you any food or drink but everything is packed but I can order breakfast later."

He nodded. "I'm sorry for barging in but I knocked and didn't hear an answer." I looked equally embarrassed as I confessed how sleepy and bored I was and the music was keeping me alert.

Chapter 4

We each took a box and I looked at the door, forgetting that I had put it on the latch to make coming and going easier. "It's just you alone then? I wondered if there was a team?"

"I tend to delegate, if it isn't a big job and you're just one person so providing everything runs on time, might only take only a few hours but I left the day free so you don't have to fret about time running out."

"I'm all yours, until the job is completely finished. No overtime billing just part of the service.

Hmm I guess I should have requested 2 people as I didn't expect to be helping this much and I felt a lil miffed at the corners cut.

Within half an hour we were all set and I left the last 5 boxes for him to do and said I was going to rest in the van. Serves him right.

I buckled my seatbelt, put down the flap for the sun protection and closed my eyes, drowning out the radio broadcasting a news report.

"Ahh so you're that kind of pampered queen, pay for labour and then sit back and let me do all the work, got it." 

I knew she couldn't hear me and to be fair, she did look wrecked but the job wasn't done yet..

Chapter 5

I loaded up the last box and wiped my forehead with relief as that part was finally over and we could get going. I could murder a drink but the queen had no refreshments for me.

I slammed the car door shut loudly. I could have done it quietly but if the queen thought I was going to let her get away with not assisting me at all, she was mistaken.

She didn't open her eyes so I took the opportunity to check her out. Curves, check, dark hair, check, pint sized, check, check, check.....

Maybe this job would have it's perks after all. There were a lot of idle housewives in my occupation but mixing business with pleasure was risky.

However I had been single for a few months and she was just my type. "Ah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your snooze." She still didn't bat an eyelid.

"Hmm? Just wake me, when we get there Jeeves." She didn't even pop her eyes open, just softly mumbled her instructions as though I was her chauffeur.

"Bloody cheek." A sweet smile briefly appeared on her lips and I thought, let's see who is left teasing whom, in the end.

Traffic wasn't too bad and an hour's drive went relatively smoothly.

"Wakey wakey Sheba, as in queen of.. I raised my eyebrow and fluttered my eyes open trying to adjust to the hot sun. I felt like the rays were scorching my retinas.

My eyes watered automatically as they did every morning and I reached for my sunglasses and gave the driver, whatever his name was a dirty look.

I stretched, yawned and climbed out of the open door. I didn't even see him there, until he took my hand and assisted me out the van.

I leaned against it, even more perturbed that I had to assist him, even though I paid for bloody helpers.

I shook my head angrily, tired from the broken sleep these past few nights and the blazing sun scorching me and making me perspire.

I squinted seeing him flip his head and direct me to the back of the van. I decided to ignore him and pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head.

Where did I put the keys? I sighed and unzipped a secret pocket in my pink handbag and then removed the set of keys I acquired a month ago.

I marched to the kitchen and gulped some refreshingly cold ice tea that I had stored there last week.

I laughed as I heard Jeeves pounding on the door. Oops, did I forget to leave it on the latch? Poor wretch ha :D

Chapter 6

I took my time and slowly walked to the door grinning. "Well here there stranger, do come in and make yourself comfortable."

I couldn't help but chuckle as Quince looked furious and his face was already perspiring. "You could have left the door open and taken a box."

"Hah! Listen cheapskate. I paid good money for a moving service so I wouldn't have to lift a finger and you cut corners and came by yourself to save on costs and so you could take more jobs."

"Do the damn role I hired you for and I'll still throw in breakfast and drinks." Quince shook his head. "You spoilt wealthy types are all the same."

"And you men are all useless and deceptive!" Quince put the box down and went outside. I held onto the bookshelf and exhaled.

"I was newly affluent and not at all used to confrontations but the exhaustion was making me cranky. I opened the box and yelped in pain.

Oh no it was starting already. I felt dizzy. Quince came back and put another box down. "Did you just scream?" I shook my head and turned my back.

"What's wrong you seem upset?" I didn't want him to see me like this and went to the kitchen to pour him some orange juice but as I handed it to him, I screamed and dropped the glass clutching my hands.

"Damnit!" I bent down. "Whoa stay right there and I'll get a pan and brush. I don't want you to cut yourself. "I'm not a child, I can manage to clean up after myself."

"Dang lady, you don't make it easy to help you." "I have a name you know." Quince grinned. "So do I." I pushed myself up and stumbled while Quince led me to the sofa.

"Sit down here and keep out of trouble while I clean this up." I was about to argue but he held his hand up and I went to the bathroom, showered and changed into a blue silk kaftan with tiny white feathers splattered across it.

Then I grabbed a purple silk robe with a toucan on the side and tied it securely around myself. I finally felt refreshed but I still felt unsteady. 

I wanted to lie down in my bed but I couldn't with a strange man lurking so instead I went to sprawl out on the sofa.

Quince had put a door stopper in place and was humming as he came and went. The room started to spin and as I got up to help I fell back down.

I resigned myself to staying seated and then sprawled out and napped. Quince kept shooting looks over to me but I was oblivious.

Chapter 7

Hmm why the hell didn't she tell me she was sick? I feel bad now, if I had known I wouldn't have asked her to help. This time I'll be quiet.

Quince retrieved all the boxes and we had already discussed where things were to be stored so he got on with it.

There was a knock on the door. "Excuse me mate, I'm here to install the television, broadband and phone line."

Quince nodded. "Follow me. She's the owner but she's resting and I don't want to disturb her unless I need too."

"Fair enough. It's quick and easy and doesn't require a signature, just try to make a call, connect the internet and switch on the television to make sure it's working before I can leave."

Quince pulled out his phone and set up the wifi, looking at the modem password and was online in seconds. He made a call and that went through successfully also.

The television came on and he quickly lowered the volume. It all looked good. A decent sized 32" inch screen.

"Thanks great job, it all seems fine." The engineer nodded, satisfied. "Cheerio." Quince walked out with him.

My head was thumping and I slowly rose to a sitting up position. I pushed myself off the couch and looked around.

"Quince must be long gone by now. I held onto the wall and moved slowly. I poured myself another drink.

It was too quiet so I pulled out my phone and switched on the music and hummed. As I pulled out drawers I saw everything had been packed away neatly just as I had explained.

"Oh oh oh.....I sang horribly as random tunes played. "Nice voice bella," I snapped my head up.

Chapter 8

"You're still here? I thought you left. Oh shoot, I promised you breakfast and drinks of course, sorry was just wiped out, not much sleep these past nights, guess it caught up with me."

I wasn't sure why she was lying about her symptoms but I didn't confront her. "I was just checking on the van. You just missed the engineer."

"Oh shoot call him back." Quince laughed. "No I mean he came and installed everything and left. It's all perfect. I tested it myself."

"Sorry I'm still groggy I guess." The doorbell rang and I shuffled onwards this time because I still felt shaky. I turned back. "Thank you for your help today."

Quince nodded and as soon as she turned away, he frowned. I don't know why I feel protective over her but I do. I won't leave until she seems better.

I reached the door to see the grocery delivery guy waving and leaving. I had totally forgotten. The last thing I wanted to do was unpack but it was my life.

I dragged them inside wincing with pain. Quince gently moved me aside. "I got this, go sit down."

"Look I was going to order you something but I'll just tip you extra instead and you can get it yourself. I appreciate all you've done but you can go now."

"No. I'm going to put these away and then we are going to have breakfast together leisurely." I was puzzled at his attitude.

I thought he would have been dying to get out of here. "Fine, what do you want to eat?" I connected to the wifi and sat down gratefully.

This might sound weird but I have a strange urge for hotdogs." I smiled. "Actually that sounds good. I ordered us chicken and beef versions and nutty truffles on the side.

"It will be about 20 minutes though. I got up and poured us some Appletiser. "Look I'm sorry I was short with you earlier. I'm just drained."

"I apologise too. I should have asked what your needs were." I sat down at the kitchen table wincing. I hate people seeing me in this weak state.

Quince went into the living room and turned on the television. I joined him on the other end of the sofa and tucked my feet cosily up, leaning my head back and closed my eyes.

The door buzzed about half an hour later. I made to get up but Quince stopped me. "I will answer it." I handed him the cash and he nodded.

He walked to the door and pulled out his wallet to pay. "Cheers bye." "Why did you do that? I said I was buying you a meal."

"Hmm. Call it a peace offering and I'm not accepting payment for this assignment." "You bloody are Quince. You're running a business, not a charity. You earned it."

"Well if you put it like that I guess it's true. Except instead of paying me, go out with me instead?" He put down the cash for the meal on the table.

I gasped. "Ummm.." Quince winked. "Well, well well. I finally got you tongue-tied."

"Hush and get the napkins and plates please Jeeeeves." Quince smirked. "Whatever you say Sheba."

I started unpacking everything and laid it out on the silver mirrored coffee table that had arrived prior to the move, with brushed diamante all around the sides.

Chapter 9

I flipped through the channels to find something to watch, while we munched. My eyelids still felt heavy and my body was deteriorating fast for the day.

I yawned and then saw that a film called Out of Sight with Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney would be playing soon. Something about an escapee and a Marshall tracker..

It seems like Entrapment, that kinda caper movie, cat and mouse between good and bad.

Quince sat down and handed me a plate and serviette. "Thanks, want to watch this or something else?"

"Hmm I'm not a big fan of crime themes. Don't you feel they glorify criminals and show to much leniency?"

"Err I haven't really given it that much thought. I just like playing Detective." I chuckled at his bizarre reaction.

Quince grabbed the remote from me and resumed channel hopping while I sighed. Eventually he settled on something and I nodded.

It was Send Me No Flowers, "I love this film. I've seen it a hundred times and died laughing each time ha."

"It's not bad, I can tolerate it." I rolled my eyes and wriggled to get more comfy and tucked into the delicacies in front of us.

Later I leaned back with a satisfied full tummy and closed my eyes. I don't think I can last any longer.

"Hey sleepyhead. I'm going to take off, you look beat. I'll call you tomorrow. I nodded and realised that even if I wanted too, I couldn't open my eyes.

Chapter 10

He clicked off the tv and carried the dishes to the dishwasher. I reluctantly got up headed off to my bedroom and told him to leave everything for me to clear later.

I plopped into my bed and slept straight away. Quince lingered having loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up.

He looked around and studied the area. Hmm, I didn't notice any jewellery boxes or expensive antiquities.

In fact this place is understated. It doesn't look extravagant at all, yet she didn't blink at my exorbitant fees. I can't work it out, maybe she has a mystery benefactor but then wouldn't he be assisting with the move?

Surely he would know she wasn't up to it? Unless he was a complete creep. Who are you Sheba? What is your deal?

I yawned as I heard the door close and then fell back asleep again exhausted.

Several hours later, I arose and showered and felt a lot more refreshed. I'm finally settled and no more creepy neighbours to deal with..

I changed and wandered around barefoot as I had forgotten where I stored my slippers.

I expected to find a mess in the lounge but Quince had cleared everything away and it was spotless. Hmm, he's still on probation as far as I'm concerned but so far so good.

I clicked the music on from my device and Shake Senora by Pitbull came to life. I didn't know the lyrics so I found myself humming.

I decided to tighten my robe and quickly take out the rubbish as there was a lot of boxes and paper laying around to eradicate.

I slipped my shoes on quickly, grabbed my keys and managed to flatten everything into two black bags.

It dawned on me that I didn't have my lenses on. I opened and closed the door. I thought I saw something move, I squinted and realised with horror a figure was peering into my windows.

"Arghhhhh! Get away you creep!!!!"

Chapter 11

I threw the garbage sacks at him and scrambled to quickly unlock the door and shut it as he loomed closer.

"Madam, open the door. I need to talk to you, to explain.." "I'm calling the cops, so you better vamoose you prowler."

I started hyperventilating as he continued to pound on the door and I stumbled backwards.

"I am the police, just let me straighten this out." I felt like I was going to faint. I was terrified. 

I grabbed the phone and googled the local police station and with shaking hands dialled the number.

After the sixth ring, they answered. "Oh thank goodness, please please, you have to send someone. There is a shady man pretending to be a cop, trying to break in."

"Yes that's my address, please get here quickly. I'm scared he's going to break the lock. I don't know if he is armed, he just keeps lurking near the door, banging."

I was reassured they were already in the neighbourhood and would be there in a few minutes but that seemed like an eternity.

I snuck upstairs and inserted my contacts then hid behind the curtain sneaking a peek but I couldn't see anything and then he looked up and I shrieked.

Where the hell was the police? My heart was pounding. I finally heard the sirens and breathed a sign of relief. I sat down on the stairs.

Someone was knocking on the door. I took a deep breath and slowly inched forwards.

Chapter 12

"Who is it?" "Several voices responded. "Don't worry it's the police madam from your requested callout. You're safe."

I put the latch on and peered outside to see about two officers patiently waiting. I opened the door fully and figured the burglar had run off when he heard the sirens.

I still felt shaky though. "Thank you for coming so quic- I screeched and lunged as the mystery man appeared from the shadows.

I don't know what got into me but I wanted to claw his eyes out. I was abruptly held back though.

"Please restrain yourself madam. Unfortunately there has been a slight mishap."

"I would like to formally introduce you to Officer Karel." My mouth fell open.

"You mean he is legitimate? Why the hell was he sneaking about on my property like a stalker???"

"Is this street for caucasians only? Is this how you welcome people in the neighbourhood. Social media will have a field day with this one."

"No." They all yelled in unison. "We the police humbly apologise for any distress you have been caused and will do our best to make amends with you."

They stepped back as I frowned. Karel uneasily came forward and I took a step back automatically holding onto the door for dear life.

My eyes widened. He had the cheek to smile at me sheepishly. "There is nothing funny about this situation. I demand an explanation, right now, unless you want to trend on Twitter."

I heard his fellow officers guffaw and wish him luck and then depart. He sighed and simply walked to the bins to fill them with the black bags I had hurled at him earlier.

Chapter 13

"May I come in now?" I furrowed my brows. Something about this was just peculiar. "You've made me instantly popular. They've nicknamed me Shady K and the jokes are rolling in."

"Lady if you had not have been so hysterical and answered the door calmly, all this could have been avoided."

"Whatever you say Shady. I'll just blindly follow a lurker's orders from now on, when he's outside my home."

"This is getting us nowhere." He pushed passed me and I gasped in shock. "Hey, you're supposed to wait to be invited in."

"I don't have all night. I'm still on duty and you're holding me up." I scoffed. "Oh I beg your pardon Shady but I've just come up with what you can do to make it up to me."

Karel rubbed his eyes in exasperation. "What do you want?" I finally smiled triumphantly, knowing he would despise my answer. Ha!

I want a station tour, a ride along and to interview you." Karel looked horrified and then laughed."

"You are out of your mind. My boss will never agree to just any unvetted civilian roaming around and being my shadow. Tough luck."

I gleamed and shrugged. "Well then, we are done and I'll blast this over social media. Have fun trying to explain yourselves plus good luck with your career after this."

Chapter 14

Karel scowled at me. "Let me make a call," I chuckled and went to grab some citrus juice from the fridge. I knew his boss would agree to my unreasonable demands to save face.

Karel clenched and unclenched his fist. She was determined to be a pain in the ass. He hoped his boss wouldn't allow any of it.

He quickly dialled eager to escape the devious, small, torturer. "That's her demands or else....Uh huh. No but.. There must be another way.....Fine." 

He disconnected and came to find me in the kitchen. "Well?" I couldn't help but beam up at him.

He gritted his teeth. "Get changed fast, we're leaving in a few minutes. Your request has just been fast tracked to the front of the queue"

"Woop." I turned to head upstairs but did an about turn, "Wait outside the door. I don't trust you alone in my home, unsupervised."

Karel looked incredulous, "Lady you got some balls talking to me like that." "My name is Maribella, use it." 

We stared at each other with Karel looking more and more perturbed and me trying to appear as innocent and sweet as possible by fluttering my long lashes back and forth.

He opened the door and I pushed it closed and locked it, then raced upstairs excitedly. This was going to be so entertaining with a big dollop of revenge on the unsuspecting Officer.

Karel leaned against the door sighing. He couldn't believe how Maribella was acting, she was mischievous and a plan to rile her up equally as bad formed in his mind.

Finally he relaxed. Despite everything the 5ft2 troublemaker had a certain appeal. Short cropped curly brown hair, light hazel eyes and curves to hold onto.

He shook his head, he shouldn't be liking having her around but despite himself, he was willing her to hurry up.

Chapter 15

I fixed my hair and realigned the clips, then I added a non sparkly mauve gloss to my lips and changed into a red sunset top with a pink maxi skirt with fire dancing around the edges.

I grabbed my bag, checked my purse and keys were inside and then put my jacket on. After a deep breath I was ready to cause more mayhem.

I slowly walked downstairs and this time giggled at the shadow outlined outside. I pulled out my mini spritz and freshened up with the scent of flowers.

I opened the door and Karel smiled. I locked up and thought, he's up to something....

He led me to his spacious car and opened the door for me. "Thanks." I suddenly felt awkward being trapped with someone I had antagonised.

I bit my lip nervously and secured the seat belt. I fidgeted uncomfortably. Karel shot me a look. "Why so quiet spitfire?"

"Maribella?" My name sounded so good on his lips. He was 5ft10 with light brown hair and twinkling green eyes. Damn now that I got a proper look at him, he was sorta hot.

No, no, no. I am not going to be charmed by this snake. He is too grizzly for my tastes.

He wondered what she was thinking and couldn't help but touch her hand. She gasped and looked at him and this time he saw how dangerously alluring she appeared.

She snapped out of it. "Where are we heading first chauffeur?" Karel raised an eyebrow and I chuckled. I didn't expect him to join in but he did.

"I have to interview someone and you are going to remain in this car, if I have to cuff you to the steering wheel."

My eyes widened like saucers, was he serious? "Where you go, I follow or the deal is off."

Karel turned to me. "You're not going to make this easy and cooperate are you?" I suddenly felt better.

"I'll be serving my own interests and you will have to adapt," He stayed quiet for a second. "Fine. As you wish but that means you stick close to me as I have to keep you unharmed, even if you're driving me crazy."

"Mmmhmm whatever you say." Then I turned the radio on and heard.. Just Like That by Mohombi/Mr P, blasting out the radio until officer killjoy lowered the volume.

I raised my hands and started shaking my head and shoulders dancing away.

Karel looked puzzled. "I can't work you out. One minute, you're trying to goad me, now you're being agreeable and suddenly dancing in my car?"

"That's a first." I started singing along with the words badly and Karel joined me.

This was turning out better than I hoped even Officer grumpy was starting to lighten up.

Chapter 16

"Fire away then, the sooner you conclude your business, the sooner I can kick you out and get some peace."

I turned away to cover my smile. "Are all officers as charming as you?" 

Karel waited until he stopped at the lights and then turned to me.

"You want charming or you want honest? Wait are you one of those uniform groupies?"

Karel's eyes lit up, that would certainly explain your unusual request." He patted my hand. You're not the first. I get it daily!"

I bent over with silent and then loud uncontrollable laughter, slapping the dashboard heartily. My eyes were watering from the mirth.

"Oh thank you I needed that. I'm not anyone's groupie and I'm asking the questions, you're the subject, not me."

Karel hmpffed. "I don't get it then, why the ride along?" I sighed. "I told you I would be asking the questions here."

"Look you want my cooperation, we alternate, otherwise you get zip."

I resigned myself to his wishes. "Alright but you asked me two questions and that won't do at all."

Chapter 17

He tapped the steering wheel impatiently. "How do you switch off after a particularly frustrating day?"

Karel smirked. "You mean like today?" I couldn't help but grin. "That's easy I call one of my groupies and we-" I cringed and covered my face.

"Stop, stop, stop I don't want to hear this." Karel was smug. "You asked. Sure you don't want all the details, it's-"

I shoved his arm playfully.  "Nooo quit it. I hoped you were going to have an interesting answer not a typical male one."

He chortled and shrugged and then stopped and turned sombre. "I jog late at night, with music in my ears. It helps to get rid of the day's angst and tire me out."

"Thank you for answering. I smiled. I'm always curious about how others de-stress."

Karel nodded and pulled up outside a bar. "What's your type?" I balked at the personal question. "You can't ask me that, it's..It's inappropriate."

Karel bristled. "Lady this whole thing is unprofessional." I gritted my teeth. "Why do you hate my name?"

He leaned back and closed his eyes. "I don't hate it. Maribella is a beautiful name but once I start using it, I won't stop and I would hate to be improper as you're so sensitive."

He turned slowly and waggled his eyebrows at me, which made me giggle. "You are so silly."

Chapter 18

Karel looked full of glee. His eyes shone. "Tell me Maribella." I shook my head and looked away but he persisted. "Go on." He said softly.

I turned to face him. "A short, humourless, mean and passive guy." I licked my lips and tried my best to keep a straight face.

He leaned closer. "Is that so?" I nodded. "Yes Karel." I whispered it and then unable to hold it in any longer. I fell about shaking with mirth.

"We'll soon see. I have to go in there and have a quick chat and you're going to stay in this car."

I raised my eyebrows. "The hell I am." Karel rubbed his temples. "This is not the place for prissy women. You can't handle it. I won't be long."

He opened his car door and I followed him. He came around to my side. "What part of stay in the damn car eludes you?"

I met his fierce gaze, pretending I wasn't nervous at all. "Where you go, I go." He was livid. "Do you even comprehend that if something happens to you, on my watch, I'll never live it down?"

I nodded. "Uh huh." We continued our staring match. I gasped as he grabbed me roughly by the hand and dragged me inside.

My short legs scurrying to keep his long legged pace. He dropped me on a bar stool. "She'll take a fanta thanks." He paid and leaned down to whisper.

"Not a word to anyone. You don't move from this spot or so help me, you'll find out why I ride alone and don't have a partner, understood?"

"Yes." I looked up at him and didn't dare smile. He swallowed hard and then turned away. Now I was really curious.. Why didn't he have a partner??

Chapter 19

Karel pleaded silently. Please for once, let her just follow my instructions and not get into any skirmishes. He spotted the person he was meeting but snuck a quick look back.

Good she was still sitting there, sipping. He breathed a sigh of relief and strode forwards to talk in a low voice. He wasn't in uniform so blended in seamlessly.

"Hi sweet thing. I haven't seen you here before." I panicked slightly. Uh oh, what do I do now? I looked over but Karel was distracted.

"Good evening I'm meeting my husband soon." The old guy beamed. "Soon eh? I got time then." I inwardly shuddered. I couldn't exactly say I was with a cop, back off.

I drowned out his pick up lines and bit my lip. I looked over at Karel who had started raising his voice and men were rotating towards him.

I bit my lip. I have to do something. I swung my stool around.

"Who wants to dance?" I got up and walked to an empty space just as Tik Tok remix by Kesha came on the jukebox.

I pushed the guys back. "Personal space please." I closed my eyes and swayed to the music slowly.

Karel looked over at the bar and smacked his head. Oh no no, where the hell is that cunning pixie?

He scanned the room and spotted her sensually dancing. His jaw dropped. 

Chapter 20

I flicked my eyes open and looked straight ahead as Karel held mine in a mixture of rage and betrayal. 

I gulped and shook my hips faster. He said something and then quickly marched towards me, dragging me out by the waist, with my feet stumbling backwards. 

I held my breath and then waved. "Nice meeting you gentleman."

Karel met my gaze with a warning. I tried to explain but he shook his head. 

"What the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to get me killed? Just don't say anything for a while until my blood pressure returns to normal."

"I give you a compliment. Called you decent and you decide to punish me and dance like that? Answer me Maribella."

"Oh I'm permitted to speak now am I?" I slouched in my seat, tired and cross.

"I swear if you give me attitude right now I'll throw you out of this moving vehicle."

I folded my arms and turned away. "First you can apologise for shouting and then you can thank me."

Karel eyes blazed. "Thank you for what?" I glared at him. "Crowds were about to swarm around you, I caused a distraction and saved your bacon and you're not even appreciative." 

"I'm trained. I can handle it. My job is to look after you not the reverse. I'm responsible and I know best."

Chapter 21

"All you did was cause a stir. You're never setting foot in that place or anywhere else like it and watch how you dance, without me around to look out for you!"

"Buzz off! I am my own person. I'll continue to do as I please. I can take care of myself! I don't need you to protect me. I can save myself."

"Sure you can. I'm not the only one that was being surrounded back there. Men were flocking around you and you had your eyes closed."

"Where the heck did an innocent girl like you, learn to dance like that anyway?" I was disgusted by his attitude, trying to designate me into a certain type.

"You assume a lot. Who says I'm innocent? Women are not just narrowed down to good or bad. We are not sluts or angels."

"We are independent and just trying to explore life and not be judged like you men for doing the same thing."

"If a man screws around he's an admired stud, an eligible bachelor. If a woman does the same thing, she's easy and a tart, that no-one respects."

"What are you trying to say, which one are you? Is that why you were dancing that way? You're hard up? I'll pull this car over now, if that's what you're craving!"

We scowled at each other, thoroughly disgusted. "You are sick. Unlike you, I'm not ruled by my hormones. I'm in control of them."

"Hah. This from the girl who flaunted herself to a whole room of men." "Ughhh you prick! At least I don't sleep with anything with a pulse."

Karel multi slapped the horn in a pique of petulance. "You are infuriating." I turned away, trying to catch my breath. 

My throat was starting to hurt from all the shouting. "I'm stopping off for a coffee at this cop cafe. Maybe you'll find you'll next playboy here as I don't measure up apparently."

Chapter 22

I decided to ignore him from now on as we just couldn't get along amicably any longer. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.

Karel parked and I couldn't bring myself to face him. He got out and I stayed unsure what I wanted to do next. He opened my door and I hesitated and then stalked past him.

I entered the cafe and he sat greeting and waving to friends. He motioned for me to be seated but I decided to walk past him and sit a few feet away in the corner instead.

I ordered a coffee and some of the speciality pistachio and mint cookies that seemed to be the trademark here. I tried to tune his obnoxious voice out but I couldn't.

"Who's the babe you came in with? New girlfriend? Not such a boyscout now are you? Although she looks ready to explode, shouldn't you go kiss and makeup?"

They all snickered and made smoochy noises. Karel replied with a loud retort. "She's mental, does anyone want her? She's hot for the uniform."

I was seething. The waitress brought over the cookies and I turned and flung them straight at him. He flinched. "What is wrong with you woman???"

I got up and stomped out, leaning against the entrance outside. I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

Karel was wiping the crumbs off his face and clothes, shooting me daggers and shaking his head. What did I do to deserve this?

Chapter 23

Karel's friend wandered over slapping him on the back. "What is that all about?" He sighed. "Nothing Ozan just this high strung girl who refuses to be amicable. Good riddance!"

Ozan beamed. "Is that why you haven't taken your eyes off her? Ahh your problems are solved she's leaving."

Karel scrambled to his feet, leaving money on the table to settle the bill. "No she's not!"

Everyone patted him on the back. "Go get your girl." I put my headphones on and cranked up the music as Balans by Mohombi/Alexandra Stan played.

I set off and felt lighter. I wasn't sure about the area but I'm confident I would find my way soon enough.

A hand stopped me and I came face to face with Karel. I pulled my headset off. "You can't leave, we're not done and you didn't even have the decency to say Goodbye."

I stared at him blankly still refusing to talk and attempted to shrug his hand off and pass him by but he kept blocking my exit.

"Maribella stop. For once be reasonable. I don't like unfinished tasks. I walked past him totally unmoved.

"For heavens sake. Halt! I was jealous and worried." I whirled around. "Yes, yes, yes. Your precious reputation. You didn't want to get any black marks on your name, babysitting some "mental groupie."

"That's what you called me, right?" I confronted him and pushed him, unable to maintain my apathy any longer.

He held his hands up and then grabbed mine to stop me. "I stopped considering my reputation the moment you got in my car."

"All I was concentrating on was trying to get you to see my good side and how I would tear any man apart if he dared to lay a single finger on you."

I sucked in a breath. I stared at him, searching his eyes for the truth. "You don't mean that. I've been unpopular since you were forced to bring me along."

Karel caressed my cheek. "If I really didn't want you along, I would have dropped you off with some rookie."

I bit my lip. "It doesn't explain why were you jealous?" Someone else was dancing with you, that wasn't me!" I blushed.

"Oh! I don't know what to say." I smiled sheepishly. Karel bent his head down to kiss me but faltered and whispered in my ear.

"Turn around." I looked up at him perplexed but flipped around to see all the officers pressed against the window cheering and waving.

I buried my head in his chest mortified. "Do we have to go back in?" We both chuckled.

Chapter 24

I wrapped my arms around his waist and we lingered a bit until his phone beeped. He has been summoned back to the Station so we headed off.

Earlier I had gotten my second wind but now I started to feel a bit achy and sore. I decided that when I got there I would cut this night short. I needed some rest.

I looked at Karel. "You never did explain why you were lurking near my property earlier?"

"Oh yea, I just left a neighbourhood watch meeting and nobody was supposed to be living at your place yet, so I was curious."

I nodded. "That sounds plausible." We pulled up at the Police Station and went inside. It seemed small but there were a lot of corridors and rooms set aside.

We were buzzed in and Karel made some introductions, they were a friendly bunch actually, not what I was expecting at all.

He led me into a room a few feet away. "This is my office." I smiled scanning it. It was full of binders, papers and billboards.

"It's cute but small." He nodded yup, tight squeeze, now let me show you where we fingerprint suspects."

He opened the ink pad and motioned for me to test it. I shook my head. "No way that looks toxic. I bet it doesn't even wash away."

Karel grinned and I reluctantly consented and then he scanned it into the computer. He pretended to scowl. I chuckled and then rinsed my hands.

"What's the matter? Have you discovered my ruthless past? Is the jig up?" He took my hand and led me to a cell.

Chapter 25

This is the last stop, he motioned to the guard to open it and lock us in. "Umm, this is claustrophobic. I thought it would be a lil more spacious."

"Nope. It is designed to be confining." I shuddered, it was all too real for me and I was ready to leave.

"Okay you can signal the guard to let us out now. My curiosity has been quenched." Karel stepped closer.

"Hold out your hands first." I stepped back and he moved closer. He jiggled the handcuffs and I flushed.

"Err that's okay I don't need to experience being restrained. Wait are there cameras in here?" My eyes darted back and forth.

Karel attempted to reassure me. "I had them disconnected for this room." I felt so self conscious. I had never been that adventurous before and this was making me feel torn.

I just hoped that he didn't spot it. "Surely this can't be your first time?" He was gently teasing me but I was out of my depth.

I looked around the plain room, anywhere but up at Karel. "Ahh so it is." He turned the cuffs on the side, see this is where the lock is and here is the key."

"I'll show you how simple it is. He locked and unlocked the mechanism but I still started to perspire and Karel's smile broadened.

"Is it me or does it feel like there is hardly any air in here?" "There is plenty of circulation in these cells don't worry." He stepped closer and I squeaked.

Karel chuckled. Abruptly my eyes began to sparkle. I had come up with an idea to save face.

Chapter 26

"Uh oh. You look too calm. What are you plotting?" I chewed on my lip. "Why don't I handcuff you instead?"

Karel eyes widened. "That wasn't the arrangement but if it will put you at ease I'll agree as long as you go next, deal?"

Inside I was a wreck but I thought I would bide my time and hope that someone called him away.

I cleared my throat and tried to appear as confident as possible but my hands were shaking.

"Alright." I whispered. Karel handed me the cuffs and held his hands out flat.

"First take my left hand and put it behind my back and lower the cuffs down."

Actually If you don't mind I'll just do it in front to make it easier." Karel frowned. "That's not as fun."

I was shaking, unable to hold myself in check, the giggles were taking over.

My face had bypassed red and was burning a neon pink at this point.

"See how I am pressing my hands together? I'm your willing captive. Are you going to be as obliging?"

I took hold of his wrists feeling strangely powerful and pushed down hearing a click. I quickly did the same with the right wrist and he was secured.

I finally looked up. "Do you feel helpless and uncomfortable?" I think some part of me wanted him to say yes.

Chapter 27

"Actually I prefer it tighter. It's too loose." He shook his hands and the apparatus constricted. Karel smiled. "That feels a lot more satisfying." 

I inserted the key and now he was completely sealed in place. I didn't know where to look. I feel like this whole farce backfired on me. 

He was in his element on either stance. I looked at the door and then back up at him.

I took my time twisted his hands around and slid the key in place, freeing him. "Turn around and assume the position Ihat I instruct you to do next."

"No! You do realise, I'm not actually you're prisoner right?" "Maribella when you give an Officer your word, you are promising complicity."

"Don't you have any real work to do?" Karel's eyes shone with merriment. "Soon enough." I bit my lip and held my hands out and closed my eyes.

"Look I refuse to swivel but I'll cooperate with the rest of it." "I'll take that." He jerked my hands forward making my eyes pop open.

"You are savouring this payback aren't you?" I flinched as he slapped the cuffs on my left hand and then gently but swiftly twisted it behind my back and bound the right hand.

They felt totally restrictive. "Ouch at least I was decent enough to make yours spacious. You deliberately made mine binding."

Karel touched my cheek. "Mmm. Yes I couldn't help myself. After you caused me no end of strife with your constant  disobedience."

My mouth fell open in objection. "I beg your pardon? I thought I was quite amenable, considering how insufferable you were at the beginning."

Karel's eyes narrowed and he stepped forward. I gulped and shuffled back. "I think it's time I listed your crimes in order."

Chapter 28

"Wait aren't you going to use the key to stop them accidentally compressing?" He shook his head. "Not yet, let's see just how pleasing you are first."

I scowled. "If you're expecting an apology you are in for a long wait!" "We'll see spitfire. Soon you're going to be in a lot of discomfort."

I sighed. He seemed to be fixated on whatever game this was and I would have to use my feminine wiles to ditch him.

"Officer Karel I'm tired. Take me home please. Oh but first release me." He grabbed me by the waist lightly and pulled me onto his lap as he perched on the bunk.

I squawked in surprise. He pushed my hair back and began to massage the back of my neck. It was a light to medium pressure and I rolled my head back a lil feeling the tiredness wash over me.

"First you tell me what I want to know and then we'll discuss the rest." I rested my head on his shoulder and spoke softly.

"It's a shame I can't put my arms around you but I'm a lil tied up currently."

Karel turned slightly. "I know what you're doing. I've been trained to resist any and all seductions from jailbirds."

I lifted my head and looked him square in the eyes. "I know you're far to intelligent for me to outwit.

He drew in a breath. "I knew you were a vixen the moment I spotted you."

"I'm n-not." He tightened his grip on my waist and then tilted my head further up as he lowered his down. 

I bit my lip apprehensively as he moved his lips over mine and kissed me tenderly. 

Part of me wanted to protest and the other side of me was actively returning his dreamy pecks by meeting him half way.

I wanted him to deepen it but he kept it light and playful. Occasionally stopping to kiss my cheek or neck.

Suddenly there was a clang as the cuffs fell on the floor. "I-You set me free?" "Temporarily." My breath caught in my throat.

Chapter 29

"I s-should probably go. It's late." Karel nodded but as he made to lift me off his lap and get up, I put my hand on his shoulder to prevent him from moving.

"Five more minutes? I don't want to leave you yet." Karel tilted his head and this time when he smooched me, it was firmer with a sense of urgency.

My lips tingled and felt ever so slightly bruised from the pressure. Neither of us heard the door unlock and slide open.

"What the hell is going on here?" The Chief Constable looked furious. We both scrambled to our feet looking guilty.

"I'm sorry Chief. It was my fault. I made this Officer, talk me through procedures and give me a tour."

Karel cleared his throat. "Sir the blame lies with me. I took advantage of her."

The Chief looked as though he was about to explode. "Karel get back to work and you, quit distracting my officers."

"I was just leaving." "The sooner, the better but fill in this backdated paperwork before you leave."

Karel looked back at me before he left and I wasn't sure what to say to him.

I followed the Chief and completed the documents, yawning. "Thank you for your time and patience. It was nice meeting you."

"By the way. I didn't know the police attended Neighbourhood Watch meetings." The Chief looked perplexed. "We don't who told you that?"

I scrambled to come up with something. Why had Karel lied? "My mistake, I just assumed."

I turned to leave and exhaled in relief. I walked outside and felt immediately cooler. No more fever or confusing thoughts.

"Why do you hate farewells?" I turned sharply. "Go back inside I don't want you to get in more conflicts because of me."

Karel took my hand. "Since when are you looking out for me?" I giggled. "You've grown on me."

"I'm taking you home. It's dark outside." "I'll be alright. It's a short walk."

"Bu-" "WIll you quit arguing. It was the Chief's idea."

Chapter 30

It finally dawned on me why the Chief had agreed to my over the top demands. They were already investigating me and wanted to question me or keep me close at hand.

I just didn't know why? I wasn't a criminal and now they had all my information and prints. They could do background checks or hack my emails or call logs.

I was getting a headache and would love to ask Karel about it but would he continue fibbing or come clean?

"It's never a good thing when you're quiet, so what is on your mind?" I rubbed my eyes.

"Nothing I'm just tired." He wasn't sure why she had just switched from happy to looking troubled but it concerned him.

"Did this...Did I meet your expectations?" "You surpassed them. Although I didn't really know what to anticipate but it was memorable."

Karel smirked. "How fortunate you were blessed with me as your tour guide." "Mmm.." It was very convenient indeed.

"You asked me why I wanted this? If there is any altercations, I wanted to know what type of cops would be responding."

He gave me a strange look. "You actively plan for disasters?" Isn't that tempting fate?"

"The last place I lived in..... There were some incidents but no doubt you know all about it or will when you do your checks on me right?"

Chapter 31

"Maribella it's forbidden to use the database for personal use. Don't get paranoid."

I sighed. Personal use maybe but what about professional? My brain was going in circles.

"Is there a lot of crime in this neighbourhood?" Karel squeezed my hand. "I'll protect you from any headaches but this area is relatively low on misdemeanors."

"Are you single?" I grimaced. "I am but dating is the farthest thing from my mind. I'm settling in and getting my life together. I don't have time for it."

"Oh please, we all have time and I'm only asking for drinks or lunch, we all have to eat."

Karel parked up. "This drive ended prematurely. Why couldn't you live further away?"

I unbuckled and got out of the car but leaned in. "Thanks for your tireless patience. Have a safe night."

"I'll be in touch soon Bella, sweet dreams." I waved and unlocked my door relieved to be back home.

The hairs were standing up on the back of my neck. I scanned the room walked to the kitchen and all the drawers were open. I know I closed them all before I left.

The furniture had been moved. I screamed into my hand and ran outside. Karel was turning the car around but stopped and beamed when he saw me.

He rolled down the window. "Want me to tuck you in?" I shook my head and whispered.. "S-someone has broken in and they could still be inside."

Chapter 32

"You're serious? My job is no joking matter." "Call for backup, the furniture isn't in the same place and the drawers are open. Now, quick!"

"Karel parked and got out. "Wait out here and I'll check it out." I grabbed his arm. "Why don't you call and report it. I'm not safe by myself, I'm coming with you."

He pushed me aside. "This is serious, if there is someone still inside, you could be in peril. Let me check it out first." 

I shook my head. "Remember our deal? Where you go, I go." "Fine you exasperating woman, stay behind me and don't say anything."

I nodded shivering. My teeth were chattering and my heart was pounding out of my chest.

He handed me his baton. "Try not to use this on me." I rolled my eyes, gripping it with all the strength I possessed. Next he took his torch and inserted the taser into his pocket.

I didn't know why I insisted on following him, except for three things, the burglar could run out, spot me and eliminate me as a witness or kidnap me or Karel might get knocked out in a scuffle, as he refused to call it in.

He removed his shoes and motioned for me to do the same. We didn't see signs of anyone downstairs but as he inspected the front door lock, he sucked in a breath, it had been tampered with.

There were a lot of scratches left behind. I felt uneasy but we didn't hear any strange sounds, indicating someone was still present.

We nervously headed upstairs and the bathroom cabinets were all open. The last stop was my bedroom and I wanted to scream.

The door pushed open and I stared open mouthed at my bed. I held onto the walls, my breath was coming in short loud gasps.

Nobody was found but all of my lingerie had been spread out all over my bed. Karel looked at me just as I ran into the bathroom and vomited.

He chased after me and then closed the door, stepping away and called the Station. "Chief we have a situation, She's been burglarised, like the others.."

Chapter 33

Karel spoke quietly so that Maribella couldn't overhear him. The Chief replied.. 

"Stay on the scene and don't mention a word of this investigation to her. I'll send a Crime Scene Investigator and some other Officers to canvas the area for witnesses."

"I didn't expect them to strike so soon, normally we have to wait a lot longer."

"Is anything missing?" "We only took a cursory glance, but she said aside from furniture adjusted and everything opened, like cabinets, cupboards and drawers, nothing appears taken."

"However unlike the others. There has been a new development. Her undergarments were littered on her bed, every single item."

"Is it possible this could be unrelated and we have to separate these cases?"

"Look Karel. It's too early to decide that. We'll look at the evidence and then decide how to proceed later."

"Stay put, she may unknowingly reveal something vital to the investigation and as she knows you, she won't object!"

The Chief hung up. I didn't think she was involved but I had a job to do.

I flushed the toilet and weakly moved forward to splash water on my face and brush my teeth. 

What was happening here? This was supposed to be a fresh start. Drama wasn't allowed to follow me here.

Karel opened the door and I pushed him. "You said this was a peaceful neighbourhood, what else are you lying about??"

Karel pulled me tightly in an embrace. I was still shaking.

Chapter 34

We stood like that for what seemed like an eternity not talking until my breathing had returned to normal.

The doorbell rang incessantly and I started clutching Karel tighter.

"It's nothing to worry about. Forensics are here to recover any DNA left and see if we can spot any clues.

My head was still spinning and I leaned against the wall nodding as he descended the stairs to let them in.

I wanted to clean up, remove my lingerie out of sight and scream but I couldn't do any of it.

I went back into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face as a fresh wave of nausea hit me.

My heart stopped as Officers burst in. "Madam you shouldn't be in here, can you kindly wait downstairs, we have questions for you."

I nodded held my head in my hands and left. My peaceful new home had been tainted and invaded twice, first by robbers and now by the Police.

If it was someone else's crime scene I would have been curious as to what they were doing but as it was my own, I felt sick to my stomach.

I clutched the railing fiercely and went down the stairs in a trance. I didn't even want to look around. I stepped outside and exhaled slowly.

Chapter 35

Karel came to find me. "Are you okay?" He gently retrieved the baton I hadn't realised I was still gripping.

I shook my head. "No I'm not, why would somebody do this to me and w-why did they leave my lingerie displayed like that? It's sickening!"

He held me, running his hands up and down my hair, in an effort to calm me but I felt queasy and terrified.

"Come with me, your house will be sealed off tonight, while they look into it, you can't stay here."

I pulled away. "Look this is going to sound strange. I don't want to leave it unprotected but neither do I want to stay. I just don't know what to do."

"You're not going to be questioned by them, I said I would do it and they are going to be here overnight so the house won't be unattended at any time."

"We'll return in the morning." My eyes widened. "Look Karel, I don't need a babysitter. I will book myself into a hotel."

"You're a witness and I have to look after you so I'm taking you back to mine, where I know you'll be unharmed and I can keep an eye on you."

It made sense except that I was used to dealing with problems alone, however to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to be unattended tonight.

I went back in and got my bag and left with him. A particularly troubling thought entered my head.

What if the Police themselves broke in, just to gain access to my place? I shuddered.

Chapter 36

Maybe I was being paranoid or perhaps I could pump Karel for information?

Unfortunately I felt too drained to do anything, I wanted to sleep but I didn't want to face the darkness.

"How many people knew you had moved?" "Ugh can't you stop being a cop for five seconds?"

"I need to do my job but I can always drop you back home and you can spend hours being grilled?"

I turned to face him angrily. "Don't you have a sympathetic bone in your body Shady?"

"Don't start with that name again, we moved passed it. The sooner you answer my queries, the faster you can try to relax."

"Oh forgive me, I forgot I was talking to an unfeeling robot that only cares about himself and his work!"

Karel slammed his head back on his head rest fully riled up. "You do realise, I'm trying to help you? I'm inviting you into my home so that you feel comfortable."

"Hah. You're so selfless, maybe I should have my lawyer present for these questions and you taking me back to yours is because you expect.....You want....Gratitude!"

He abruptly put on the brakes and parked up. He grabbed me by the shoulders, digging into my skin.

"It's been a rough night for you I know and maybe you're trying to find a way to deal with your anger and frustration by taking it out on me but that's not working, so find a new method!"

I wanted to trust him but I didn't fully believe he didn't have a sneaky agenda up his sleeve but on the off chance he was being sincere, I owed him an apology.

Chapter 37

I undid the seatbelt and climbed out of the car. I grabbed Karel's arm. "I'm sorry I'm trying to make sense of it and I'm too empty to figure out anything."

"Why don't you trust me to do that for you? I've been doing this for years, I'm actually quite proficient."

I half smiled up at him. "I have no doubt in your abilities. I just prefer to work things out myself and that way there is no loose ends."

Karel nodded. "How about this? We join forces and deduce what occurred together?"

"Sounds good but I really can't take anymore interrogations tonight. I am beat."

I pulled his arm. "Wait are you sure this is alright? Taking me back to yours? Is that even allowed?"

Karel took my hand and kissed it. "Technically I'm supposed to drop you off somewhere but all you mentioned was a hotel. At least if you're with me, I won't worry about you all night."

I wiped away a tear and then another. I just felt vulnerable, even though he was trying to be there for me. I wasn't sure I could let him in yet.

He tucked a loose strand behind my ear. "I'm here for you Maribella. You're not solo in this, just work with me and open up and you'll feel better."

"I'll try, it just doesn't come naturally to me. I tend to be a lil stubborn and a lot independent."

Karel raised an eyebrow, "You don't say? I would never have guessed."

I shoved him playfully. "Stop trying to make me laugh. I want to wallow in misery."

Chapter 38

Karel jutted out his bottom lip as he let us in to his abode. "Is this better? I'm doing my best pout impression."

I cracked up laughing in between a yawn. "I'm going to make a hot drink. Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"My stomach is still churning but thanks anyway. He disappeared into the kitchen, after leading me into the lounge.

I scanned the room and saw stacks of folders, and family photographs covering the mantlepiece and trophies and medals.

I didn't want to snoop so I sat down and cuddled a cushion. Karel sat down beside me. 

"I made you some hot chocolate. You still seemed to be in shock, your hands are freezing."

"Thanks." I didn't reach for it so he put it down on the oak table and sipped his coffee.

I leaned back and closed but then snapped them open and looked at him.

"I'm afraid to close my eyes. My home isn't my home anymore and I'm here with you, when I shouldn't be. I s-should leave."

Karel pulled me close, putting his arm around me and I leaned on his shoulder, letting the tears fall again.

I kicked off my shoes and curled up on the sofa feeling displaced. I lifted my head up. "It's late, you should go back to work or sleep."

"I told you. I'm not leaving you. You can take my bed and try to sleep or stay here on the couch with me."

Chapter 39

"I'm fine. Get some rest in your own bed, you'll be more cosier." He put my head back on his shoulder.

"If you insist but I'll head off after you fall asleep. There's spare towels and a toothbrush in the bathroom. I'll show you and you can have a shower."

"Plus I have a top you can sleep in and I'll get a spare pillow and blanket. I'll also turn up the heating in here."

I nodded and followed him feeling embarrassed and bothersome.

Luckily he had a stand in shower and I realised I wanted to scrub myself clean.

"Do you want to go first? I can wait downstairs?" "I'll go eat something while you shower."

I looked into his room, there were books stacked in a corner, clothes hanging on a chair and various beauty supplies littered around which made me smile.

"A big fan of pampering are we?" Karel twinkled. "You must be feeling better, you're back to teasing me again."

"Shout if you need me to scrub your back or anything else." He brushed past me, leaving a blue oversized t-shirt in my hands, as I shook my head and stifled a yawn.

I took the garment he handed me into the bathroom and locked the door. I stripped and brushed my teeth and then jumped in the shower.

I sniffed the various bottles that smelled of him. Musky with a slight sweetness that I wasn't familiar with.

I squeezed the grapefruit and bitter orange shower cream and massaged it into my body feeling strange. I didn't want to use up all the hot water so I cleaned up and dried off, changing into the t-shirt.

Luckily it was long and slightly baggy and came down to my knees. I decided to keep my bra on underneath to retain at least some modesty.

I came down the stairs and into the kitchen feeling my face warming. "I'm glad it fits you. You look good in my clothes." He grinned and I covered my face.

"Do you ever behave yourself?" "Not if I can help it."He fed me some of his cheesy, mixed peppered omelette with avocado chunks on top but I could only manage a few bites.

"Go to bed Karel, it's late." He came around and cupped my cheeks. "You keep bossing me about as though, you're the one in control."

He pressed his lips gently onto mine and then whispered in my ear.. "But we both know that's not the case."

Chapter 40

I bit my lip and climbed into the makeshift bed on the sofa that Karel had kindly put together for me.

This was supposed to my first night in my new place, it should have been a happy time and now it all felt spoilt and messy.

I didn't realise how stiff my body had become until I shifted onto my side, my body was completely lifeless but my brain continued trying to piece things together until I drifted off to sleep.

I screamed as someone took hold of me and began tracing my legs with a light touch and then gripping my arms and shaking them backwards and forwards.

I kicked and yelled and wrestled. I heard someone cursing and calling my name. My arms were scrambling to try and release their grip.

"Wake up Maribella, it's only a nightmare. It's fake." We both tumbled on the floor and I scooted away to safety.

"Who are you and where am I?" I felt drugged and unaware of my surroundings.

Karel was panting as hard as I was. "I'm Officer Karel, you're staying with me and you had a bad dream. You're out of harm's way."

I blinked and took several deep calming breaths and looked around. "That didn't seem like a dream. It felt like it was happening to me."

He helped me up and I clung to him. "I'm sorry I'm falling apart. I just can't seem to shift this sinking feeling that someone's planning to hurt me and there isn't anything I can do about it!"

Karel's arms felt solid around me. "I'm not going to let anyone take you away from me or mistreat you."

He led me to his bedroom and we laid down together. He held onto me with a strong grip and although it was wrong to be in a stranger's bed, I didn't feel as alarmed as before.

Chapter 41

We both managed to tire ourselves out and fall into a deep slumber. The day and night had been so eventful we were both wrecked.

I blinked awake, the sunlight indicating it was morning. I rolled over to face Karel. This time I remembered what happened and I'm relieved he didn't make any unsavoury moves on me.

I loosened his hold on me and went to the bathroom to freshen up and shower. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body again.

I felt a lil stronger and better to able to face the day ahead and the moment where he would leave and I would be by myself in my dwelling.

I opened the bathroom door and Karel embraced me and kissed my bare shoulder.

"Did you manage to sleep?" "Yes I did actually, thanks for asking, did you?"

"Mmmhmm. Although it wasn't easy lying next to your round shape and snackable scent."

Colour crept into my cheeks. "Go shower Casanova, while I get dressed."

I waited until he shut the door and then I dried myself off and changed and headed downstairs to make breakfast.

I was famished and it was the least I could to repay his hospitality because despite everything, he had kept his word and I was going to be alright.

I decided to make my famous hotissant breakfast consisting of croissants, sausages, sweet chilli sauce and blackberries sprinkled on top.

On second thoughts, I decided to be totally ridiculous and add a hint of condensed milk on the side for dipping.

Next I brewed the kettle for him. I wasn't sure how he took his coffee and I sippled apple juice and washed the cups from last night.

Chapter 42

Karel descended the stairs smelling even better than usual. "Are you trying to domesticate me? This looks almost as tasty as you." Thank you, it wasn't necessary but I like that you were thinking of me."

I scoffed. "No Mr Bachelor I'm just expressing my appreciation for putting up with me, for this long."

He dramatically put his hand outwards to his face and sighed. "It hasn't been easy. I deserve lots of affection for this ordeal."

I grinned and we ate in silence. Then having checked his watch, it was time to leave. 

"Grab your things and I'll meet you by the door, it's only 8am but we should see how things are progressing."

I nodded and grabbed my coat and bag. I wasn't sure I was ready to be back but then again I didn't want to lean on Karel any longer either.

He locked up and we headed to the car. "You don't really need to come with me, I can take the bus."

"Now you're had your wicked with me, you're trying to ditch me?" "Oh please. We spooned and that was the extent of it, don't read anymore into it than that."

"I'm wounded so this is what it's like to be someone's discarded leftovers." "Will you stop joking around. You're just my assigned caretaker, keeping me out of the way."

"Let's not pretend there is anything significant between us. You're doing your job Officer Karel."

"You think so lil of me. Do you wrongfully assume I take every victim home with me huh?"

I looked out the window, once again unsure of why I was provoking him but the closer we got to my home, the tenser I felt.

"Only the females!" "Mar-" "Karel, listen to me. We were thrown together by weird circumstances, once you drop me off, we don't have to meet anymore."

"Is that what you want? To pretend we haven't been getting close?"

Chapter 43

"I don't have time for you. I need to get back to my life and you're not a part of that." I tried to keep my face as serious as possible but inside I was just telling lie after lie.

I was pushing him away so that he didn't feel obligated to take care of me anymore and so he would get back to work, instead being lumbered with a woman in crisis.

I just hope he didn't suspect and I needed to gather my courage and stand on my own two feet again.

Karel was silent but his clasp on the steering wheel had tightened. I couldn't read his face so I looked away.

He pulled up and I turned to him, hastily unlocking the seatbelt. "Thank you I do mean that, for all your time and sensitivity but I can handle it from here. Goodbye Karel."

I walked to my door, turned the key, let myself in and was about to close it when he brushed passed me.

"You seem to forget we have unfinished business." I waved my hands in displeasure. 

"Can't this wait? Don't you have to go to work?" "I don't start until 9am so we have plenty of time."

I started straightening out the furniture and booked cleaners for tonight to help me straighten out the rest.

"What is left to say?" Karel took out his notepad. "Answer my questions and then you can get rid of me."

I sighed. "Fine, what do you need to know?" A knock on the door, had me startled. I knew it was irrational but I was still jumpy.

"Do you want me to answer it?" I shook my head. "No it's my place. I'll see who it is, you can wait here."

I gingerly opened the door and was surprised. "Quince was smiling at me.

I was about to greet him he spoke first. "Who's that man behind you?"

Chapter 44

I turned around to see Karel standing inches from me. I rolled my eyes. The sooner he left the better.

"I'll ask the questions here. "Who are you and what is your relationship with Mz Maribella?"

I felt like I was in a macho turf war and I was the prize. Ugh. "Come in. It's nice to see a friendly face."

Karel gave me a sardonic look and I beamed back at him with as syrup as I could muster.

Quince looked back at Karel puzzled. "I'm Quince. I helped her move yesterday. Plus we are starting a romance and you are?"

My mouth fell open in bewilderment. Why on earth would he say that?? Karel looked at me with a mixture of amusement, jealousy and agitation.

"I'm Officer Karel. What are you doing back here? Everything looks transferred to me."

Quince grabbed my hands. "What's happened? Are you unwell?" I reassured him I was fine.

"There was a break in. Where were you last night?" I gasped in shock.

"Karel knock it off. You surely can't suspect him. He's a decent fellow who has been nothing but helpful to me."

"He is one of the few people who knew you had recently moved in." 

This so-called decent fellow, needs to explain himself and we need to get his prints to remove him from the investigation."

Me and Quince didn't miss Karel's bitter tone. "I'll be happy to cooperate with whatever you need. Just as long as Maribella is not in any jeopardy?"

"She's not your responsibility. She's mine!" I gulped at how loaded those words sounded and the way Karel was looking at me, was not objective at all.

"If you'll both excuse me. I have a lot to sort out." I was disgusted with their attitudes. I was nobody's property!

Karel grabbed my arm. "You're stuck with me a lil longer. I need you to answer some questions at the station, so you'll be accompanying your boyfriend and me."

Chapter 45

"You can go on ahead and I'll meet you both there. I need to do something in private first."

They both wanted to object but I had already disappeared upstairs.

I heard the door open and close and I got on my laptop and checked out some nightwear with a same day delivery option to arrive in the evening.

Then I changed clothes and discovered that I had a multipack of underwear that had not been tampered with. It was still in my overnight bag.

I ripped it apart and finally felt decent again. I would still have the cleaners, wash everything and bleach all surfaces but this was a start.

I guess the rest of my lingerie had been taken into evidence and it made me embarrassed and weary. I knew that I would bin them all, once they returned to me.

I headed to the Station, now that my affairs were settled. I decided to walk, having felt cooped up.

I hoped that by now Karel had calmed down. Quince seemed sweet enough but I couldn't handle a new romance right now.

It didn't take long and the Chief greeted me warmly. "Right this way madam." I was led into Karel's office and I sat down, wondering who would question me?

Thirty minutes passed by and I was getting impatient. I knew I wasn't a priority but this was ridiculous. I got up out of the chair just as Karel came in.

"Maribella sit down, we need to talk. There's been a break in both the cases I've been working on."

I remained standing. I didn't understand what he was talking about. "What is the other incident that you've been looking into?"

He looked pained and I wasn't sure what the cause was. "Before you moved here, there was a string of burglaries and we didn't have any strong leads, just suspected some workers."

"You lied to me, you said this was a low crime area." "I'm sorry I couldn't talk about an ongoing assignment. This was confidential."

"It turns out that a fake real estate office had been visiting all the homes and one of them would pick pockets, copy the owners keys, while the colleagues left to cut copies and then returned to covertly drop the keys back, while no-one suspected anything."

"Then later, would case the property and let themselves in when nobody was indoors and then pilfer small concealable items of high value.

"We arrested all of them and the locksmith who was getting a cut of the profits but you were the unexpected distraction."

"It was just too convenient, that you moved in during the crime wave. You were under surveillance."

I parted my lips to say something but nothing came out. "All this time, you weren't shielding me, you were gaining my trust to use it against me?!"

I slapped him hard on the cheek. "I knew there was something peculiar going on. Wait did the police break into my place too?"

"We wouldn't have done that and I promise to explain properly when I'm off duty but there is more.."

Chapter 46

"I don't want to hear anything that comes out of your deceitful mouth!" He reached out to stroke my cheek but I shoved his hand away.

"Don't touch me!" "Maribella we questioned the gang and they didn't break in so we matched up all of the prints and found the culprit."

"How can I believe anything you say now?" He looked so crestfallen. "You need to listen to this. I will make this right, between us."

"The prints belong to Quince's wife! That bastard you thought was so decent, is married!"

I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I bent over the desk, reeling from this devastating revelation.

We picked her up and she confessed to it all. That they were having couples counselling but suddenly he skipped some sessions and recently told her, he found someone special and wanted to separate."

"He's been cheating on her with his clients. She decided to check you out and saw the two of you together."

"She wanted to frame him as a creep and turn you away from him so that he would reunite with her."

My stomach was churning. This was heartbreaking and I felt my temper spiral out of control.

I pushed passed Karel and came face to face with Quince. I lunged at him scratching his face and slapping him, until Karel held me back.

"I'll kill you for betraying me!" Karel whispered that I was in a room full of Officers and I shouldn't threaten anyone but I scowled at him.

I abruptly turned to face him. "That goes for you too!" I stalked off livid. Quince's fabrication was painful but not as much as Karel's.

I just felt so foolish. I knew something was not right and yet I ignored my gut and just wanted to be wrong.

I wanted to spend time with him and figure out where the next steps took us.

I called a locksmith that wasn't local and got some added security around my home. Then I unpacked all the parcels that arrived and me and the cleaners, washed and dried all my clothes.

I was exhausted but at least now I knew everything. After everybody had left I took another shower and changed into a long red slinky nightgown.

I ordered some chicken, olive, mixed pepper pizza and wings and finally felt like I could take a breath.

I flicked on the television and found what I was searching for. The Mirror Has Two Faces. I wanted guaranteed romance, tears and a happy ending.

I put on and secured my robe as my doorbell rang. My food must be here.

Chapter 47

I pulled the door towards me and then abruptly tried to close it as Karel effortlessly marched passed me with my own pizza and snacks!

"Get out. I didn't invite you in! He put the boxes down. "Hear me out first please?"

I shook my head. "No you're not welcome here." He smiled. "Take pity on a poor hard working Officer who is starved for food and tenderness?"

I stared at him incredulously. "Are you really making light of this whole travesty right now??"

He smiled nervously. "I'm trying to appeal to your sentimental side. "Just leave me in peace."

He flung something at me and I was about to lose my mind. He held up his hands defending his face.

"Read my notebook." I frowned. "Why would I do that? That's your work notes."

"Just browse the highlighted parts, that I am breaking the rules by showing you but actually you've made me dispense with all the regulations since you burst into my life."

I held the notepad. I didn't want to follow his suggestion but I felt compelled to take one sneaky peek.

"Nothing I read here, will change my mind about you. I still can't stand you and afterwards I'll kick you out."

"If you still feel that way, then I'll leave for tonight but not forever." I yawned. This was a waste of time.

I flicked through the pages and took a sharp intake of breath. The words leapt out at me.

She's a crazy ball of fire.

How can she make me madder than I've ever felt and at the same time, long to see her and fight, caress, kiss and embrace her?

She blows me away, she's absolutely fearless.

When she laughs, I feel lighter than air. I could get addicted to making her happy.

I should be questioning/distrusting her but time stands still when she looks at me.

I'm going to win her over because the alternative is not an option!

I wanted to remain furious with him but my outrage had already dissipated.

I looked up to see Karel contrite but playful. He was twirling the handcuffs in his right hand.

"I confess I could have handled this differently.. Well probably not but if you feel I should be chastised. I have a solution.."

I finally laughed and broke the strained atmosphere. "You think I'm going to forgive you that easily and reward your games?"

"No no no Karel! You're going to sit with me and watch this romantic comedy and we'll eat and talk and we'll see.."

He dropped the cuffs on the floor and strode towards me and softly kissed me on the lips. It was gentle and full of hope.

He carried the food to the table and took my hand in the other. We sat down and I leaned back and felt his arm around my shoulders.

He flicked the movie on and we began feasting on the mini banquet.

Then he got up, locked the front door and secured all the deadbolts in place.

He sat back down and looked at me. "Now you can't escape or toss me out."

"You're wrong. Now you're trapped and I can torture you for as lil or as long as I please."

Karel raised an eyebrow. "Tut tut tsk! Looks like I'm going to have remind you, if I am a good cop or a bad one?!"

He leaned in closer and tickled my belly and I squealed with loud unashamed laughter.

I broke into a slow mischievous smirk. Karel looked down as he heard a strange click.

I had outmaneuvered him and retrieved the cuffs, only to slap them on his left wrist but before I could grab his other hand, he dodged me.

Then he cuffed my right wrist and I bit my lip. "You're supposed to be my prisoner Karel." He furrowed his brow in deep contemplation.

"I guess we'll figure it out in the morning but just know that I'm maintaining my virtue until the tenth date."

"Try to resist me until then..." I tilted my head to the side. "What a coincidence. I also have an unbreakable philosophy.." 

"No long stimulating hot and heavy makeout sessions until the ninth date."

We stared at each other and snickered. Then we shifted to snuggle up and fell asleep in each others arms, still bound together.


The end. 

**This was completely unrealistic and I took a lot of poetic licence with this story, just to make it more entertaining but I hope that you had a good time with it anyway. 

Thanks for stopping by :)